Today, I’m honoring the grief I’m feeling in the wake of your wave. My life was moving along in a way I was comfortable until your presence had us close our doors and proceed with caution. I’m grieving the loss of revenue from the events I can’t take part in. I’m grieving for all the broken plans that I was excited for. I’m grieving for my quiet time to work without kids. I’m grieving the loss of my norm. I’m grieving my way of participating in the world.
Just because I’m grieving these things doesn’t mean I don’t have compassion for those who have lost loved ones, jobs, and homes—I do. My grief is not any less there because someone else’s grief is there too. Grief is not meant to be one-upped. We can grieve different things and each one matters. Each one affects our inner worlds.
I know some will not even get to the place where they are able to name what they are feeling as grief. Some will try to shove it down deep out of guilt for having it. Others will try to rationalize it away because they are blessed with so much, how could they possibly feel grief? Some will run to addiction in their denial. No thoughts or actions will stop grief from coming through the door. They will wreak havoc on our nervous systems. They will create internal war, pain, resentment, and shame.
In hindsight, I was unknowingly resisting my own grief. When it came in, the grief felt like a rogue wave knocking me down and catching me in it’s pull. I struggled to find my footing and kept fighting to breathe. Only because I’ve experienced, studied, and processed grief did I recognize it by name when it flooded in. I had moved through the denial and felt the loss fully with no control over the tears that came streaming down my face. I’m still not done, but I’m healing because I’m allowing myself to feel.
I’ve struggled for my footing after being knocked down by grief, but I know I will come out stronger than I was before. I went to people I knew would understand and where I didn’t feel alone. I’m taking the time and space to sit with my grief, while not denying the affect it has on me. I ask Spirit for assistance in moving through what I’m feeling in the healthiest way possible. I heard the call to write, and I’m listening. I got the message to breathe and stretch—I’m doing just that. I’m not alone. Experiencing this has shown me how much I’ve grown, and how much I still have to learn.
Thank you for your continued lessons in compassion for myself and others. I’m grateful for the reminder that grief is apart of this process and we will each experience it in different ways. I honor my grief and I honor the grief of my fellow humans.
With Love and Gratitude,
A Better Me