Letters to Corona: Part 3

Dear Corona,

Today, I’m honoring the grief I’m feeling in the wake of your wave. My life was moving along in a way I was comfortable until your presence had us close our doors and proceed with caution. I’m grieving the loss of revenue from the events I can’t take part in. I’m grieving for all the broken plans that I was excited for. I’m grieving for my quiet time to work without kids. I’m grieving the loss of my norm. I’m grieving my way of participating in the world. 

Just because I’m grieving these things doesn’t mean I don’t have compassion for those who have lost loved ones, jobs, and homes—I do. My grief is not any less there because someone else’s grief is there too. Grief is not meant to be one-upped. We can grieve different things and each one matters. Each one affects our inner worlds.

I know some will not even get to the place where they are able to name what they are feeling as grief. Some will try to shove it down deep out of guilt for having it. Others will try to rationalize it away because they are blessed with so much, how could they possibly feel grief? Some will run to addiction in their denial. No thoughts or actions will stop grief from coming through the door. They will wreak havoc on our nervous systems. They will create internal war, pain, resentment, and shame. 

In hindsight, I was unknowingly resisting my own grief.  When it came in, the grief felt like a rogue wave knocking me down and catching me in it’s pull. I struggled to find my footing and kept fighting to breathe. Only because I’ve experienced, studied, and processed grief did I recognize it by name when it flooded in. I had moved through the denial and felt the loss fully with no control over the tears that came streaming down my face. I’m still not done, but I’m healing because I’m allowing myself to feel.

I’ve struggled for my footing after being knocked down by grief, but I know I will come out stronger than I was before. I went to people I knew would understand and where I didn’t feel alone. I’m taking the time and space to sit with my grief, while not denying the affect it has on me. I ask Spirit for assistance in moving through what I’m feeling in the healthiest way possible. I heard the call to write, and I’m listening. I got the message to breathe and stretch—I’m doing just that. I’m not alone. Experiencing this has shown me how much I’ve grown, and how much I still have to learn. 

Thank you for your continued lessons in compassion for myself and others. I’m grateful for the reminder that grief is apart of this process and we will each experience it in different ways. I honor my grief and I honor the grief of my fellow humans.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Letters to Corona: Part 2

Dear Corona,

Tick-tock, tick-tock; time.  Until you, I never noticed time the way I do now. I notice the time I waste and the time I unconsciously give away. I notice the power of the time I commit to myself and the people I love. I notice the importance of time we give to slow you down from touching the lives you will put in the ground. 

There is a power that comes from the time I’ve been blessed with, like the stem that sprouts buds then becomes flowers that inspire such beauty, and the caterpillar that take the journey through the stillness of the chrysalis to become the empowered butterfly—Time MATTERS! 

You have given me time while others have had to learn what it means to truly lose time. The time we think we have to say I love you. The time we think we have to connect—the time to say goodbye. Your lessons have showed me the importance of the time I have. Now it’s my job to make conscious choices of how I want to experience my time moment to moment­­.

I sit in the grass appreciating nature, the power of energy, and the connectedness of it all. I walk the road less travelled and am moved by how in silence I hear more, listen more, and take in more. 

When I’m home, I love with a clearer mind. I eat without the rush of having somewhere else to be. I listen with my whole heart, through the sadness, fear, joy, and love—I’m here.

Corona, you have changed my life in so many ways. I know I could focus on all the things you have taken away, but today I’m focusing on the time you’ve given me to live consciously.

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

© Rachael Wolff 2020

Letters to Corona: Part 1

Dear Corona,

When I started hearing how you were making it hard to breathe to the point where some are losing their lives, I wanted to blame you. When I heard how easy you were to spread, I wanted to blame you. When I heard that people were having to die alone and their families would never get to see their loved ones again, I wanted to blame you. 

Looking at you has opened my eyes to something so much bigger, and for that I thank you. You being here has helped me to see the ways many of us haven’t been putting humanity first. If we did, you wouldn’t have spread the way you have.  

I know I can’t go back, but what I can do is commit to be better from here. I can be more conscious of how I treat myself and others. I can look for ways my skills can help to make today a better day. I can do my part to stop allowing you to spread. 

I know that your presence has changed the world. I also know it’s up to humanity to make that change for better or for worse. I want to do my part so that all the people who have and will lose their lives will live on through the positive changes we choose to make starting now. 

My job is not to blame anyone for being where we are right now, but to hold myself responsible and accountable for my choices. I can only do this by taking this time you’ve given me to go within and pay attention to where I’m putting my energy. What changes do I want to see in myself and the world around me, AND what can I do about it? I will do better one choice at a time. 

I know that I want to see humanity rise up, so I will commit to RISE. I will be the best version of myself by putting my energy into what I can change, and that is me.

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

©Rachael Wolff 2020