I know you don’t exist, so why do I expect you in places you don’t belong? Why do I expect others to not make mistakes? Why do I condemn myself when I make mistake? My logic tells me I learn from the mistakes I made. Isn’t that better than not learning anything at all. Is it necessary to shame myself and others for their mistakes, especially if they are taking responsibility and learning from them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some very sick people out there. I’ve personally experienced quite a few, but they have the right to learn from their mistakes too.
If they are incapable of learning from their mistakes, they will serve as a great lesson, and if I learn from that extreme lesson, it’s a blessing. In this way, I’m not the victim of someone else’s imperfections. People who don’t learn will get lesson, after lesson, after lesson. They may blame, shame, and continue to abuse themselves and others, and it will keep getting worse for them. Not my problem. That’s their stuff, that is their attachments to how they think life should be. I get to decide how I want to live. You better believe, I’m not going to choose that way. Life is about the lessons and the blessings. There is no place for you here.
I’m not going to beat myself up if I have feelings of fear, rage, anger, frustration, and disappointment. I’m not going to shame myself into unworthiness if I really screw up. It happens, and if I take responsibility for my part, I’ll heal. I’ll be free. I can’t take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, reactions, or actions. I can only take responsibility for mine. If I’m sorry and truly wronged someone, you better believe I will take responsibility for it. Even if they never meet me again, I will pay it forward. I am truly grateful each lesson that I get the opportunity to learn from. When I stopped believing in you, the blessings started flowing into my life.
I’m not perfect. Nobody is perfect. The expectation of perfection is a recipe for resentments, and I’m so tired of resentments. I’m tired of staying up all night having conversations in my head with people I will never talk to. I’m tired of carrying around dread and fear that is weighing me down. I’m taking responsibility for taking care of me: body, mind, and soul! There is no space for perfection, just lessons and blessings. It is not either/or. I do mean “and”. If I learn the lesson, it becomes a blessing. That is a perspective that brings me peace. When I’m at peace, I feel joy. When I feel joy, I’m free.
With Many Blessings and a Whole Lot of Gratitude,
A Better Me
Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018