A Letter from A Better Me: No Perfection Needed

Dear Perfection,

I know you don’t exist, so why do I expect you in places you don’t belong? Why do I expect others to not make mistakes? Why do I condemn myself when I make mistake? My logic tells me I learn from the mistakes I made. Isn’t that better than not learning anything at all. Is it necessary to shame myself and others for their mistakes, especially if they are taking responsibility and learning from them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some very sick people out there. I’ve personally experienced quite a few, but they have the right to learn from their mistakes too.

If they are incapable of learning from their mistakes, they will serve as a great lesson, and if I learn from that extreme lesson, it’s a blessing. In this way, I’m not the victim of someone else’s imperfections. People who don’t learn will get lesson, after lesson, after lesson. They may blame, shame, and continue to abuse themselves and others, and it will keep getting worse for them. Not my problem. That’s their stuff, that is their attachments to how they think life should be. I get to decide how I want to live. You better believe, I’m not going to choose that way. Life is about the lessons and the blessings. There is no place for you here. 

I’m not going to beat myself up if I have feelings of fear, rage, anger, frustration, and disappointment. I’m not going to shame myself into unworthiness if I really screw up. It happens, and if I take responsibility for my part, I’ll heal. I’ll be free. I can’t take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, reactions, or actions. I can only take responsibility for mine. If I’m sorry and truly wronged someone, you better believe I will take responsibility for it. Even if they never meet me again, I will pay it forward. I am truly grateful each lesson that I get the opportunity to learn from. When I stopped believing in you, the blessings started flowing into my life.

I’m not perfect. Nobody is perfect. The expectation of perfection is a recipe for resentments, and I’m so tired of resentments. I’m tired of staying up all night having conversations in my head with people I will never talk to. I’m tired of carrying around dread and fear that is weighing me down. I’m taking responsibility for taking care of me: body, mind, and soul! There is no space for perfection, just lessons and blessings. It is not either/or. I do mean “and”. If I learn the lesson, it becomes a blessing. That is a perspective that brings me peace. When I’m at peace, I feel joy. When I feel joy, I’m free.  

With Many Blessings and a Whole Lot of Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

#LessonsAndBlessings

20 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

SNEAK PEEK: Dear Addicted Child (Adult)

A Letter from Chapter 4: Healing and Releasing the Past

Chapter 4 is all about healing and releasing what doesn’t align with the energy we want to be living in. Chapter’s sections are: Everyday Encounters, Media Triggers, Family History, Loved Ones, Personal Traumas, Spirituality, and Self.

The following letter is one I’ve watched many families dealing with addiction go through. Learning to lovingly detach and not enable addicts is not an easy journey. If you have an addicted child in your life, I personally recommend AL-ANON. YOU will NEVER be able to FIX the addict, but YOU can lessen the negative impact the addict has on your life. You can learn to love, show support, and help him/her/them by taking care of you.

Excerpt from LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World by Rachael Wolff

HEALING WITH LOVED ONES…

Dear Addicted Child (Adult), 

I’m sorry that you found your way to addiction. That is a tough path, and once you’re on it, choices feel limited. I had to realize that I can’t rescue you from this. You are on this path for a reason. The best I can do is show you by example that there is a healthier and happier way. I can’t preach it to you. I just have to live my life the best I can and show you what is possible. I will let you know that I love you, but I can’t enable you.  You must be the one who takes back control of your life. I know you are capable. If I keep rescuing you from yourself, I’m telling you that you can’t get better without me. The truth is: You can’t get better if I’m in control. I will just perpetuate the cycle that you aren’t good enough, and you are good enough. When I enable you, all I’m doing is perpetuating the problem. You have to experience your own consequences in order to grow from them. I know you are capable of living a better life, but you have to choose to. I can’t do it for you.

I will be here to love you and to listen, but I know when you are ready to stop, you will be driven to get the help you need. I must see you as the adult you are instead of the child I was responsible for. You are old enough to make your own decisions. Your successes and failures are leading you on your journey. I don’t know what is best for you because I don’t know what you are meant to learn from this path. I love you and hope you will discover you are worth more than you are giving yourself right now. Until you figure that out, you will continue to suffer. No one else can complete you. You are a whole person all by yourself. 

With Acceptance & Love, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff, LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: HOW BECOMING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN TRANSFORMS THE WORLD, Mango Publishing (Miami, FL), 2020. Pages 119-120.

A Letter of Empowerment to Single Moms

Dear Single Moms,

I was raised by you, and I am you. I see you completely in your struggles and your joys. I know how easy it is to get lost in the title. There have been times when I feel like I have to struggle just because I’m a single mom. I’ve felt alone when I’m around all these families who are showing up for their kids. I’ve felt burdened by having to be both mom and dad in order to protect and nurture my kids’ mental/emotional growth. I’ve limited myself by saying things are hard because I’m a single mom. 

The truth is that it is my choice how I view my life as a mom. I can choose to see the many blessings that come with knowing the way I’ve chosen to parent. I can be grateful for the kindness we have received from the people who want to see my children thrive. I can choose to feel like I matter. My contribution to my kids’ lives matters. 

There are times when I feel like I’m operating in total survival mode, but I survive. There is always a lesson to be learned, and I continue to be better. I’m far from perfect. I can choose to do and be the best I can be. Each of us can make that choice at any moment we choose. We don’t have to listen to people who tell us how hard our lives are, we can change the language. When someone tells me how hard it is to be a single mom, I feel my energy sink. I believe them as I share one story after another letting them know just how hard things really are for me. The question is, do I want to focus on how hard things are and what a struggle it is to be a single mom? The answer for me is no! 

I want my kids to know how loved they are. I want to give them every opportunity I can to experience the best life possible. I’m a single EMPOWERED MOM,I want to put positive energy into my role. I don’t want them feeling like I was bitter or resented them for my position. I’ve been blessed in so many ways. I’ve learned so many great lessons, and I’ve received so much kindness and so have they. We are blessed, not cursed.

I’m choosing to parent a different way. My life is better for the choices I’ve made. The happier I am, the better my kids have it. I’m showing them the example of honoring and respecting yourself. They don’t have to be abused physically, mentally, or emotionally. They don’t have to be around excessive drinking or drugs. They don’t need someone just to be there, they deserve better than that. So did I, which is why I chose this road. We enjoy our lives. Do we have many lessons to learn? Yes, but we all do. I believe we get opportunities to learn what we need to become the best versions of ourselves. That is the legacy I want to pass on to my children. I know God will never give me more than I can handle, and I feel the same way about the lessons God gives them.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me & A Better Mom

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

28 More Days Until the Release of Letter from A Better Me

Read more about it on Goodreads.com and pick your favorite book retailer to get your copy in paperback, ebook, or audio.

A LETTER FROM A BETTER ME: A COMMITMENT TO SELF-CARE

Dear Self,

Today, I will make a commitment to take 30 minutes or more a day for me. In that time, I will not have my phone on and will do everything in my power not to be distracted by the outside world. I will use this time to show myself love, respect, care, and loyalty. I will do this because it is exactly what I deserve. I will not be too busy and ignore my own personal needs. I know that by being there for myself I will be able to show up more for all the people in my life. I will have a clearer vision of who should and shouldn’t stay in my life. 

I’m taking care of myself because I have a responsibility to myself in order to live the best life possible and fulfill my purpose with love and integrity. I’ve seen what happens when I don’t take care of myself and how it affects all the people in my life. By committing to myself, I’m committing to the betterment of all. 

I promise to be aware and pay attention to the signs when I’m not taking care of myself. I will not be hard on myself or abuse myself in any way. I will find my way to take one step in the right direction to put the focus back on me and commit to my journey one hour at a time. I know I need to slow down and be present, so I will commit to taking three deep breaths as a part of being there for myself. This gives me enough time to slow down and re-evaluate the situation. 

I’m worth the care I give to everyone else. I’m worth the love I give to everyone else. I’m worth the respect I give to everyone else. I’m worth the compassion I give to everyone else. From this day forward, I will give myself these things by taking good care of me. 

I know the more time I give myself, the more space will open up for positive things to come into my life. I will no longer be wasting my energy on being the victim of what everyone else wants. I will be the champion for me. I will give to others in a way that fills me up and doesn’t deplete me. This is the reward for taking care of myself. 

It is not my business how other people take this change. I must trust that others will have their own journeys through it. Some may realize how much they can do for themselves by not depending on me. Others may get angry and walk away. Then, there will be those who will be happy to see me make better choices for myself. No matter what the case, I need to do this for me. If I do it for anyone else, I will fail. This is my journey. I trust that whatever the result is with the people around me, it will be what is best for me. 

I will be gentle with myself. I will make mistakes as I figure out what works and what doesn’t. I won’t use that something isn’t working as an excuse to give up. I will simply make a new commitment and move on. I understand that just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will be the right fit for me. It is my job to customize my own self-care program. The goal is to feel better about who I am, where I am, and how I am. I know this can only happen by taking care of myself, because no one else can know me if I don’t know me. I want to project to the world the magnificent person I am. Today I commit to me.

With lots of love and gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2017,2020

ONLY 30 DAYS UNTIL THE RELEASE OF LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME

Differences between Taking Responsibility and Blaming

Learning the differences between taking responsibility and blaming was one of the most powerful tools I’ve learned to live a fulfilling life. Now, I’ve been getting lessons on this one since I was a teenager. I think my mom’s favorite lines were, “I can’t make you do anything.” Along with, “I can’t make you feel anything.” She helped me to see (while fighting, dragging, and clawing to hold onto blame) that I have more power than I was giving myself. What took me a lot longer to figure out was the difference between taking responsibility versus self-blaming. I would self-blame relentlessly to the point of suicide attempts. 

For someone in the stage of contemplating suicide knowing the difference can mean life or death. For someone who is so full of rage over someone else’s poor choices, it can be what gives them the power to rise above and take care of their own energy, so that they are not dragged down to respond with violence. 

We can’t MAKE anyone do anything to serve the highest good, but we can choose to be responsible for what we are doing. Our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions matter, so taking care of those can and will make a difference in how we CHOOSE to live our lives. Being able practice this tool means first understanding the differences between responsibility and blaming.

Here are some of the differences:

  • Taking responsibility opens our minds to possibilities of solutions and change. Blaming creates wars both internally and externally while focusing on the problem instead of the solution.
  • Taking responsibility takes down defensive walls, while blaming builds them.
  • Taking responsibility empowers us to be human while celebrating it and learning from it. Blaming disempowers us.
  • Taking responsibility is healthy, which includes healthy self-talk and healthy communications with others.  Blaming is unhealthy and can include abusive thinking and/or actions towards ourselves and others. 
  • Taking responsibility involves aligning with positive energy. Blaming buries us in our own darkness.
  • Taking responsibility focuses on what we want. Blaming focuses on what we don’t want.

Taking personal responsibility involves being aware of how our thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions affect our choices. Once we become aware of our part in any choices that had a negative outcome, we open ourselves up to make better choices in the future. We give others a tool on how to work with us better in the future, even if the future is within minutes away. Taking responsibility takes the toxic weight of blame and shame out of the room. 

Blaming is the foundation of toxic problem-solving. When we use the negative energy of blame to come up with solutions, our energy is working against us. Our focus is in the problem, which tends to create more problems. This works the same inside us as it does outside of us. When we hold onto negative energy of someone else’s choices, we are responsible for that energy. We are responsible for feeding the beast.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean it’s all your fault, it just mean you see where you can do better. There is no self-abuse. 

Sometimes we just have to ask ourselves

  • What perspectives, thoughts, and beliefs am I holding that are contributing towards and energy I don’t want?
  • How can I change what isn’t working?
  • What actions can I take to remove myself from unhealthy people making unhealthy choices?
  • How do I stand up for what I believe without putting my energy into what I’m against?
  • What did I do to confuse this situation? What can I do to fix my part?
  • What can I contribute to a positive solution?
  • What choice in actions will make me feel better about what happened?
  • How do I keep my side of the street clean?

What other people do is there business. You only have to consider the energy flowing through you and what you want that to look like. Nobody else’s poor choices are worth us going down internally with them. Our minds, bodies, outlooks, and beliefs can be empowered or disempowered and the choice is ALWAYS ours. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2020

38 More Day Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

2020 Commitment to Living Life as a Better Me

Happy NEW YEAR!

The last two years I’ve committed to a focus. Last year, I launched the 90-Day A Better Me Series, which I wrote every day for 90 days. The year before, I focused on creating a vision of what I wanted in my life. I made a vision board and took steps to commit to my dreams.

The last two years my dreams have been coming true from publishing my first book, which will be out February 18, 2020 and getting back into public speaking. February 29, 2020, I will be speaking at Dream Con in St. Petersburg, FL. I have to contribute much of what has happened in my life to focusing my energy on the things I want in my life. 

I’m starting my year in healthy and happy relationships with my partner, teenagers, family, and friends. Life is good, so this year’s focus is keeping it that way. I’m committing staying on track and doing the work it takes to live a purpose-filled life. 

I will being counting down to the book release with a daily posts to commit to the amazing feeling I get when I write daily. What I’ve discovered is when I stay committed to this—GREAT things happen! Becoming a better me takes work and if I’m not willing to do the work, positive change won’t last, and I for one am done sabotaging my happiness by falling back into old patterns. 

I hope you will join me on this journey by staying committed to your dreams and doing the daily work it takes to keep you on track. Let’s make 2020 the year of dreams coming true! Are you ready?

48 DAYS until Letters from A Better Me is available for delivery! Make sure to pre-order your copy today in paperback, ebook, or audiobook.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

Feel-Good Friday Book Series: The Yamas & Niyamas

FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY

BOOKS THAT GAVE ME SEEDS TO THRIVE (Click link for the introduction to the series)

Sometimes we are taken on unexpected journeys. A few years ago, I went on a yoga and hiking retreat in Sedona, AZ. During the retreat, we were given the book, The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice by Deborah Adele. Before this journey, I knew the benefits of the breathing and stretching of yoga, but I had no idea how deep the practice actually went.

If I hadn’t gone on this retreat, I wouldn’t have sought this book out, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. As I read the book, I wrote in the margins, underlined, and highlighted. With one read the book is well marked with inspiration, hope, connection, and faith.

Within the pages were concepts I knew just spoken from a different perspective of truth. Knowing that helped me to open up so much wider. I started to connect so much of what I’ve been practicing into my physical movements, which was a skill I hadn’t yet learned to do. Now, when I do the physical act of yoga, it carries so much more meaning.

As I said, a good chunk of the book is marked up, so for this quote I just went with a powerful message that stood out as I flipped back through the pages.

Favorite Quote from The Yamas & Niyamas

(click on the book title to check out the book for yourself)

“As long as we think satisfaction comes from an external source, we can never be content. Looking outward for fulfillment will always disappoint us and keep contentment one step out of reach.”

-Deborah Adele, The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, p. 121.

Thank you to all the people who have been reading the Feel-Good Friday Book Series. This is the 9th book, and it feels like it’s time to stop. You will still continue to see quotes from the books I love along the way, but I’m being led to do something else now. I urge you to come along on the journey. Make sure you are following via email to get the latest posts and news. Enjoy your journey, and trust the books that come to you along the way. They may just have what you need to give you seeds to thrive.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Catch up on Your Feel-Good Friday Book Series Here:

I Am What’s Wrong 

Your Creative Brain

Hope for the Flowers

The Tao of Pooh

A New Earth

The Four Agreements

Healing the Shame that Binds You

Power

Feel-Good Friday Book Series: Healing the Shame that Binds You

FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY

BOOKS THAT GAVE ME SEEDS TO THRIVE (Click link for the introduction to the series)

Today I picked a book that got me to the core of my deepest darkest obstacles that were holding me down, Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw. I remember feeling so desperate to find out why I kept repeating patterns that kept me in unhealthy situations. I had been reading, studying, going to therapy for years, and I didn’t realize how powerful the shame was that I felt. I didn’t realize it was the shame that kept me sabotaging the good in my life. Reading this book and putting all the pieces together helped me to see how important it was for me to forgive myself and re-evaluate the beliefs that were keeping me hostage to my shame.

I read through the book, then listened to the audiobook probably three times in a row. I wanted to REALLY release the shame that was creating so many obstacles in my life. When we look at the shame, we heal it. The only way shame survives is if it remains a secret. Bradshaw shows the reader how to release the shame and strip it of it’s power. It really is that powerful of a book if you are open to do the work.

Even though I didn’t agree with everything he wrote, it didn’t matter because what did resonate was huge! We each have to decide what feels right and what doesn’t. A person can have perspectives we agree with and ones that we don’t, it’s our job to plant the seeds we want, and leave the rest for someone else if that is what feels right for them.

Bradshaw really did teach me to heal the shame that was binding me, but I could only do that because I did the work using the tools he gave me. If you have toxic shame, do the work. It is worth it! It has benefited my life in so many ways and helped me to establish healthy relationships with myself and others.

Favorite Quote from Healing the Shame that Binds You

(click on the book title to check out the book for yourself)

“Without total self-love and acceptance, we are doomed to enervative task of creating false selves.”

John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame that Binds You, 1988

With Love & Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Catch up on Your Feel-Good Friday Book Series Here:

I Am What’s Wrong 

Your Creative Brain

Hope for the Flowers

The Tao of Pooh

A New Earth

The Four Agreements

Feel-Good Friday Book Series: The Tao of Pooh

FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY

BOOKS THAT GAVE ME SEEDS TO THRIVE (Click link for the introduction to the series)

I’m so grateful that this book was written for multiple reasons. The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff was my introduction to the Tao. As a lover of Winnie the Pooh, Hoff gave me the perfect vessel to understand the meaning of the Tao. Little did I know how much I would need to understand this when it came time for me to read the Tao Te Ching by LauTzu translated by Stephen Addiss and Stanley Lombardo in college. Let’s just put it this way, I pulled out my Tao of Pooh in class multiple times to address my understanding of specific passages. 

The Tao of Pooh takes the reader on a journey that is easy to process and understand in the simplest of ways. The first time I read this book, I was around twenty years old. At the time, I wouldn’t have been able to pick up the Tao Te Ching and see the deeper meaning, but through the eyes of Pooh, I got it. After I read the book the first time, I met someone who had also read it. We raved about the beautiful and simple messages and connected to the pure energy of joy within us.  She got me the figurine pictured above, and it still sits on my shelf of inspiration as a reminder to keep it simple. 

Almost twenty years later, I picked the book up again to read with my book buddy. I could see how much effect the book had on me over the years without even knowing it. The lessons were buried in my subconscious, but they were there guiding me and reminding me that everything is happening exactly the way it’s supposed to. I don’t need to fight what is, because when I do, I’m missing an opportunity to learn from the moment I’m in.  For someone who likes to be in control, this is a REALLY important reminder that I need on a regular basis. When I remember, I’m at peace. And I’m much more productive because my energy is aligned with solutions instead of problems. 

One of the greatest lessons I take with me from the Tao of Pooh is that we aren’t all here to do things exactly the same things. We each have our own journeys, and it is important to figure out and honor our own paths. 

Favorite Quote from The Tao of Pooh

(click on the book title to check out the book for yourself)

“When you know and respect your own Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don’t belong. One man’s food is often another man’s poison, and what is glamorous and exciting to some can be a dangerous trap to others.”

-Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh, p.41

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff

Catch up on Your Feel-Good Friday Book Series Here:

I Am What’s Wrong 

Your Creative Brain

Hope for the Flowers

How Beliefs Work to Help or Hurt Ourselves and Others

Over and over, I’m reminded of how many times us as individuals believe something and try to make what we believe true for someone else. Our thoughts about doing it can be well intended. We can think that our beliefs save someone else from themselves or others. We can think that our education gives us the facts on what is real and what isn’t. We can believe that our faith is what everyone else REALLY needs. We can believe we are more and someone else is less or that we are less and someone else is more. Beliefs can cause us great pain to ourselves and other, and beliefs can lift us up, so we can help others lift themselves. 

Here’s What I Know

Beliefs are perspectives. We can each choose to believe a perspective that feels right to us. We will base our beliefs in science, faith, family, education, culture, society, media, social circles, support groups, religion, relationships, political views, history, etc.  In the end, we will each make the choices that feel right for us at the time. NOBODY’S beliefs are 100% the same. They can’t be. Each individual’s experiences will form, change, alter, shift, grow, and expand based on each event that takes place in his or her life. 

That’s Not True

We all get exposed to people sharing their opinions of what is true and what isn’t. We each have a right to share our truths. We will all find our own truth whether someone else believes what we say or not.  I’ve been told that my way of healing from my history of trauma wasn’t true for victims of rape. UMMMMM… if it is true for me, and it is what helped me have healthy relationships with myself and others—How can someone else say that it’s not true? A victim of any trauma can choose to stay in a place of pain or they can find a path to thrive. It depends on each individual’s mindset on what they want the experience to mean for their lives. I do my best to inform people that my views of the world are MY perspectives. If someone takes a seed that I give and wants to plant it in their internal world that is completely up to them.  But does it make my or their experiences any less true? No, because it is what we are experiencing based on the beliefs we have chosen to follow. 

We are a society that is very quick to judge something as absolute, when very little is actually absolute.  When someone says, “That’s not true” or you find yourself thinking it, just try for a moment to say to yourself, “That is what is true for them, why?” Go deeper! If you want to engage with the person, try to find out why she or he came to the beliefs that are guiding her/him. Here are a few suggestion of questions you could ask:

  • Does believing that make you feel better about yourself or about the world? Why or why not?
  • How does believing that help you make good and healthy choices?
  • How does believing what you do limit your ability to change and grow and/or how does is help it? 
  •  How do you find what you say to be true?
  • Do you think this belief helps or hurts your connections with others?
  • Do you think this belief limits your thinking or expands your opportunity to learn?

Every time I hear myself saying that someone else’s beliefs aren’t true, I have to tell myself that is their perspective of truth. Then, I need to determine whether it is worth trying to find out more, leave it alone, or let them know what I believe.  One thing I know for sure is if someone is drinking or on drugs, I keep my mouth shut and walk away. If I care about the person and authentically want to know why they believe the things they do, I ask when they are sober. We each have to make that choice for ourselves. I can tell you I’ve grown and expanded in my beliefs because of being open to learn and listen about how others think.  If I am exposed to a belief that comes from a place of fear, often time I don’t comment, because I know I need to find my own way of expressing my beliefs, hence my blog, articles I’ve written, and my upcoming book. People who want to know what I believe will choose to read my work, follow me on social media, call, text, or email me with questions or asking for advice. Each of us is having experiences that are true for us right now. The quicker we understand that, the easier it will be to authentically connect with someone else. Our perspectives don’t have to be the same in order to find common ground. 

Our Personal Paths

I know that I’m not going to force anyone to change their beliefs or convince them that what they believe is true or isn’t, that’s not my job. I feel my purpose is to share my perspectives in case there is another person out there that can relate or that is looking to change, shift, and grow because they aren’t comfortable where they are, or they simply want to gain more perspectives to help them find their own perspectives of truth that work best for them.  All I ever can offer someone else is seeds from my garden. Not all my seeds will grow into big strong trees, beautiful flowers, or luscious edibles. If I’m sharing out of old belief systems of pain, chaos, confusion, and/or fear, I’m giving seeds that contain weeds and strangling vines that will do damage if planted. I can’t say I’ve never given these kinds of seeds out because I lived my life in a lot of pain for many years. I didn’t mean to hurt someone else, but I was self-abusing and when we self-abuse, the seeds we have become toxic, invasive species. The healthier I got, the more weeds and strangling vines I pulled out of my own garden. When I did that, I limited the toxic seeds I distributed.

We each start our lives with a collection of seeds. Some of them are inherently planted before we are even able to process thoughts. As we travel along our paths we are given seed after seed and we decided whether or not to plant them. Sometimes we have to make space by clearing out an area of our garden that no longer serves us. No garden is the same. All gardens are ever-changing, growing, and expanding. Some are not well kept and are neglected. Others are thriving with amazing life. Then there is everything in-between. 

Our Choices

Many of us limit our power by believing we don’t have any. We convince ourselves that we are trapped (a perspective). We give our power away time and time again by blaming others for the way we feel, think, act, and react. We give away our power by believing someone or something can make us live the way we are living. Nothing outside of us needs to change in order to live a better life. What needs to be worked on is between our own two ears. When we realize how much power we have to internally change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions, we open ourselves up to creating a beautiful expansive garden. 

We Are Here to Learn

Anyone who has ever gardened knows that it takes continued maintenance to have a healthy garden— we are no different. The longer we go without self-care and self-maintenance, the more the weeds will grow and spread. Even if we do take good care of ourselves, old weeds will pop-up looking pretty as they invasively spread and take life from our healthy flowers and plants.  We are here in this life to learn. 

We need those weeds to help us see how we can grow and expand in a healthier way,  or if we choose a destructive way. We just want to make sure we don’t let them take over. When weeds take over, we know by our addictions that we use to numb ourselves, along with anything else we do to avoid doing the work to change the things we don’t like in our lives (blaming, shaming, bullying, gossiping, etc.) The more open we are to learn, the more healthy our gardens will be. 

Why Do I Stay Focused on this Topic?

If you follow FromALovingPlace.com, you know that I’ve written about this topic multiple times and in multiple different ways. Each post is different, but carries similar messages. This is part of my self-maintenance. I have to remember these things, because I’m not above being triggered. When I write these posts it soothes me. It helps me to see that a reaction I may have had was just a weed popping up that I need to pull out. Writing is one of the tools I use to pull out the weeds that can grow and spread if I don’t do something. Writing is my something. We all have to decide for ourselves, which tools we want to use, and how to use them. We aren’t here to plant our seeds in other people’s gardens. We can only offer our seeds. Writing on FromALovingPlace.com is how I offer the seeds I’ve planted. It also is helps me to plant seeds I’ve received. I use this blog to spread loving messages that help me maintain, grow, and expand my garden in a way that makes me feel good. If someone chooses to take them and plant them in their garden, the energy of love spreads. My seeds aren’t the only seeds. There are so many seeds that spread love. People don’t have to plant mine. That’s what I love about this process. The ones who offer different perspectives of love help me to expand my garden even more. Staying on this topic helps me to stay open to grow and expand. The more I can see the world through perspectives of truth, the more curious I get about learning from others. As I learned from my time in AL-ANON, I take what I like, and leave the rest.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019