I’m grateful for my light and my darkness. It’s easy to love the light, but to love my darkness took a lot of time. For a long time, I would try to deny my darkness. I would shove it down with toxic positivity. Unless someone was sensitive to energy, they wouldn’t know something was off. Some just might get an uneasy feeling that something didn’t add up. What I realized over time is that denying my darkness was LOADED with feelings of shame. Those feelings of shame kept me prisoner in ways that took me decades to figure out. I had NO IDEA that it was out of SHAME that I would serve people and try to gain my self-worth. This had BRUTAL consequences for me. I see my darkness now as a clear sign that I’m holding onto something that isn’t serving me. I love my darkness for that. I love that when I pay attention to the thoughts, stories, and messages that align themselves with the energy of fear, lack, and separation, I get a huge opportunity to heal and grow. I’ve learned to embrace my darkness with my light without denying, suppressing, or avoiding looking at where the darkness wants to take me within myself.
I began paying close attention to how much and how easy it is for people to lose their humanity unconsciously. Paying attention to it out in the world opened me up to see it in myself. I was shocked at the judgments that I was making unconsciously as I looked onto my fellow humans. Then, I began to realize how much shows, movies, social media, news, advertising, groups, religions, organizations, politics, communities, and more supported me feeling separate from my fellow human. No wonder it was so easy to unconsciously slip into my own darkness and stay in it for extended periods of time. While I was in this energy, I felt drained ALL THE TIME! I remember if I would get out of the energy even just for one night out with a friend how different I would feel. It really was amazing how easy it was to move in and out of the energy unconsciously.
What if I chose to consciously look at my light (alignment with love, abundance, and peace) and darkness (alignment with fear, lack, and separation) without judgment? That’s when my darkness became a gift to me. My darkness now brings me to a level of awareness that I wasn’t able to achieve when I was just trying to ignore, suppress, or push it away. Now, I allow myself the space to sit in my darkness and let it show me what it needs in order absorb into the light. Usually what it needs is a level of healing and compassion from myself. When my darkness feels separate from my light, I project chaos. When my darkness feels embraced by my light, I feel peace. I’m made with both darkness and light inside of me, one can benefit the other as long as I’m willing to consciously look at why they are there, what they have to teach me, and how to let them serve each other. Looking at my light and darkness like this helps me not to take things out on the innocent bystanders around me and not contribute to the collective energy of fear, lack, and separation in the world.
Today, I commit to embracing both my light and my darkness. Anytime I’m in the energy of fear, lack, and separation, I’m in my darkness. The question is whether I’m consciously there or unconsciously there. If I can question my thinkings, observe how the energy feels in my body, and be open to what it is there to show me, I’m consciously there. If I’m just judging, shaming, gossiping, blaming, raging, hating, etc., I’m in my darkness unconsciously. Sometimes, I realize after the fact that I was in my darkness and can look at consciously to see where, why, and how my energy slipped into my darkness unknowingly. I don’t beat myself up for doing it, I just use the information to choose better next time. I’ve learned so much about myself from both the conscious and unconscious trips into my own darkness. Seeing and embracing my own darkness helps me find compassion for other people who get stuck and/or lost in theirs.
Now, let me be clear because I know some people may get confused here. I DO NOT support denying someone else’s darkness and putting myself and/or others in harm’s way. I’m responsible and accountable for my own energy, actions, inactions, thoughts, and beliefs. I’m responsible and accountable for following my intuition and spotting red flags. If I’m stuck in my own darkness, I am open to join someone else in theirs because our energies are aligned. For me, aligning with my light and embracing my darkness consciously keeps me out of harm’s way. When I am conscious and claim responsibility for my own darkness, I don’t unconsciously join someone else in theirs.
I don’t stay in a room when my body tells me it’s not safe. I don’t surround myself with toxic energy of others. I trust the people I’m attracting and repelling, because I know I’m either aligned or not aligned with their energy in that moment. If I see I’m being attracted to someone else’s darkness, it’s a sign for me to look at my own. If someone else wants to stay unconscious to their own darkness, that is their painful journey. I know that if and when they are ready to see it, they will. I’m not judging them, I’m just going to keep living in the way that serves my highest good. For me, that means embracing both my light and my darkness and doing it consciously.