PERSPECTIVE: PEOPLE CAN’T CHANGE
What we CHOOSE to believe in our lives is true. It will form our realities and our judgments of ourselves and others. When we believe that people can’t change, in turn we are saying we can’t change. Our advice and communications with others and ourselves will reflect that belief.
People can’t change allows us to excuse ourselves and others for poor choices:
- Well, that’s just the way I am.
- It’s okay, that’s just the way she is.
- He can’t help it, that’s just the way he is.
People can’t change also allows us to persecute others and ourselves while condemning them/us for life.
- He will never change.
- She is always going to be a train wreck.
- I’m always going to be a jealous person, that’s just who I am.
People WON’T change unless they want to more than they want to stay the same. We can’t make anyone else change. We are wasting our efforts when we try to FORCE someone else to change. In order for someone to even want to change, they first have to give up the belief that people can’t change. Then they have to become aware of the things in their lives that aren’t healthy. That is going to look different to each individual. Finally, a person then has to choose to do the work to break all the patterns of belief that are linked to that behavior they are trying to change. It’s not easy, and it takes a lot of effort. The GREAT news is there is a ton of support for who people who want to sincerely change. When a person is open, they will start seeing the ways to change all over the place.
Some people who were raised in trauma and/or chaos are going to have more challenges, because there are more unhealthy and unconscious patterns of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that have to be brought to awareness and untethered from us. If you are looking at person who is an adult, that is a lot of time they spent believing in the things that make their chaos normal for them. That is A LOT of work. Will everyone choose to change? NO!
We each have to make our own choices about how we are going to let another individual affect our lives. We have to change and make the choices that are best for us. If that means removing someone from our lives, accepting where another person is, or adding a little distance, that is each individual’s call. If we choose to believe that people can change, we have to be open to the truth that comes with that—for better or worse. This is why it is so important to continue to make healthy choices for ourselves by having healthy boundaries with others.
Brain science has proven we can create new neural pathways and that others can stop functioning. Isn’t that change at the heart of where our ability to change comes from?
When we prove to ourselves that we CAN change, we become open see that others can too. Our core beliefs are our perspectives of truth. When we open ourselves up to see that we CAN change the ones that create drama and chaos in our lives, we start making different choices. Our brain starts opening up to create new options. BUT, once again remember, we CAN only change ourselves if we want to put in the work to do it. We become others example of possibility, but we cannot force them to make the choice we believe is right for them. What other people do is their journeys; what we do is ours.
TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE
Focus on an area of your life where you have given yourself the excuse that you can’t change. Ask yourself these questions:
- What about the thought/belief is having a negative effect on my life?
- What core beliefs do I have that is keeping me making this unhealthy choice in my life?
- What is something I CAN do to change the way this belief effects my life?
- What are the actions of other people who don’t hold this belief?
- What actions can I take right now to open myself up to the possibility of doing this thing differently? (Make the choice a habit by choosing it consciously for a minimum of 60 days).
Be open to see what changes in your life by shifting your perspectives.
I believe that I can change, and I continue to consciously choose to change what doesn’t work in my life. This is a lifelong process, and it’s filled with a lot of lessons that turn into blessings along the way. Some people will like the changes I make, and others won’t. I will choose NOT to put my energy there, because when I make the best choices for me, I’m making the best choices for the people who I love and who love me. When I’m not at war with myself inside, I can do more for others in a healthy and productive way.
Have a perspective-filled day!
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff ©2019
If you are a woman ready to make 2020 your best year, LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: HOW BECOMING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN TRANSFORMS THE WORLD is available for pre-order in paperback, ebook, and audiobook. You can find a list of book retailers here.