How Beliefs Work to Help or Hurt Ourselves and Others

Over and over, I’m reminded of how many times us as individuals believe something and try to make what we believe true for someone else. Our thoughts about doing it can be well intended. We can think that our beliefs save someone else from themselves or others. We can think that our education gives us the facts on what is real and what isn’t. We can believe that our faith is what everyone else REALLY needs. We can believe we are more and someone else is less or that we are less and someone else is more. Beliefs can cause us great pain to ourselves and other, and beliefs can lift us up, so we can help others lift themselves. 

Here’s What I Know

Beliefs are perspectives. We can each choose to believe a perspective that feels right to us. We will base our beliefs in science, faith, family, education, culture, society, media, social circles, support groups, religion, relationships, political views, history, etc.  In the end, we will each make the choices that feel right for us at the time. NOBODY’S beliefs are 100% the same. They can’t be. Each individual’s experiences will form, change, alter, shift, grow, and expand based on each event that takes place in his or her life. 

That’s Not True

We all get exposed to people sharing their opinions of what is true and what isn’t. We each have a right to share our truths. We will all find our own truth whether someone else believes what we say or not.  I’ve been told that my way of healing from my history of trauma wasn’t true for victims of rape. UMMMMM… if it is true for me, and it is what helped me have healthy relationships with myself and others—How can someone else say that it’s not true? A victim of any trauma can choose to stay in a place of pain or they can find a path to thrive. It depends on each individual’s mindset on what they want the experience to mean for their lives. I do my best to inform people that my views of the world are MY perspectives. If someone takes a seed that I give and wants to plant it in their internal world that is completely up to them.  But does it make my or their experiences any less true? No, because it is what we are experiencing based on the beliefs we have chosen to follow. 

We are a society that is very quick to judge something as absolute, when very little is actually absolute.  When someone says, “That’s not true” or you find yourself thinking it, just try for a moment to say to yourself, “That is what is true for them, why?” Go deeper! If you want to engage with the person, try to find out why she or he came to the beliefs that are guiding her/him. Here are a few suggestion of questions you could ask:

  • Does believing that make you feel better about yourself or about the world? Why or why not?
  • How does believing that help you make good and healthy choices?
  • How does believing what you do limit your ability to change and grow and/or how does is help it? 
  •  How do you find what you say to be true?
  • Do you think this belief helps or hurts your connections with others?
  • Do you think this belief limits your thinking or expands your opportunity to learn?

Every time I hear myself saying that someone else’s beliefs aren’t true, I have to tell myself that is their perspective of truth. Then, I need to determine whether it is worth trying to find out more, leave it alone, or let them know what I believe.  One thing I know for sure is if someone is drinking or on drugs, I keep my mouth shut and walk away. If I care about the person and authentically want to know why they believe the things they do, I ask when they are sober. We each have to make that choice for ourselves. I can tell you I’ve grown and expanded in my beliefs because of being open to learn and listen about how others think.  If I am exposed to a belief that comes from a place of fear, often time I don’t comment, because I know I need to find my own way of expressing my beliefs, hence my blog, articles I’ve written, and my upcoming book. People who want to know what I believe will choose to read my work, follow me on social media, call, text, or email me with questions or asking for advice. Each of us is having experiences that are true for us right now. The quicker we understand that, the easier it will be to authentically connect with someone else. Our perspectives don’t have to be the same in order to find common ground. 

Our Personal Paths

I know that I’m not going to force anyone to change their beliefs or convince them that what they believe is true or isn’t, that’s not my job. I feel my purpose is to share my perspectives in case there is another person out there that can relate or that is looking to change, shift, and grow because they aren’t comfortable where they are, or they simply want to gain more perspectives to help them find their own perspectives of truth that work best for them.  All I ever can offer someone else is seeds from my garden. Not all my seeds will grow into big strong trees, beautiful flowers, or luscious edibles. If I’m sharing out of old belief systems of pain, chaos, confusion, and/or fear, I’m giving seeds that contain weeds and strangling vines that will do damage if planted. I can’t say I’ve never given these kinds of seeds out because I lived my life in a lot of pain for many years. I didn’t mean to hurt someone else, but I was self-abusing and when we self-abuse, the seeds we have become toxic, invasive species. The healthier I got, the more weeds and strangling vines I pulled out of my own garden. When I did that, I limited the toxic seeds I distributed.

We each start our lives with a collection of seeds. Some of them are inherently planted before we are even able to process thoughts. As we travel along our paths we are given seed after seed and we decided whether or not to plant them. Sometimes we have to make space by clearing out an area of our garden that no longer serves us. No garden is the same. All gardens are ever-changing, growing, and expanding. Some are not well kept and are neglected. Others are thriving with amazing life. Then there is everything in-between. 

Our Choices

Many of us limit our power by believing we don’t have any. We convince ourselves that we are trapped (a perspective). We give our power away time and time again by blaming others for the way we feel, think, act, and react. We give away our power by believing someone or something can make us live the way we are living. Nothing outside of us needs to change in order to live a better life. What needs to be worked on is between our own two ears. When we realize how much power we have to internally change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions, we open ourselves up to creating a beautiful expansive garden. 

We Are Here to Learn

Anyone who has ever gardened knows that it takes continued maintenance to have a healthy garden— we are no different. The longer we go without self-care and self-maintenance, the more the weeds will grow and spread. Even if we do take good care of ourselves, old weeds will pop-up looking pretty as they invasively spread and take life from our healthy flowers and plants.  We are here in this life to learn. 

We need those weeds to help us see how we can grow and expand in a healthier way,  or if we choose a destructive way. We just want to make sure we don’t let them take over. When weeds take over, we know by our addictions that we use to numb ourselves, along with anything else we do to avoid doing the work to change the things we don’t like in our lives (blaming, shaming, bullying, gossiping, etc.) The more open we are to learn, the more healthy our gardens will be. 

Why Do I Stay Focused on this Topic?

If you follow FromALovingPlace.com, you know that I’ve written about this topic multiple times and in multiple different ways. Each post is different, but carries similar messages. This is part of my self-maintenance. I have to remember these things, because I’m not above being triggered. When I write these posts it soothes me. It helps me to see that a reaction I may have had was just a weed popping up that I need to pull out. Writing is one of the tools I use to pull out the weeds that can grow and spread if I don’t do something. Writing is my something. We all have to decide for ourselves, which tools we want to use, and how to use them. We aren’t here to plant our seeds in other people’s gardens. We can only offer our seeds. Writing on FromALovingPlace.com is how I offer the seeds I’ve planted. It also is helps me to plant seeds I’ve received. I use this blog to spread loving messages that help me maintain, grow, and expand my garden in a way that makes me feel good. If someone chooses to take them and plant them in their garden, the energy of love spreads. My seeds aren’t the only seeds. There are so many seeds that spread love. People don’t have to plant mine. That’s what I love about this process. The ones who offer different perspectives of love help me to expand my garden even more. Staying on this topic helps me to stay open to grow and expand. The more I can see the world through perspectives of truth, the more curious I get about learning from others. As I learned from my time in AL-ANON, I take what I like, and leave the rest.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

When the Universe Answers

My Perspectives of Truth

I believe in the power of the Divine wholeheartedly. I believe our energy is our connection to Universal powers. I also believe our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perspectives of truth that we choose daily create our realities in each moment. How we look at ourselves, others, and the world as a whole—MATTERS! With that being said, I believe that when we ask the Universe questions, the answers come according the energy we are giving out. 

If we are lacking in our self-worth and self-concept, we will be answered back with lessons to help find out why we have to build up our self-love. Some of these lessons can come from toxic relationships, jobs, family, etc. When we see how painful it is not to love ourselves, we may be put into situations, then given the tools we need to grow and prosper, but don’t be mistaken, the Universe is answering, we just have to be willing to thank the Divine for the lessons we are learning along the way. If we don’t and choose to stay in our chaos, the lessons get harder. The Universe is trying to show us what we need to learn to get ourselves out, but we are resisting. One of our biggest barriers is not feeling worthy and lovable. That’s not the answer, that’s what’s keeping us from finding the solution.

Asking the Universe for Answers from a Place of Lack

Here’s my personal example of this. Back in September 2001, I left the state I had spent the last year looking to feel connected. I was desperate for someone to love me back after I had long on-again/off-again romance fizzle for the last time. I wanted to feel love so bad that my energy was carrying a horribly low vibration. When I did find someone, he swooped me off my feet, put me on a high pedestal, and spoiled me. I tried to find my worth in what I meant to this person. Slowly, the relationship turned toxic. He was there to teach me what happens when I seek worth from someone outside of myself. Since I was so resistant to this lesson, it got harder and harder until I felt like a shell of a person. 

I kept asking the Universe, “Why can’t I be loved the way I feel I deserve?” The answer took me years of failed relationships and finally became BRUTALLY CLEAR.  The Universe was answering; I just didn’t like the answer, “Because you don’t show yourself that level of love.” The Universe kept meeting me on my level to give me the answers I was looking for. When I began the work on my self-love, the lessons weren’t as brutal, and got easier and easier to move through.

How Do We Want to Receive our Answers?

Remember, the Universe can only give us more of what we already have. If we tell the Universe how horrible the world is and we ask questions from that mindset, the lessons will show us the brutality. We will get to learn the hard way, because that is where our energy is taking us. The Universe isn’t against us, but the Divine energy can only connect with us from where we are. This is not a concept that is just in religion and/or spiritual circles, it’s in science. So no matter how a person wants to break this concept down, what we put out there is what we will get back. If we want good, love, abundance, health, adventure, joy to come back to us, we better work on making sure our energy is aligned with the results we want.

If we come to the Universe with love in our hearts, we will get our lessons and solutions with a softer hand. Inside we know we are getting the answers, so we may even feel energetically lifted even if the lesson is taking longer than we had hoped. There is a faith that lies underneath that allows the Universe to do some magic. We listen as people recommend books, people, shows, events, places, etc. The beauty of this is when we can acknowledge, and say thank you for lighting the way. The Universe opens so many doors, but we have to pay attention to what is in front of us to see them. When we have a grateful heart, the Universe gives us more to be grateful for. When love is at the foundation of our questions, the people the Universe brings into our lives is AWE inspiring.

Asking the Universe a Direct Question with a Strong Foundation of Love

After I graduated college at 40. I knew my soul was calling me to write, but I had no idea how to get my voice out there. I started asking the Universe for guidance. FromALovingPlace.com was born. Once I started blogging, I started thinking about writing a book. Then I wrote an open letter from A BETTER ME about judgment. A book idea sparked. I wrote out my 3×5 index card and asked the Universe, “How might I get my book idea sold?” Little did I know the Universe already had been making a space for an agent to appear in my life. Then came the book shopping process.

Being Open to Shift—This is NOT Our Timing

It took one version of being shopped until there was nowhere left to turn. The book didn’t sell. I needed a new direction. I started writing another version, and midway through the writing I went to Sedona, AZ to get some clarity. With a lot of time spent connecting to Source, I completely switched directions. I left my half-written book on the shelf and started over with a new direction. This idea was getting a lot of attention, but not having a big following or platform, I received some of the most beautiful passes. The one thing that was consistent was editors telling my agent, the book would find it’s “home”. The Universe was guiding the process. When the book landed in the lap of my now editor, she had a vision. She saw the one thing that could really make the book shine. Her team agreed and the life of Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World found it’s home with Mango Publishing. 

Us humans can be some stubborn individuals. We’ve become very used to expecting quick fixes and answers. The Universe doesn’t work on our timing. This isn’t an overnight process; but with patience, love, and an opened mind and heart—The Universe answers. 

When we are having a hard time hearing the answers, it’s time to quiet the mind. If our minds are filled with clutter and chaos, the Universe has to be really loud in order to get us to pay attention. The more open and ready we are to receive, the faster the process will go. If we think we know what’s best, and refuse to see the messages and guidance, we stay prisoner of our own mind. Stay open to shift, change directions, and create new pathways. 

The Universe is Answering

  • Are you ready for the lessons you need to learn in order to lead the life that you REALLY want to be living? 
  • Are you ready to love yourself enough to allow the good to enter and stay?
  • Are you ready to do the work and change any unhealthy patterns that are keeping you stuck?
  • How do you want your answers delivered (make sure your energy is aligned)?
  • Are you ready to stay open to let the Universe work in the best possible way?

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Friday Feel-Good Book Series: Books that Gave Me Seeds to Thrive

New Series Starts September 20, 2019

Hello Friends, Followers, and Visitors:

I’m starting a new series! I decided Fridays was a good day to tell you about the books that gave me seeds to thrive. Each Friday, I will tell you about a book I’ve read on my journey and why I would recommend it. The books will not be in any particular order. Just know that every Friday, until I feel like I’m done, I will share one of my treasures with you. It will be your choice if you decide you want to plant one of these seeds in your garden. I encourage comments, insights, and sharing the books that helped you. You never know what book I will feel energetically pulled to read next. I tend to have a good two to three books going at a time. Just remember the name of my site, comments should come from a loving place, or they won’t be posted. If there is a quote from a book that inspires you to live better, you can share it along with the author name, book title, and the page number the quote is from.

Why am I Doing This?

I’m often asked about the books I read. For those who don’t know me, I’m an avid reader of ways to make life better. I started my love of reading about this over thirty years ago. Here are a few of my favorite topics: self-help, spirituality, personal transformation, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healthy living, brain studies, human development, sociology, psychology, religion, and cultural anthropology. Reading all these books has helped me see the person I want to be, ways (not one way) to get there, and be open to see what could be holding me back. They helped me discover my strengths and weaknesses, along with what I was ready for and what I wasn’t. I also have read about plenty of ways I don’t want to live. 

In every book I’ve read, I’ve discovered there are no new concepts, just different ways of presenting them. If the writer is viewing a concept through a place of fear, I look at how that affects their view of interpretation. If a writer is seeing a concept through a place of love, I look to see how I’m connecting to their beliefs about the topic before I consider their perspective of truth. No matter what, I know and understand that every writer is speaking from his or her own place of truth. I understand that just because they believe a certain way of doing things is the right way, it’s up to me to decide what is the best way for me. In the end, only I can decide the perspectives of truth that I will form my reality around. No one can force us to have a belief that serves or doesn’t serve us living our best lives. We have to be open to see how our own beliefs are affecting our reality and make a choice on whether or not to keep our energy believing what we do. 

I believe I can learn from EVERYTHING I read. If I feel an energetic pull to read something, I know there was a reason I was meant to read it. I look for the lessons. There hasn’t been a book in the categories I listed above that I got nothing from. There are some that I put down, because when the energetic force stopped pulling me to read it, I knew I got what I needed. Being a reader of this kind of material, it’s good to trust the journey. We don’t know where it’s leading us. 

When I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson at fourteen, I had no idea the journey I was about to go on. I’ve read the book at least four times now and I find something new and different that resonates EVERY time. My fourteen-year-old self wasn’t ready for a lot of what I was reading, but it gave me seeds. I could see I wanted to live from a loving place. I just would have to go through a lot of life experiences before the material would truly sink in. 

I picked up The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle three times throughout a period of five or six years before I was ready to grasp his voice. I would make it through a couple of chapters, then put it down. I actually ended up reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle first. I did the Oprah course she had on it. After doing that, when I picked up The Power of Now again, I got it and loved it! I read it right when I needed to and right when it was important for a big step in my journey. 

The point is, when we are invested in this type of material, TRUST THE JOURNEY! Don’t beat yourself up about what you should read, or what you should do. You are ready when you’re ready. If you feel pulled to read something, GET THE BOOK! If you’re reading and all the sudden you stop—It’s okay! You read what you needed to for now, or you would have felt pulled to read more. Don’t get rid of the book! Sometimes you will find that it’s years before you’re ready, but it’s good to have so that when you are ready for it, you can open it and just start reading.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times this has happened to me. 

I hope you are excited to get on board! The fun will begin soon. See you back here Friday!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Remembering Trauma

How we use are minds to go through the remembering process of trauma can be a powerful tool to help launch us forward, or a cruel weapon to keep us down. What many don’t understand is the choice is ours. Our perception is our power. We can use it to lift ourselves up or to beat ourselves down. We get to choose thoughts of love or fear as we travel back in time. This is no easy task when the trauma is severe. Processing through the lens of love doesn’t mean that the memories won’t make us cry. The difference is when we process the memories through a lens of love—the tears ignite our souls. When we process the trauma through fear—we run into our darkness. 

How We Live is How We Remember

When we choose to live in our darkness (fear), we immerse ourselves in the fear, anger, rage, hate, resentment, greed, envy, and separation within us and in the world around us. Our energy attracts like energy, so we are drawn to seeing the darkness in others. We act as magnets because we need to keep pulling in examples of why the stories are valid. We live in a place of separation from ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

When we choose to live in our light (love), we immerse ourselves in the love, compassion, empathy, joy, forgiveness, wholeness, and inclusion within us and in the world. We connect to the best in humanity. We attract the light in others. We are making the stories we are telling ourselves valid and we are connected to ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

Can we fake it? On the outside, yes, but our magnetic pull comes from deep inside us. When we are not honest about seeing our own darkness, we may attract the wolves in sheep’s clothing (narcissists, abusers, sociopaths, etc.). We are running and we will be handed lesson after hard lesson to try to help us to move into the light, but as long as we keep telling ourselves to live in the fear, we stay in the dark.  

Why is How We Remember Trauma Important?  

The stories that play in our heads about our past experiences are more powerful than most people realize. Our memory of trauma can ignite buried feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that internally contribute to feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and separation. There is a piece of us that may feel completely unlovable from the shame attached to an unhealed trauma. When we engage and swim in those feelings, they will permeate into our everyday lives and affect everything we touch. One unhealed trauma can lead to a life filled with resentment and separation, which often times leads to unhealthy addictions. Remember, like attracts like. When we hide from our own darkness, we are living in our shadow. We are caught in that dark tunnel of our minds. 

Here’s the awesome part, all it takes is one seed of light to come in and spread in order to help us start lighting our pathway out. That seed can come from a person, book, posting, place, event, video, story, meditation, therapy session, church service, tree, flower, etc.? That one thing can help us see more light. Eventually if we keep taking one step at a time out of our own mental prison, we become the light.

When we can look back at trauma without feeling the dread and hopelessness, but instead see what we learned from experiencing the trauma without the blame, guilt, and shame—we stop paying the steep price of living in the dark. We start finding hope in what was once madness. We see the strength in the survival. We begin realizing that we are not the traumas we survived. Our worth was there before learning the important lesson in life that the trauma taught us. Now, WE RISE in LOVE. This is where the best solutions come from. Remembering the trauma becomes a tool to help us live better and wiser. With that, we become the light. 

Getting Help

This isn’t an overnight process, and some of us may need a lot more help than others. There are plenty of tools and people out there to help. If remembering past traumas feels like a weight, here’s my suggestion to you:

Get out a Post-It, 3×5 card, or a piece a paper. Write down: “How do I become the best version of me?” Keep this question close to you, and be open to see, feel, and hear the answers. If you hear the same advice multiple times, you can guarantee the Universe is trying to help you.  Pay attention if people recommend specific books, therapists, practices, exercises, videos, articles, meditations, mindfulness practices, gratitude journals, courses, church services, foods, etc.  Just be open! Our worst enemy is a mind living in fear. Our greatest ally is a mind living in love. Be conscious of where your mind is. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

The Power of Three: Mindset, Intention, and Gratitude

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece called, Weight Loss: A Journey of Losing, Gaining, and Maintaining. Though this power of three helped me with the weight loss process, weight loss came naturally once I started taking better care of my mindset, aligning myself with the changes I wanted to see in my life, and living gratitude daily. 

If you can see this power of three as having the energetic force to help you in any aspect of your life, you will get to feel the true AWE of this process. So much in our lives begins to change when we are willing to see that we are the problem, and we are the solution. 

Mindset (Awareness)

Understanding how we think, and why we think the way we do is critical in the process of change. If we aren’t aware of how our thoughts, perspectives of truth, and firm beliefs are working for or against us, we won’t see how our actions and reactions are helping or hindering us. Let’s take weight: If we are in a constant struggle to lose weight, and we are using the weight that we are to beat ourselves up, we are actually attracting negative results. We look for quick fixes, which aren’t healthy for us and hurt us down the line. Oh and as soon as we stop, the weight comes right back. We do things that may take away from living a healthy lifestyle. Our mindset matters! The pounds do not equal our worth. An unhappy person at 250 lbs. will be and unhappy person at 120 lbs. if they are putting their value in their worth. It will just look different in how the unhappiness projects itself. 

If you try to force healthy changes before you commit to improving your mindset, don’t be surprised when you start doing things to sabotage your progress. This can happen in our relationships, educations, careers, spiritual paths, and lifestyles. If your mindset isn’t aligned with the results you really want to see, a war is waged inside of us. When we don’t like what we see in any area of our lives, instead of blaming or focusing outward on what we don’t have—Check within! 

  • What messages is your mind telling you?
  • Are these messages even true?
  • Is there a different way you can look at things?
  • How can you find opportunities instead of roadblocks? 
  • What beliefs are working against you getting what you really want?

Become aware of where your mind goes. If you are feeling a struggle within, there is a lesson there. What is it? BE OPEN! A closed mind won’t get you anywhere! For a deeper exploration, check out the 90-Day A Better Me Series. The topic matter will help you get to the bottom of what is holding you back. 

Intention (Stillness)

Many people have heard about what happens to people after winning the lottery. Most of them end up in a worse situation than before they won. Part of the reason this happens is because they put the value of happiness outside of themselves. If I had money… I could be happy. NOOOOO!!! We have to see the worth and power of our minds first. Our value is with us in this very moment whether we are rich or poor, overweight or underweight, in a relationship or out of a relationship, successful in a career or finding our way. None of these things have the power to make us feel happy, valuable, lovable, or worthy. The only way to make lasting positive change in our lives without sabotaging it is to feel that way first. This is why getting in touch with our true intentions is so important. 

 What are the actual results you are looking for? Go deep; the intention behind losing weight isn’t just that the pounds come off. Think about how it will feel to not have the extra weight on. What does that mean for your health? What kind of energy do you think will come from that? How will losing the weight affect your lifestyle choices? This isn’t about putting the value in being skinny. This isn’t about feeling more lovable, wanted, or important. If you are trying to lose weight for those reasons, you are not ready to move on. Go back to working on your mindset. 

Intentions for Healthy Living

My intention is to live a healthy lifestyle:

  • Increase my energy
  • Eat foods that are good for my body
  • Gain strength and endurance
  • Sleep enough for maximum results
  • Choose behaviors that support my well-being
  • Drink plenty of water to nourish my organs

The focus isn’t on losing the weight, it’s on the goal of living a healthy lifestyle. Our worth isn’t tied to what happens if we don’t lose X amount of pounds in a month. Every little thing we do that contributes to us living a healthier lifestyle can be celebrated. Our value is already there. We are just choosing a better way of doing things because we value ourselves. 

Intentions for Career

My intention is to feel passionate in my career:

  • I love helping individuals grow and flourish.
  • I’m inspired about learning the best time management techniques for working smart. 
  • I’m passionate about being organized.
  • I love being able to show my compassion for others as I communicate with others. 
  • I’m enthusiastic about being able to serve others to the best of my ability.
  • I’m positively ardent about being able to support myself financially.

It doesn’t matter what career path you choose, the question is—Can you connect to your passion of the things you love through it? This can be written for doctors, wait staff, retail managers, sales associates, executives, waste management employees, etc. This focuses on what we want instead of what we don’t want. Minimizing what we do by missing our opportunities to shine will defeat and drain us. Is that really what you want?

Intentions for Relationships

My intention is to have a loving, loyal, passionate, and communicative relationship with my partner:

  • We both understand what love is and support bringing out the best in each other (Make sure to be clear on what love is before you try attracting it to your life. There are brutal consequences if your definition is out of whack. Click here to read more).
  • I’m loyal to taking the best care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually so that I can be the best version of myself for my partner. When I am loyal to myself, I attract loyalty in my partner. (Don’t expect someone else to do what you’re not doing for yourself).
  • I’m passionate about my partner, and we enjoy our emotional and physical intimacy through our honesty and connection. 
  • We are willing to listen and hear each other out. There is no ONE right way, just different ways. The more we listen to each other the better our relationship is. 

I write a lot about intentions in relationships through an intense process that you can read about in the 90-Day A Better Me Series and also in my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. 

Be clear on your intentions, because when they are not clear or have a negative energy attachment, you WILL sabotage yourself.  It’s not a matter of if, just when. 

Gratitude (Action)

I’m amazed at what the power of gratitude has the ability to create, change, and amplify. The last ninety plus days I’ve been writing out a page of daily intentions and a page of gratitude. My life is reflecting the energy I’m putting into it. I feel abundant in my life, and that is because I focus on daily gratitude. I find new opportunities to enjoy my life daily. Money shows up when and how I need it to. I am blessed with supportive family and friends. I find and make time for self-care. I make time to connect with my spirituality. I’m led to people and events that bring out the best in me. I’m abundant. Some people may look at my life and pick on all the things I don’t have, but that’s not my problem. That is their mindset that is creating that feeling of lack. Gratitude is a mindset of living as if we have everything we need in this minute and being thankful for that. 

Living in lack will keep us feeling like what we have is never enough. Then we take that out on others treating them with feelings of lack, so it comes off as they are not good enough and/or doing enough. The feeling of lack makes us resentful and the person we are the worst to when we live in lack is ourselves. When we live in lack, we sabotage any work we do on ourselves, our relationships, our careers, and our spiritual connections. We are filled with expectations. We focus on other’s letting us down. 

The great news is that shifting from lack to abundance is just a shift in perception away. It takes work, especially because we are surrounded by people who want us to want what we don’t have. That is how they sell fear, and we’ve shown them that selling fear makes us buy things. So if we are surrounded by things and people encouraging us to see lack, we have to make time EVERY day to focus on gratitude/ abundance. This is not a let’s spot gratitude for a few weeks and we will be good kind of thing. Practicing, living, and embracing gratitude is a daily activity and when you decide to stop, the lack will start creeping back in. 

Be grateful for the choices you made today that supported your intentions. Be grateful for the people who showed up to teach you something. Be grateful for the videos you watched that helped to inspire you. Be grateful for the unlimited resources you have to learn more about healthy living, self-care, and education. Be grateful that this piece somehow ended up in front of you to read. You get the point. For anything you feel resentful towards, find three things you are grateful for him/her/it in your life. What is the experience teaching you? The lessons are something to be grateful for. 

The Power of Three

When we combine a positive mindset, intention, and gratitude together, we win. Life becomes less of a struggle and more of a gift. We have the power to change our lives for the better in every instant. We just have to make the choice to follow through or stay where we are. What are you going to do to make today even better after reading this? Do nothing, and don’t be surprised when things stay the same. Do something and the motion can initiate a chain reaction of events that can take you on a path that will enhance your life. The choice is in your hands!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

In the Aftermath

Growing-up in Florida, you get used to tracking storms. Should I stay or should I go is commonplace in the midst of an approaching hurricane. Many of us know what it’s like to stay and/or to leave, along with the fear for people on the other end. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the fear of the storm that we lose sight of what is happening in the moment. I know it’s not just people in Florida who go through fear of natural disasters. There are earthquakes, tornados, fires, tsunamis, landslides, floods, and erupting volcanoes just to name a few other natural disasters that can have effects on how we choose to live. What we do when we are faced with these natural disasters says a lot about the people we are choosing to be. We will see the best and/or worst in ourselves if we dare to look at the thoughts that move through our heads. As I write this, Hurricane Dorian is hovering over the Bahamas going 1 mph. 

Just a couple days ago the track was aimed to move through Florida and I was consumed with the thoughts about the people I loved. As I sit here thinking about residents of the Bahamas, I’m brought back to evacuating from Hurricane Katrina and wondering if my ex-boyfriend and his family were alive since they lived in-between Biloxi, MS and New Orleans, LA. I remember searching every website trying to find out if each family member was alive. The feeling of dread haunted me when I didn’t see everyone’s name in his family reported as safe. I remember my shaking fingers as I dialed the number listed and talking to my ex’s father as he told me that they still couldn’t find his brother and how his house was leveled. 

Now, I sit and think about all the loved ones, families, friends, co-workers and community members who are going through those same fears of losing people, homes, and their communities and I know for some, the next few weeks and months will be the longest of their lives.

I think about all the people who have been affected by these natural disasters changing their lives and what it does to them anytime they see another one hit the news. In all the sadness and devastation, I can’t help but remember all the heroes who come in and step up. The first responders whether it is their career or just the power of their humanity that shines through to be there during and/or in the aftermath. The best in humanity is the only place I can find peace in these situations, so that is where I do my best to focus. 

I learn a lot from nature, so watching human reactions to natural disasters is fascinating to me. It shows us what is in the hearts of the people around us along with what we are made of ourselves. We are not perfect, I’m not telling people to shame themselves for everything they are not doing. It is important that we are honest with ourselves. This is how we will best serve the people suffering around us. We can’t let ourselves shut down or ignore what is going on inside of us. We need to be conscious of who we want to be. How can we help decrease the suffering? We are not all first responders. Some of us are better in the aftermath of the storm after the dust is settled and it’s time to re-build. We all have special skills that can benefit humanity. What are yours? 

  • Is it giving people hugs?
  • Is it a listening ear?
  • Is it writing or playing music that helps people cope?
  • Is it having money to help survivors with food, water, clothing, housing, etc.?
  • Is it having time to volunteer at shelters or passing out water and supplies?
  • Is it writing with compassion that will help inspire the humanity in others?
  • Is it encouraging others to spread their gifts?
  • Is it your hands and strength to help communities re-build?
  • Is it your prayers and the positive energy you are able to send out into the world?
  • Is it your ability to be a friend to support others who are on the frontlines?
  • Is it fundraising?

The list goes on and on because there are so many individuals needed to help a community of people recover from the aftermath of natural disasters. What’s important is that our humanity shines through, no matter what that looks like. We are accountable for our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions. How will you serve humanity in the aftermath? 

  • Will you choose to be the best version of yourself today?
  • Will you choose to use your unique skills to help others?
  • Will you choose to serve humanity with the love and compassion that each individual deserves?

Hug your families, loved ones, and friends. Be grateful for what you have in this very moment—Even if all you can do is focus on one breath at a time.  Take stock of what is truly important. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff

Upcoming book:

Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (click the title to find out more)

Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

I know it is easy to get caught up in who is “supposed” to be there and who “shouldn’t” be there. We can sometimes believe that we know best about what should be, but all of that thinking is just a story in our heads. Who should be there is who is there. Who shouldn’t be there is who isn’t. We have something to learn from who shows up and who doesn’t in our lives.

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I know this can be a hard pill to swallow and I’ve definitely been caught up in a story playing in my head about what other people should be doing. The truth is that none of that is my business and quite honestly, who am I to say. I know that every experience I’ve had was necessary to be where I am right now. I know that all my pleasant and not so pleasant exchanges have played roles in my life. So, if things were different I may have missed a valuable lesson or exchange.

If our energy is focused on what shouldn’t of happened, who shouldn’t have been there, and who should have been. We missed seeing the value in what did happen, who was there, and the blessing that came from the exchanges we had with people because of who wasn’t there.  I know there were years I was caught up in the energy that things didn’t happen the way they were supposed to and the only person who paid the price for that thinking was me.

For me, I need to remember to put the energy back where it belongs, because I know that I don’t want to live bitter. I want to live with purpose and believing that my experiences empower me. If my experiences empower me, I have to embrace the idea that other people have that same option. We each get to choose how we want to live, so the stories that play in our minds make a difference. I choose to believe that people will come and go from my life. They are there for the exact time and in the exact way that they are meant to be.

Thank you to all the people who are there and who aren’t at any given moment. I know the exact people I need for the moment I’m in are there when they are supposed to be. I’m grateful for all the beautiful lessons I’ve learned that came from appreciating my experiences exactly the way that they did happen. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to hold any bitterness towards people who don’t show up. I love that the power of interpreting my experiences is ALWAYS in my hands. I love the way it feels to believe that if someone doesn’t show up it’s because they weren’t meant to be there or else they would have been. This belief has helped me appreciate ALL the people in my life so much more.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as A Weapon

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as A Weapon

Everywhere we look on social media we can read about narcissists in and out of relationships. We can sympathize with the person who has had experiences with him or her, and many times we can even relate. Yet, we don’t pay attention to all the lists and think about our responses in our everyday life on social media. Often we don’t know how easy we make it for narcissists to attack their victims. The worst part is that we can often jump in and become apart of the abuse, gaslighting, and/or shaming without ever knowing we’ve become a pawn in the narcissist’s game. Is that the narcissist’s fault? No! They have a psychological condition where they can’t process morals, emotions, and reality in a healthy way. The only way to stop narcissistic abuse on social media is to take responsibility for what we are contributing to. Staying aware is key!

1.  Personally Attacking Others

Personally attacking another person on social media is not healthy behavior, but that in itself doesn’t make a person a narcissist. A narcissist will thrive on turning people against his/her victim. They will use people to attack their target. They will feel fulfilled when they get other people to join in on the attack. The more people they can get to attack their victim, the better. They may post a picture of a person in a vulnerable moment, but write a false tagline. They might clip a video where they were attacking, but what you see is the other person reacting to their abuse. If you see or read abusive, violent, shaming, blaming, and/or harassing posts don’t engage. Social media is not the place. If you are only looking at one side, you could be contributing to an attack on someone without even knowing it. You just played into the narcissist’s hand.  Don’t forget there are narcissists in finance, media, politics, non-profits, religious organizations, etc. Staying clear of personal attacks is your best option.

2.  Getting You on Their Side

Charming narcissists will do anything to convince you to side with them. They are the victim of every person, place, and thing. Life keeps happening to them, yet they are better than everyone else. They are entitled to more. They will do their best to trigger your hate and rage towards someone who is their target. DON’T ENGAGE! This doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for the human rights of others. Just be cautious of what the person’s intentions are. Are they standing up for a cause or trying to engage your hate? Keep the bigger picture in mind. Support what you want to see in the world (peace, compassion, love), not what you don’t want to see (violence, hate, and fear).

3.  Spreading Blame

Watching the blame is the quickest way to spot a narcissist on social media. They don’t understand how their family, friends, partners, kids, co-workers, and strangers can do what they do. Everything is someone else’s fault. Now, this can get tricky as our social media culture has become a giant blame cycle, which is what makes it a feeding frenzy for narcissists. Our relationship with drama is a weapon to them. If we feed the blame cycle, we are feeding their cycle of abuse.

4.  Taking Shaming Viral

Narcissists thrive on shaming their victims. They might put them on a pedestal, then they drop kick them down to the dirt. The victims crave to be back on that pedestal, so they may accept or think they deserve the shaming. It’s all in how narcissists groom their target(s). Other times narcissists use social media to groom the target into submission by public shaming. Sometimes the narcissist is targeting groups of people to shame. Watch out for that word “ALL” when it comes to groups such as ALL Christians, ALL Muslims, ALL Politicians, ALL gays, ALL women, ALL men, ALL police officers, ALL minorities, ALL immigrants, the list goes on and on. This is dangerous thinking and it is how we give narcissists power on social media and in our everyday lives.

5.  Searching for their Next Victim

Narcissists can use social media to hunt for their next victim. They need a person who will engage with them. If you are agreeing with their stories of shame and blame while supporting them as the victims, they want you. Whether you are apart of a large group or they are looking for that next romantic relationship to turn into an utter nightmare, there are signs you can give off to help them pick you as a target. Engaging with them on social media makes you a prime candidate.

 

Here is the real question, how do we know when a person is just hurt, angry, or enraged posting or if he/she is a narcissist? It doesn’t matter. A narcissist is probably watching the post either way, so even if you engage on a post that is not theirs, you are feeding them. You are contributing to their wicked game. If the person posting is a good friend, send them a text or call them. If the person is someone you don’t know very well, knew from school, or a public figure, remind yourself that you don’t know all the sides of the story. If someone is using ALL language, STAY AWAY from engaging. Narcissists are trolling the Internet waiting for places to feed.

Remember healthy people don’t attack others. If we are the ones attacking, we show the narcissist that we are ready to be apart of their army. Spread what you want to see more of on social media. Don’t make social media feeding grounds for narcissists. Make them want to steer clear of you by not contributing to using social media as a weapon of attack. Keep yourself and others safe while preventing playing on a narcissist’s playground—stay kind on-line!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you want help getting out of your own way and stop attracting chaos to your life, check out the FREE 90-Day A Better Me Series. No sign-up required. Just click, scroll to DAY  1 read, and do the work to transform yourself into the best version of you.

 

LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: The Empowered Me

Dear Self,

I have the choice to feel: happy, sad, mad, love, fear, empowered, depleted, and on and on. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. These are my choices. I will choose actions based on how I choose to feel and what I choose to believe. I pray that I choose wisely today so that I can live my best life.

I can only be empowered if I remember that I ALWAYS have choices. Nobody can take away my choices to feel, think, believe, act, respond, and react. I’m the only one with that power and I WILL take responsibility for my choices.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

The Empowered Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

90-Day Series Updates

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to inform you that I’ve been through each day of the FREE  90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and now BOTH series are fully available on FromALovingPlace.com. I provided links on each day for easy navigation through every piece of the series. Now that the series is complete, it makes it easier to read like you would a book. Whether you are reading the series again, like some of you have told me you are, or you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me journey, I hope you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to write it and an even greater pleasure to talk with the followers of both series.

Now, I need to go and focus on the editing my book coming out at the end of 2019. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to subscribe to e-mails. Thank you for all the readers, followers, and commenters. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Here at the direct links to both series:

90-Day A Better Me Series

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

 

Happy reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019