#PerspectiveChallenge: I, We, He, She, They, or It Should Have

PERSPECTIVE: I, WE, HE, SHE, THEY, OR IT SHOULD HAVE

We can give should a lot of power over our lives if we are not careful. I don’t care who we are shoulding. When we should a person or situation, we are fighting the reality of what is. Shoulding is a form of shaming ourselves and others. I used to use should haves to beat myself up in ways way beyond what anyone else could ever do to me. I used should to keep me prisoner of my self-proclaimed pity party. I also used should haves against other people and situations to keep me prisoner of my past and to punish them.  The should haves create toxic energy. The question is, do you really want to be carrying that around? If we carry that energy around with us, it will unconsciously seep into what we feel, think, and do. 

What should have been is an illusion and a toxic one at that. It is NOT reality. What happened is what should have happened, because it is what happened—that is reality. What are we going to do with what happened? No reason to waste time and energy on on should haves. Empower yourself and your energy to move you to make the changes you can make right now.

If we didn’t do something:

  • What did we learn from not doing it?
  • Are we committed to doing better next time?
  • What can we do right now to help us to move past our learning experience (let it go, forgive ourselves, pray, express gratitude for the lesson, etc.)?

If someone else or others didn’t do something:

  • What did it teach us about the person and/or group?
  • What choices do we have in the present to change the affect of their actions on our lives? 
  • How will be proceed with this person and/or people (accept, forgive, walk away, stand up to, report, etc)?

If we believe something should have been different:

  • What lessons can we take from the situation? 
  • What positives came from the situation?
  • How can we shift our energy to accept the reality of the situation?

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Challenge yourself to shift your perspective from should have to a more productive energy booster for you. Anytime you hear should have pop into your thoughts—challenge it. Ask yourself questions like the ones up above. See how your energy shifts. Be conscious of how you feel when you think should have

  • Where do you feel it? 
  • How does that feeling move through your body? 

After you have gained perspective, check in again. 

  • How does the thought feel? 
  • Where do you feel it? 
  • How is it affecting your mood to think about learning instead of fighting the reality of what already happened?

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

#PerspectiveChallenge: That Is SO True

PERSPECTIVE: THAT IS SO TRUE

I, like many, find myself saying this when I see positive quotes, read articles, go to seminars, watch TV, and talk to like-minded people. This statement can feel great when we feel and/or say it. It wasn’t until I started my From A Loving Place Facebook page that I realized for every quote that I felt was SO TRUE, there were people out there seeing it from a completely different perspective. Through their eyes, it wasn’t true at all. When I would engage with them, most times they didn’t even consider it in the way that I was thinking about it, and the same for me.

As true as it is for me, it might not be the same for someone else, which got me thinking about when I strongly disagree with something. Once again, we are all living in our own perspectives of truth. Doing the challenge below helped me to not take other people’s disagreements personally. The challenge also helped me open myself to change perspectives that don’t feel good to me. Here are two examples:

  • A perspective that is true for me now is: I have the power to empower or disempower my life by the perspectives I choose to let guide my journey. I know that some people will agree and others won’t, but the difference is I know that I’m living my truth and I know that the people who disagree are living theirs.
  • I used to think that is SO TRUE, when people said, “Love hurts.” That was a painful perspective to believe. I researched and found a definition of love that I could stand be behind. Once I did that, I realized what hurts has nothing to do with love. What hurts has everything to do with what came from living in fear: anger, jealously, rage, deceit, betrayal, envy, … I found this perspective to be true for me, and it feels SO MUCH BETTER!

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Think about a perspective of truth that you believe is SO TRUE. Write down why the perspective feels true for you. If it feels good to you, write down “This perspective of truth is true for me.” If you write down a perspective that feels SO TRUE, but it doesn’t contribute to you living your best life, challenge yourself to research other perspectives of truth that can help you disprove the belief you are carrying that is hurting you. Then write down a perspective that feels better to you and write, “This perspective of truth feels good to me.”

If you don’t feel like you want to write it down, practice saying them when you see things or hear things where you think the thought, that is SO TRUE. Just opening your mind to the possibility will create a shift in your thinking. That’s where the magic begins.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Author of LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Available NOW for Pre-order in paperback, ebook, and audiobook

#PerspectiveChallenge: I Can’t Stand When People Use the Word…

PERSPECTIVE: I CAN’T STAND WHEN PEOPLE USE THE WORD…

Our attachment to words can create a lot of conflict in our lives, and often times when other people use the words that we HATE they aren’t using them in the same way as we are interpreting them. I’m amazed at the amount of verbal attacks that happen over the use of words, and it gets even more complicated when we think about some of the words that people hate, empower others. This can make communication quite the challenge. 

What words get under your skin?

What words have a negative impact on you but a positive impact on someone else? 

If a word has a negative impact on the way you feel, what you think, how you act, and or react towards others, you are giving the word power over you. Do you really want a word that someone else uses to create stress in your world? The words others use reflect their reality. Knowing our own trigger words can help us to not give them power over us. When we hold ourselves accountable and responsible for the energy we exude, we start changing how we let things get to us.

There are ways we can communicate with others without creating a war with words. If we tell people how a word makes us feel, they may explain to us how they actually meant it. We can also simply ask them, “Why did you chose to use that word?” When we approach a situation with curiosity instead of judgment, we diffuse the situation and the power it has over us. If you don’t like their perspective of truth, you don’t have to live by it, but creating more negativity around a word, will affect YOUR energy, so be conscious of what you want to put out into the world. You have to ask yourself— Is another person’s use of words worth you losing your peace?

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Take a word you have a negative attachment to and come up with three different thoughts about the word that take away the power it has over you. You will be amazed at how well this works the next time the word comes up in conversation.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Great News!

Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Transforms the World is now available for pre-order on Audiobook (click for link).

#PerspectiveChallenge: I Hate Mondays

Perspective: I Hate Mondays

One of the greatest ways to find peace is to find where our own perspectives are going against the peace we want to feel. Here is a prime example in a perspective that sets many of our weeks up for challenge and struggle. 

I hate Mondays can also be referred to as: 

  • Mondays Suck
  • Mondays are the worst
  • Can’t we just skip Monday
  • Well, it’s Monday…

When we believe these thoughts, we open ourselves up to focus on everything bad about Mondays. When we focus on everything bad, we attract more bad. Where is the peace in that?

When we become aware of how we are working against ourselves, we become open to make new choices in our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions. What you choose right now can set a whole new chain of events in motion, and it all begins with what is happening between our own two ears. 

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Today’s #perspectivechallenge is to write down at least 5 positive perspectives about Mondays. Then EVERY time you find yourself thinking a negative Monday thought: say, write, and/or sing three positive perspectives. 

Feel free to share some positive Monday perspectives in the comments section.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Mondays are an opportunity to introduce something different in my weekly routine.
  • Mondays give me an opportunity to serve my community.
  • Mondays offer me new learning experiences.
  • Mondays are for finding ways to make work fun.
  • I love Mondays!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World is available for pre-order! Order your copy today from one of your favorite book retailers.

Feel-Good Friday Book Series: The Yamas & Niyamas

FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY

BOOKS THAT GAVE ME SEEDS TO THRIVE (Click link for the introduction to the series)

Sometimes we are taken on unexpected journeys. A few years ago, I went on a yoga and hiking retreat in Sedona, AZ. During the retreat, we were given the book, The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice by Deborah Adele. Before this journey, I knew the benefits of the breathing and stretching of yoga, but I had no idea how deep the practice actually went.

If I hadn’t gone on this retreat, I wouldn’t have sought this book out, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. As I read the book, I wrote in the margins, underlined, and highlighted. With one read the book is well marked with inspiration, hope, connection, and faith.

Within the pages were concepts I knew just spoken from a different perspective of truth. Knowing that helped me to open up so much wider. I started to connect so much of what I’ve been practicing into my physical movements, which was a skill I hadn’t yet learned to do. Now, when I do the physical act of yoga, it carries so much more meaning.

As I said, a good chunk of the book is marked up, so for this quote I just went with a powerful message that stood out as I flipped back through the pages.

Favorite Quote from The Yamas & Niyamas

(click on the book title to check out the book for yourself)

“As long as we think satisfaction comes from an external source, we can never be content. Looking outward for fulfillment will always disappoint us and keep contentment one step out of reach.”

-Deborah Adele, The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, p. 121.

Thank you to all the people who have been reading the Feel-Good Friday Book Series. This is the 9th book, and it feels like it’s time to stop. You will still continue to see quotes from the books I love along the way, but I’m being led to do something else now. I urge you to come along on the journey. Make sure you are following via email to get the latest posts and news. Enjoy your journey, and trust the books that come to you along the way. They may just have what you need to give you seeds to thrive.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Catch up on Your Feel-Good Friday Book Series Here:

I Am What’s Wrong 

Your Creative Brain

Hope for the Flowers

The Tao of Pooh

A New Earth

The Four Agreements

Healing the Shame that Binds You

Power

How Beliefs Work to Help or Hurt Ourselves and Others

Over and over, I’m reminded of how many times us as individuals believe something and try to make what we believe true for someone else. Our thoughts about doing it can be well intended. We can think that our beliefs save someone else from themselves or others. We can think that our education gives us the facts on what is real and what isn’t. We can believe that our faith is what everyone else REALLY needs. We can believe we are more and someone else is less or that we are less and someone else is more. Beliefs can cause us great pain to ourselves and other, and beliefs can lift us up, so we can help others lift themselves. 

Here’s What I Know

Beliefs are perspectives. We can each choose to believe a perspective that feels right to us. We will base our beliefs in science, faith, family, education, culture, society, media, social circles, support groups, religion, relationships, political views, history, etc.  In the end, we will each make the choices that feel right for us at the time. NOBODY’S beliefs are 100% the same. They can’t be. Each individual’s experiences will form, change, alter, shift, grow, and expand based on each event that takes place in his or her life. 

That’s Not True

We all get exposed to people sharing their opinions of what is true and what isn’t. We each have a right to share our truths. We will all find our own truth whether someone else believes what we say or not.  I’ve been told that my way of healing from my history of trauma wasn’t true for victims of rape. UMMMMM… if it is true for me, and it is what helped me have healthy relationships with myself and others—How can someone else say that it’s not true? A victim of any trauma can choose to stay in a place of pain or they can find a path to thrive. It depends on each individual’s mindset on what they want the experience to mean for their lives. I do my best to inform people that my views of the world are MY perspectives. If someone takes a seed that I give and wants to plant it in their internal world that is completely up to them.  But does it make my or their experiences any less true? No, because it is what we are experiencing based on the beliefs we have chosen to follow. 

We are a society that is very quick to judge something as absolute, when very little is actually absolute.  When someone says, “That’s not true” or you find yourself thinking it, just try for a moment to say to yourself, “That is what is true for them, why?” Go deeper! If you want to engage with the person, try to find out why she or he came to the beliefs that are guiding her/him. Here are a few suggestion of questions you could ask:

  • Does believing that make you feel better about yourself or about the world? Why or why not?
  • How does believing that help you make good and healthy choices?
  • How does believing what you do limit your ability to change and grow and/or how does is help it? 
  •  How do you find what you say to be true?
  • Do you think this belief helps or hurts your connections with others?
  • Do you think this belief limits your thinking or expands your opportunity to learn?

Every time I hear myself saying that someone else’s beliefs aren’t true, I have to tell myself that is their perspective of truth. Then, I need to determine whether it is worth trying to find out more, leave it alone, or let them know what I believe.  One thing I know for sure is if someone is drinking or on drugs, I keep my mouth shut and walk away. If I care about the person and authentically want to know why they believe the things they do, I ask when they are sober. We each have to make that choice for ourselves. I can tell you I’ve grown and expanded in my beliefs because of being open to learn and listen about how others think.  If I am exposed to a belief that comes from a place of fear, often time I don’t comment, because I know I need to find my own way of expressing my beliefs, hence my blog, articles I’ve written, and my upcoming book. People who want to know what I believe will choose to read my work, follow me on social media, call, text, or email me with questions or asking for advice. Each of us is having experiences that are true for us right now. The quicker we understand that, the easier it will be to authentically connect with someone else. Our perspectives don’t have to be the same in order to find common ground. 

Our Personal Paths

I know that I’m not going to force anyone to change their beliefs or convince them that what they believe is true or isn’t, that’s not my job. I feel my purpose is to share my perspectives in case there is another person out there that can relate or that is looking to change, shift, and grow because they aren’t comfortable where they are, or they simply want to gain more perspectives to help them find their own perspectives of truth that work best for them.  All I ever can offer someone else is seeds from my garden. Not all my seeds will grow into big strong trees, beautiful flowers, or luscious edibles. If I’m sharing out of old belief systems of pain, chaos, confusion, and/or fear, I’m giving seeds that contain weeds and strangling vines that will do damage if planted. I can’t say I’ve never given these kinds of seeds out because I lived my life in a lot of pain for many years. I didn’t mean to hurt someone else, but I was self-abusing and when we self-abuse, the seeds we have become toxic, invasive species. The healthier I got, the more weeds and strangling vines I pulled out of my own garden. When I did that, I limited the toxic seeds I distributed.

We each start our lives with a collection of seeds. Some of them are inherently planted before we are even able to process thoughts. As we travel along our paths we are given seed after seed and we decided whether or not to plant them. Sometimes we have to make space by clearing out an area of our garden that no longer serves us. No garden is the same. All gardens are ever-changing, growing, and expanding. Some are not well kept and are neglected. Others are thriving with amazing life. Then there is everything in-between. 

Our Choices

Many of us limit our power by believing we don’t have any. We convince ourselves that we are trapped (a perspective). We give our power away time and time again by blaming others for the way we feel, think, act, and react. We give away our power by believing someone or something can make us live the way we are living. Nothing outside of us needs to change in order to live a better life. What needs to be worked on is between our own two ears. When we realize how much power we have to internally change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions, we open ourselves up to creating a beautiful expansive garden. 

We Are Here to Learn

Anyone who has ever gardened knows that it takes continued maintenance to have a healthy garden— we are no different. The longer we go without self-care and self-maintenance, the more the weeds will grow and spread. Even if we do take good care of ourselves, old weeds will pop-up looking pretty as they invasively spread and take life from our healthy flowers and plants.  We are here in this life to learn. 

We need those weeds to help us see how we can grow and expand in a healthier way,  or if we choose a destructive way. We just want to make sure we don’t let them take over. When weeds take over, we know by our addictions that we use to numb ourselves, along with anything else we do to avoid doing the work to change the things we don’t like in our lives (blaming, shaming, bullying, gossiping, etc.) The more open we are to learn, the more healthy our gardens will be. 

Why Do I Stay Focused on this Topic?

If you follow FromALovingPlace.com, you know that I’ve written about this topic multiple times and in multiple different ways. Each post is different, but carries similar messages. This is part of my self-maintenance. I have to remember these things, because I’m not above being triggered. When I write these posts it soothes me. It helps me to see that a reaction I may have had was just a weed popping up that I need to pull out. Writing is one of the tools I use to pull out the weeds that can grow and spread if I don’t do something. Writing is my something. We all have to decide for ourselves, which tools we want to use, and how to use them. We aren’t here to plant our seeds in other people’s gardens. We can only offer our seeds. Writing on FromALovingPlace.com is how I offer the seeds I’ve planted. It also is helps me to plant seeds I’ve received. I use this blog to spread loving messages that help me maintain, grow, and expand my garden in a way that makes me feel good. If someone chooses to take them and plant them in their garden, the energy of love spreads. My seeds aren’t the only seeds. There are so many seeds that spread love. People don’t have to plant mine. That’s what I love about this process. The ones who offer different perspectives of love help me to expand my garden even more. Staying on this topic helps me to stay open to grow and expand. The more I can see the world through perspectives of truth, the more curious I get about learning from others. As I learned from my time in AL-ANON, I take what I like, and leave the rest.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

When the Universe Answers

My Perspectives of Truth

I believe in the power of the Divine wholeheartedly. I believe our energy is our connection to Universal powers. I also believe our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perspectives of truth that we choose daily create our realities in each moment. How we look at ourselves, others, and the world as a whole—MATTERS! With that being said, I believe that when we ask the Universe questions, the answers come according the energy we are giving out. 

If we are lacking in our self-worth and self-concept, we will be answered back with lessons to help find out why we have to build up our self-love. Some of these lessons can come from toxic relationships, jobs, family, etc. When we see how painful it is not to love ourselves, we may be put into situations, then given the tools we need to grow and prosper, but don’t be mistaken, the Universe is answering, we just have to be willing to thank the Divine for the lessons we are learning along the way. If we don’t and choose to stay in our chaos, the lessons get harder. The Universe is trying to show us what we need to learn to get ourselves out, but we are resisting. One of our biggest barriers is not feeling worthy and lovable. That’s not the answer, that’s what’s keeping us from finding the solution.

Asking the Universe for Answers from a Place of Lack

Here’s my personal example of this. Back in September 2001, I left the state I had spent the last year looking to feel connected. I was desperate for someone to love me back after I had long on-again/off-again romance fizzle for the last time. I wanted to feel love so bad that my energy was carrying a horribly low vibration. When I did find someone, he swooped me off my feet, put me on a high pedestal, and spoiled me. I tried to find my worth in what I meant to this person. Slowly, the relationship turned toxic. He was there to teach me what happens when I seek worth from someone outside of myself. Since I was so resistant to this lesson, it got harder and harder until I felt like a shell of a person. 

I kept asking the Universe, “Why can’t I be loved the way I feel I deserve?” The answer took me years of failed relationships and finally became BRUTALLY CLEAR.  The Universe was answering; I just didn’t like the answer, “Because you don’t show yourself that level of love.” The Universe kept meeting me on my level to give me the answers I was looking for. When I began the work on my self-love, the lessons weren’t as brutal, and got easier and easier to move through.

How Do We Want to Receive our Answers?

Remember, the Universe can only give us more of what we already have. If we tell the Universe how horrible the world is and we ask questions from that mindset, the lessons will show us the brutality. We will get to learn the hard way, because that is where our energy is taking us. The Universe isn’t against us, but the Divine energy can only connect with us from where we are. This is not a concept that is just in religion and/or spiritual circles, it’s in science. So no matter how a person wants to break this concept down, what we put out there is what we will get back. If we want good, love, abundance, health, adventure, joy to come back to us, we better work on making sure our energy is aligned with the results we want.

If we come to the Universe with love in our hearts, we will get our lessons and solutions with a softer hand. Inside we know we are getting the answers, so we may even feel energetically lifted even if the lesson is taking longer than we had hoped. There is a faith that lies underneath that allows the Universe to do some magic. We listen as people recommend books, people, shows, events, places, etc. The beauty of this is when we can acknowledge, and say thank you for lighting the way. The Universe opens so many doors, but we have to pay attention to what is in front of us to see them. When we have a grateful heart, the Universe gives us more to be grateful for. When love is at the foundation of our questions, the people the Universe brings into our lives is AWE inspiring.

Asking the Universe a Direct Question with a Strong Foundation of Love

After I graduated college at 40. I knew my soul was calling me to write, but I had no idea how to get my voice out there. I started asking the Universe for guidance. FromALovingPlace.com was born. Once I started blogging, I started thinking about writing a book. Then I wrote an open letter from A BETTER ME about judgment. A book idea sparked. I wrote out my 3×5 index card and asked the Universe, “How might I get my book idea sold?” Little did I know the Universe already had been making a space for an agent to appear in my life. Then came the book shopping process.

Being Open to Shift—This is NOT Our Timing

It took one version of being shopped until there was nowhere left to turn. The book didn’t sell. I needed a new direction. I started writing another version, and midway through the writing I went to Sedona, AZ to get some clarity. With a lot of time spent connecting to Source, I completely switched directions. I left my half-written book on the shelf and started over with a new direction. This idea was getting a lot of attention, but not having a big following or platform, I received some of the most beautiful passes. The one thing that was consistent was editors telling my agent, the book would find it’s “home”. The Universe was guiding the process. When the book landed in the lap of my now editor, she had a vision. She saw the one thing that could really make the book shine. Her team agreed and the life of Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World found it’s home with Mango Publishing. 

Us humans can be some stubborn individuals. We’ve become very used to expecting quick fixes and answers. The Universe doesn’t work on our timing. This isn’t an overnight process; but with patience, love, and an opened mind and heart—The Universe answers. 

When we are having a hard time hearing the answers, it’s time to quiet the mind. If our minds are filled with clutter and chaos, the Universe has to be really loud in order to get us to pay attention. The more open and ready we are to receive, the faster the process will go. If we think we know what’s best, and refuse to see the messages and guidance, we stay prisoner of our own mind. Stay open to shift, change directions, and create new pathways. 

The Universe is Answering

  • Are you ready for the lessons you need to learn in order to lead the life that you REALLY want to be living? 
  • Are you ready to love yourself enough to allow the good to enter and stay?
  • Are you ready to do the work and change any unhealthy patterns that are keeping you stuck?
  • How do you want your answers delivered (make sure your energy is aligned)?
  • Are you ready to stay open to let the Universe work in the best possible way?

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Friday Feel-Good Book Series: Books that Gave Me Seeds to Thrive

New Series Starts September 20, 2019

Hello Friends, Followers, and Visitors:

I’m starting a new series! I decided Fridays was a good day to tell you about the books that gave me seeds to thrive. Each Friday, I will tell you about a book I’ve read on my journey and why I would recommend it. The books will not be in any particular order. Just know that every Friday, until I feel like I’m done, I will share one of my treasures with you. It will be your choice if you decide you want to plant one of these seeds in your garden. I encourage comments, insights, and sharing the books that helped you. You never know what book I will feel energetically pulled to read next. I tend to have a good two to three books going at a time. Just remember the name of my site, comments should come from a loving place, or they won’t be posted. If there is a quote from a book that inspires you to live better, you can share it along with the author name, book title, and the page number the quote is from.

Why am I Doing This?

I’m often asked about the books I read. For those who don’t know me, I’m an avid reader of ways to make life better. I started my love of reading about this over thirty years ago. Here are a few of my favorite topics: self-help, spirituality, personal transformation, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healthy living, brain studies, human development, sociology, psychology, religion, and cultural anthropology. Reading all these books has helped me see the person I want to be, ways (not one way) to get there, and be open to see what could be holding me back. They helped me discover my strengths and weaknesses, along with what I was ready for and what I wasn’t. I also have read about plenty of ways I don’t want to live. 

In every book I’ve read, I’ve discovered there are no new concepts, just different ways of presenting them. If the writer is viewing a concept through a place of fear, I look at how that affects their view of interpretation. If a writer is seeing a concept through a place of love, I look to see how I’m connecting to their beliefs about the topic before I consider their perspective of truth. No matter what, I know and understand that every writer is speaking from his or her own place of truth. I understand that just because they believe a certain way of doing things is the right way, it’s up to me to decide what is the best way for me. In the end, only I can decide the perspectives of truth that I will form my reality around. No one can force us to have a belief that serves or doesn’t serve us living our best lives. We have to be open to see how our own beliefs are affecting our reality and make a choice on whether or not to keep our energy believing what we do. 

I believe I can learn from EVERYTHING I read. If I feel an energetic pull to read something, I know there was a reason I was meant to read it. I look for the lessons. There hasn’t been a book in the categories I listed above that I got nothing from. There are some that I put down, because when the energetic force stopped pulling me to read it, I knew I got what I needed. Being a reader of this kind of material, it’s good to trust the journey. We don’t know where it’s leading us. 

When I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson at fourteen, I had no idea the journey I was about to go on. I’ve read the book at least four times now and I find something new and different that resonates EVERY time. My fourteen-year-old self wasn’t ready for a lot of what I was reading, but it gave me seeds. I could see I wanted to live from a loving place. I just would have to go through a lot of life experiences before the material would truly sink in. 

I picked up The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle three times throughout a period of five or six years before I was ready to grasp his voice. I would make it through a couple of chapters, then put it down. I actually ended up reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle first. I did the Oprah course she had on it. After doing that, when I picked up The Power of Now again, I got it and loved it! I read it right when I needed to and right when it was important for a big step in my journey. 

The point is, when we are invested in this type of material, TRUST THE JOURNEY! Don’t beat yourself up about what you should read, or what you should do. You are ready when you’re ready. If you feel pulled to read something, GET THE BOOK! If you’re reading and all the sudden you stop—It’s okay! You read what you needed to for now, or you would have felt pulled to read more. Don’t get rid of the book! Sometimes you will find that it’s years before you’re ready, but it’s good to have so that when you are ready for it, you can open it and just start reading.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times this has happened to me. 

I hope you are excited to get on board! The fun will begin soon. See you back here Friday!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Remembering Trauma

How we use are minds to go through the remembering process of trauma can be a powerful tool to help launch us forward, or a cruel weapon to keep us down. What many don’t understand is the choice is ours. Our perception is our power. We can use it to lift ourselves up or to beat ourselves down. We get to choose thoughts of love or fear as we travel back in time. This is no easy task when the trauma is severe. Processing through the lens of love doesn’t mean that the memories won’t make us cry. The difference is when we process the memories through a lens of love—the tears ignite our souls. When we process the trauma through fear—we run into our darkness. 

How We Live is How We Remember

When we choose to live in our darkness (fear), we immerse ourselves in the fear, anger, rage, hate, resentment, greed, envy, and separation within us and in the world around us. Our energy attracts like energy, so we are drawn to seeing the darkness in others. We act as magnets because we need to keep pulling in examples of why the stories are valid. We live in a place of separation from ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

When we choose to live in our light (love), we immerse ourselves in the love, compassion, empathy, joy, forgiveness, wholeness, and inclusion within us and in the world. We connect to the best in humanity. We attract the light in others. We are making the stories we are telling ourselves valid and we are connected to ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

Can we fake it? On the outside, yes, but our magnetic pull comes from deep inside us. When we are not honest about seeing our own darkness, we may attract the wolves in sheep’s clothing (narcissists, abusers, sociopaths, etc.). We are running and we will be handed lesson after hard lesson to try to help us to move into the light, but as long as we keep telling ourselves to live in the fear, we stay in the dark.  

Why is How We Remember Trauma Important?  

The stories that play in our heads about our past experiences are more powerful than most people realize. Our memory of trauma can ignite buried feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that internally contribute to feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and separation. There is a piece of us that may feel completely unlovable from the shame attached to an unhealed trauma. When we engage and swim in those feelings, they will permeate into our everyday lives and affect everything we touch. One unhealed trauma can lead to a life filled with resentment and separation, which often times leads to unhealthy addictions. Remember, like attracts like. When we hide from our own darkness, we are living in our shadow. We are caught in that dark tunnel of our minds. 

Here’s the awesome part, all it takes is one seed of light to come in and spread in order to help us start lighting our pathway out. That seed can come from a person, book, posting, place, event, video, story, meditation, therapy session, church service, tree, flower, etc.? That one thing can help us see more light. Eventually if we keep taking one step at a time out of our own mental prison, we become the light.

When we can look back at trauma without feeling the dread and hopelessness, but instead see what we learned from experiencing the trauma without the blame, guilt, and shame—we stop paying the steep price of living in the dark. We start finding hope in what was once madness. We see the strength in the survival. We begin realizing that we are not the traumas we survived. Our worth was there before learning the important lesson in life that the trauma taught us. Now, WE RISE in LOVE. This is where the best solutions come from. Remembering the trauma becomes a tool to help us live better and wiser. With that, we become the light. 

Getting Help

This isn’t an overnight process, and some of us may need a lot more help than others. There are plenty of tools and people out there to help. If remembering past traumas feels like a weight, here’s my suggestion to you:

Get out a Post-It, 3×5 card, or a piece a paper. Write down: “How do I become the best version of me?” Keep this question close to you, and be open to see, feel, and hear the answers. If you hear the same advice multiple times, you can guarantee the Universe is trying to help you.  Pay attention if people recommend specific books, therapists, practices, exercises, videos, articles, meditations, mindfulness practices, gratitude journals, courses, church services, foods, etc.  Just be open! Our worst enemy is a mind living in fear. Our greatest ally is a mind living in love. Be conscious of where your mind is. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

The Power of Three: Mindset, Intention, and Gratitude

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece called, Weight Loss: A Journey of Losing, Gaining, and Maintaining. Though this power of three helped me with the weight loss process, weight loss came naturally once I started taking better care of my mindset, aligning myself with the changes I wanted to see in my life, and living gratitude daily. 

If you can see this power of three as having the energetic force to help you in any aspect of your life, you will get to feel the true AWE of this process. So much in our lives begins to change when we are willing to see that we are the problem, and we are the solution. 

Mindset (Awareness)

Understanding how we think, and why we think the way we do is critical in the process of change. If we aren’t aware of how our thoughts, perspectives of truth, and firm beliefs are working for or against us, we won’t see how our actions and reactions are helping or hindering us. Let’s take weight: If we are in a constant struggle to lose weight, and we are using the weight that we are to beat ourselves up, we are actually attracting negative results. We look for quick fixes, which aren’t healthy for us and hurt us down the line. Oh and as soon as we stop, the weight comes right back. We do things that may take away from living a healthy lifestyle. Our mindset matters! The pounds do not equal our worth. An unhappy person at 250 lbs. will be and unhappy person at 120 lbs. if they are putting their value in their worth. It will just look different in how the unhappiness projects itself. 

If you try to force healthy changes before you commit to improving your mindset, don’t be surprised when you start doing things to sabotage your progress. This can happen in our relationships, educations, careers, spiritual paths, and lifestyles. If your mindset isn’t aligned with the results you really want to see, a war is waged inside of us. When we don’t like what we see in any area of our lives, instead of blaming or focusing outward on what we don’t have—Check within! 

  • What messages is your mind telling you?
  • Are these messages even true?
  • Is there a different way you can look at things?
  • How can you find opportunities instead of roadblocks? 
  • What beliefs are working against you getting what you really want?

Become aware of where your mind goes. If you are feeling a struggle within, there is a lesson there. What is it? BE OPEN! A closed mind won’t get you anywhere! For a deeper exploration, check out the 90-Day A Better Me Series. The topic matter will help you get to the bottom of what is holding you back. 

Intention (Stillness)

Many people have heard about what happens to people after winning the lottery. Most of them end up in a worse situation than before they won. Part of the reason this happens is because they put the value of happiness outside of themselves. If I had money… I could be happy. NOOOOO!!! We have to see the worth and power of our minds first. Our value is with us in this very moment whether we are rich or poor, overweight or underweight, in a relationship or out of a relationship, successful in a career or finding our way. None of these things have the power to make us feel happy, valuable, lovable, or worthy. The only way to make lasting positive change in our lives without sabotaging it is to feel that way first. This is why getting in touch with our true intentions is so important. 

 What are the actual results you are looking for? Go deep; the intention behind losing weight isn’t just that the pounds come off. Think about how it will feel to not have the extra weight on. What does that mean for your health? What kind of energy do you think will come from that? How will losing the weight affect your lifestyle choices? This isn’t about putting the value in being skinny. This isn’t about feeling more lovable, wanted, or important. If you are trying to lose weight for those reasons, you are not ready to move on. Go back to working on your mindset. 

Intentions for Healthy Living

My intention is to live a healthy lifestyle:

  • Increase my energy
  • Eat foods that are good for my body
  • Gain strength and endurance
  • Sleep enough for maximum results
  • Choose behaviors that support my well-being
  • Drink plenty of water to nourish my organs

The focus isn’t on losing the weight, it’s on the goal of living a healthy lifestyle. Our worth isn’t tied to what happens if we don’t lose X amount of pounds in a month. Every little thing we do that contributes to us living a healthier lifestyle can be celebrated. Our value is already there. We are just choosing a better way of doing things because we value ourselves. 

Intentions for Career

My intention is to feel passionate in my career:

  • I love helping individuals grow and flourish.
  • I’m inspired about learning the best time management techniques for working smart. 
  • I’m passionate about being organized.
  • I love being able to show my compassion for others as I communicate with others. 
  • I’m enthusiastic about being able to serve others to the best of my ability.
  • I’m positively ardent about being able to support myself financially.

It doesn’t matter what career path you choose, the question is—Can you connect to your passion of the things you love through it? This can be written for doctors, wait staff, retail managers, sales associates, executives, waste management employees, etc. This focuses on what we want instead of what we don’t want. Minimizing what we do by missing our opportunities to shine will defeat and drain us. Is that really what you want?

Intentions for Relationships

My intention is to have a loving, loyal, passionate, and communicative relationship with my partner:

  • We both understand what love is and support bringing out the best in each other (Make sure to be clear on what love is before you try attracting it to your life. There are brutal consequences if your definition is out of whack. Click here to read more).
  • I’m loyal to taking the best care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually so that I can be the best version of myself for my partner. When I am loyal to myself, I attract loyalty in my partner. (Don’t expect someone else to do what you’re not doing for yourself).
  • I’m passionate about my partner, and we enjoy our emotional and physical intimacy through our honesty and connection. 
  • We are willing to listen and hear each other out. There is no ONE right way, just different ways. The more we listen to each other the better our relationship is. 

I write a lot about intentions in relationships through an intense process that you can read about in the 90-Day A Better Me Series and also in my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. 

Be clear on your intentions, because when they are not clear or have a negative energy attachment, you WILL sabotage yourself.  It’s not a matter of if, just when. 

Gratitude (Action)

I’m amazed at what the power of gratitude has the ability to create, change, and amplify. The last ninety plus days I’ve been writing out a page of daily intentions and a page of gratitude. My life is reflecting the energy I’m putting into it. I feel abundant in my life, and that is because I focus on daily gratitude. I find new opportunities to enjoy my life daily. Money shows up when and how I need it to. I am blessed with supportive family and friends. I find and make time for self-care. I make time to connect with my spirituality. I’m led to people and events that bring out the best in me. I’m abundant. Some people may look at my life and pick on all the things I don’t have, but that’s not my problem. That is their mindset that is creating that feeling of lack. Gratitude is a mindset of living as if we have everything we need in this minute and being thankful for that. 

Living in lack will keep us feeling like what we have is never enough. Then we take that out on others treating them with feelings of lack, so it comes off as they are not good enough and/or doing enough. The feeling of lack makes us resentful and the person we are the worst to when we live in lack is ourselves. When we live in lack, we sabotage any work we do on ourselves, our relationships, our careers, and our spiritual connections. We are filled with expectations. We focus on other’s letting us down. 

The great news is that shifting from lack to abundance is just a shift in perception away. It takes work, especially because we are surrounded by people who want us to want what we don’t have. That is how they sell fear, and we’ve shown them that selling fear makes us buy things. So if we are surrounded by things and people encouraging us to see lack, we have to make time EVERY day to focus on gratitude/ abundance. This is not a let’s spot gratitude for a few weeks and we will be good kind of thing. Practicing, living, and embracing gratitude is a daily activity and when you decide to stop, the lack will start creeping back in. 

Be grateful for the choices you made today that supported your intentions. Be grateful for the people who showed up to teach you something. Be grateful for the videos you watched that helped to inspire you. Be grateful for the unlimited resources you have to learn more about healthy living, self-care, and education. Be grateful that this piece somehow ended up in front of you to read. You get the point. For anything you feel resentful towards, find three things you are grateful for him/her/it in your life. What is the experience teaching you? The lessons are something to be grateful for. 

The Power of Three

When we combine a positive mindset, intention, and gratitude together, we win. Life becomes less of a struggle and more of a gift. We have the power to change our lives for the better in every instant. We just have to make the choice to follow through or stay where we are. What are you going to do to make today even better after reading this? Do nothing, and don’t be surprised when things stay the same. Do something and the motion can initiate a chain reaction of events that can take you on a path that will enhance your life. The choice is in your hands!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019