I’m grateful I don’t expect people to be who they are NOT. This wasn’t always true. I used to make myself miserable with expectations of others to be who they are not. I wanted people to be the version of them I made up in a story in my head. If it was a romantic partner, I wanted them to be a version of happily ever after instead of seeing the person they actually were. One of the greatest sayings I ever learned was, “Don’t go to the hardware store for bread.” My friend Sarah said this to me over a decade ago. It’s still a reminder for me to not expect others to be who they aren’t. Nobody can be all things, me included. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I like to focus my energy on where people’s strengths are, it’s a lot less stressful.
Today, I’m committing to accepting people for who they are. People are who they are. Each of us have patterns of behavior that we get through life with. Unless we want to change some of those patterns, we won’t change them. The only person we can change is looking back at us in the mirror. When I accept people for who they are, I can see the person clearly. I see if I need to enforce healthy boundaries, work on my perspectives about the person (the stories I’m creating), or leave.
My expectations of others made me miserable and created chaos in my relationships with others. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry with someone when they don’t do what they say they are going to do. I am going to have whatever feelings I’m going to have in a moment of disappointment. I do my best to let the person know I how I feel about what happened, without blaming them. If I notice patterns of behavior after time, I have to then choose behaviors that are best for me that will keep me in the energy of love, abundance, and peace.
Understanding that I can’t change anyone else and they can’t change me helped me to see that it only moves me into the energy of fear, lack, and separation when I DON’T accept them for exactly who they are. I do my best to live by example. I don’t expect others to do what I won’t do for myself. If they have a strength that I don’t have, I make sure they know that I appreciate them for that strength. If someone doesn’t appreciate my strengths or they want me to change something. I have choices, but they are MY choices. What is important to me is that whatever I choose keeps me in the energy that I want to see more of, which is love, abundance, and peace.
Having feelings like anger, disappointment, anxiety, and sadness don’t align us with fear, lack, and separation unless we start acting, thinking, and believing from those places. We each get the choice where we want to live from. By being the example of someone who lives they way I do, people will be attracted or repulsed based on how they live.
I trust the people who are sent into my life are showing me the reflection of how I’m living inside. Therefore, I never NEED to change them. I only need to accept them, work on me. When I’m ready to leave unhealthy relationships, whether with friends or romantic partners, I do. I don’t leave because of them, I leave because I accepted who they are, I changed the part of me that attracted them, and I accept that they don’t fit into my life anymore. I left even my most toxic relationship with peace inside me, I not only left him. I left the pattern in relationships that kept me attracting people who were unhealthy for me.
When we align with love, abundance, and peace accepting people for who they are is natural. That’s how I know moments when I’m aligning with fear, lack, and separation. I’m creating a story about the other person and how they should be. Then I act out from that place. They are who they should be, because that is who they are in this moment. They have to deal with the rewards and consequences of that. The only person who can change that is them, and only if they want to. Living the example will help someone see if they want to live differently than they are choosing to live. We can only ever give a person seeds. They have to choose if they want to plant them. If their energy isn’t aligned with mine, that’s okay. There is someone’s else out there for them.
With Love, Abundance, and Peace,
©Rachael Wolff 2021
Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (Click title for information, formats, and purchasing options)