Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #216

I’m grateful I don’t expect people to be who they are NOT. This wasn’t always true. I used to make myself miserable with expectations of others to be who they are not. I wanted people to be the version of them I made up in a story in my head. If it was a romantic partner, I wanted them to be a version of happily ever after instead of seeing the person they actually were. One of the greatest sayings I ever learned was, “Don’t go to the hardware store for bread.” My friend Sarah said this to me over a decade ago. It’s still a reminder for me to not expect others to be who they aren’t. Nobody can be all things, me included. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I like to focus my energy on where people’s strengths are, it’s a lot less stressful.

Today, I’m committing to accepting people for who they are. People are who they are. Each of us have patterns of behavior that we get through life with. Unless we want to change some of those patterns, we won’t change them. The only person we can change is looking back at us in the mirror. When I accept people for who they are, I can see the person clearly. I see if I need to enforce healthy boundaries, work on my perspectives about the person (the stories I’m creating), or leave.

My expectations of others made me miserable and created chaos in my relationships with others. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry with someone when they don’t do what they say they are going to do. I am going to have whatever feelings I’m going to have in a moment of disappointment. I do my best to let the person know I how I feel about what happened, without blaming them. If I notice patterns of behavior after time, I have to then choose behaviors that are best for me that will keep me in the energy of love, abundance, and peace.

Understanding that I can’t change anyone else and they can’t change me helped me to see that it only moves me into the energy of fear, lack, and separation when I DON’T accept them for exactly who they are. I do my best to live by example. I don’t expect others to do what I won’t do for myself. If they have a strength that I don’t have, I make sure they know that I appreciate them for that strength. If someone doesn’t appreciate my strengths or they want me to change something. I have choices, but they are MY choices. What is important to me is that whatever I choose keeps me in the energy that I want to see more of, which is love, abundance, and peace.

Having feelings like anger, disappointment, anxiety, and sadness don’t align us with fear, lack, and separation unless we start acting, thinking, and believing from those places. We each get the choice where we want to live from. By being the example of someone who lives they way I do, people will be attracted or repulsed based on how they live.

I trust the people who are sent into my life are showing me the reflection of how I’m living inside. Therefore, I never NEED to change them. I only need to accept them, work on me. When I’m ready to leave unhealthy relationships, whether with friends or romantic partners, I do. I don’t leave because of them, I leave because I accepted who they are, I changed the part of me that attracted them, and I accept that they don’t fit into my life anymore. I left even my most toxic relationship with peace inside me, I not only left him. I left the pattern in relationships that kept me attracting people who were unhealthy for me.

When we align with love, abundance, and peace accepting people for who they are is natural. That’s how I know moments when I’m aligning with fear, lack, and separation. I’m creating a story about the other person and how they should be. Then I act out from that place. They are who they should be, because that is who they are in this moment. They have to deal with the rewards and consequences of that. The only person who can change that is them, and only if they want to. Living the example will help someone see if they want to live differently than they are choosing to live. We can only ever give a person seeds. They have to choose if they want to plant them. If their energy isn’t aligned with mine, that’s okay. There is someone’s else out there for them.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (Click title for information, formats, and purchasing options)

Letting Go of Past Relationships

Dear Past, 

I’m letting you go of my attachment to you. I’ve let you hold me back for far too long. I will take the lessons you taught me without the attachments to the fear, anger, and pain. I’ve ruined too many relationships treating people like they were the people before them and that’s not fair. Trust has been non-existent, and then I wonder why they leave. I have sabotaged so many relationships by not giving them a chance. 

I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to be able to treat situations, people, and events as new adventures. I’ve confused trusting my gut with trusting my fear from repeating the past. I get signs of red flags, but instead of listening to them I’ve tried to manipulate them into swinging in a different direction. Really, what I was doing is try to fix past relationships. They didn’t work and neither will one that is full of red flags.

I’ve finally learned that it is better to be alone than in a relationship without trust. I don’t have to trust them as much as I need to trust me. I need to trust the reality of the situation, and I can’t do that if I’m attached to all my previous hurts. I know there will be times where I call on you, because I’m not perfect. I will slip in order to learn. My hope is that when I look back, I will acknowledge what I’m doing and not take it out on the people around me. If I do, I will be aware enough to apologize and own my overreaction to the current situation. 

I’m also letting go of my shame and guilt over my past mistakes. I’ve used my past as a weapon of mass destruction against myself. My abuse has reached to the point where I don’t even like looking in the mirror. I’m over not feeling worthy enough to look at myself. I’m tired of cutting myself down. I’m projecting how I feel about myself into every relationship I have and I’m sick of what is coming back to me. 

Today, I’m going to look at myself with fresh eyes. It is a new day. I I will focus on my best attributes and what I want to give to my relationships today.

Thank you for your lessons. I’m ready to use them wisely. I will create a reality I want to be in. 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

10 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 41 – Letting Go of My Inner Victim

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation


Day 41: Letting Go of My Inner Victim

Dear Self,

The victim role I’ve believed in for many years is no longer serving the life I want to be living. I’m tired of blaming myself and others for the way my life is. My life is the way it is because how I’ve chosen to live it. I’m taking responsibility for my life today. The choices I make right now matter. If I want better, I need to do things differently. I have no need to hold on to my inner victim anymore. I’m strong, courageous, and worthy of love. If I’m not receiving love from others, it is my responsibility to be giving it to myself. When I love myself, I make better choices  and  my boundaries are set a healthy limits to protect my light from other people’s darkness.

My life is what I make of it and today my life is something to be grateful for. Every breath I take contributes to a chance to make my life better. I’m choosing to shine my light and get out of the dark corner my victimhood kept me in. I’m so incredibly grateful for what I learned from living life in the victim role. I gave my power away over and over. Now, I see that I can choose differently. I choose to take my power back. I choose to take my life back from all the people and events that I was once felt victimized by. I realized by living in the victim role, I made myself a victim of non-traumatic events that weren’t even about me. My perspective told me I was a victim and it affected every aspect of my life for the worse.

I’m choosing to live free of the fears that once paralyzed my emotional well-being. I’m choosing to live free of the fears that once caused me to feel unworthy and unlovable. I’m choosing to be grateful for all the lessons I received from my traumatic past. I’m choosing to be grateful that the events that hurt me didn’t kill me. They gave me a chance to live differently. I’m choosing to let the light of love guide my life and be my best self. I’m letting go of my inner victim. The person who has been hardest on her over anyone else is me. I’m committing to be loving and compassionate to the person I am. I choosing to hold her hand through her darkness to shine light where there hasn’t been any.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to start fresh today. When someone makes the choice to lie to me or take advantage of me that is their choice, their Karma, their darkness, and their business. I’m not going to let someone else’s darkness affect my light. I’m not responsible for what someone else puts out in the world. I’m responsible for what I put out. I’m going to do my best to shine my light on every situation I can. If my darkness presents itself, I’m going to take responsibility for it because no one can make me feel, think, act, or react. I have choices even when I’m faced with someone else’s or my own insecurities, anger, resentment, contempt, fear, shame, blame, and judgment. I have the opportunity to step back and let love or fear guide me through my responses. I will either feel the personal benefits of my choice to shine light or feel the consequences on letting someone else’s or my own darkness influence my choices. They will become lessons for me to learn from. In the end, as long as I take responsibility for me, the inspiration and appreciation for the light and the lesson from the dark all are blessings.


With Love and Gratitude,


A Better Me


Rachael Wolff ©2019


Catch today’s installment of the 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 41 – Letting Go of Our Victim Role

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 41 – Letting Go of Our Victim Role

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation


Day 41: Letting Go of Our Victim Role

“In any given moment, I might be wounded, but I can choose not to act from my wound.”

-Marianne Williamson

There is a difference between being a victim and taking on the victim role. Being the victim isn’t a choice, the victim role is. This doesn’t mean we aren’t going to have all kinds of feelings about what happened. We have to allow ourselves to feel through the pain, grief, confusion, sadness, and losses. We change when we experience trauma, it can be a gift or a prison—the choice is ours. We make the choice from minute to minute. We have the opportunity to learn from every choice we make. Our awareness is what keeps us learning and growing. Even living with P.T.S.D. it is possible leave the victim role behind. When we actively work to let go of the victim role, our episodes lessen and become less frequent. By releasing the story, we can process P.T.S.D. episodes and learn from them. We stop learning when we numb, avoid, and ignore our feelings. Childhood trauma can affect the development of neural pathways.  This can cause multiple psychological issues. The victim role is a story we tell ourselves over and over and it affects our choices, relationships, how we learn, and how we react to people, places, things, and events. Living in the victim role is a choice we make to live in the dark. We resist the light, we fight ideas that come from it and we stay in the chaos caused by the darkness.

Side note: Trauma therapy has showed amazing results for helping the affects of trauma whether it is in a child or adult. It is important to feel through the feelings and find our personal triggers so we can identify them when they come up. Our awareness of how the trauma affects our thinking and processing can help us to move past the traumatic experience and re-wire our thinking to assist us in the recovery process. 

If we were the victim of a natural disaster or an unhealthy individual, and we don’t want to take on the victim role: First, we have to accept the reality of what happened. We can’t ignore, deny, numb, placate, or excuse it.  Next, we have to give ourselves time and space to process the feelings. When we process our feelings, we can choose to stop contributing to the energy that keeps us in that moment in the traumatic event. It happened, that is a fact.  We felt victimized which is completely understandable. Finally, we have to take responsibility for any of the dark energy we have contributed to the process. We aren’t taking responsibility for anything that physically happened to us, we are taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions that feed our own darkness. We are responsible for shining light on our own darkness. We can choose not to live life as a victim and many people who have survived trauma have and do make this choice daily. What you do is up to you! NO ONE can keep you a victim except for you!


If we experienced traumatic effects from a natural disaster, we can pick something else to focus on besides the loss. We can focus on the support of friends, family, neighbors, countries, and good Samaritans from all over the globe. We can focus on the heroes and the people who showed compassion and love to strangers. We can focus on learning about our priorities, because natural disasters definitely put them into place for us. Doing these things keeps us from getting trapped in the story of the victim. We accept what happened, take responsibility for any of the toxic energy we contributed to the situation, and learn the lessons of the heart.

If a sick individual(s) victimized us whether it is from a terrorist attack, abuse, rape, verbal attack, public shaming, etc. We can focus on our strength, courage, perseverance, faith, positive self-worth, the people who support us and show up for us. We can focus on the messages from people who have not only survived attacks but allowed them to play an essential role in helping others. The people who didn’t let others take them down can inspire us—If we let them. These are just a few different perspectives. We get to choose! We are not powerless over our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions. When we realize that we start attracting more of what we want in our lives instead of what we don’t want. We are not given a life sentence of being a victim.

If we experienced abuse, neglect, or abandonment as a child, we can choose to learn from our experiences and find the blessings in the knowledge we gained. We learn that self-worth has to come from the inside. We learn that we can’t depend on anyone else to make us feel worthy and loved, we have to find that within ourselves. We can learn the definition of love and start living life from there. We don’t have to live according to someone else’s unhealthy life choices; we can study and learn about ones that feel better to us. We can find communities of people who understand the importance of empowering ourselves to make better choices than the people we were raised by. We can look at the people who made the unhealthy choices with compassion as we learn that only sick and wounded people letting the darkness lead them are capable of hurting someone like they did. We may see they have a disease or illness that keeps them from being able to feel love in an authentic way. We become open to seeing that there is actual brain damage that can cause people to be this ill. We can become healthy enough to not repeat the patterns that we were immersed in during our early years. We can see that we have a choice in how we feel, think, act, and react. We can choose to live better.

Some of the great inspirational leaders came experienced trauma and at were one time or other victimized. They chose not to accept the role as a victim. They became empowered by the lessons they learned and found perspectives that helped them grow into the person of strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith that guided them into the light from the dark. They didn’t agree to stay in the dark corner that many people unknowingly support victims being in. They dug themselves out of the dirt, felt their way through the pain, and transformed into to the butterflies they knew they were. We get to see people everyday make choices to soar over the chaos. They choose to live in the light. If we want to choose to live in the light, we need to follow and/or walk with others who help light the way. I call them Earth Angels.

Earth Angels are the people who choose to live life from a loving place even in the toughest of times. They are the friends who show up, the strangers who step up, and the leaders who speak up shining their light from within and allowing us to be apart of it. They are the answers to our prayers. They are messengers of our Divine Creator showing us examples of how to project our own lights. They give us seeds and we need to choose whether to plant them, put them in our pocket for later, or throw them away. How we live reflects what we chose to do with the seeds. In this day and age we can see these Earth Angels EVERYWHERE! There are stories of them all over the world. You can recognize them when you notice your own light, because if you spot it, you got it. We can only see what we already have inside. Light recognizes light; dark recognizes dark.

If we want a path out of the victim role, we have to first be aware of it, which is why the 90-Day A Better Me Series is in three parts. If we are stuck in cycles of fear, blaming, shaming, judging, and hating others (Part I), we are in the victim role. When we are operating as our best selves, we don’t feel the need to take down others.

People living in the victim role keep chaos alive because it’s comfortable. There is something familiar about it, so if they aren’t in chaos, they create it themselves and attract individuals that will keep them in positions they can feel victim of. Once again, this is not about judgment, it is the Law of Attraction. If we tell ourselves we are victims, we attract circumstances to be victim of. We can turn people trying to good things for us into a reason to be victim, instead of seeing that they were acting out of love. Believe me, I have been here and it is not pretty. It’s our perception that needs fixing, what happens around us won’t change for the better until we change. When we release ourselves from the victim role, we begin to see clearly.


Letting go of our victim role is us empowering ourselves to make choices that we couldn’t even see when we lived within that role. The victim role is a box we put ourselves in. Letting go is us knocking down those walls and setting us free to live differently. There is never one way to think of things. We have a million different perspectives to choose from. Letting go of any role we are attached to opens us up to see perspectives (Part II) that will serve our lives in a healthier way. This coming week we are going to dive deep into The Smooth Edges of Perspective (Day 42), Perspectives of Truth (Day 43), Accepting Perspectives in Our World (Day 44), Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Us (Day 45), and Finding Perspectives to Serve Our Personal Truth (Day 46). Are you ready to transform your thinking and beliefs to work for you?

Just for Today

Look in the mirror; is the person looking back at you stuck in the victim role? If she/he is the victim of your emotional abuse, she/he is stuck in the victim role. It all beginnings and ends with the person in the mirror. Tell yourself you are ready to let go of the victim role and find new perspectives of thought. Become aware of anytime you make yourself the victim of someone else’s or your own choices, actions, words, and/or lives. Actively choose another way to look at the situation. How can you look at it without being the victim? How can you take responsibility for your feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions? What can you choose to do differently in this moment?


With Love and Gratitude,


Rachael Wolff  ©2019



Don’t forget to check out today’s Letter from A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 41 – Letting Go of My Inner Victim