I’m grateful for my tears. It wasn’t until I lost my ability to cry that I became grateful for my tears. When I was seventeen I went to the psychiatric ward for attempting suicide. I was put on meds that numbed me. Towards the end of my stay, my cousin was in a car accident. She was in a coma. I felt nothing. I wanted to feel, but the feelings inside me felt like they were trapped in a dungeon and couldn’t come to the surface. I knew I wanted to feel, because I am a born empath. I wouldn’t just feel my feelings, I would take on the feelings of those suffering and/or enjoying life around me. I didn’t know that at the time. I used to be able to mask myself with happy people, so that nobody knew how bad I really felt inside. At the time, I just thought of myself as a chameleon. The point is I knew how to feel, and I couldn’t.
People were so worried about how I would take it when she passed away. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. I wanted to feel, but I was numb. Shortly after, I got off of all the meds and I cried. I have appreciated my tears ever since. Even in my darkest times, I knew that I was allowing myself to fully feel what was going on. I had no barriers to my pain, which meant I had no barriers to the growth that always followed.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.—Washington Irving
Side Note: I read this quote in the book, Heart Healing: The Power of Forgiveness to Heal a Broken Heart by Susyn Reeve. It hit me so perfectly that it was the seed that inspired this piece. The book link is at the bottom of this piece.
This morning, my tears came. They were not happy tears. They were tears that felt sadness for the people who have embraced the energy of fear, lack, and separation so much that the RAGE emerged into violence. I’ve heard stories of multiple shootings over the past week. So many people taking their stuff out on innocent bystanders. So many people making others to blame for the stories of fear, lack, and separation playing in their heads. Men who feel it’s weak to cry, instead kill. I’m not saying all men, I’m talking about the men who committed these acts of violence. Rage only comes when we don’t address the feelings underneath, which all come back to fear, lack, and separation. My rage is my indicator that I have some work to do, because the rage is the build-up of violent internal thoughts and beliefs (perspectives) that explode out on someone else when it goes unexamined.
I’m grateful for my tears because they are the reminder to me to look at the feelings that are coming up within me, whether it is to appreciate a moment of joy or feel through a moment of pain. If I chose not to acknowledge my sadness for the perpetrators and the innocent people they hurt and/or killed, I could have easily let myself go to the rage, which would have shifted my energy into fear, lack, and separation. Instead, I felt and acknowledged my sadness, and embraced it with the energy of love, abundance, and peace, which allowed me to feel in away that didn’t cause harm to myself or others. I have my tears to thank for that. They are the cleansers of my soul. Before I knew better, I thought they would drown me. Now, I see that they help me push through the barriers that keep me locked up, and they help to set me free.
Today, I commit to celebrating my tears.I don’t care if my tears come from feelings that align me with fear, lack, and separation or love, abundance, and peace. I will appreciate each tear that falls from my eyes. I cry many times when I’m writing these daily posts. I wonder sometimes if other empaths can feel that. Anyone around me would tell you that I can cry at a beer commercial. If a commercial has any level of sentimental value, I will proudly shed my tears. I can see a billboard and feel the message to the point of tears. I will not shove my feelings down. I will not pretend that I’m not touched when I am. I will not be afraid to show my soul. I do not feel TOO much. I’m not TOO sensitive. I know how to express my feelings in healthy ways. Some people get uncomfortable with that, but that is their journey to figure out. I love the way I feel and process my feelings. I love the way my tears show me when I need to get harmful energy out of my body. I love that I have less health problems because I know how to let myself feel in healthy ways. I accept my tears with open arms.
If I’m having a day where the tears keep coming over grief, loss, or hurt, and I wake-up with an emotional hangover from losing so much fluid, I know that I’m on my way to a emotional and spiritual growth spurt. I once believed it was hitting a bottom, but I really just needed the tears to help me break through. It was when I stop crying that I halted my growth. As I heal my past, my tears change. I don’t have the same extreme cry sessions from the built up pressure from my unhealed past. It’s funny, I’ve even learned to understand my different cries. I know the one that taps into unhealed trauma, past feelings of neglect, past feelings of abandonment, and when grief resurfaces. I know when I’m feeling an abundance of love, AWE, joy, sentiment, empathy, and compassion. When I feel an extreme connection with people in a moment and my tears fill my eyes, my eyes turn bright blue before the first tear comes out. I actually never noticed that one until I started attending Zoom meetings LOL. Today, I’m celebrating my tears.
With Love, Abundance, and Peace,
©Rachael Wolff 2021
Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (click title for purchasing options)
UPCOMING ZOOM EVENT
Join us for this AMAZING Heart Wisdom Panel where we will be diving into connecting to self. Click on the titles to read more about each book.