I’m not going through an easy time in my life right now, and some days are more challenging than others. There are days my insides feel like they are going to explode. This is why I’m doing this series. Just because I write personal growth, doesn’t mean I’m not still growing too. I never want someone to put me on a pedestal where they think I’m not going to have bad days or even weeks sometimes, I do.
I know it’s all a part of my growth, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get caught up in the chaos sometimes. I’m a mom of two teens, come on! I personally don’t know and haven’t known any human who hasn’t struggled through this stage. It’s like having a mirror up to yourself, and having to face all the things you don’t accept about yourself. Well, at least it is for me, because I’m open and willing to go within EVERY time I react to them.
Sometimes things get so jumbled up in there that I don’t know which way is up. That’s when I know I just have to write it out. I know I’ve mentioned this before in other contexts, but that is what an essential tool this is for me.
When I was a kid, my best friend/neighbor moved away when I was around 8 years old. There was no e-mail, no texting, no free long distance calls, so we wrote back and worth. It was those letters that I felt like I could let it all out. I could be myself. I could talk about anything. If it weren’t for those letters, I probably would have never written Letters from a Better Me. Even after all these years, I still will sometimes write letters like I’m writing them to her. We are still best friends, but I don’t send her these letters. These are a safe place for me to process everything that is going on. Writing out the chaos in my head helps me to get a clearer view.
I can’t see anything clearly when it’s just rattling around up there feeding on each story I keep playing. A lyric from EnVogue just popped into my head, “Free your mind, and the rest will follow.” YES!!!! I use it to free my mind so that I can get moving again. One of the techniques I love doing to get it all out is free-writing.
I use an app on my phone called “Insight Timer.” I set it for a 15 to 20 minute meditation to ambient noise that feels right for wherever I am in the moment, and I just write and write without editing. Sometimes Divine wisdom comes through which is AMAZING too. Here’s the thing, I don’t think about what I’m going to write, I just start writing whatever thought comes into my head even if it’s, “I have no idea what I’m going to write about.”
When I say Divine wisdom comes through, all I can tell you is that you know it when it comes through. It comes from this peaceful calm place that doesn’t feel like the you that is wrapped up in all the chaos. When I’m handwriting for this process, even the way I write changes. It’s what the observer would say if they weren’t lost in the chaos. People may call it different things, I just prefer Divine wisdom.
When I’m feeling really lost and confused, I go here. I’ve even taken my headphones and journal into the bathroom and locked the door in order to avoid interruption. Cars are a great place for this too. I just know when I really need this tool, I do it NOW. It’s not one I procrastinate.
With Love and Gratitude,