Breaking Toxic Patterns: Why Do I Keep Doing this to Myself?

Why Won’t These Seeds Thrive?

Trying and Failing to Make My Internal Garden Thrive

I lived in the darkness for a long time pretending to love, but I wasn’t capable. I read book after book, went to multiple therapists, and would even go to seminars trying to find the help I needed. I kept searching for an outside source to fix an inside problem. I could live motivated for short stretches, but deep down I was living the fake it until you make itapproach, but the make it just wouldn’t come. I thought I had it, then bang! I would sabotage my happiness once again. I thought I was ready to plant all the amazing seeds I would get, but my ground wasn’t fertile enough for the seeds to thrive. I would try, but I didn’t know how to feed, nurture, and sustain them. They may have looked pretty on top of the ground for a little while, but the roots were weak, so they just couldn’t survive on my toxic foundation. Something lurking underneath was killing every flower and tree I was trying to plant. I needed to figure out why.

Just like the internal garden I was trying to create, my outer self could look great on the surface for short periods of time, but because my roots weren’t strong, I would eventually begin to crumble. I would move before others could see my decent into madness. In my new location, I once again would plant the seeds I had picked up along the way. Then would sabotage myself again. 

Toxic relationships were my drugs of choice for a long time. They were the way I could keep myself right where I was comfortable. I didn’t know it at the time, but the chaos was my comfort zone.  I knew that if I could see why I kept repeating this pattern, I would find the source of this toxic muck corroding my foundation.

If you are noticing the definition of insanity in my words, you are getting the message. I kept trying to do the same thing, and I expected different results because I was in a new location. Some refer to this as a geographical cure—An outside fix trying to repair an inside problem. 

How Do I Plant these Damn Seeds to Make them Thrive?

Digging Into My Own Toxic Muck to Fix the Problem at the Source

I was in my thirties before I started to change my patterns to create a new reality. It took me becoming a shell of a person before I would be ready to fully surrender to get better. I couldn’t just plant the seeds, I had to fix, repair, and nurture the ground. I needed to come face to face with the woman in the mirror looking back at me and dig down to see where the source was for this toxic muck. The digging took years; not days, weeks, or months. This didn’t mean there wasn’t progress. My life was definitely changing for the better the more I was willing to REALLY face myself and clean up my own mess. The more I did this, doors would open and others would close. I was on the path to making a garden that would thrive.

My path led me to a college that couldn’t have been a better fit. I learned so much about myself in the 4-½ years it took me to get my degree. The experiences I had with the classes, professors, and other students would help me to have the energy to keep doing the work to fix my foundation. I received more and more seeds I wanted to plant. 

It took a lot of lessons for me to find out the answer was to dig further down into this toxic foundation. I had to find out why I kept attracting men and getting into relationships with individuals who were unhealthy. I needed to look at why I wanted to rescue them. I had to dig deep to get to the bottom of this toxic root. It was the weed that kept strangling all the beauty I would try to grow in my garden.

What Will I Find at the Source of These Toxic Patterns?

Through the Layers of Digging

  1. I saw that I wanted to feel needed.
  2. I learned everything I could about co-dependency.
  3. Digging deeper, I saw that I wanted to feel needed because I lacked self-worth and had a horrible self-concept.
  4. I began to look into the mirror and figure out what I didn’t like about myself.
  5. Going down even deeper, I found that I felt unlovable.
  6. I had to face why I felt unlovable, and that was digging down to the core of my toxic foundation. I found the source, which came from the shame that was buried and hidden under all the layers of guilt, anger, rage, resentment, fear, hate, chaos, confusion, and separation. 
  7. I started doing the work to have a loving relationship with myself.

What Did I Discover?

I’m Happy I Decided to Get Dirty and Do the Work

Digging down to the core took years, but as I faced layer after layer, life would improve and seeds would start growing into flowers. As my energy became aligned with the garden I wanted to create, I understood what I needed to feed and nurture the seeds to make them thrive—LOVE!

This wasn’t about receiving love from the outside world. This was about understanding that I had to feed the seeds my love, and I only could do that by loving myself. Anytime I spoke to myself in a disrespectful way, I was pouring poison onto my land. When I chose to focus my energy on forgiving and loving myself, my land became fertile ground. My garden began to thrive and I started attracting more sources to nurture and feed my garden. I was finally capable to fully love others authentically, because I could love myself. I stopped laying down for people to walk on me. I stopped accepting unacceptable behavior, because I love myself enough to know my value. I live abundantly in my internal world, and I do the work daily to stay there.

Who Is Attracted to My Life Now?

Appreciating the Individuals Who Cross my Path

The people who are attracted to the garden I’ve created aren’t looking to steal from it, they are asking for seeds, which I lovingly give out. People also come into my life offering new seeds. Some I accept lovingly, others I may realize are strangling vines, so I say no thank you and move on. No one can plant a seed in my garden without my permission. If I mistake a strangling vine for a flower, it’s my job to dig the seed up from the root to find out why it found a place to grow in my garden. If we waste energy blaming, we will avoid finding the solution, because blame is just an excuse to stop digging.

Are You Looking for a Seed?

Just like me, others have to go on their own journeys of learning what it will take to let their gardens thrive the way they want them to. If you are reading this looking for a seed; the best advice I can give is to be open to go deep and pay attention to the signs along the way.  Keep praying for help in seeing signs and learning the lessons to uncover the answers. You are worth it! Be prepared to get dirty. We all have what it takes to create beautiful gardens; we just have to be willing to do the work.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If this journey resonates with you, I hope you will explore FromALovingPlace.com and check out my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. When we become our best selves, we change the world around us for the better. 

The Power of Three: Mindset, Intention, and Gratitude

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece called, Weight Loss: A Journey of Losing, Gaining, and Maintaining. Though this power of three helped me with the weight loss process, weight loss came naturally once I started taking better care of my mindset, aligning myself with the changes I wanted to see in my life, and living gratitude daily. 

If you can see this power of three as having the energetic force to help you in any aspect of your life, you will get to feel the true AWE of this process. So much in our lives begins to change when we are willing to see that we are the problem, and we are the solution. 

Mindset (Awareness)

Understanding how we think, and why we think the way we do is critical in the process of change. If we aren’t aware of how our thoughts, perspectives of truth, and firm beliefs are working for or against us, we won’t see how our actions and reactions are helping or hindering us. Let’s take weight: If we are in a constant struggle to lose weight, and we are using the weight that we are to beat ourselves up, we are actually attracting negative results. We look for quick fixes, which aren’t healthy for us and hurt us down the line. Oh and as soon as we stop, the weight comes right back. We do things that may take away from living a healthy lifestyle. Our mindset matters! The pounds do not equal our worth. An unhappy person at 250 lbs. will be and unhappy person at 120 lbs. if they are putting their value in their worth. It will just look different in how the unhappiness projects itself. 

If you try to force healthy changes before you commit to improving your mindset, don’t be surprised when you start doing things to sabotage your progress. This can happen in our relationships, educations, careers, spiritual paths, and lifestyles. If your mindset isn’t aligned with the results you really want to see, a war is waged inside of us. When we don’t like what we see in any area of our lives, instead of blaming or focusing outward on what we don’t have—Check within! 

  • What messages is your mind telling you?
  • Are these messages even true?
  • Is there a different way you can look at things?
  • How can you find opportunities instead of roadblocks? 
  • What beliefs are working against you getting what you really want?

Become aware of where your mind goes. If you are feeling a struggle within, there is a lesson there. What is it? BE OPEN! A closed mind won’t get you anywhere! For a deeper exploration, check out the 90-Day A Better Me Series. The topic matter will help you get to the bottom of what is holding you back. 

Intention (Stillness)

Many people have heard about what happens to people after winning the lottery. Most of them end up in a worse situation than before they won. Part of the reason this happens is because they put the value of happiness outside of themselves. If I had money… I could be happy. NOOOOO!!! We have to see the worth and power of our minds first. Our value is with us in this very moment whether we are rich or poor, overweight or underweight, in a relationship or out of a relationship, successful in a career or finding our way. None of these things have the power to make us feel happy, valuable, lovable, or worthy. The only way to make lasting positive change in our lives without sabotaging it is to feel that way first. This is why getting in touch with our true intentions is so important. 

 What are the actual results you are looking for? Go deep; the intention behind losing weight isn’t just that the pounds come off. Think about how it will feel to not have the extra weight on. What does that mean for your health? What kind of energy do you think will come from that? How will losing the weight affect your lifestyle choices? This isn’t about putting the value in being skinny. This isn’t about feeling more lovable, wanted, or important. If you are trying to lose weight for those reasons, you are not ready to move on. Go back to working on your mindset. 

Intentions for Healthy Living

My intention is to live a healthy lifestyle:

  • Increase my energy
  • Eat foods that are good for my body
  • Gain strength and endurance
  • Sleep enough for maximum results
  • Choose behaviors that support my well-being
  • Drink plenty of water to nourish my organs

The focus isn’t on losing the weight, it’s on the goal of living a healthy lifestyle. Our worth isn’t tied to what happens if we don’t lose X amount of pounds in a month. Every little thing we do that contributes to us living a healthier lifestyle can be celebrated. Our value is already there. We are just choosing a better way of doing things because we value ourselves. 

Intentions for Career

My intention is to feel passionate in my career:

  • I love helping individuals grow and flourish.
  • I’m inspired about learning the best time management techniques for working smart. 
  • I’m passionate about being organized.
  • I love being able to show my compassion for others as I communicate with others. 
  • I’m enthusiastic about being able to serve others to the best of my ability.
  • I’m positively ardent about being able to support myself financially.

It doesn’t matter what career path you choose, the question is—Can you connect to your passion of the things you love through it? This can be written for doctors, wait staff, retail managers, sales associates, executives, waste management employees, etc. This focuses on what we want instead of what we don’t want. Minimizing what we do by missing our opportunities to shine will defeat and drain us. Is that really what you want?

Intentions for Relationships

My intention is to have a loving, loyal, passionate, and communicative relationship with my partner:

  • We both understand what love is and support bringing out the best in each other (Make sure to be clear on what love is before you try attracting it to your life. There are brutal consequences if your definition is out of whack. Click here to read more).
  • I’m loyal to taking the best care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually so that I can be the best version of myself for my partner. When I am loyal to myself, I attract loyalty in my partner. (Don’t expect someone else to do what you’re not doing for yourself).
  • I’m passionate about my partner, and we enjoy our emotional and physical intimacy through our honesty and connection. 
  • We are willing to listen and hear each other out. There is no ONE right way, just different ways. The more we listen to each other the better our relationship is. 

I write a lot about intentions in relationships through an intense process that you can read about in the 90-Day A Better Me Series and also in my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. 

Be clear on your intentions, because when they are not clear or have a negative energy attachment, you WILL sabotage yourself.  It’s not a matter of if, just when. 

Gratitude (Action)

I’m amazed at what the power of gratitude has the ability to create, change, and amplify. The last ninety plus days I’ve been writing out a page of daily intentions and a page of gratitude. My life is reflecting the energy I’m putting into it. I feel abundant in my life, and that is because I focus on daily gratitude. I find new opportunities to enjoy my life daily. Money shows up when and how I need it to. I am blessed with supportive family and friends. I find and make time for self-care. I make time to connect with my spirituality. I’m led to people and events that bring out the best in me. I’m abundant. Some people may look at my life and pick on all the things I don’t have, but that’s not my problem. That is their mindset that is creating that feeling of lack. Gratitude is a mindset of living as if we have everything we need in this minute and being thankful for that. 

Living in lack will keep us feeling like what we have is never enough. Then we take that out on others treating them with feelings of lack, so it comes off as they are not good enough and/or doing enough. The feeling of lack makes us resentful and the person we are the worst to when we live in lack is ourselves. When we live in lack, we sabotage any work we do on ourselves, our relationships, our careers, and our spiritual connections. We are filled with expectations. We focus on other’s letting us down. 

The great news is that shifting from lack to abundance is just a shift in perception away. It takes work, especially because we are surrounded by people who want us to want what we don’t have. That is how they sell fear, and we’ve shown them that selling fear makes us buy things. So if we are surrounded by things and people encouraging us to see lack, we have to make time EVERY day to focus on gratitude/ abundance. This is not a let’s spot gratitude for a few weeks and we will be good kind of thing. Practicing, living, and embracing gratitude is a daily activity and when you decide to stop, the lack will start creeping back in. 

Be grateful for the choices you made today that supported your intentions. Be grateful for the people who showed up to teach you something. Be grateful for the videos you watched that helped to inspire you. Be grateful for the unlimited resources you have to learn more about healthy living, self-care, and education. Be grateful that this piece somehow ended up in front of you to read. You get the point. For anything you feel resentful towards, find three things you are grateful for him/her/it in your life. What is the experience teaching you? The lessons are something to be grateful for. 

The Power of Three

When we combine a positive mindset, intention, and gratitude together, we win. Life becomes less of a struggle and more of a gift. We have the power to change our lives for the better in every instant. We just have to make the choice to follow through or stay where we are. What are you going to do to make today even better after reading this? Do nothing, and don’t be surprised when things stay the same. Do something and the motion can initiate a chain reaction of events that can take you on a path that will enhance your life. The choice is in your hands!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day Series Updates

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to inform you that I’ve been through each day of the FREE  90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and now BOTH series are fully available on FromALovingPlace.com. I provided links on each day for easy navigation through every piece of the series. Now that the series is complete, it makes it easier to read like you would a book. Whether you are reading the series again, like some of you have told me you are, or you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me journey, I hope you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to write it and an even greater pleasure to talk with the followers of both series.

Now, I need to go and focus on the editing my book coming out at the end of 2019. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to subscribe to e-mails. Thank you for all the readers, followers, and commenters. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Here at the direct links to both series:

90-Day A Better Me Series

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

 

Happy reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 90 – Committing to Lead by Example

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 90: Committing to Lead by Example

Dear Universe,

Today, I commit to doing my best. I commit to being the change. I commit to leading by example. I commit to doing the work daily to shine my light. I commit to the life of a better me.

I choose perspectives of truth that open me to experiencing love. I choose to perceive my reality through gratitude/abundance. I choose self-care to ensure that I’m giving my best to myself and others. I choose presence to pull me out of my story and give me a path to peace.

I trust the Divine Energy that lives inside of me to lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I trust that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be with every breath that I take. In each moment the Divine gives me opportunity to see someone’s light and/or shine my own. In each moment the Divine gives me opportunity to shine my light or embrace the darkness inside of me in order to learn and grow. I get to choose. I choose to take responsibility for my darkness and turn on my light switch to expose any toxic build-up so that I can clean it up and keep my light on.

My soul’s purpose is to live life from a loving place. My strength comes from the love within me. My perseverance and courage come from being face to face with my own darkness. My empowerment comes from taking responsibility for what energy I CHOOSE to project to the word. My wisdom comes from my openness to learn and grow.  My beauty comes from shining my light.  I will lead by example. I will be the change that the world deserves.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the experience of writing the 90-Day A Better Me & A Better Me Letters Series.
  2. I’m grateful for the transformations and abundance that has come from staying committed to gratitude, love, light, and abundance.
  3. I’m grateful for all the people who encouraged me on this journey.
  4. I’m grateful to my amazing kids who allowed me to have space and quiet to write for these 90 days.
  5. I’m grateful to my AMAZING agent for believing in my LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME vision and giving me the opportunity to share my vision with the world by selling my book.
  6. I’m so grateful to Mango Publishing for seeing beyond the social media presence and allowing my vision to come alive.
  7. I’m grateful and honored to have the opportunity to lead by example.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read Today’s Companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 90 – Leading by Example

This completes the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series. I hope you have enjoyed the journey. Subscribe to follow FromALovingPlace.com for inspiration, book updates, new adventures, promotions on the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, and so much more. Whatever you CHOOSE to do—I hope you keep choosing to live from a loving place.

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 90 – Leading by Example

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 90: Leading by Example

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

-John Maxwell

When I started this 90-Day A Better Me Series, one of my goals was not just to write about how to clean up our own foundation, re-build, then share our tools with others. It was to do the steps along with my readers. That is why I wrote the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series to go with it. Before the 90-Day A Better Me Series, I had done a test-run of my 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, which I also did along with participants. I don’t just talk about these concepts, like I’ve said before these concepts of self-care aren’t new. What you are seeing in these pages is how I applied them to my life, how I combined them, and how I saw the connections between them. I made what sometimes people us to separate and disconnect each other into connections within me through loving feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. I don’t believe in do as I say, not as I do thinking.

I don’t expect people to do more than I’m willing to do myself. I don’t expect people to do anything they are not ready to do, or don’t want to do. I know when someone is ready because they don’t talk about wanting to change, they step up and do the work. We have to want peace to the point where we are willing to step out of our own chaos. For some of us, we’ve been marinating in chaos from before we even could understand it. Chaos becomes comfortable. I get it, internal chaos was a comfort zone for me for a long time, I still attach to a little chaos here and there. I just keep taking steps and it becomes less and less. I had to live this in order to show the way for others.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.”

Lewis Cass

Being the change means we lead by example. I told you early on that if you stuck with me through the entire series and did the work things would start transforming in your life. I wrote, read, and did the work of the series for these last 90 days, and I have to report that once again, AMAZING shifts within me and in my external world keep happening. On Day 88, I signed a contract for my first book deal, Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Woman. On Day 89, my passenger side window of my car broke; I kept a positive attitude about it. When I called to make an appointment to get it fixed, the woman on the phone told me anytime I need anything, please contact her directly because she considered me a pleasure to work with and she loved the energy that I put off. Those are just a couple examples of the kind of things that have been happening.

The energy we put out will come back to us, so if we truly want to stand up as a leaders, we have to be the example. If we expect others to do what we aren’t willing to do ourselves, we often will be led to live in lack. We won’t appreciate what others are doing, because we can’t see how challenging it can be to do what we are asking them to do. When we see people working through challenges, we are more likely to appreciate their efforts if we have been there ourselves. Leading by example keeps us in the energy of gratitude/abundance.

We ALL have the opportunity to learn from the mistakes, trips, slaps in the faces, trauma, drama, chaos, confusion, and losses we experience. How we get up is how we choose to lead others. Do we lead through the path of love or the path of fear? What we choose to do says it all. If we ourselves make a mistake, then we go attacking others by shaming, blaming, and judging to get the heat off ourselves, we are teaching others to do the same. If we make a mistake, take responsibility, and take actions to learn from and find solutions encouraging others to help get creative— The mistake can be avoided next time. We bring light into the darkness and let our mistakes teach us how to become better.

“What you do has far greater impact than what you say.”

-Stephen Covey

How people choose to live, choose to lead, choose to feel, choose to think, choose to believe, and choose to act will be different. The questions we want to be asking ourselves:

  • Are we making life choices from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to lead from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing our feelings based on beliefs of love OR fear?
  • Are our perspectives of truth from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to perceive events, conversations, self-reflection from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we judging others from a place of love OR fear?

The energy we project will come from the love or the fear within us. What we manifest comes from the love or the fear we project. What we attract back to us comes from the love or the fear we manifested in the world. BE CLEAR on what you are putting out there for others to spread and expand upon. Lead by example!

5 Steps to Leading by Example

  1. Be AWARE of the ENERGY you are projecting (Days 2-30)! We all have light (love) and darkness (fear) within us. Be aware of which one you are letting be the dominant energy you are choosing to live by.
  2. Accept responsibility for your choices (Day31-60)! Others cannot make us feel, think, or do anything. You make choices in how you want to perceive what happens and how you interpret people, places, and things. Don’t give your power away by blaming, shaming, judging, and hating. Doing those things puts your energy in your darkness.
  3. Be solution minded (Day 61-90)! Staying in the energy of blame keeps us stuck (lack) in the darkness and blocks our minds from finding creative solutions (abundance). If you are open and willing to learn from the mistakes and missteps, you can make changes and improvements that turn out better than the solutions that come from the energy of fear and lack. Those solutions tend to cause more problems in the future, because lack breeds lack.
  4. Be the change (Day 89)! Represent the energy and the change that you want to see. Do whatever work necessary to keep you projecting light into the world.
  5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR ENERGY!!! SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE! Make sure you have an active self-care regimen (Day 73). Do the work to keep yourself in the energy you want to be creating your reality from. This is your life, LEAD IT!

When we are truly ready to take responsibility for our lives, we empower ourselves to BE THE CHANGE—No stories, no blaming, no shaming, and NO EXCUSES! We become the light and can lead ourselves through the darkness. If others choose to see our light, it will help them to see what was hidden in their own darkness. We then can give them tools to help keep their light on—Leading by example.

Thank you for joining me on this 90-Day adventure. I’ve loved all the interactions, comments, and places this journey has led me to. I’m so incredibly grateful for the time you’ve taken to read the words I’ve felt led to write. Three months, around 400 hundred pages, and whole lot of love has filled me with abundance and gratitude for this amazing life I’m choosing to live. Now, I’m in the best place possible to work on the trimming and editing of the Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Women.

Subscribe to follow FromALovingPlace.com for inspiration, updates, new adventures, promotions on the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, and so much more. Whatever you CHOOSE to do—I hope you keep choosing to live from a loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read today’s Letter from A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 90 – Committing to Lead by Example

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 89 -Being the Change

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 89: Being the Change

Dear Self,

Life is full of twists, turns, hills, and valleys. There are amazing panoramic views surrounding me if I have the right lens to look through life with. I choose the lens of love or fear with each feeling, thought, perspective of truth, and/or step (action) I take. I can step towards the energy of fear and engage in battle with all my opponents. Or I can step towards love and let my light within lead me to bring light into situations where there already is enough dark. In order for me to be the change that I think the world deserves, I have to stay in my light as often as I can.

This doesn’t mean I have to put up with or accept unacceptable behavior. This doesn’t mean I have to give my energy to people who want to release their toxic energy on me. This doesn’t even mean I have to expose myself to energy that I don’t feel comfortable around. If I need space and distance from specific people to protect my energy, I will do that. Most times, I will choose to pray for them. I find that prayer keeps me in my light. When I choose fear, I gossip creating more darkness. If I need to protect myself with healthy boundaries when interacting with people, I will do that. If I need to go a step further and get the law involved when needed, I will do that. I will do what feels right for me at the time and do the best I can to maintain and protect my energy to the best of my ability. Taking care of my own energy comes first. Otherwise, I can’t be the change I want if my energy isn’t aligned with the change I want to see. I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME so that I can be the best version of me. If I do that, I trust where I’m being led and who I’m being led to help and/or serve.

If I’m not taking proper care of me, no matter how much good I trying to do in the world, I will attract back chaos and drama to my life in some way or another. The Universe has to give me back the energy I’m putting out. This goes well beyond thoughts. This is all the darkness buried inside of me that I haven’t been willing to expose to light too. The deeper I’m willing to go, the better change I can be. I will choose to live my life in the abundance of gratitude, practicing presence, checking in with my thinking, re-channeling my energy (when needed), connecting to center (which for me is nature), connecting my light to Divine light, and being the change.

No one can force me to be anything I’m not. I make choices and I’m taking responsibility for my decisions to contribute to the love or the fear in the world. I want my energy to go into who I am (love), what I’m projecting, and what I want reflected back to me. I know what I have to do and keep doing. I’m committed to being A BETTER ME, so that I can BE THE CHANGE the world deserves.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the opportunities I get to consciously choose to spread love or fear. Especially when I’m in full awareness of choosing love (IT IS SO POWERFUL).
  2. I’m grateful for wisdom to know where my responsibility to BE THE CHANGE is and how to do it.
  3. I’m grateful for this incredible moment and all the positive energy running through me.
  4. I’m grateful for my connection to nature to assist me in re-centering my energy.
  5. I’m grateful for the energy I feel when I know I’m being the change instead of fighting against.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 89 – Being the Change the World Deserves

IMG_7245-002

Only one more day of the series to go! If you missed any part and/or day of the A BETTER ME LETTERS SERIES OR A BETTER ME SERIES, you are welcome to go back and explore by just going  to the Home page or going to Categories. Happy reading!

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 89 – Being the Change the World Deserves

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 89: Being the Change the World Deserves

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

-Ram Dass

We make a choice EVERY day how to live this life. Each decision in how we feel, think, and act creates projections of energy that go out into the vast Universe. We are contributors to love and/or fear with our choices. Are you ALWAYS going to choose love? No. Sometimes we will choose fear consciously and other times we will choose it unconsciously. Fear is all around us in our entertainment, media, social lives, families, work environments, etc. We will sometimes have to work to choose love in fear-invoking situations. We will sometimes have our bear claws out and act defensively when we feel we are under attack. We are human and we are learning. Don’t beat yourself up! We just need to do our best and use the tools we’ve gained to get us back to a loving place.

What we did thirty-minutes ago, a day ago, a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago, etc. is the past. It’s done. Take responsibility for whatever lessons there were to learn from the feelings, thoughts, and actions that produced darkness and/or toxic energy. Choose to shift from the darkness, fear, shadow, and/or toxicity into the light, love, peace, and/or joy of the moment you are in right now. Right in this exact moment, the moment you are reading these words: you are safe, breathing, living, and getting the choice to be in the energy of love or fear. When we choose love more than we choose fear in our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, responses, and reactions, we are being the change that this amazing world deserves.

We sometimes choose to make this a lot more complicated than it is, because we are human. We can easily make the simple complicated. I’m no exception. Our stories are how we complicate, confuse, trigger, and stir ourselves up into a whirlwind of chaos. Here are some steps to help calm the whirlwind and help you find the peace to project and be the change.

7 Ways to Be the Change

  1. Get Present! Here it is again, if you want a way out of your story, you need to get present. If you need a reminder of the ways to do this, you can go back through the series or there are millions of other avenues found on-line. What is important is you find methods that you connect with so that you remember to do and use them on a daily basis. Remember, it’s just like healthy eating and building muscles. You have to keep doing the daily work to get the results you want to achieve.
  2. Check-In with your perspectives of truth. Is what you are choosing to believe in causing you chaos, stress, fear, pain, and suffering? Are you projecting fear in your beliefs about yourself and others? Are your beliefs telling you that someone else HAS to change to make it possible for you to BE THE CHANGE?
  3. Choose differently! If your feelings, thoughts, and perspectives of truth aren’t projecting the energy you want to contribute to the world, think of ways to look at the situation that will deliver a different energy. If you are struggling with this go back to Day 42-46.
  4. Be still! Slow down enough to get out of your story, be mindful, and shift your energy. Take a bathroom break if you need to, just give yourself time and space to slow down to a halt so that you can shift your energy. Use mindfulness, meditation, and breathing tools to re-center and find your way back to light-filled energy (Days 61-67).
  5. Connect with the beauty in nature. Whether you go out into it, look at pictures, watch video, or pay attention to it in movies—CONNECT!! See why the world deserves our love. Pay attention to the difference when we love and care for it and/or neglect and ignore it. Nature has so much to teach us about how we choose to live. Remember the garden example I gave? If not, go back and really become conscious of the garden you are creating.
  6. ACT! Once you are quiet enough, and your energy is projecting from a place of love, you will hear your call to act. You’ve heard the call to act from fear before, but the calling from a loving place is about being the change, having your energy in the right place, and acting out of the love within in you to create more love, connection, and compassion in the world. Isn’t THAT what the world deserves?
  7. REPEAT! This isn’t a one-time fix. Think about all the chaotic thoughts that spin the hamster wheel in your head. You are creating a garden and slowing down the hamster wheel to the point where you don’t need it. This takes a lot of time and practice. With every beautiful seed we plant in our garden, we get one to spread to the world.

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We can’t make great changes until we are the change. That is why I love Byron Katie’s quote about Buddha so much. That’s why you will see it all over my work again and again. If we try to act, without checking-in with our own energy and changing ourselves first, we too often unconsciously project more darkness and toxic energy into the world. We get caught in the cycle of using our rage to try to FORCE the world to change. We may solve one problem just to create another. Rage and force will create division and separation time and time again, because our energy is focused on what we are against. We have to be responsible for our energy first. This is how we can consciously become the change that the world deserves.

 

Choose wisely!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter From A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 89 -Being the Change

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 88: Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

Dear Self,

Ever since I began living my life in gratitude, I’ve embraced what manifests in my life. I know I talk to myself a lot more than I ever did as I work through thoughts in my head, but that’s just apart of what makes life fun. The one thing is if I’m not present, I start manifesting lessons, and my only way through them is to face any feelings, thoughts, and/or perspectives of truth that comeup. If I don’t, I start not to like what is manifesting. The lessons get more challenging and they hit me hard. Eventually, I learn what I need to learn, but sometimes it takes me kicking and screaming.

I’m so grateful to say that those times happen less and less and for shorter periods of time. I can spot the shifts in energy before I let myself spin into story. That’s the blessing of the energy of gratitude. It allows me a fast way to help me transmute energy from lack to abundance fairly quickly. Once I do that, get back to presence, I enjoy manifesting once again. I don’t attach to what I’m manifesting like I used to. I pay close attention to what I’m projecting. If I’m conscious about what I’m projecting, what I’m manifesting falls into place.

Praying is one of my biggest tools in my toolbox. Learning how to pray for help in a way that wasn’t putting my will above God’s will was a BIG AHA moment. I used to get so attached to my way that I would try to take over the job of the Creator of Divine energy. I laugh now at how far I’ve come. Prayer helps to center me and reminds me to focus my energy on loving vibes. If I need help staying in loving energy, I’m not afraid to ask.

I’m amazed how much my life has changed from all these little steps I’ve taken to get out of my own way, because that’s all it ever is. Nobody can make or break me, except for me. I’m the writer of this story, and I choose to be a heroine. What I project manifests into an amazing life filled with so many great adventures. I have to keep doing the work to keep up with my self-care, so that my head is in the right place. When my head is in the right place, I fully trust who and what manifests in my life.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the energy to manifest great adventures.
  2. I’m grateful to be conscious enough to appreciate the lessons I manifest from my darkness when I need to heal.
  3. I’m so incredibly grateful for the energy of gratitude.
  4. I’m grateful for the power of presence and the authentic joy that comes with it.
  5. I’m grateful for my connection to Divine Energy that gives me so much faith and hope to appreciate my journey on this planet.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 88: Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

“You do not manifest what you want. You manifest what you believe.”

-Sonia Ricotti

When we do the work that I’ve been talking about for the last three months, we start seeing our power to create our realities through our choices in perspective. How we treat ourselves holds the key to how we are choosing to manifest. We can’t pretend our deepest fear-filled beliefs away. We can choose to heal them or suppress them. If we heal them, we manifest amazing people, events, and circumstances. If we suppress them, we manifest hard-hitting lesson after lesson until we are open and willing to look our darkness in the eye and take away it’s power.

When we see our power to create we open our minds to possibilities. We open our perception to see a world outside of the view of fear. In this world miracles unfold on a regular basis. What we manifest into our lives are the lessons we need to learn to be the best versions of ourselves, and the abundance that comes from living gratitude from a loving place. Each moment opens us up to be a better version of the person we were one step ago.

“Write your own story and trust the Universe to deliver.”

-Esther Hicks

5 Little Reminders to Help You Trust What and Who You Manifest in Your Life

  1. STAY PRESENT! This is at the beginning at many lists because it is the best thing you can do in order to not attach yourself to a story that tells you to feed your fear. Staying present helps you stay clear and conscious. You need presence to manifest consciously.
  2. Choose your thoughts consciously. Question thoughts and feelings that are stemming from fear. How are they serving you and what you want? What can you learn from feeling and thinking this way? Trust if something manifests in your life it’s to help you learn.
  3. If you believe in a Higher Power, PRAY! Connect spiritually and ask to be blessed or blocked. Trust what comes. If you weren’t blocked, trust you are getting exactly what you are supposed to get to help you be your best you.
  4. Stay in Gratitude! If you are living gratitude, you are choosing abundance. You are operating from a full vessel. You are given because of what you are projecting, manifesting, and attracting back to you.
  5. Shine as bright as you possibly can! Live life from a loving place as often as you can. Live your best life! This doesn’t mean your life will be perfect, it just means you aren’t wasting it by living unconsciously contributing to the toxic muck. Keep doing the work and remember whatever is inside you project out. Whatever you project, you manifest. Whatever you manifest, you attract back to your life.

Once we decide to commit to living life from a loving place, we shine our brightest lights. Trust feels natural instead of forced. We don’t think, I should trust God and Divine timing. We can say without a doubt, I trust the Creator of the Universe and Divine timing to provide me with what I need in each moment. If that is how you connect to the energy of the Universe. Don’t pretend to connect if you don’t, because that doesn’t work. Find an energy that you completely connect to.

When things don’t go how we planned, we can laugh and realize how attached we had become to OUR own way. We can see the stress that the attachment created and release it. Once we clear our heads, we get back to projecting the energy we actually WANT to project, which manifests into incredible experiences and adventures. The tools are all within this 90-Day A Better Me Series. There are no new ideas here, just different ways to say them. The things I’ve talked about have been passed through ancient texts, philosophy, psychology, anthropology, religion, physics, laws of energy, new age, etc. People find different ways to relate to the material.  As we dig deeper, we connect deeper. Trust the journey!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter From A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 87 – Being Active About What I Stand For

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 87: Being Active About What I Stand For

Dear Self,

Sometimes I can get up in the negative energy of what is going on around me, whether it is raising teenagers, on social media, or in society. I’m human. What’s important for me is to be able to take a step back and get a clear look at what I’m representing. If I don’t like what my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, and reactions are saying and/or projecting, I have the ability to shift, grow, and change. There is so much power behind something so simply as taking personal responsibility.

Taking personal responsibility makes it possible for me to do my best in representing what I’m standing for. What I’d like to accomplish is to help myself and others to enjoy the journey inward, so that we are projecting out the energy that we WANT to see more of in the world. I want to contribute to a stronger and more beautiful energy in our physical world. I stand for love, connection, compassion, empathy, peace and overall goodness. I have to represent that in my inner and outer life. I need to check-in when I feel my own chaos. I have to take responsibility so that I can transmute it into an energy that I want to be projecting.

My mission is to empower others to be their best selves, whatever that look like to them. I want to celebrate people’s journeys in living life from a loving place.  I believe that standing to represent the sharing and spreading of love can change the political, social, spiritual, and financial environment that I live in. I want to contribute my energy to what I want to see more of in the world—Love and abundance united!

In order to represent love in the way I want to, I have to take care of me. I have to feel that love for myself running into everything that I do for others. I need to stay on top of my self-care and know that if I’m not, I’m not projecting my best energy out into the world. I’m responsible for the energy I’m putting out there and I need to be aligned with the energy I’m trying to project, or else I’m unconsciously projecting my darkness. It’s so important for me to love myself on this journey.

I’m continuously amazed at what happens when my energy is aligned. Pathways to share and spread love open up all around me. I may be inspired to write something that others can relate to. I see a quote that I feel strong about sharing. I may spend extra time talking to people who reach out to me. I come up with and create programs to support my personal mission and a way to actively participant in representing what I stand for. I may simply take responsibility for my darkness to show others that learning from our darkness is apart of our journey. I may have friends call me out of the blue who are looking to break unhealthy patterns in their lives. The people I’m meant to help show up. I trust that this journey is taking me exactly where I’m supposed to go. I need to keep taking steps in the direction of what I stand for and the expansive energy of the Universe does the rest.

What is important is that I stay true to what I stand for. I’m a big supporter of women’s empowerment, but not at the expense of disempowering others. I don’t believe that all men are pigs, or we have to take men down a notch. To me, the more I can encourage men and women to love themselves, the less likely they will be to attack or try to overpower each other. I believe that we only try to overpower each other when we still have our own darkness and/or toxic energy that needs attention. I want to help people heal that so that we can help lift each other up instead of take each other down. When I’m supporting women’s empowerment, I have to be conscious about the energy I’m attaching to while standing up for the cause. This example also helps me to remember this in my personal/ professional life as well. Apart of sharing and spreading love is to commit to trying to understand perspectives of truth that I don’t follow, because I can’t find love in what I don’t understand. My commitment to learning about others is crucial for being able to represent what I stand for in the best way possible.

I will continue to take responsibility for my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, and actions. I’m responsible for any and all light and/or darkness I choose to spread in the world. Knowing my responsibility empowers me to make better choices.

I commit to working on myself on a regular basis so that I can be the best possible version of me. I know that taking these steps make it possible to be active about what I stand for.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so incredibly grateful that I can actively represent what I stand for.
  2. I’m grateful for all the people who are drawn into my life.
  3. I’m grateful to the people who share my vision.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who show me how important my work is.
  5. I’m grateful for the relationship I have with myself, which allow me to change, grow, and expand on a regular basis.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 87 – Being Active About What We Stand For