For way too long I have agonized about the right thing to do based on the comforts of other people. I gave into the “Don’t rock the boat” mentality. I made choices based on other people’s ideas of what my life SHOULD look like and how I SHOULD respond and how I SHOULD hold back the truth, so that I don’t make someone else feel bad.
I’ve put myself in risky situations, put up with abuse, and stuck around places and people way too long to please others. I didn’t want to lose people in my life, so I quietly stewed and raged in my head destroying my inner being. I let situations and people consume my thoughts and bring out the worst in my inner nature. I’m aware now. I’ve realized in the last 40 plus years that life is too short.
I can’t keep living for the satisfaction of other people. I can’t worry about what other people think about me and/or my choices. I love my life, I’ve found happiness and love within all my relationships and most of all for myself. I know my purpose is to share my experiences to help others and to empower women and men to be the best versions of themselves. I have to stop worrying about other people’s opinion of me and share what is in my heart. Some people will never understand and that’s ok. As my mom always says, “It’s none of your business what people think about you.”
This doesn’t mean I will be intentionally hurtful. I will speak my truth when I’m clear what that is. People are going to think what they are going to think. Everyone’s reality is based on the thoughts, feelings and beliefs they have let lead their lives. I have changed many of my old patterns throughout my life and I’m in a much better place for it. I find that people come to me when they are ready for it, because quite honestly, I can be pretty intense about the importance of self-care. I take the perspective that everything happens for a reason, so let’s find the lesson so we can move past the uncomfortable stuff. I don’t support turning to addictions to solve problems and I do my best to limit pity parties for myself. I have the tools now to recognize the lesson, find solutions, and I work towards the best parts of me a lot faster now.
When I’m at my best, I’m in a much clearer place to be of service to others. My mind doesn’t become overcome with what to say, what I should have said, I can’t believe he or she did…(fill in the blank). The conversations that go on in my head when I’m not being true to me are INSANE!! I can leave a conversation with someone I love and care about because my mind was in a toxic conversation with people who aren’t even there. I have missed whole entire conversations from being in that dark place. I don’t want to miss another moment with the people I love because my head is with a situation or person who is not even there. I don’t want to miss a laugh with friends because I didn’t speak my truth when I was present with the person or situation I’m struggling with.
I’m done stewing and raging that gets me nowhere. I’ve replaced it with praying and saying what is on my mind in the most loving way possible. I’ve started praying through anger and hurt so they don’t get their grip on my life. I’ve started doing what is right for my mental and physical health. The best part of that is I feel great, and I had a weight plateau I kept hitting without being able to get past. When I started to truly take my voice back and released myself from unhealthy situations, my weight started coming off again. I took care of myself, so my body took care of me. When I take care of myself, I’m available to be compassionate and caring to the people I love and the strangers who may need a little encouragement. For example, just today in Target I took notice of the fatigued customer service agent who I could tell wasn’t seeing the best sides of people. I struck up a conversation and got her laughing and smiling. She was able to enter the next exchange with a smile on her face. The interaction felt great for us both, and the energy could be passed on. Now, if I were still passing toxic or unhealthy thoughts around in my head, I wouldn’t have even seen the pain in her eyes. I would have just gone through the purchase in autopilot.
Now, does this mean I’m not going to slip and fall back into my people pleasing ways. Unfortunately not, I was marinated in the womb in people pleasing. To stop, will take time, patience, and a whole lot of conscious moments. I will keep moving toward my goal of people pleaser be gone, time to take care of me.
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff ©2017
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