How Beliefs Work to Help or Hurt Ourselves and Others

Over and over, I’m reminded of how many times us as individuals believe something and try to make what we believe true for someone else. Our thoughts about doing it can be well intended. We can think that our beliefs save someone else from themselves or others. We can think that our education gives us the facts on what is real and what isn’t. We can believe that our faith is what everyone else REALLY needs. We can believe we are more and someone else is less or that we are less and someone else is more. Beliefs can cause us great pain to ourselves and other, and beliefs can lift us up, so we can help others lift themselves. 

Here’s What I Know

Beliefs are perspectives. We can each choose to believe a perspective that feels right to us. We will base our beliefs in science, faith, family, education, culture, society, media, social circles, support groups, religion, relationships, political views, history, etc.  In the end, we will each make the choices that feel right for us at the time. NOBODY’S beliefs are 100% the same. They can’t be. Each individual’s experiences will form, change, alter, shift, grow, and expand based on each event that takes place in his or her life. 

That’s Not True

We all get exposed to people sharing their opinions of what is true and what isn’t. We each have a right to share our truths. We will all find our own truth whether someone else believes what we say or not.  I’ve been told that my way of healing from my history of trauma wasn’t true for victims of rape. UMMMMM… if it is true for me, and it is what helped me have healthy relationships with myself and others—How can someone else say that it’s not true? A victim of any trauma can choose to stay in a place of pain or they can find a path to thrive. It depends on each individual’s mindset on what they want the experience to mean for their lives. I do my best to inform people that my views of the world are MY perspectives. If someone takes a seed that I give and wants to plant it in their internal world that is completely up to them.  But does it make my or their experiences any less true? No, because it is what we are experiencing based on the beliefs we have chosen to follow. 

We are a society that is very quick to judge something as absolute, when very little is actually absolute.  When someone says, “That’s not true” or you find yourself thinking it, just try for a moment to say to yourself, “That is what is true for them, why?” Go deeper! If you want to engage with the person, try to find out why she or he came to the beliefs that are guiding her/him. Here are a few suggestion of questions you could ask:

  • Does believing that make you feel better about yourself or about the world? Why or why not?
  • How does believing that help you make good and healthy choices?
  • How does believing what you do limit your ability to change and grow and/or how does is help it? 
  •  How do you find what you say to be true?
  • Do you think this belief helps or hurts your connections with others?
  • Do you think this belief limits your thinking or expands your opportunity to learn?

Every time I hear myself saying that someone else’s beliefs aren’t true, I have to tell myself that is their perspective of truth. Then, I need to determine whether it is worth trying to find out more, leave it alone, or let them know what I believe.  One thing I know for sure is if someone is drinking or on drugs, I keep my mouth shut and walk away. If I care about the person and authentically want to know why they believe the things they do, I ask when they are sober. We each have to make that choice for ourselves. I can tell you I’ve grown and expanded in my beliefs because of being open to learn and listen about how others think.  If I am exposed to a belief that comes from a place of fear, often time I don’t comment, because I know I need to find my own way of expressing my beliefs, hence my blog, articles I’ve written, and my upcoming book. People who want to know what I believe will choose to read my work, follow me on social media, call, text, or email me with questions or asking for advice. Each of us is having experiences that are true for us right now. The quicker we understand that, the easier it will be to authentically connect with someone else. Our perspectives don’t have to be the same in order to find common ground. 

Our Personal Paths

I know that I’m not going to force anyone to change their beliefs or convince them that what they believe is true or isn’t, that’s not my job. I feel my purpose is to share my perspectives in case there is another person out there that can relate or that is looking to change, shift, and grow because they aren’t comfortable where they are, or they simply want to gain more perspectives to help them find their own perspectives of truth that work best for them.  All I ever can offer someone else is seeds from my garden. Not all my seeds will grow into big strong trees, beautiful flowers, or luscious edibles. If I’m sharing out of old belief systems of pain, chaos, confusion, and/or fear, I’m giving seeds that contain weeds and strangling vines that will do damage if planted. I can’t say I’ve never given these kinds of seeds out because I lived my life in a lot of pain for many years. I didn’t mean to hurt someone else, but I was self-abusing and when we self-abuse, the seeds we have become toxic, invasive species. The healthier I got, the more weeds and strangling vines I pulled out of my own garden. When I did that, I limited the toxic seeds I distributed.

We each start our lives with a collection of seeds. Some of them are inherently planted before we are even able to process thoughts. As we travel along our paths we are given seed after seed and we decided whether or not to plant them. Sometimes we have to make space by clearing out an area of our garden that no longer serves us. No garden is the same. All gardens are ever-changing, growing, and expanding. Some are not well kept and are neglected. Others are thriving with amazing life. Then there is everything in-between. 

Our Choices

Many of us limit our power by believing we don’t have any. We convince ourselves that we are trapped (a perspective). We give our power away time and time again by blaming others for the way we feel, think, act, and react. We give away our power by believing someone or something can make us live the way we are living. Nothing outside of us needs to change in order to live a better life. What needs to be worked on is between our own two ears. When we realize how much power we have to internally change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions, we open ourselves up to creating a beautiful expansive garden. 

We Are Here to Learn

Anyone who has ever gardened knows that it takes continued maintenance to have a healthy garden— we are no different. The longer we go without self-care and self-maintenance, the more the weeds will grow and spread. Even if we do take good care of ourselves, old weeds will pop-up looking pretty as they invasively spread and take life from our healthy flowers and plants.  We are here in this life to learn. 

We need those weeds to help us see how we can grow and expand in a healthier way,  or if we choose a destructive way. We just want to make sure we don’t let them take over. When weeds take over, we know by our addictions that we use to numb ourselves, along with anything else we do to avoid doing the work to change the things we don’t like in our lives (blaming, shaming, bullying, gossiping, etc.) The more open we are to learn, the more healthy our gardens will be. 

Why Do I Stay Focused on this Topic?

If you follow FromALovingPlace.com, you know that I’ve written about this topic multiple times and in multiple different ways. Each post is different, but carries similar messages. This is part of my self-maintenance. I have to remember these things, because I’m not above being triggered. When I write these posts it soothes me. It helps me to see that a reaction I may have had was just a weed popping up that I need to pull out. Writing is one of the tools I use to pull out the weeds that can grow and spread if I don’t do something. Writing is my something. We all have to decide for ourselves, which tools we want to use, and how to use them. We aren’t here to plant our seeds in other people’s gardens. We can only offer our seeds. Writing on FromALovingPlace.com is how I offer the seeds I’ve planted. It also is helps me to plant seeds I’ve received. I use this blog to spread loving messages that help me maintain, grow, and expand my garden in a way that makes me feel good. If someone chooses to take them and plant them in their garden, the energy of love spreads. My seeds aren’t the only seeds. There are so many seeds that spread love. People don’t have to plant mine. That’s what I love about this process. The ones who offer different perspectives of love help me to expand my garden even more. Staying on this topic helps me to stay open to grow and expand. The more I can see the world through perspectives of truth, the more curious I get about learning from others. As I learned from my time in AL-ANON, I take what I like, and leave the rest.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Remembering Trauma

How we use are minds to go through the remembering process of trauma can be a powerful tool to help launch us forward, or a cruel weapon to keep us down. What many don’t understand is the choice is ours. Our perception is our power. We can use it to lift ourselves up or to beat ourselves down. We get to choose thoughts of love or fear as we travel back in time. This is no easy task when the trauma is severe. Processing through the lens of love doesn’t mean that the memories won’t make us cry. The difference is when we process the memories through a lens of love—the tears ignite our souls. When we process the trauma through fear—we run into our darkness. 

How We Live is How We Remember

When we choose to live in our darkness (fear), we immerse ourselves in the fear, anger, rage, hate, resentment, greed, envy, and separation within us and in the world around us. Our energy attracts like energy, so we are drawn to seeing the darkness in others. We act as magnets because we need to keep pulling in examples of why the stories are valid. We live in a place of separation from ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

When we choose to live in our light (love), we immerse ourselves in the love, compassion, empathy, joy, forgiveness, wholeness, and inclusion within us and in the world. We connect to the best in humanity. We attract the light in others. We are making the stories we are telling ourselves valid and we are connected to ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

Can we fake it? On the outside, yes, but our magnetic pull comes from deep inside us. When we are not honest about seeing our own darkness, we may attract the wolves in sheep’s clothing (narcissists, abusers, sociopaths, etc.). We are running and we will be handed lesson after hard lesson to try to help us to move into the light, but as long as we keep telling ourselves to live in the fear, we stay in the dark.  

Why is How We Remember Trauma Important?  

The stories that play in our heads about our past experiences are more powerful than most people realize. Our memory of trauma can ignite buried feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that internally contribute to feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and separation. There is a piece of us that may feel completely unlovable from the shame attached to an unhealed trauma. When we engage and swim in those feelings, they will permeate into our everyday lives and affect everything we touch. One unhealed trauma can lead to a life filled with resentment and separation, which often times leads to unhealthy addictions. Remember, like attracts like. When we hide from our own darkness, we are living in our shadow. We are caught in that dark tunnel of our minds. 

Here’s the awesome part, all it takes is one seed of light to come in and spread in order to help us start lighting our pathway out. That seed can come from a person, book, posting, place, event, video, story, meditation, therapy session, church service, tree, flower, etc.? That one thing can help us see more light. Eventually if we keep taking one step at a time out of our own mental prison, we become the light.

When we can look back at trauma without feeling the dread and hopelessness, but instead see what we learned from experiencing the trauma without the blame, guilt, and shame—we stop paying the steep price of living in the dark. We start finding hope in what was once madness. We see the strength in the survival. We begin realizing that we are not the traumas we survived. Our worth was there before learning the important lesson in life that the trauma taught us. Now, WE RISE in LOVE. This is where the best solutions come from. Remembering the trauma becomes a tool to help us live better and wiser. With that, we become the light. 

Getting Help

This isn’t an overnight process, and some of us may need a lot more help than others. There are plenty of tools and people out there to help. If remembering past traumas feels like a weight, here’s my suggestion to you:

Get out a Post-It, 3×5 card, or a piece a paper. Write down: “How do I become the best version of me?” Keep this question close to you, and be open to see, feel, and hear the answers. If you hear the same advice multiple times, you can guarantee the Universe is trying to help you.  Pay attention if people recommend specific books, therapists, practices, exercises, videos, articles, meditations, mindfulness practices, gratitude journals, courses, church services, foods, etc.  Just be open! Our worst enemy is a mind living in fear. Our greatest ally is a mind living in love. Be conscious of where your mind is. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 60 -Right Here and Now I’m Free

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 60: Right Here and Now I’m Free

Dear Self,

Right in this moment I’m feeling my toes tingle under the wind from the fan above me. I’m hearing the roar of the air coming on and the coolness touch my toes. My thoughts are with my fingers as the words are coming out on the page. Right hear and now I’m free. My mind is a blanket canvas to create whatever reality I choose with each story I decide to believe and follow. I can choose to be conscious and or unconscious with each thought and step I take. I can choose to put my feelings about my spirituality in a container, or I can be in awe of how expansive Divine energy is. I can choose to see each moment as a loving gift from my Creator or a hell on Earth. I’m FREE to choose whatever perspective of truth I want to believe in this very moment and whatever I choose will move me to the actions that go with that.

Right here and now I’m free to be silent, pray, listen, receive, give, and to move in a way that will contribute to the way I tell myself is right for the moment. I’m responsible for the choices I make. The more I listen to the moment, the clearer of an understanding I get for what I need to step into my next moment. Thinking about this process in slow motion is pretty amazing. Right here and now I’m free and I have an abundance of choices, but the choices aren’t overwhelming, because I have peace knowing I’m free.

I still feel my toes tingling. I’m conscious of the noises that are coming from tapping the keys on the keyboard. I feel my dog’s presence up against the side of my leg as she peacefully sleeps. The words are coming out of me as I hear them and I can hear no background clutter in my mind at this very moment. I can feel the sensations in my nose as oxygen comes into my body. I can feel the moisture on the tips of my fingers as they move across the keys. In this moment I feel AWE of all I’m experiencing without the distractions and clutter that come with the stories of the past and the future. I’m free.

Today I’m grateful

  1. I’m so grateful to experience this present moment
  2. I’m grateful for the freedom to choose where my mind goes in this moment
  3. I’m grateful to be free of story in this moment
  4. I’m grateful for all the sensations I can feel to keep me in this moment
  5. I’m grateful for the feeling of AWE that brings tears to my eyes and fills my soul with love

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

Side note: I’ve chosen to not edit this letter because I want it to be authentic to the moment I was in writing it. When we write letters to ourselves they don’t have to be perfect. My letter writing in this series is to allow you to see vulnerable parts of me. How you judge them reflects your perspectives of truth inside of you. Be present to what goes through you. Our responses to other’s vulnerability have so much to teach us about where we are in the moment whether it is in love or fear-based thinking. It also helps us to see where we do and don’t want to be. When we consciously see that, we can choose our next step wisely.

Rachael Wolff © 2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 60 – Right Here and NOW

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 46 – Finding Perspectives of Truth to Empower Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 46: Finding Perspectives of Truth to Empower Our Lives

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

-Henry David Thoreau

There are some perspectives of truth that tell people that wanting is a bad thing. It all depends on the energy that we are putting into the want. If we are looking for external things to fix internal holes, yes wanting would be counterproductive. We have to internally fix the holes before we are going to attract things that contribute to the peace, joy, love, and fulfillment that we already have inside. No external thing/person will fill an internal hole.  Perspectives of truth led by fear create holes. Perspectives of truth led by love create internal fulfillment. Many religious books say this just in a different way. We can only give and receive what we already have inside us. What do you want to be giving and receiving to/from the world?

Day 45, we looked at the releasing perspectives of truth that aren’t serving the lives we want. If we say we want love, we can’t be projecting fear of the very love we want. We can’t be afraid to love ourselves. If we treat ourselves like we have no value, then that’s what we are projecting. We manifest people in our lives that show us the way we treat ourselves. Perspectives that come from fear, set us up to put the responsibility of how we live our lives out into the world. Perspectives that come from love empower us with the responsibility of how we choose to live our lives. First we need to physically look at the perspectives of truth that aren’t serving us. If you REALLY want to see change in your life, start with Day 45’s exercise. More perspectives that don’t serve up will come up throughout the rest of our lives. We simply take them as they come. The more aware we are, the more empowering this experience becomes.

I actually just got faced with someone else’s perspectives of truth led by fear and watched how they effected one’s I was still was holding onto. Transitioning my perspective was so much easier for me since I am in the middle of this series, and I could transmute my fearful reactions into loving and compassionate energy. I realized I didn’t have to take on someone else’s negativity in the situation. I didn’t have to embrace their perspective of truth. When I got into a healthier space within me, my thoughts shifted and I could see beautiful possibilities. I used to hold onto stuff like this for MONTHS, sometimes even YEARS. I would blame the other person for bringing me into their negative spiral, but now, I started processing the situation after the first exchange. To me that is a MIRACLE! That’s how fast we can shift once we get the hang of this.

IMG_4250

I see our choices of perspectives of truth as the garden we create in our minds. I choose what seeds I’m going to plant. I decide how to treat the soil. I figure out the way I want to water my garden. I choose which weeds I want to pull. I determine how much light each flower, plant, vine, bush, or tree needs. I choose the space between each life form to support their growth. Other people can give me seeds to flowers, plants, trees, weeds, smuggling vines, invasive species, fertilizers, etc. I get to choose whether to plant or use them. If it doesn’t fit into the garden I’m creating, I can put it in my pocket to possibly plant later, or get rid of it completely. The choice is MINE and MINE ALONE!

I’ve learned not to attempt to destroy someone else’s garden, because I’m not a fan of the one they created. I won’t choose to put those particular seeds in my garden. I may find a plant in their garden I love. I may offer them a seed from mine, but I don’t have to take it personally if they don’t choose to take it. Taking what other people choose to do personally is an invasive species we add to our garden. We are giving that species the power to take over our gardens and it’s a seed we CHOSE to take. A person might have forced (violence) a seed into our hands, but only we can CHOOSE what we are going to do with it.

That is part of the AMAZING blessings on this journey. We are creating our own scene. We are just getting ideas from others about what works and what doesn’t work in our gardens. We choose the landscape of our lives. We may choose seeds we think are going to work because we like the looks of the flower in someone else’s garden, but when we add them to ours, it just doesn’t work. That’s ok. It’s just not a fit for now, it might be later, or it might never be. Just trust, what works for right now.

If this inspires you to garden, DO IT! If this inspires you to get creative and make a collage, draw a picture, paint, or take photos of the life you would want in your garden, DO IT! If you are feeling inspired to clean your house, room, drawers, cabinets, DO IT! Doing these physically things is helping you to clean up your inside. Trust whatever comes to you. This may seem like a little too much information, but your body will also physically release toxic waste that is not serving it too. Some people can get similar feelings like a detox would give as their internal world starts cleaning itself up and filling in the holes that fear created.

In order to create a beautiful garden of our own choosing, we need to start filling in the holes in our foundation that were created by fear. We have to replace the old perspectives of truth that didn’t serve us with ones that will help us create the garden of our dreams.

Below are a few perspectives of truth (beliefs) I borrowed from my 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp. My favorite week of boot camp is watching people choose new perspectives of truth.  It’s really is an AMAZING blessing to watch someone’s transformation process. Tears are piling up in my eyes just thinking about it. I hope these give you some ideas on how to work with replacing some of your old belief systems.

If our perspective of truth is I am unlovable. I’m not worthy of being loved.

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I am lovable.
  • I love me.
  • I’ve been writing lists of plenty of things I love about me.
  • I am absolutely lovable.
  • I do experience love from family and friends.
  • People show me they love me regularly.
  • I’m working on loving me.
  • Loving myself is how I give myself value.
  • By loving myself I allow myself to give and receive love freely to/ from other others.

 

If our perspective of truth is my body isn’t good enough!

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I have all my limbs, I’m happy about that!
  • I love the food I get to eat by having this body!
  • I take care of my body.
  • My body is healthy.
  • My body gets me from point A to point Z
  • I like that my body shows I’ve lived and had kids.
  • I’m grateful my body is strong.
  • My body is exactly what it’s supposed to be in this moment.
  • My body has lessons to teach me about how I take care of myself.
  • My body is my vessel for this life and it how I care for it is showing me how much I value it.

 

If our perspective of truth is I AM SO SELFISH!

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I care a lot for others
  • I take care of myself.
  • My self-care is important.
  • I do great things for others by taking care of myself.
  • I’m happy I get some time to focus on me.
  • I’m worthy of my own time.
  • The healthier my garden is, the healthier the seeds I’m giving to others.

 

If our perspective of truth is I’m a God fearing person or I have to fear God(Day 6)

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I choose to do good things for others because God’s love is inside of me
  • I choose to love myself because I’m creating in God’s loving image, so by treating myself with love, nurturing, and respect, I’m honoring the work God did in creating me.
  • I love God, so I choose loving actions to show my gratitude for God’s love.
  • When I love myself and others, I’m honoring God’s love for the world.
  • When I choose to love, I’m choosing to connect with God.

Just for Today

Get out your work from yesterday and fill in your pages with other possible perspectives. If one resonates with you put a star next to it and make a sign for yourself as a reminder of this new thought. Use it, write it, repeat it, and talk about it. Your making sure your garden has the healthiest land to grow on. Take care of this new perspective to help it make the beauty of your garden grow and expand.

I really hope those who truly want change dive into this part of the journey because the gifts that come with the transformation are truly AMAZING!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Remember to read today’s Letter from A Better Me, 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 46 – Perspectives of Truth to Empower My Life. If you want to get notified as soon as I post, make sure to scroll down and choose to follow the blog via e-mail.

 

Have a transformative day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 34 – The Choices We Make Living Life from A Loving Place

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 34: The Choices We Make Living from A Loving Place

“Where there is love there is life.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

We know the choices we make living life out of fear from DAY 5 (click here for link). Now, I get to cover my favorite topic, the choices we make living life from a loving place. My body tingles, and a smile crosses my face as my fingers type the words. Just knowing that I’m sharing my words from a loving place fills me with an intense joy. Giving you the 90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me letters Series is one of the choices I make personally to live life from a loving place. Having a Facebook Page to share messages of love, hope, perseverance, strength, presence, and courage is another choice I make.

We Spread Love!

We show up with love even in the face of hate and fear. Think of Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Siddhartha, Elie Wiesel, Viktor Frankl, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Oprah, Ellen, etc., they all spread love. When we are open to seeing love we can see it in our communities, in our churches, and in the world. It doesn’t mean all these people are going to do this perfectly. We are human! Most of us will engage in our darkness from time to time, but it’s what we choose the majority of the time that has the most affect on our lives and the lives of others.  When we allow love to lead us, we see the magic in the heroes who show up for strangers, the stories of loving ourselves and others no matter the circumstances, and we feel inspired by all forms of love being spread. We don’t feel envy for what we don’t have ourselves. We feel joy, compassion, inspiration, and hope. We spread that! #SpreadLove

I started the From A Loving Place blog and the Facebook page in 2016 because I was seeing so much fear and hate being spread across social media. I saw blaming and shaming to the highest degree. I saw people talking to others on comments treating them like their lives didn’t matter. I wanted to show people that even in the midst of our pain, we don’t have to live like that. We have another choice. We can live life from a loving place. I know the suffering that comes from living in fear. My thought was that the people who were meant to find me would. I trust how the Universe works that way. I know I’ve been led to people, books, groups, websites, Ted Talks, You Tube videos, etc. I get exactly what I need when I ask for a path out of my darkness (fear).

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.”

-Marianne Williamson

We Trust!

When we choose to live life from a loving place we trust signs, gut feelings, our Higher Power (God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, etc.), and our senses. We may get lost and be led to a stranger who was so lonely that our presence and attention to her or him helped to get her/him through the day, maybe even week. We don’t get scared of our interaction because we know that there are no mistakes and we were led there for a reason. We feel within ourselves that it doesn’t matter if we’re late, and we patiently listen to the person talk and tell stories. We feel the miracle of the moment that we were led to serve someone with love. The same detour could led us to rescue someone in accident or make us avoid an accident.

We also trust that there are lessons in our struggles. We don’t take them as an attack on us, we trust we are going through what we are for a reason. We don’t have to understand it, but when we are open to the lessons and trust the process, we may have an opportunity to see the bigger picture.

We Take Adventures!

When we live life from a loving place, we can manifest wonderful adventures. We choose to say YES to life. When we play into the love instead of fear, everything starts lining up. The timing works out, people appear, places become accessible and/or available, and the money shows up. When we release our fear, we create space to live in ways that expand our love for life. We appreciate the adventures and pay attention to the journey. We notice nature more, the kindness of strangers, and the signs that we are getting exactly what we need in the moment.

We Interact with Strangers!

If we are in a grocery store, bank, gym, etc.,  we take the time to look people in the eye and smile. We make sure to give the people working at checkout our time and attention. We let them know by our attention that their life matters. They are NOT a computer. Their job is important; it is not loving to be on our phones. We marginalize individuals when we lessen the importance of their presence in our lives, even if it is a brief exchange.

We Take Care of Ourselves!

Oh YES! We don’t operate against our personal well-being and ourselves. We know that the healthier we are, the more effective we are to others. This means that we take time to show ourselves love, compassion, joy, empathy, and care. Selfishness is us abusing ourselves, because when we abuse ourselves we abuse others. When we take care of ourselves we stop taking what others do personally. We show up out of love not insecurities. We know how others treat us is a reflection on them, not on us. We feel the empowerment of knowing that our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions are a reflection of what we have inside us and we will do what we need to do to make sure we are projecting what we really want to project onto the world (Check out Day 11: Projecting Shame and Day 24: Manifesting Hate). We are only responsible for the energy that we put out in the world. Taking care of ourselves to make sure we put out the best version of ourselves is the absolute best thing we can do for everyone’s life we touch.

Just For Today

Make a list of choices you are making to live life from a loving place. If you can’t think of any right now, make a list of things you would like to do to live your life from a more loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 34 – Choosing to Live Life From A Loving Place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 30 – Anywhere but Right Here and Now

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 30: Anywhere but Right Here and Now

“Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

-Buddha

The most efficient way to make us miserable is to keep our heads in the past and in the future. We are not either place and by focusing in a place we are not, we miss where we are. We can skip over key parts of relationships, miss grand adventures, project our pasts onto people who are here now, project our future hopes on people who aren’t capable of being apart of it, stay in jobs for the wrong reasons, live outside our means, miss important life lessons, and miss living in general…just to name a few. Those just scratch the surface of all we miss by being anywhere by right her and now.

When we aren’t here, we are operating on autopilot. In autopilot we miss the magic of nature, the joy of people laughing, the compassion for people’s pain, red flags, and warnings meant to lead us to safe places. We are living scared of repeating the past or fearing the unknown future. This is a DANGEROUS place to live. I’ve not only got some hard life lessons this way, but I missed some of the most beautiful majestic moments. I’ve missed experiencing some of the best parts of life.

Link for additional reading: Leaving Autopilot and Becoming Present

The myth of HAPPILY EVER AFTER belongs in fairytales. We destroy our current relationships of expectations of life looking a specific way. We ignore red flags flying high because many of the people who promise us this long term happiness after a short time of dating are not happy or healthy people. We are attracting people out of desperation of a future dream. We are all wearing masks in the beginning trying to figure each other out. Many times people are just flashing their insecurities around trying not to repeat the past in hopes of chasing that fairytale. We are anywhere but right here and right now when we are projecting the unknown future in our brand new relationships or hopes for a new relationship. We can have hopes and goals, but attaching to them for our happiness is the problem. Happiness and authentic joy only exist in the present moment. Have you ever stayed longer in a relationship because of the promises of a future or the hopes that he/she will go back to treating you like he/she did in the beginning? Neither place is reality. Reality is what is happening here and now.

Link for additional reading: Enjoying My Happily Ever Now

When we are focused anywhere but in this moment, we can get overwhelmed with the everyday steps of life. We pile everything onto us and try to leap a mountain in a single bound instead of taking one step at a time. We make ourselves crazy with everything we need to get done by some future time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost myself in this trap. Nothing else exists except for all the things that have to get done. We miss so much of life living in our mental to-do lists. We need it out of our heads and onto paper where we can take one task at a time, without the tornado we create by swirling it in our heads.

Focusing on our pasts does incredible damage to our now if it is used to keep us down. We can use our pasts as a weapon of mass destruction in our lives. If we are holding onto it with an iron grip, even if it’s supposed good stuff, it destroys where we are and if we don’t let go of it, it will destroy where we are going. We have choices. Sometimes others like to make it sound like we don’t, but we always have choices in how we perceive a situation. NO ONE and NO EVENT can take that away from you. Our perceptions can be our survival mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. We must clean up our own perceptions before we can serve the world as our best selves.

For me, I simply see the past as important lessons. Whether they were joyful lessons or hard-hitting pick me up from the floor lessons, neither one will predict how my now or future will be. My now will be affected by aligning my head with where my feet are. When we do this: we attack people less, make healthier choices now, see clearly, and just do the best we can one step at a time. This isn’t a journey of perfection. This is a journey of awareness, strength, courage, and hope.

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Anywhere but right here and now is a trap we keep ourselves in. We put ourselves in harm’s way. We fight based on unhealed wounds, which only spread more fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. We fight based on resentments of how we think things SHOULD be. Nothing should be any different than it is right in the moment we are in. There are lessons to learn right here and now, and the more we avoid learning them the harder the lessons we will get hit with. This is as true for us in our personal lives as it is in the world. We will keep manifesting what we don’t want if we keep our energy focused on fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. We will stay at war with ourselves and with the world. The way out of the madness can’t be forced on anyone. Just like the choice to live in fear can’t. We have to choose in each moment how we want to live OUR lives. With every moment we have a choice. This choice can’t be taken away with violence or other people’s views, it is ours and ours alone. We can live or die with peace and love or hate and fear. In this moment—Where do you want to be? Be there now!

This is the final day of Part I: A Journey of Awareness. In Part II (month 2) and Part III (month 3), you will get the tools, techniques, and guidance to assist you into transforming your life to be the best you and live YOUR best life. I will not tell you where your strength is to serve, you will be led on the exact path that is right for you. I’m just here to help you expose new pathways and see doors you want to be opening.

There is no one-stop shop for breaking some of these hard-wired beliefs and patterns that have kept us in the victim role of our own lives. Choosing to see my life as a classroom has opened me up to learn and get the tools I needed to live a life I love living. I didn’t find my perspectives for living a great life in one place and neither will you. When you start living your journey and taking accountability for your life, so many doors start opening! You will be led to people, places, and things (friends, professionals, classes, books, seminars, podcasts, videos, websites, just to name a few). The beautiful thing about this journey of awareness is when we are ready to open our eyes to our present moment—Our world opens up! We see that change is possible and all it takes is being willing to do something different than what we’ve done to get us out of our own way.

Just for Today

Be aware of how often you leave your present moment and feel overwhelmed with fears of the future or judgments from the past.  How are those thoughts serving you? Are they contributing to the life you want to be living or are they contributing to creating more fear?

Thank you for taking this Journey of Awareness  with me! Now that you have opened yourself up to the journey, let’s do the work! Join me for:

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Don’t forget to come back later to read today’s Letter from A Better Me! 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 30 – Suffering from My Lack of Presence

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff  ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 28 -Giving Myself Away

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 28: Giving Myself Away

Dear Self,

I recognize that I’ve chosen to give myself away in a variety of way. I do for others when they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves. Instead of investing time in my own self-care, I’m over in someone else’s life getting resentful because I’m taking care of them more than I’m taking care of me. I give people higher priority in my life than I do myself. I give until I’m depleted and bare, then I blame people for taking what I give. Nobody put a gun to my head and told me what I had to give. I made the choice to give myself away. I can’t blame anybody else for my choices.

I can’t blame others for not appreciating me when I don’t appreciate myself. My actions tell them and me that I’m not as important to this life as they are. It’s not true. I am important and I can’t depend on others to show me that I matter. I have to matter to me. I have to actually follow the advice I give others about taking care of themselves. No one else can force me to make time to take care of me. Just like I can’t force anybody else to take care of themselves.

Today, I commit to taking better care of me. My time is valuable, and I make time for what holds value to me. I will make time for me. I will invest in becoming the best version of me so that when I do serve others, I’m doing it for the right reasons. I will feel full instead of depleted because I put the oxygen mask on myself first. I have to focus on  how to show up for my life if I want to change what is happening inside and around me. I can’t spread peace if I don’t have peace inside me.

I’m ready to become aware of when I’m giving beyond what is good for me. I’m ready to be aware when I’m not taking care of myself by focusing so much on doing for others. I’m ready to see when I start getting resentful and blaming others for the choices I’m making. I’m ready to be accountable for my feeling, thoughts, actions, and reactions without blaming myself either.

I’m so grateful I learned how to get myself out of the trap I created for me. I’m grateful that I can see a healthier path. I’m so grateful that I learned that I got myself into this by having unhealthy thought, belief, and behavior patterns that weren’t working for me, and the knowledge and power to know that changing them is my choice.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 28 – Giving Ourselves Away

Are you new to the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Series? If you liked what you read today, I encourage you to explore the rest of the series. These two series work together to help us transform our lives so that our feelings, thoughts, actions and reactions are aligned with the life we actually WANT to be living.

Each daily installment has a topic that is covered in the 90-Day A Better Me Series, and a letter in the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series. I’m simply here to give others seeds to plant, save, or throw away. How you use the seed is your choice. For me, the seeds developed into a rich inner life (beautiful garden), which has manifested an outer life that I’m so grateful for. I still have to pick some weeds, but my garden is not overrun with them anymore.

Enjoy your journey!

Thank you for reading!

People Pleaser Be Gone: Time to Take Care of Me

For way too long I have agonized about the right thing to do based on the comforts of other people. I gave into the “Don’t rock the boat” mentality. I made choices based on other people’s ideas of what my life SHOULD look like and how I SHOULD respond and how I SHOULD hold back the truth, so that I don’t make someone else feel bad.

I’ve put myself in risky situations, put up with abuse, and stuck around places and people way too long to please others. I didn’t want to lose people in my life, so I quietly stewed and raged in my head destroying my inner being. I let situations and people consume my thoughts and bring out the worst in my inner nature. I’m aware now. I’ve realized in the last 40 plus years that life is too short.

I can’t keep living for the satisfaction of other people. I can’t worry about what other people think about me and/or my choices. I love my life, I’ve found happiness and love within all my relationships and most of all for myself. I know my purpose is to share my experiences to help others and to empower women and men to be the best versions of themselves. I have to stop worrying about other people’s opinion of me and share what is in my heart. Some people will never understand and that’s ok. As my mom always says, “It’s none of your business what people think about you.”

This doesn’t mean I will be intentionally hurtful. I will speak my truth when I’m clear what that is. People are going to think what they are going to think. Everyone’s reality is based on the thoughts, feelings and beliefs they have let lead their lives. I have changed many of my old patterns throughout my life and I’m in a much better place for it. I find that people come to me when they are ready for it, because quite honestly, I can be pretty intense about the importance of self-care. I take the perspective that everything happens for a reason, so let’s find the lesson so we can move past the uncomfortable stuff. I don’t support turning to addictions to solve problems and I do my best to limit pity parties for myself. I have the tools now to recognize the lesson, find solutions, and I work towards the best parts of me a lot faster now.

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When I’m at my best, I’m in a much clearer place to be of service to others. My mind doesn’t become overcome with what to say, what I should have said, I can’t believe he or she did…(fill in the blank). The conversations that go on in my head when I’m not being true to me are INSANE!! I can leave a conversation with someone I love and care about because my mind was in a toxic conversation with people who aren’t even there. I have missed whole entire conversations from being in that dark place. I don’t want to miss another moment with the people I love because my head is with a situation or person who is not even there. I don’t want to miss a laugh with friends because I didn’t speak my truth when I was present with the person or situation I’m struggling with.

I’m done stewing and raging that gets me nowhere. I’ve replaced it with praying and saying what is on my mind in the most loving way possible. I’ve started praying through anger and hurt so they don’t get their grip on my life. I’ve started doing what is right for my mental and physical health. The best part of that is I feel great, and I had a weight plateau I kept hitting without being able to get past. When I started to truly take my voice back and released myself from unhealthy situations, my weight started coming off again. I took care of myself, so my body took care of me. When I take care of myself, I’m available to be compassionate and caring to the people I love and the strangers who may need a little encouragement. For example, just today in Target I took notice of the fatigued customer service agent who I could tell wasn’t seeing the best sides of people. I struck up a conversation and got her laughing and smiling. She was able to enter the next exchange with a smile on her face. The interaction felt great for us both, and the energy could be passed on. Now, if I were still passing toxic or unhealthy thoughts around in my head, I wouldn’t have even seen the pain in her eyes. I would have just gone through the purchase in autopilot.

Now, does this mean I’m not going to slip and fall back into my people pleasing ways. Unfortunately not, I was marinated in the womb in people pleasing. To stop, will take time, patience, and a whole lot of conscious moments. I will keep moving toward my goal of people pleaser be gone, time to take care of me.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

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Let Today be the Day You Start a New Journey of Discovery

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As the new moon approaches, now is time for us to look at where we are and focus on who we see ourselves uncovering. Are you ready to manifest the life you have dreamt of? How are you feeling about yourself? Do you think you deserve the life you are requesting? Are you willing to put in the effort to get it? Why does it matter how you feel about yourself?

In order to get rid of old patterns that keep us where we are, we have to embrace new thoughts and feelings about ourselves. Negative patterns all stem from the way we are treating ourselves. Some of these patterns have passed through generations and are so embedded that we don’t even know that they are there. In order to move past our roadblocks we have to look for new ways that will get us to where we want to go. We can’t just sit and wait. We have to take charge and do something different.

When we are setting intentions we have to know from the deepest core of our being that we are worthy of these changes we are seeking in our lives. If we don’t, we won’t recognize the signs that are leading us there, and we will continue to get lessons to help us to open our eyes. We will get hit with emotional 2x4s if we don’t start paying attention to what is keeping us from getting the life we envision for ourselves. Here are a few questions to help you dig down and see what might be holding you back:

  • Do you have belief and behavior patterns that go against what we are asking for?
  • Do you have negative feelings about success and/or money?
  • How do you view people who have a lot of success or money? Do you criticize them or feel happy for them? Do you hate the rich?
  • Do you put up invisible forcefields around your heart because you feel unworthy of love?
  • Do you let your physical restrictions take charge of your inner worth?
  • Do you keep the word “can’t” as your safety mechanism as an excuse not to try?
  • Do you fill yourself with messages such as, “life is hard”, “I’m going crazy”, “This is too hard”, “life is a struggle”, “I must suffer”, “money is evil”, “I hate money”?

Pay close attention to the messages that are going through your head and feeding the energy that you are putting out into the world. If these are the messages that are going through your head a better life will continue to be out of reach. If you are looking to change set intentions for the process.

  • Today, I will be more aware of the obstacles I am creating in my own mind.
  • Today, I will show myself kindness, respect and love.
  • Today, I will see my value and appreciate the gifts I give to the world.

If you can spot the negative messages you are carrying, write them down. Then for each one write three different ways you can choose to view the situation. These lists are not about being right or wrong, they are about seeing that there are other ways to look at something, and that it is our choice and our own personal power to choose how we see it. Here are a few examples:

Money is evil:

  1. Money is just paper, it only has the energy that I put into it.
  2. Money can help accomplish wonderful things.
  3. Money is wonderful.

I am never going to find love:

  1. Love is everywhere.
  2. Love is within me.
  3. I am complete in loving myself.

Life is hard

  1. Life flows and will give me what I need to be the best version of me.
  2. Life is a classroom and the lessons are as easy or hard as I make them.
  3. Life is what I make of it.

How we choose to live our lives is OUR choice.

How are YOU going to CHOOSE to live it?

If you like what you have read, scroll down and see the ways you can follow my blog. Have a beautiful day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff