Friday Feel-Good Book Series: Books that Gave Me Seeds to Thrive

New Series Starts September 20, 2019

Hello Friends, Followers, and Visitors:

I’m starting a new series! I decided Fridays was a good day to tell you about the books that gave me seeds to thrive. Each Friday, I will tell you about a book I’ve read on my journey and why I would recommend it. The books will not be in any particular order. Just know that every Friday, until I feel like I’m done, I will share one of my treasures with you. It will be your choice if you decide you want to plant one of these seeds in your garden. I encourage comments, insights, and sharing the books that helped you. You never know what book I will feel energetically pulled to read next. I tend to have a good two to three books going at a time. Just remember the name of my site, comments should come from a loving place, or they won’t be posted. If there is a quote from a book that inspires you to live better, you can share it along with the author name, book title, and the page number the quote is from.

Why am I Doing This?

I’m often asked about the books I read. For those who don’t know me, I’m an avid reader of ways to make life better. I started my love of reading about this over thirty years ago. Here are a few of my favorite topics: self-help, spirituality, personal transformation, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healthy living, brain studies, human development, sociology, psychology, religion, and cultural anthropology. Reading all these books has helped me see the person I want to be, ways (not one way) to get there, and be open to see what could be holding me back. They helped me discover my strengths and weaknesses, along with what I was ready for and what I wasn’t. I also have read about plenty of ways I don’t want to live. 

In every book I’ve read, I’ve discovered there are no new concepts, just different ways of presenting them. If the writer is viewing a concept through a place of fear, I look at how that affects their view of interpretation. If a writer is seeing a concept through a place of love, I look to see how I’m connecting to their beliefs about the topic before I consider their perspective of truth. No matter what, I know and understand that every writer is speaking from his or her own place of truth. I understand that just because they believe a certain way of doing things is the right way, it’s up to me to decide what is the best way for me. In the end, only I can decide the perspectives of truth that I will form my reality around. No one can force us to have a belief that serves or doesn’t serve us living our best lives. We have to be open to see how our own beliefs are affecting our reality and make a choice on whether or not to keep our energy believing what we do. 

I believe I can learn from EVERYTHING I read. If I feel an energetic pull to read something, I know there was a reason I was meant to read it. I look for the lessons. There hasn’t been a book in the categories I listed above that I got nothing from. There are some that I put down, because when the energetic force stopped pulling me to read it, I knew I got what I needed. Being a reader of this kind of material, it’s good to trust the journey. We don’t know where it’s leading us. 

When I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson at fourteen, I had no idea the journey I was about to go on. I’ve read the book at least four times now and I find something new and different that resonates EVERY time. My fourteen-year-old self wasn’t ready for a lot of what I was reading, but it gave me seeds. I could see I wanted to live from a loving place. I just would have to go through a lot of life experiences before the material would truly sink in. 

I picked up The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle three times throughout a period of five or six years before I was ready to grasp his voice. I would make it through a couple of chapters, then put it down. I actually ended up reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle first. I did the Oprah course she had on it. After doing that, when I picked up The Power of Now again, I got it and loved it! I read it right when I needed to and right when it was important for a big step in my journey. 

The point is, when we are invested in this type of material, TRUST THE JOURNEY! Don’t beat yourself up about what you should read, or what you should do. You are ready when you’re ready. If you feel pulled to read something, GET THE BOOK! If you’re reading and all the sudden you stop—It’s okay! You read what you needed to for now, or you would have felt pulled to read more. Don’t get rid of the book! Sometimes you will find that it’s years before you’re ready, but it’s good to have so that when you are ready for it, you can open it and just start reading.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times this has happened to me. 

I hope you are excited to get on board! The fun will begin soon. See you back here Friday!

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Breaking Toxic Patterns: Why Do I Keep Doing this to Myself?

Why Won’t These Seeds Thrive?

Trying and Failing to Make My Internal Garden Thrive

I lived in the darkness for a long time pretending to love, but I wasn’t capable. I read book after book, went to multiple therapists, and would even go to seminars trying to find the help I needed. I kept searching for an outside source to fix an inside problem. I could live motivated for short stretches, but deep down I was living the fake it until you make itapproach, but the make it just wouldn’t come. I thought I had it, then bang! I would sabotage my happiness once again. I thought I was ready to plant all the amazing seeds I would get, but my ground wasn’t fertile enough for the seeds to thrive. I would try, but I didn’t know how to feed, nurture, and sustain them. They may have looked pretty on top of the ground for a little while, but the roots were weak, so they just couldn’t survive on my toxic foundation. Something lurking underneath was killing every flower and tree I was trying to plant. I needed to figure out why.

Just like the internal garden I was trying to create, my outer self could look great on the surface for short periods of time, but because my roots weren’t strong, I would eventually begin to crumble. I would move before others could see my decent into madness. In my new location, I once again would plant the seeds I had picked up along the way. Then would sabotage myself again. 

Toxic relationships were my drugs of choice for a long time. They were the way I could keep myself right where I was comfortable. I didn’t know it at the time, but the chaos was my comfort zone.  I knew that if I could see why I kept repeating this pattern, I would find the source of this toxic muck corroding my foundation.

If you are noticing the definition of insanity in my words, you are getting the message. I kept trying to do the same thing, and I expected different results because I was in a new location. Some refer to this as a geographical cure—An outside fix trying to repair an inside problem. 

How Do I Plant these Damn Seeds to Make them Thrive?

Digging Into My Own Toxic Muck to Fix the Problem at the Source

I was in my thirties before I started to change my patterns to create a new reality. It took me becoming a shell of a person before I would be ready to fully surrender to get better. I couldn’t just plant the seeds, I had to fix, repair, and nurture the ground. I needed to come face to face with the woman in the mirror looking back at me and dig down to see where the source was for this toxic muck. The digging took years; not days, weeks, or months. This didn’t mean there wasn’t progress. My life was definitely changing for the better the more I was willing to REALLY face myself and clean up my own mess. The more I did this, doors would open and others would close. I was on the path to making a garden that would thrive.

My path led me to a college that couldn’t have been a better fit. I learned so much about myself in the 4-½ years it took me to get my degree. The experiences I had with the classes, professors, and other students would help me to have the energy to keep doing the work to fix my foundation. I received more and more seeds I wanted to plant. 

It took a lot of lessons for me to find out the answer was to dig further down into this toxic foundation. I had to find out why I kept attracting men and getting into relationships with individuals who were unhealthy. I needed to look at why I wanted to rescue them. I had to dig deep to get to the bottom of this toxic root. It was the weed that kept strangling all the beauty I would try to grow in my garden.

What Will I Find at the Source of These Toxic Patterns?

Through the Layers of Digging

  1. I saw that I wanted to feel needed.
  2. I learned everything I could about co-dependency.
  3. Digging deeper, I saw that I wanted to feel needed because I lacked self-worth and had a horrible self-concept.
  4. I began to look into the mirror and figure out what I didn’t like about myself.
  5. Going down even deeper, I found that I felt unlovable.
  6. I had to face why I felt unlovable, and that was digging down to the core of my toxic foundation. I found the source, which came from the shame that was buried and hidden under all the layers of guilt, anger, rage, resentment, fear, hate, chaos, confusion, and separation. 
  7. I started doing the work to have a loving relationship with myself.

What Did I Discover?

I’m Happy I Decided to Get Dirty and Do the Work

Digging down to the core took years, but as I faced layer after layer, life would improve and seeds would start growing into flowers. As my energy became aligned with the garden I wanted to create, I understood what I needed to feed and nurture the seeds to make them thrive—LOVE!

This wasn’t about receiving love from the outside world. This was about understanding that I had to feed the seeds my love, and I only could do that by loving myself. Anytime I spoke to myself in a disrespectful way, I was pouring poison onto my land. When I chose to focus my energy on forgiving and loving myself, my land became fertile ground. My garden began to thrive and I started attracting more sources to nurture and feed my garden. I was finally capable to fully love others authentically, because I could love myself. I stopped laying down for people to walk on me. I stopped accepting unacceptable behavior, because I love myself enough to know my value. I live abundantly in my internal world, and I do the work daily to stay there.

Who Is Attracted to My Life Now?

Appreciating the Individuals Who Cross my Path

The people who are attracted to the garden I’ve created aren’t looking to steal from it, they are asking for seeds, which I lovingly give out. People also come into my life offering new seeds. Some I accept lovingly, others I may realize are strangling vines, so I say no thank you and move on. No one can plant a seed in my garden without my permission. If I mistake a strangling vine for a flower, it’s my job to dig the seed up from the root to find out why it found a place to grow in my garden. If we waste energy blaming, we will avoid finding the solution, because blame is just an excuse to stop digging.

Are You Looking for a Seed?

Just like me, others have to go on their own journeys of learning what it will take to let their gardens thrive the way they want them to. If you are reading this looking for a seed; the best advice I can give is to be open to go deep and pay attention to the signs along the way.  Keep praying for help in seeing signs and learning the lessons to uncover the answers. You are worth it! Be prepared to get dirty. We all have what it takes to create beautiful gardens; we just have to be willing to do the work.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If this journey resonates with you, I hope you will explore FromALovingPlace.com and check out my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. When we become our best selves, we change the world around us for the better. 

Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

I know it is easy to get caught up in who is “supposed” to be there and who “shouldn’t” be there. We can sometimes believe that we know best about what should be, but all of that thinking is just a story in our heads. Who should be there is who is there. Who shouldn’t be there is who isn’t. We have something to learn from who shows up and who doesn’t in our lives.

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I know this can be a hard pill to swallow and I’ve definitely been caught up in a story playing in my head about what other people should be doing. The truth is that none of that is my business and quite honestly, who am I to say. I know that every experience I’ve had was necessary to be where I am right now. I know that all my pleasant and not so pleasant exchanges have played roles in my life. So, if things were different I may have missed a valuable lesson or exchange.

If our energy is focused on what shouldn’t of happened, who shouldn’t have been there, and who should have been. We missed seeing the value in what did happen, who was there, and the blessing that came from the exchanges we had with people because of who wasn’t there.  I know there were years I was caught up in the energy that things didn’t happen the way they were supposed to and the only person who paid the price for that thinking was me.

For me, I need to remember to put the energy back where it belongs, because I know that I don’t want to live bitter. I want to live with purpose and believing that my experiences empower me. If my experiences empower me, I have to embrace the idea that other people have that same option. We each get to choose how we want to live, so the stories that play in our minds make a difference. I choose to believe that people will come and go from my life. They are there for the exact time and in the exact way that they are meant to be.

Thank you to all the people who are there and who aren’t at any given moment. I know the exact people I need for the moment I’m in are there when they are supposed to be. I’m grateful for all the beautiful lessons I’ve learned that came from appreciating my experiences exactly the way that they did happen. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to hold any bitterness towards people who don’t show up. I love that the power of interpreting my experiences is ALWAYS in my hands. I love the way it feels to believe that if someone doesn’t show up it’s because they weren’t meant to be there or else they would have been. This belief has helped me appreciate ALL the people in my life so much more.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

The Importance of Friends: The Journey to Becoming Our Best Selves

I woke up this morning with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude. As I wrote out my gratitude list, a stream of joy began to flow through me as I thought about the amazing people in my life. Tears are filling my eyes with how blessed I feel in this very moment. It got me thinking about the importance of friends. When we are on the journey of becoming our best selves, seeing the purpose of people in our lives is essential to our growth.

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This doesn’t always look pretty. I know there have been times on my journey where I look up, hands in the air and say, “Really?” Different people come into my life in the friendship and/or romantic role and show me so much about myself. I get to see where I still have work to do and where I shine.

Now that I’m a woman in my forties, I can tell you how EXTREMELY grateful I am to know that I’ve surrounded myself with friends who see me and know me well enough to know when something doesn’t feel right about the way I’m talking. If you are a woman going into your mid to late forties, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you who don’t—HORMONES is the answer. I had NO IDEA the kind of things that would stir up in me so uncontrollably at this phase of life.

Recently, my hormones created a whirlwind of chaos in my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and actions toward a particular relationship in my life. I tried all the tools I could wrap my head around to get out of the thought/feeling cycle running through my brain. When I opened up to a select group of friends about it, I really got to see how blessed I am. I didn’t have people jumping on my chaos driven bandwagon. I had friends who eased my fears helping me to question the toxic thoughts running through my mind. I had friends who reminded me of the tools that I share so many times. I had friends who reminded me of the person they knew in me and in the person I was creating the chaos around. I had friends sharing courage, strength, and hope from their own experiences. Five days from the start of hormone-driven hamster wheel going off in my mind, like hitting a stop button, the whirlwind ended—peace restored.

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I’m so incredibly grateful and blessed to know I’ve picked an amazing group of friends who can recognize when I’m engaged in a story in my mind that is not beneficial to me; A group of friends who doesn’t want to sink down into the muck, but who are willing to lend hands to help pull me up out of it.

Some people think that when you go on this journey, you shouldn’t have down periods, days, or seasons, and that’s simply not true. Sometimes there are days where a fearful story in our heads can take over for a brief time and as we learn and grow the power of the story lessens and the time periods it affects us shorten. When we attract the group and/or single friend to our lives who choose not to go down with us, we know we are on the right track to becoming the best versions of ourselves. The energy that we project out comes from deep inside us and it is reflected back to us in the relationships that we attract into our lives.

If we need a lesson in becoming strong, we may attract people who will teach us when and how to say no, and that is enough. If we see our own worth and we are dedicated to the journey of contributing to living as our best selves, we attract a team of people around us who will help us to see our light and encourage us to keep shining it. Whatever friends are brought to your life, be thankful. You have the opportunity to grow from every experience. There are friends who will be there for short periods and ones who will last a lifetime. Each one has their own unique value. Don’t try force any friendships to be something different than what they are. They are serving the purpose they need to serve. Embrace the journey!

This piece is dedicated to my AMAZING friends.  I love you and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as A Weapon

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as A Weapon

Everywhere we look on social media we can read about narcissists in and out of relationships. We can sympathize with the person who has had experiences with him or her, and many times we can even relate. Yet, we don’t pay attention to all the lists and think about our responses in our everyday life on social media. Often we don’t know how easy we make it for narcissists to attack their victims. The worst part is that we can often jump in and become apart of the abuse, gaslighting, and/or shaming without ever knowing we’ve become a pawn in the narcissist’s game. Is that the narcissist’s fault? No! They have a psychological condition where they can’t process morals, emotions, and reality in a healthy way. The only way to stop narcissistic abuse on social media is to take responsibility for what we are contributing to. Staying aware is key!

1.  Personally Attacking Others

Personally attacking another person on social media is not healthy behavior, but that in itself doesn’t make a person a narcissist. A narcissist will thrive on turning people against his/her victim. They will use people to attack their target. They will feel fulfilled when they get other people to join in on the attack. The more people they can get to attack their victim, the better. They may post a picture of a person in a vulnerable moment, but write a false tagline. They might clip a video where they were attacking, but what you see is the other person reacting to their abuse. If you see or read abusive, violent, shaming, blaming, and/or harassing posts don’t engage. Social media is not the place. If you are only looking at one side, you could be contributing to an attack on someone without even knowing it. You just played into the narcissist’s hand.  Don’t forget there are narcissists in finance, media, politics, non-profits, religious organizations, etc. Staying clear of personal attacks is your best option.

2.  Getting You on Their Side

Charming narcissists will do anything to convince you to side with them. They are the victim of every person, place, and thing. Life keeps happening to them, yet they are better than everyone else. They are entitled to more. They will do their best to trigger your hate and rage towards someone who is their target. DON’T ENGAGE! This doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for the human rights of others. Just be cautious of what the person’s intentions are. Are they standing up for a cause or trying to engage your hate? Keep the bigger picture in mind. Support what you want to see in the world (peace, compassion, love), not what you don’t want to see (violence, hate, and fear).

3.  Spreading Blame

Watching the blame is the quickest way to spot a narcissist on social media. They don’t understand how their family, friends, partners, kids, co-workers, and strangers can do what they do. Everything is someone else’s fault. Now, this can get tricky as our social media culture has become a giant blame cycle, which is what makes it a feeding frenzy for narcissists. Our relationship with drama is a weapon to them. If we feed the blame cycle, we are feeding their cycle of abuse.

4.  Taking Shaming Viral

Narcissists thrive on shaming their victims. They might put them on a pedestal, then they drop kick them down to the dirt. The victims crave to be back on that pedestal, so they may accept or think they deserve the shaming. It’s all in how narcissists groom their target(s). Other times narcissists use social media to groom the target into submission by public shaming. Sometimes the narcissist is targeting groups of people to shame. Watch out for that word “ALL” when it comes to groups such as ALL Christians, ALL Muslims, ALL Politicians, ALL gays, ALL women, ALL men, ALL police officers, ALL minorities, ALL immigrants, the list goes on and on. This is dangerous thinking and it is how we give narcissists power on social media and in our everyday lives.

5.  Searching for their Next Victim

Narcissists can use social media to hunt for their next victim. They need a person who will engage with them. If you are agreeing with their stories of shame and blame while supporting them as the victims, they want you. Whether you are apart of a large group or they are looking for that next romantic relationship to turn into an utter nightmare, there are signs you can give off to help them pick you as a target. Engaging with them on social media makes you a prime candidate.

 

Here is the real question, how do we know when a person is just hurt, angry, or enraged posting or if he/she is a narcissist? It doesn’t matter. A narcissist is probably watching the post either way, so even if you engage on a post that is not theirs, you are feeding them. You are contributing to their wicked game. If the person posting is a good friend, send them a text or call them. If the person is someone you don’t know very well, knew from school, or a public figure, remind yourself that you don’t know all the sides of the story. If someone is using ALL language, STAY AWAY from engaging. Narcissists are trolling the Internet waiting for places to feed.

Remember healthy people don’t attack others. If we are the ones attacking, we show the narcissist that we are ready to be apart of their army. Spread what you want to see more of on social media. Don’t make social media feeding grounds for narcissists. Make them want to steer clear of you by not contributing to using social media as a weapon of attack. Keep yourself and others safe while preventing playing on a narcissist’s playground—stay kind on-line!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you want help getting out of your own way and stop attracting chaos to your life, check out the FREE 90-Day A Better Me Series. No sign-up required. Just click, scroll to DAY  1 read, and do the work to transform yourself into the best version of you.

 

90-Day Series Updates

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to inform you that I’ve been through each day of the FREE  90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and now BOTH series are fully available on FromALovingPlace.com. I provided links on each day for easy navigation through every piece of the series. Now that the series is complete, it makes it easier to read like you would a book. Whether you are reading the series again, like some of you have told me you are, or you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me journey, I hope you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to write it and an even greater pleasure to talk with the followers of both series.

Now, I need to go and focus on the editing my book coming out at the end of 2019. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to subscribe to e-mails. Thank you for all the readers, followers, and commenters. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Here at the direct links to both series:

90-Day A Better Me Series

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

 

Happy reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 90 – Committing to Lead by Example

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 90: Committing to Lead by Example

Dear Universe,

Today, I commit to doing my best. I commit to being the change. I commit to leading by example. I commit to doing the work daily to shine my light. I commit to the life of a better me.

I choose perspectives of truth that open me to experiencing love. I choose to perceive my reality through gratitude/abundance. I choose self-care to ensure that I’m giving my best to myself and others. I choose presence to pull me out of my story and give me a path to peace.

I trust the Divine Energy that lives inside of me to lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I trust that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be with every breath that I take. In each moment the Divine gives me opportunity to see someone’s light and/or shine my own. In each moment the Divine gives me opportunity to shine my light or embrace the darkness inside of me in order to learn and grow. I get to choose. I choose to take responsibility for my darkness and turn on my light switch to expose any toxic build-up so that I can clean it up and keep my light on.

My soul’s purpose is to live life from a loving place. My strength comes from the love within me. My perseverance and courage come from being face to face with my own darkness. My empowerment comes from taking responsibility for what energy I CHOOSE to project to the word. My wisdom comes from my openness to learn and grow.  My beauty comes from shining my light.  I will lead by example. I will be the change that the world deserves.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the experience of writing the 90-Day A Better Me & A Better Me Letters Series.
  2. I’m grateful for the transformations and abundance that has come from staying committed to gratitude, love, light, and abundance.
  3. I’m grateful for all the people who encouraged me on this journey.
  4. I’m grateful to my amazing kids who allowed me to have space and quiet to write for these 90 days.
  5. I’m grateful to my AMAZING agent for believing in my LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME vision and giving me the opportunity to share my vision with the world by selling my book.
  6. I’m so grateful to Mango Publishing for seeing beyond the social media presence and allowing my vision to come alive.
  7. I’m grateful and honored to have the opportunity to lead by example.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read Today’s Companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 90 – Leading by Example

This completes the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series. I hope you have enjoyed the journey. Subscribe to follow FromALovingPlace.com for inspiration, book updates, new adventures, promotions on the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, and so much more. Whatever you CHOOSE to do—I hope you keep choosing to live from a loving place.

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 90 – Leading by Example

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 90: Leading by Example

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

-John Maxwell

When I started this 90-Day A Better Me Series, one of my goals was not just to write about how to clean up our own foundation, re-build, then share our tools with others. It was to do the steps along with my readers. That is why I wrote the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series to go with it. Before the 90-Day A Better Me Series, I had done a test-run of my 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, which I also did along with participants. I don’t just talk about these concepts, like I’ve said before these concepts of self-care aren’t new. What you are seeing in these pages is how I applied them to my life, how I combined them, and how I saw the connections between them. I made what sometimes people us to separate and disconnect each other into connections within me through loving feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. I don’t believe in do as I say, not as I do thinking.

I don’t expect people to do more than I’m willing to do myself. I don’t expect people to do anything they are not ready to do, or don’t want to do. I know when someone is ready because they don’t talk about wanting to change, they step up and do the work. We have to want peace to the point where we are willing to step out of our own chaos. For some of us, we’ve been marinating in chaos from before we even could understand it. Chaos becomes comfortable. I get it, internal chaos was a comfort zone for me for a long time, I still attach to a little chaos here and there. I just keep taking steps and it becomes less and less. I had to live this in order to show the way for others.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.”

Lewis Cass

Being the change means we lead by example. I told you early on that if you stuck with me through the entire series and did the work things would start transforming in your life. I wrote, read, and did the work of the series for these last 90 days, and I have to report that once again, AMAZING shifts within me and in my external world keep happening. On Day 88, I signed a contract for my first book deal, Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Woman. On Day 89, my passenger side window of my car broke; I kept a positive attitude about it. When I called to make an appointment to get it fixed, the woman on the phone told me anytime I need anything, please contact her directly because she considered me a pleasure to work with and she loved the energy that I put off. Those are just a couple examples of the kind of things that have been happening.

The energy we put out will come back to us, so if we truly want to stand up as a leaders, we have to be the example. If we expect others to do what we aren’t willing to do ourselves, we often will be led to live in lack. We won’t appreciate what others are doing, because we can’t see how challenging it can be to do what we are asking them to do. When we see people working through challenges, we are more likely to appreciate their efforts if we have been there ourselves. Leading by example keeps us in the energy of gratitude/abundance.

We ALL have the opportunity to learn from the mistakes, trips, slaps in the faces, trauma, drama, chaos, confusion, and losses we experience. How we get up is how we choose to lead others. Do we lead through the path of love or the path of fear? What we choose to do says it all. If we ourselves make a mistake, then we go attacking others by shaming, blaming, and judging to get the heat off ourselves, we are teaching others to do the same. If we make a mistake, take responsibility, and take actions to learn from and find solutions encouraging others to help get creative— The mistake can be avoided next time. We bring light into the darkness and let our mistakes teach us how to become better.

“What you do has far greater impact than what you say.”

-Stephen Covey

How people choose to live, choose to lead, choose to feel, choose to think, choose to believe, and choose to act will be different. The questions we want to be asking ourselves:

  • Are we making life choices from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to lead from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing our feelings based on beliefs of love OR fear?
  • Are our perspectives of truth from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to perceive events, conversations, self-reflection from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we judging others from a place of love OR fear?

The energy we project will come from the love or the fear within us. What we manifest comes from the love or the fear we project. What we attract back to us comes from the love or the fear we manifested in the world. BE CLEAR on what you are putting out there for others to spread and expand upon. Lead by example!

5 Steps to Leading by Example

  1. Be AWARE of the ENERGY you are projecting (Days 2-30)! We all have light (love) and darkness (fear) within us. Be aware of which one you are letting be the dominant energy you are choosing to live by.
  2. Accept responsibility for your choices (Day31-60)! Others cannot make us feel, think, or do anything. You make choices in how you want to perceive what happens and how you interpret people, places, and things. Don’t give your power away by blaming, shaming, judging, and hating. Doing those things puts your energy in your darkness.
  3. Be solution minded (Day 61-90)! Staying in the energy of blame keeps us stuck (lack) in the darkness and blocks our minds from finding creative solutions (abundance). If you are open and willing to learn from the mistakes and missteps, you can make changes and improvements that turn out better than the solutions that come from the energy of fear and lack. Those solutions tend to cause more problems in the future, because lack breeds lack.
  4. Be the change (Day 89)! Represent the energy and the change that you want to see. Do whatever work necessary to keep you projecting light into the world.
  5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR ENERGY!!! SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE! Make sure you have an active self-care regimen (Day 73). Do the work to keep yourself in the energy you want to be creating your reality from. This is your life, LEAD IT!

When we are truly ready to take responsibility for our lives, we empower ourselves to BE THE CHANGE—No stories, no blaming, no shaming, and NO EXCUSES! We become the light and can lead ourselves through the darkness. If others choose to see our light, it will help them to see what was hidden in their own darkness. We then can give them tools to help keep their light on—Leading by example.

Thank you for joining me on this 90-Day adventure. I’ve loved all the interactions, comments, and places this journey has led me to. I’m so incredibly grateful for the time you’ve taken to read the words I’ve felt led to write. Three months, around 400 hundred pages, and whole lot of love has filled me with abundance and gratitude for this amazing life I’m choosing to live. Now, I’m in the best place possible to work on the trimming and editing of the Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Women.

Subscribe to follow FromALovingPlace.com for inspiration, updates, new adventures, promotions on the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, and so much more. Whatever you CHOOSE to do—I hope you keep choosing to live from a loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read today’s Letter from A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 90 – Committing to Lead by Example

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 89 -Being the Change

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 89: Being the Change

Dear Self,

Life is full of twists, turns, hills, and valleys. There are amazing panoramic views surrounding me if I have the right lens to look through life with. I choose the lens of love or fear with each feeling, thought, perspective of truth, and/or step (action) I take. I can step towards the energy of fear and engage in battle with all my opponents. Or I can step towards love and let my light within lead me to bring light into situations where there already is enough dark. In order for me to be the change that I think the world deserves, I have to stay in my light as often as I can.

This doesn’t mean I have to put up with or accept unacceptable behavior. This doesn’t mean I have to give my energy to people who want to release their toxic energy on me. This doesn’t even mean I have to expose myself to energy that I don’t feel comfortable around. If I need space and distance from specific people to protect my energy, I will do that. Most times, I will choose to pray for them. I find that prayer keeps me in my light. When I choose fear, I gossip creating more darkness. If I need to protect myself with healthy boundaries when interacting with people, I will do that. If I need to go a step further and get the law involved when needed, I will do that. I will do what feels right for me at the time and do the best I can to maintain and protect my energy to the best of my ability. Taking care of my own energy comes first. Otherwise, I can’t be the change I want if my energy isn’t aligned with the change I want to see. I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME so that I can be the best version of me. If I do that, I trust where I’m being led and who I’m being led to help and/or serve.

If I’m not taking proper care of me, no matter how much good I trying to do in the world, I will attract back chaos and drama to my life in some way or another. The Universe has to give me back the energy I’m putting out. This goes well beyond thoughts. This is all the darkness buried inside of me that I haven’t been willing to expose to light too. The deeper I’m willing to go, the better change I can be. I will choose to live my life in the abundance of gratitude, practicing presence, checking in with my thinking, re-channeling my energy (when needed), connecting to center (which for me is nature), connecting my light to Divine light, and being the change.

No one can force me to be anything I’m not. I make choices and I’m taking responsibility for my decisions to contribute to the love or the fear in the world. I want my energy to go into who I am (love), what I’m projecting, and what I want reflected back to me. I know what I have to do and keep doing. I’m committed to being A BETTER ME, so that I can BE THE CHANGE the world deserves.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the opportunities I get to consciously choose to spread love or fear. Especially when I’m in full awareness of choosing love (IT IS SO POWERFUL).
  2. I’m grateful for wisdom to know where my responsibility to BE THE CHANGE is and how to do it.
  3. I’m grateful for this incredible moment and all the positive energy running through me.
  4. I’m grateful for my connection to nature to assist me in re-centering my energy.
  5. I’m grateful for the energy I feel when I know I’m being the change instead of fighting against.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 89 – Being the Change the World Deserves

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Only one more day of the series to go! If you missed any part and/or day of the A BETTER ME LETTERS SERIES OR A BETTER ME SERIES, you are welcome to go back and explore by just going  to the Home page or going to Categories. Happy reading!

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 89 – Being the Change the World Deserves

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 89: Being the Change the World Deserves

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

-Ram Dass

We make a choice EVERY day how to live this life. Each decision in how we feel, think, and act creates projections of energy that go out into the vast Universe. We are contributors to love and/or fear with our choices. Are you ALWAYS going to choose love? No. Sometimes we will choose fear consciously and other times we will choose it unconsciously. Fear is all around us in our entertainment, media, social lives, families, work environments, etc. We will sometimes have to work to choose love in fear-invoking situations. We will sometimes have our bear claws out and act defensively when we feel we are under attack. We are human and we are learning. Don’t beat yourself up! We just need to do our best and use the tools we’ve gained to get us back to a loving place.

What we did thirty-minutes ago, a day ago, a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago, etc. is the past. It’s done. Take responsibility for whatever lessons there were to learn from the feelings, thoughts, and actions that produced darkness and/or toxic energy. Choose to shift from the darkness, fear, shadow, and/or toxicity into the light, love, peace, and/or joy of the moment you are in right now. Right in this exact moment, the moment you are reading these words: you are safe, breathing, living, and getting the choice to be in the energy of love or fear. When we choose love more than we choose fear in our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, responses, and reactions, we are being the change that this amazing world deserves.

We sometimes choose to make this a lot more complicated than it is, because we are human. We can easily make the simple complicated. I’m no exception. Our stories are how we complicate, confuse, trigger, and stir ourselves up into a whirlwind of chaos. Here are some steps to help calm the whirlwind and help you find the peace to project and be the change.

7 Ways to Be the Change

  1. Get Present! Here it is again, if you want a way out of your story, you need to get present. If you need a reminder of the ways to do this, you can go back through the series or there are millions of other avenues found on-line. What is important is you find methods that you connect with so that you remember to do and use them on a daily basis. Remember, it’s just like healthy eating and building muscles. You have to keep doing the daily work to get the results you want to achieve.
  2. Check-In with your perspectives of truth. Is what you are choosing to believe in causing you chaos, stress, fear, pain, and suffering? Are you projecting fear in your beliefs about yourself and others? Are your beliefs telling you that someone else HAS to change to make it possible for you to BE THE CHANGE?
  3. Choose differently! If your feelings, thoughts, and perspectives of truth aren’t projecting the energy you want to contribute to the world, think of ways to look at the situation that will deliver a different energy. If you are struggling with this go back to Day 42-46.
  4. Be still! Slow down enough to get out of your story, be mindful, and shift your energy. Take a bathroom break if you need to, just give yourself time and space to slow down to a halt so that you can shift your energy. Use mindfulness, meditation, and breathing tools to re-center and find your way back to light-filled energy (Days 61-67).
  5. Connect with the beauty in nature. Whether you go out into it, look at pictures, watch video, or pay attention to it in movies—CONNECT!! See why the world deserves our love. Pay attention to the difference when we love and care for it and/or neglect and ignore it. Nature has so much to teach us about how we choose to live. Remember the garden example I gave? If not, go back and really become conscious of the garden you are creating.
  6. ACT! Once you are quiet enough, and your energy is projecting from a place of love, you will hear your call to act. You’ve heard the call to act from fear before, but the calling from a loving place is about being the change, having your energy in the right place, and acting out of the love within in you to create more love, connection, and compassion in the world. Isn’t THAT what the world deserves?
  7. REPEAT! This isn’t a one-time fix. Think about all the chaotic thoughts that spin the hamster wheel in your head. You are creating a garden and slowing down the hamster wheel to the point where you don’t need it. This takes a lot of time and practice. With every beautiful seed we plant in our garden, we get one to spread to the world.

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We can’t make great changes until we are the change. That is why I love Byron Katie’s quote about Buddha so much. That’s why you will see it all over my work again and again. If we try to act, without checking-in with our own energy and changing ourselves first, we too often unconsciously project more darkness and toxic energy into the world. We get caught in the cycle of using our rage to try to FORCE the world to change. We may solve one problem just to create another. Rage and force will create division and separation time and time again, because our energy is focused on what we are against. We have to be responsible for our energy first. This is how we can consciously become the change that the world deserves.

 

Choose wisely!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter From A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 89 -Being the Change