Interpretations from a Recovering People Pleaser

“Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest, version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.

-Wes Angelozzi

During a morning scroll of Facebook, I saw this quote on my friend’s feed. I could hear myself saying, “YES, YES, YES!!” Yet, I realized I wasn’t reading it how it was being stated. My perception changed the words as they were interpreted in my head. I’m a recovering people pleaser. As I thought about the statement, I thought about a boot camp I just ran. Seeing the words made me think of women doing the boot camp and their transformations in the 35 days they’ve been with me. I saw one HUGE difference: I’m guiding them to love themselves exactly as they are.

When I thought about Angelozzi’s quote above, I realized how much I’ve changed in the last decade. I used to work so hard to see and accept people exactly as they were, then I would wonder why me seeing them didn’t empower them. Then the rescuer/people pleaser me would sweep in and try to rescue these weary souls…LOL. I didn’t realize at the time that focusing on other people was keeping me from really going deep into my own shit. I kept attracting so much drama to my life just so I didn’t have to look inward. Little did I know at the time, if I just shifted the perspective of Angelozzi’s words to say, go and love myself exactly as I am… that’s where the miracles and transformation really took place. I used to want the credit for helping someone be a better version of him/herself. That was my lack of worth. At the time, I was trying to fix others to gain self-worth, thinking self-worth came from outside of myself.  I needed to feel valued by someone else’s perception of me.

I couldn’t see, love, and appreciate another person being exactly who they were until I cleaned up my insides first. The reason is we attract what we project out. If we have it inside us, we will manifest into our reality. I wasn’t attracting people I liked or respected, because I didn’t like or respect myself. When I started taking the steps to take care of me, all these amazing people started showing up in my life. Little by little all the ones who didn’t fit into my new shift shifted out. Some went quietly and one or two may try to stir things up every now and then. The difference is now, I do see and accept them exactly how they are and I CHOOSE to stay empowered and stay away.

On the other hand, when I look at this quote now in the space I’m in today—I see it differently. I think of my romantic partner and all my friends. I smile with awe and gratitude knowing each of us loves and accepts each other exactly how we are. When I got better, my circle got bigger and better. This didn’t mean I got all new friends. I have a handful of friends since childhood. I just learned to see them clearly and because I love and respect myself, it doesn’t take any work to do it. I can spot and appreciate other people’s unique gifts because I can appreciate my own. I don’t put my shit on them. Well, I try not to. If I do, I quickly clean it up (LOL). I recognize if I’m feeling insecure, fearful, guilty, etc. and own it.  I know if their reactions towards me are off-putting it’s because of something inside them or a reaction I’m having to something in my past. I only know that by knowing myself. I don’t have to take them personally—It’s a choice.

Learning that we are responsible for how we feel, react, and act on different situations is our power. When we know ourselves, we don’t give that power away by blaming others. We start asking ourselves questions and see what we need to do to feel better about the situation. We don’t expect others to do what we won’t do for ourselves. We truly become better versions of ourselves, and the people who are attracted to our lives can seeit.

I used to spend so much time trying to please other people. I couldn’t see myself at all. I didn’t know what I liked to do, what I liked to eat, or what was my favorite way to spend my alone time. I would change and shift with every relationship I entered. I couldn’t see them because I couldn’t see me. They couldn’t appreciate and see me because I didn’t even know who I was. I was who I THOUGHT they wanted me to be. I attracted people who didn’t know who they were either. Some would be in the same boat as me, some would try to fix me, and others would let me just take over the reigns on their life for a while because they didn’t want to deal with it. We all won or lost depending on how you look at it.  None of us had to look at ourselves if we were so busy in each other’s lives.

Seeing this quote with appreciation of where I am now to where I was then, I realize that I’m empowered by seeing my “own essence”. It’s not that someone else’s view of me transforms me. I had to transform myself. When I did that, I attracted people to my life that would encourage and inspire me to be the best version of myself. They weren’t the rescuers telling me how I needed to be living my life.

This shift has changed things for me in my professional life too. Now, when people are attracted to what I do, it’s because they have a light inside them. If I’m meant to help guide them it becomes clear, but they do the work. They do the transformation. I just assist, encourage, and inspire them to see the amazing person looking back at them in the mirror. Then, I watch them transform and it inspires and empowers me to keep doing what I do. I can’t take credit for their transformation, I’m just blessed enough to go on the journey as people begin to see the best version of themselves. And for that, my life is truly blessed.

I know others will interpret the quote above differently. I don’t take offense to different interpretations. They aren’t looking at it through my unique goggles. I don’t have an attitude of I’m right and someone else is wrong. I don’t have to be offended if someone does or doesn’t like my views. I’m not living their life and they are not living mine. I know my views change and shift over time through my own experiences. I simply find what FEELS right for me. At one point, the people pleaser in me would be scared to share this post because of how someone else might interpret my words. Even though I see this quote differently than it may be written, I appreciate it because it really helped me see what feels right to me. I appreciate the power in someone seeing and accepting a person for who they are. I know that feeling of empowerment that comes from accepting and loving being in my own skin. Of course that is what I want for someone else.


With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff © 2018

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