90-Day Series Updates

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to inform you that I’ve been through each day of the FREE  90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and now BOTH series are fully available on FromALovingPlace.com. I provided links on each day for easy navigation through every piece of the series. Now that the series is complete, it makes it easier to read like you would a book. Whether you are reading the series again, like some of you have told me you are, or you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me journey, I hope you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to write it and an even greater pleasure to talk with the followers of both series.

Now, I need to go and focus on the editing my book coming out at the end of 2019. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to subscribe to e-mails. Thank you for all the readers, followers, and commenters. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Here at the direct links to both series:

90-Day A Better Me Series

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

 

Happy reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m responsible for any darkness that turns into toxic energy in my home. I’m the only person who can keep it out. If I have attached to someone else’s toxic energy it’s because it exists in me. It may look different, he could be an abuser and I may be a recipient of his abuse, but I only accept his abuse if I’m abusing myself inside, which would be my toxic energy. I’ve been there and done that, no need to do it again. I couldn’t think of a better reason to STOP abusing myself. I can’t make others change their toxic energy, but I can change my own. I’ve come along way from the days where I accepted unacceptable behavior from others and/or myself.

Now, it’s about making sure the toxic energy doesn’t come back in to germinate, grow, and expand. The only way I can keep this from happening is get the lessons from the darkness that enters my world, and turn on the light. Toxic energy can’t grow in my internal home if I don’t attach to stories about the past or future. When I’m present, there is no story. I can deal with what comes up in the moment.

When I’m present, I’m aware. I can learn from whatever darkness starts to stir inside of me because I can get a clear view of it. I don’t have to let it turn into toxic energy. Toxic energy is what creates the toxic patterns that get me into trouble. Addictions are birthed and fed in toxic energy, so I need to be aware if I start doing anything to the extent of addiction, because succumbing to addiction is just another form of self-abuse. I can’t numb my darkness away; it only would turn into a fast growing toxic force field around my life. NO THANK YOU! I will choose to stay aware.

If I stay aware, I can check-in with my perspectives of truth easily. If I’m triggered, I can look at if I’m attaching to a perspective of truth that grows hidden toxic energy within my walls. When I stay aware, I can change my perspective of truth to serve the life I am choosing to live.

If I want to continue to consciously choose how I live, I have to keep doing the work. If I don’t do the work, the toxic energy has space to grow. My self-care is so important. Even my connection with God struggles if I’m not doing the work. When I used to get too caught up in my story, because I wasn’t doing the work and staying present, I blamed God for what was happening in my life. I wasn’t learning and growing from the important lessons I was getting, I was using them as an excuse to self-abuse.  I was giving my power away and I was even the victim of God in my story. NOT GOOD! When I do the work, I choose to live my best life and my connection with God is solid and healthy which engages my light.

When I do the work, I keep my light on. When I’m shining my light the people who are attracted to my life are shining their own light without trying to dim mine. The people who are stuck in their darkness aren’t even attracted to me—They are repelled. That’s why I stopped taking it personal when people don’t like me. I trust they aren’t meant to be in my life. When I don’t attach to the story of why someone doesn’t like me, I’m free to continue to shine my light.

What keeps me shining bright is gratitude. I’m living in true abundance when the energy of gratitude is filling me. Toxic energy has no place to hide and/or grow. It dies! My life is full and expanding. There are no empty holes to fill, just room for growth and expansion.

When I operate from a place of abundance, I live from a loving place. I give from a loving place. I receive from a loving place.  There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that what I’m authentically putting out there is what I’m getting back. Even my lessons come from a loving place, and I can see the benefits. It’s AMAZING TO LIVE FROM HERE!

I know I’m not going to stay in this energy every second. I will slip, stumble, and fall as apart of my learning process. I simply just do my best. I learn from my slips, stumbles, and falls on my ass and I grow. If I choose to linger in my darkness, it’s because there is a bigger lesson to learn there. It just means I need to move deep through it and see what comes out of the depths. This is an important part of my growth, and accepting that is doing my best.

This process isn’t a one or two time fix. These are the tools I need for a lifetime. I know I may forget to pick one up, forget about one, and/ or upgrade my tool chest, but the important thing to remember is that I have a choice in how I choose to grow and expand my internal home. I am the only one responsible for keeping it clean and maintaining it. I can’t be scared of the dark. I have to be willing to shine the light by repeating and expanding on the tools I’ve learned.

What’s important to me is to stay open to change, grow, and expand. This means I have to embrace my lessons and see the blessings. This is the life I’ve chosen in order to keep my internal home clear of toxic energy. Doing this doesn’t just benefit me; it benefits all the people I have relationships with. It benefits all the causes I serve. It benefits the bigger picture of this life.

If I don’t have toxic energy in my internal home, I’m not spreading it to the people around me. I’m taking responsibility for my darkness and not blaming others for my triggers. I’m whole. I AM!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for each new day because everyone I get gives me an opportunity to be and do better.
  2. I’m grateful for all the lessons that helped me to clean my soul with my tears.
  3. I’m grateful for my ability to see toxic energy and take steps to clean it up.
  4. I’m grateful that my love is stronger than any fear that I need to face.
  5. I’m grateful I AM.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

See today’s installment 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes to see each step today’s letter revealed.

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m the only one who can invite dark energy into my internal home. I trust that if I attach to a person’s darkness in the physical world and invite that darkness to stir inside of me, I’ve invited the darkness in. I’m responsible for anything the darkness does inside of my internal home. If I’m attaching to the darkness, there is a reason for it. I have something to learn from it. I have a piece of me to heal if I’ve invited darkness in to teach me what I need to learn. I am resisting learning, which is why the darkness came to my door.

I have options when I see that I’ve invited the darkness into my home. The darkness stimulates fear, judgment, guilt, shame, hate, vengeance, greed, and/or ego—Just to name a few. I can see options in my thinking that will stimulate love, compassion, empathy, peace, joy, connection, and hope. I can find reasons to look at the situation from different perspectives to see that the only thing that is trapping me in my darkness are my thoughts. I am choosing my thoughts, so I have the key to get out of the darkness when I’m ready.

I can turn on the light. My first step towards turning on the light is prayer. I pray for the courage to face myself in my darkness. I know that the person, thing, or event in my physical world only triggered me to see my darkness. Now by choosing to shine the light on it, I’m willing to look deeper to see what my dark corner has hidden. For that, I need courage. Once I pray, I like giving myself space to mediate. When I’m quiet and my breath is steady, I hear the Divine whisper to me. If I don’t hear the answer consciously yet, my next step is to go out in nature and focus on what I see, hear, smell, touch, and/or taste. This opens my senses up to receiving answers. Most times nature offers me some insight. I go and stretch through my thoughts and center myself with the Earth through the practice of yoga. I don’t usually have to go any further, but sometimes if the dark energy is just lodged down deep, I shake it out and dance. My light switch clicks on.

This is where I can spot any toxic waste and build-up that is hidden in the dark. These are my old perspectives of truth that I may have thought I got rid of but they are still lingering and spreading like mold. These are those old beliefs that say things like, People have to like me so that I have value, I’m small, I’m unlovable, I’m a victim, I’m more important than another person, I’m less important than another person, I’m nothing, I’m entitled to more, I don’t deserve more, etc. I have to look at my toxic energy that is causing toxic patterns in my life. Those toxic patterns are what I attach to in other people’s darkness. If I’m being triggered by darkness, I’m in a great space to see the secrets that are being hidden in those dark corners.

Now, I can clean it out. My self-care regimen can help me to work through these old beliefs that I’m attaching to. I don’t have space for them anymore. It’s time to replace them with perspectives of truth that make my internal home warm, cozy, safe, comfortable, beautiful, loving, and inspiring. I pray for assistance to help me transform any toxic energy into light producing energy so that I’m able to project more love out into the world. The more clarity I get, the better the job I do at cleaning up the mess. I’m responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, growth, development, and expansion of my internal home.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the dark energy that I invited in because it showed me what areas of my internal home that still need work.
  2. I’m grateful that I’m empowered to make the changes I need to in order to shine my light.
  3. I’m grateful to God for helping me find my courage and strength to face my darkness and take responsibility for it.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who trigger my darkness because they help me to become a better version of me.
  5. I’m grateful for all the unlimited choices I have on perspectives. I love that I ALWAYS have options of how I want to look at things.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 81 – Protecting Our Internal Homes from Vandals

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 81: Protecting Our Internal Homes from Vandals

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

-Lao Tzu

Protecting our internal homes from vandals is an essential piece to us becoming the best versions of ourselves. We can’t protect our inner homes without the awareness of why we invited individuals into our homes in the first place. A person can’t come into our internal homes unless he/she is invited. Our thoughts about people give them entry into our homes. How we choose to view them in our homes determines if they will be pleasant guests, teachers, students, entertainers, and/or vandals. We also determine what these individuals leave behind. Did they give us seeds for our garden? Did they give us art for our walls? Did they give us helpful tools to help maintain our homes and gardens? Did they rip of flowers? Did they give us seeds for strangling weeds? Did they mark our homes with graffiti? We become prisoners of the vandals by allowing fear-filled feelings, thoughts, and perspectives of truth of who we interpret them to be, how we perceive their actions, and/or what we perceive that they think into our internal worlds.

They become vandals when we make ourselves their victim in our internal home. We allow them to destroy our homes and turn them into dilapidated shacks by allowing them to have power over our internal space and peace. We give them power by choosing perspectives of fear. The more power we give them, the more destruction we allow them to do. Now, this is not the person in the physical world causing this damage, it’s how we interpret them in our internal world. We can create kind people to be vandals, just as easily as we can turn a sociopath into a vandal. It’s all in how we choose to interpret their words and behavior inside our own heads that creates our internal view of them.

Even I have been a vandal in others internal homes, but remember I have nothing to do with that. If someone doesn’t like my perspective, they can create me to be a vandal. If someone takes something I said as mean or cruel, which could have been me having healthy boundaries, it doesn’t matter, a person can still make me a vandal in his/her head. We see how people do this all the time on social media when they attack other people. In order to attack someone else, the attacker first made the other person a vandal in their own internal world. This other person may be helping millions of people in the world, but if they have a perspective that is different from an unconscious person’s (attacker) perspective and that person decides to ignore the good and embrace the fear of the differences, the image the attacker created in his/her dilapidated shack makes the other good natured person a vandal.

We need to know and understand that no other person can be a vandal in our internal homes without our permission. Narcissists can be very good at charming their way into people’s internal homes, but they still have to be invited in. Not every person who crosses paths with narcissists invites them in. How we protect ourselves from vandals works the same way if we are dealing with narcissists and/or good Samaritans that we choose to view through eyes of fear, because protecting ourselves has NOTHING to do with what these people do in the physical world or who they are in the physical world. Protecting our internal homes has EVERYTHING to do with us taking responsibility for our own perspectives of truth.

Here’s the best part about this process, when we protect our internal homes from narcissists, they have less chance of affecting our lives in the physical world. Narcissists need to be invited into our internal homes to have the power they desire over us in the physical world. Once we stop inviting them in, they lose interest, because if they can’t affect our nature in the physical world, they get bored and go on the hunt for another victim. It may be awhile before they stop attempting to get in. Eventually if we stay consistent, and we FULLY close and lock our door to them, they stop trying. They may even stay in our physical lives in some way (i.e. family members), but we don’t allow them space to vandalize our internal homes. We can choose to them even without inviting them in. To love someone means we are spreading our light to her/him. A person can stay in their darkness without affecting our light.

When we learn how to protect our internal home from vandals, we also will start to see AMAZING shifts and changes in who is attracted into and/or repelled from our physical worlds. I love watching how this process unfolds. I’ve found it fascinating that the healthier I get, the people who are stuck in their darkness have less and less interest in me or they will make me a vandal to their dilapidated shacks. If they choose to make me a vandal, they will attempt to have an altercation with me, and if I don’t allow them into my internal home to vandalize it, I will not respond like they want me too, so they will distance themselves from me. I take this as an ABSOLUTE BLESSING! I trust a person who is stuck in their darkness is on their own journey. If I’m meant to give them a seed from my garden, I do. It’s up to them what they choose to do with it. They may have so many weeds destroying their internal gardens that even if they try to plant my seed it won’t have space to grow. They first have to clean up the weeds before they can see the beauty that lies under them. If deep down a person wants a path out of their own darkness, I imagine them walking just outside of my internal property waiting to know when they are ready.

If we protect our internal homes, it doesn’t matter what others do in their own darkness, we won’t let them destroy our internal homes and the gardens we’ve created around them. Once we realize we can shut our doors to the uninvited and say goodbye to those visitors we invited in who turned into vandals, we are truly empowered to be the BEST versions of ourselves. Our awareness and dedication to do the work to keep us in our light opens us up to lives beyond what we could have ever imagined. When we protect our internal homes, we allow our beacon of light to shine brighter. Our homes stay filled with the love and light that spreads out into the world.

 

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Over the next few days you will get the tools to keep your internal homes protected. Just like everything else in this 90-Day A Better Me Series, these are seeds. You have to decide if you want to plant them. You have to make sure your land is ready. If you struggle with making these seeds grow into strong beautiful additions to your garden, go back to Part I of the series and work it from the beginning. Whatever you do, remember you have the power to change the trajectory of your life by how you choose take care of your internal world. We project out what we create inside. That manifests the reality we live in and attracts back to us what we’ve projected out. We have to make sure we are projecting out the best inner life we can to create an outer life we love and appreciate.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Check-out today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 81 – Protecting My Internal Home from Vandals

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 78 – I’m Triggered! Using Self-Reflection to Heal My Energy

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 78: I’m triggered! Using Self-Reflection to Heal My Energy

Dear Self,

I had an exchange with a woman where I felt completely triggered. I felt attacked and like the person was saying that my perspective was wrong and unhealthy. Now, this person doesn’t live the kind of life that I want to be living, so why am I taking what she said personally. That’s her perspective according to how she chooses to live her life. If I REALLY could fully embrace that, I wouldn’t be having a reaction right now. I wouldn’t choose to feel victimized by her words. I really need to go deeper to figure out what this exchange has triggered in me.

Maybe the part in me that isn’t fully healed from being a people pleaser—I wanted her to agree, like, and respect me and she doesn’t. It also may be that she reminds me of my childhood when I was talked down to like I didn’t know what I was talking about and that my view was treated with disrespect. I remember feeling small and inferior during those times. I felt unheard and unimportant. I felt unworthy. Ok, this definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the woman I was just interacting with because her opinion of me is encompassed by her own darkness. I’m really okay with her not agreeing with me.

Now that I know I’m not dealing with this woman’s opinion being the problem, I can dig deeper to the parts of me that are still working through feeling unworthy. The perspectives of truth I’m choosing to believe are making me feel weak and inferior. I’m not that little girl anymore. I’m a woman of strength, courage, love, and hope. The way I’m feeling in this moment isn’t reflecting the beliefs I live by now. My perspectives of truth bring my life peace and joy. I don’t see any reason to continue to believe that I’m a victim of other people’s opinions. I know my worth! I don’t need anyone else to know it.

Ok, I’m feeling a little calmer, but I’m still not sure I can 100% promise that I’m going to be able to communicate with this woman from a loving place, so I will sit, meditate, pray, and remain silent until I feel that my communication will be worthy of the energy I want to project out into the world. I definitely don’t want someone’s darkness to affect my light. If I’m meant to have another exchange with her, I trust that the opportunity will arise.

I just need to keep in mind what it is I stand for. I need to focus on how best to communicate without taking on the energy of people who are out there showing their darkness. The question I need to ask myself is… How do I shine my light here? If I feel clear about the answer, if the answer brings me peace, I know I’m in a healthy place.People can only trigger me if I let them. I only let them if I’m facing some darkness within me. When I’m honest with myself—I get better! My energy now is aligned with the energy I want to project out into the world.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful I ALWAYS have a choice in how I view a situation.
  2. I’m grateful for the power of self-reflection to get me out of my own dark energy.
  3. I’m grateful for other people giving me the chance to learn more about myself.
  4. I’m grateful that I’ve learned how to love myself, so that I know my worth.
  5. I’m SO grateful for my ability to change and be better.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Need more inspiration? Read 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 78 – Using Self-Reflection When We Are Triggered

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 46 – Finding Perspectives of Truth to Empower Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 46: Finding Perspectives of Truth to Empower Our Lives

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

-Henry David Thoreau

There are some perspectives of truth that tell people that wanting is a bad thing. It all depends on the energy that we are putting into the want. If we are looking for external things to fix internal holes, yes wanting would be counterproductive. We have to internally fix the holes before we are going to attract things that contribute to the peace, joy, love, and fulfillment that we already have inside. No external thing/person will fill an internal hole.  Perspectives of truth led by fear create holes. Perspectives of truth led by love create internal fulfillment. Many religious books say this just in a different way. We can only give and receive what we already have inside us. What do you want to be giving and receiving to/from the world?

Day 45, we looked at the releasing perspectives of truth that aren’t serving the lives we want. If we say we want love, we can’t be projecting fear of the very love we want. We can’t be afraid to love ourselves. If we treat ourselves like we have no value, then that’s what we are projecting. We manifest people in our lives that show us the way we treat ourselves. Perspectives that come from fear, set us up to put the responsibility of how we live our lives out into the world. Perspectives that come from love empower us with the responsibility of how we choose to live our lives. First we need to physically look at the perspectives of truth that aren’t serving us. If you REALLY want to see change in your life, start with Day 45’s exercise. More perspectives that don’t serve up will come up throughout the rest of our lives. We simply take them as they come. The more aware we are, the more empowering this experience becomes.

I actually just got faced with someone else’s perspectives of truth led by fear and watched how they effected one’s I was still was holding onto. Transitioning my perspective was so much easier for me since I am in the middle of this series, and I could transmute my fearful reactions into loving and compassionate energy. I realized I didn’t have to take on someone else’s negativity in the situation. I didn’t have to embrace their perspective of truth. When I got into a healthier space within me, my thoughts shifted and I could see beautiful possibilities. I used to hold onto stuff like this for MONTHS, sometimes even YEARS. I would blame the other person for bringing me into their negative spiral, but now, I started processing the situation after the first exchange. To me that is a MIRACLE! That’s how fast we can shift once we get the hang of this.

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I see our choices of perspectives of truth as the garden we create in our minds. I choose what seeds I’m going to plant. I decide how to treat the soil. I figure out the way I want to water my garden. I choose which weeds I want to pull. I determine how much light each flower, plant, vine, bush, or tree needs. I choose the space between each life form to support their growth. Other people can give me seeds to flowers, plants, trees, weeds, smuggling vines, invasive species, fertilizers, etc. I get to choose whether to plant or use them. If it doesn’t fit into the garden I’m creating, I can put it in my pocket to possibly plant later, or get rid of it completely. The choice is MINE and MINE ALONE!

I’ve learned not to attempt to destroy someone else’s garden, because I’m not a fan of the one they created. I won’t choose to put those particular seeds in my garden. I may find a plant in their garden I love. I may offer them a seed from mine, but I don’t have to take it personally if they don’t choose to take it. Taking what other people choose to do personally is an invasive species we add to our garden. We are giving that species the power to take over our gardens and it’s a seed we CHOSE to take. A person might have forced (violence) a seed into our hands, but only we can CHOOSE what we are going to do with it.

That is part of the AMAZING blessings on this journey. We are creating our own scene. We are just getting ideas from others about what works and what doesn’t work in our gardens. We choose the landscape of our lives. We may choose seeds we think are going to work because we like the looks of the flower in someone else’s garden, but when we add them to ours, it just doesn’t work. That’s ok. It’s just not a fit for now, it might be later, or it might never be. Just trust, what works for right now.

If this inspires you to garden, DO IT! If this inspires you to get creative and make a collage, draw a picture, paint, or take photos of the life you would want in your garden, DO IT! If you are feeling inspired to clean your house, room, drawers, cabinets, DO IT! Doing these physically things is helping you to clean up your inside. Trust whatever comes to you. This may seem like a little too much information, but your body will also physically release toxic waste that is not serving it too. Some people can get similar feelings like a detox would give as their internal world starts cleaning itself up and filling in the holes that fear created.

In order to create a beautiful garden of our own choosing, we need to start filling in the holes in our foundation that were created by fear. We have to replace the old perspectives of truth that didn’t serve us with ones that will help us create the garden of our dreams.

Below are a few perspectives of truth (beliefs) I borrowed from my 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp. My favorite week of boot camp is watching people choose new perspectives of truth.  It’s really is an AMAZING blessing to watch someone’s transformation process. Tears are piling up in my eyes just thinking about it. I hope these give you some ideas on how to work with replacing some of your old belief systems.

If our perspective of truth is I am unlovable. I’m not worthy of being loved.

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I am lovable.
  • I love me.
  • I’ve been writing lists of plenty of things I love about me.
  • I am absolutely lovable.
  • I do experience love from family and friends.
  • People show me they love me regularly.
  • I’m working on loving me.
  • Loving myself is how I give myself value.
  • By loving myself I allow myself to give and receive love freely to/ from other others.

 

If our perspective of truth is my body isn’t good enough!

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I have all my limbs, I’m happy about that!
  • I love the food I get to eat by having this body!
  • I take care of my body.
  • My body is healthy.
  • My body gets me from point A to point Z
  • I like that my body shows I’ve lived and had kids.
  • I’m grateful my body is strong.
  • My body is exactly what it’s supposed to be in this moment.
  • My body has lessons to teach me about how I take care of myself.
  • My body is my vessel for this life and it how I care for it is showing me how much I value it.

 

If our perspective of truth is I AM SO SELFISH!

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I care a lot for others
  • I take care of myself.
  • My self-care is important.
  • I do great things for others by taking care of myself.
  • I’m happy I get some time to focus on me.
  • I’m worthy of my own time.
  • The healthier my garden is, the healthier the seeds I’m giving to others.

 

If our perspective of truth is I’m a God fearing person or I have to fear God(Day 6)

Some different perspectives could be:

  • I choose to do good things for others because God’s love is inside of me
  • I choose to love myself because I’m creating in God’s loving image, so by treating myself with love, nurturing, and respect, I’m honoring the work God did in creating me.
  • I love God, so I choose loving actions to show my gratitude for God’s love.
  • When I love myself and others, I’m honoring God’s love for the world.
  • When I choose to love, I’m choosing to connect with God.

Just for Today

Get out your work from yesterday and fill in your pages with other possible perspectives. If one resonates with you put a star next to it and make a sign for yourself as a reminder of this new thought. Use it, write it, repeat it, and talk about it. Your making sure your garden has the healthiest land to grow on. Take care of this new perspective to help it make the beauty of your garden grow and expand.

I really hope those who truly want change dive into this part of the journey because the gifts that come with the transformation are truly AMAZING!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Remember to read today’s Letter from A Better Me, 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 46 – Perspectives of Truth to Empower My Life. If you want to get notified as soon as I post, make sure to scroll down and choose to follow the blog via e-mail.

 

Have a transformative day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 45 – Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Me

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

 

Day 45: Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Me

Dear Universe,

I’m ready to release perspectives that don’t serve me anymore. Many of my perspectives of truth came from a place of fear. Some weren’t even my fears. They were fears of family before me. Others came from past circumstances that are no longer the case. I also have those perspectives of truth that started as a small fear and developed into life altering nightmares. I really don’t see the need to keep them alive in my life anymore. They are definitely not serving the person I want to be.

I don’t see any reason to keep perspectives of truth that keep me in the place of lack. Whether it’s lack of friends, family, romance, finances, love, direction, profession, adventure, etc.— I don’t need to see the world through eyes of lack and/or not enough. When I believe life is this way I put expectations on others and myself that are damaging. This perspective keeps me from living in the moment and enjoying what this moment has to offer me. This perspective keeps me worrying about the future and feeling anxious that I’m never doing enough. It makes me work harder, but not smarter. It makes me sabotage relationships over fears of what the future looks like. It keeps me from experiencing more. I don’t see a reason to keep this perspective of truth.

I also want to release the perspectives of truth that tell me I’m too nice, too sensitive, too caring, and too compassionate. These beliefs keep me from enjoying the person I am. I sabotage myself by not creating healthy boundaries and not taking personal responsibility for my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions. When I believe this I’m blaming someone else for not being who I’m expecting them to be when they are just being who they are. Sometimes I begin doing things for others that they can do with themselves. They can take that as me saying I don’t have faith in them or their abilities. Believing these thoughts keeps me manifesting more examples of situations where I let myself be taken advantage of, but it’s not because I’m too anything, it’s because I’ve created these situations by not being conscious of how these beliefs are affecting me. I’m giving my power away instead of empowering myself.

I’m ready to release the perspective of truth that tells me I’m not good enough. When I treat myself like I’m not good enough, I project to the world that I’m not good enough. I sabotage what I do to prove that I’m not good enough. I take failures as proof instead of things to learn from. I feel unworthy of God’s love because I believe I’m not good enough (Day 6 of the 90-Day A Better Me Series). This contributes to me giving myself away time and time again to try to fill the endless hole that I created by believing the perspective of truth that tells me I’m not good enough. I find no reason to keep this perspective. It’s definitely not serving the life I want to be living.

Finally, I’m releasing the perspective of truth that I’m a victim of others feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions. This belief has created major chaos, sadness, depression, grief, fear, anxiety, resentment, rage, and anger in my life, amongst other things. I have sabotaged my relationships in all areas of my life by taking on the victim role (Day 41 of the 90-Day A Better Me Series). I’ve ripped myself of the power to change myself and the situation I’m in. I keep seeing others as personally attacking me when their views are different then my own. I carry around a tightness in my body and I feel like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think everything is too good to be true, so if I can’t blame someone else for hurting me, I start taking on the blame myself becoming the victim of self-abuse (Day 29 of the 90-Day A Better Me Series). I have absolutely no reason to hold onto this belief. I see the trail of damage this belief has caused in my life. It was a perspective of truth I once thought I needed to survive, but I see no good reason to hold onto this belief that is literally destroying every good thing in my life.

Today, these are the perspectives of truth I’m looking to release. Divine Spirit, please lead me to new thoughts and ideas that will help me find healthier perspectives of truth. Please allow the perspectives to serve the love within my heart, so that I can serve the love within others hearts. Open me up to see perspectives of truth that shine light in even the darkest of places.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 45 – Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Us

If you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Series, you picked a perfect day to start. The transformation is at your fingertips. Read today’s Installment of the 90-Day A Better Me Series “Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Us”. What are the perspectives of truth keeping you from living the life you want to be living? Welcome to the Journey of Perspective!

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 28 – Giving Ourselves Away

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 28: Giving Ourselves Away

“When you know and respect your own inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don’t belong.”

-Benjamin Hoff

From a young age many of us are taught not to be selfish. We are told that self-care is secondary to serving others. The message for some can be we aren’t worthy unless we are serving someone else. We take in messages like, treat others like you want to be treated. So we give and give and give trying to fill ourselves. What happens to many of us is instead of feeling full because we give, we feel depleted.

Giving when the intentions are in a healthy place fills us up. It gives us the power and energy to keep going even when we are serving in the darkest places. If we are a person who gives her/himself away, we will serve under extreme conditions, but make NO time for self-care. We will keep pushing until we completely crash. Numbing is used frequently, which can turn into addictions. Slowly, we lose ourselves piece by piece by piece. We become title after title throwing ourselves into any role we can to give ourselves away. One day IFwe get to a place where we’ve gotten so sick of ourselves or awaken to the need to change, we realize that we gave ourselves away and that we deserved better than the way we were treating ourselves.

When we give ourselves away, we become victims. We may blame others for taking advantage of us. We may blame ourselves for being stupid, a pushover, or a doormat. We also can feel that all we are here to do is serve others, and we are being selfish by not feeling happy about it. Why wouldn’t we want to numb ourselves under these conditions?

When we give ourselves away, we aren’t being accountable for our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions. We are acting unconsciously walking around being our own victims. We aren’t questioning our beliefs. We are living in our shame and unworthiness of having no value. If you’ve been reading this entire series, you see what I’m getting at because I’ve covered each way we sabotage our lives piece by piece throughout the first 27 days of the 90-Day A Better Me Series. What happens to us is not always under our control. We can’t always avoid traumas. Our beliefs whether they were created before the trauma or in a reaction to the trauma are ours and ours alone. We can’t be convinced of anything we don’t want to believe. That is why we are accountable. Giving ourselves away usually starts as an unconscious way of trying to seek our value outside of ourselves, like I wrote about on Day 28.

We are accountable for giving ourselves away. This doesn’t mean blaming ourselves and being the victim of our unconscious choices. This is true authentic empowerment. By knowing we choose to give ourselves away, we give ourselves the power to change it. Self-care, healthy boundaries, and being open to learn a different way of doing things are what happen when we take our power back.  We can’t get there until we become aware.

When we don’t value ourselves, we will give ourselves away, or become so engrossed in numbing ourselves that our addictions take over as our way of fighting giving ourselves away. So instead of giving, we end up taking and taking. Both stem from becoming victims of ourselves. That is why many times a person who gives too much attracts an addict who takes too much. There are so many lessons in the relationship because both parties are suffering. They are both just approaching the suffering in different ways. We will stay in the dysfunction until we grow away from it.

There is no accident why I posted each day the way I did. If you are reading this series, you’re on a journey. That’s why I start with awareness of the things that block us. In the end, we are the problem and we are the solution. We can’t change anybody else. We can only work with the person in the mirror. If we do the work there, we become clear as we come out of the fog of our own victimhood. We are worthy! We are lovable! Life changes when we change.

Now, being that narcissists are a hot topic, especially when we have had to survive their abuse, it’s time I share my gratitude. It was my toxic relationship with a narcissist that got me to see how unhealthy I was. I was a prime target for one because I had no problem giving myself away. This is not about being an EMPATH, A GIVER, or COMPASSIONATE! We aren’t target for these AMAZING qualities. We are targets because we use the great qualities we have as an excuse to be walked on. Not all empaths, givers, and compassionate people are doormats, just the ones who don’t take care of themselves, their energy, and hold themselves accountable. When a narcissist comes into our life it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. They are AMAZING teachers. Narcissists can show us where our boundaries need work. They show us where we lack self-worth. We can see where we are still blaming, shaming, and judging others and ourselves. We can see where and how we give ourselves away time and time again. Most of all, we are faced with our greatest shame. Narcissists are great at finding our darkest areas and exposing them.

A narcissist may not be able to connect to their accountability, but we can. If we  blame them for being who they are because they can’t help it. We are responsibility for the negative energy we are putting out. If we try to seek revenge for the pain we felt, we are responsible for that energy. A true narcissist doesn’t have control over it. I had to learn about myself and my accountability to break the ties and stop attracting that kind of energy into my life. Self-care is ESSENTIAL for not giving ourselves away and becoming a target. There are ways narcissists fish for victims. We can know multiple narcissists and not be a victim of them. Awareness is key. The more I learned about narcissism, the more I understood why I needed to learn the lessons I did. Now, I can be nothing but grateful because I’m free from being a victim of myself.

If we consider ourselves people pleasers, it’s time to take a good look in the mirror and really look deeper into why we choose to give ourselves away. We will cover more on Day 29 when approach the topic of self-abuse. If you have been triggered by this installment, I highly suggest you go back and read through Days 1-27. You will see where my perspective comes from and you may be more willing to dig deeper. Just remember fear, blame, shame, judgment, and hate are keeping us trapped. If we want to feel free, we have to let go of what doesn’t work.

Hint: If we are not at peace, what we are doing isn’t working. If we want to create peace outside of us, we have to feel peace inside of us.

Just for Today

It’s time to pull out some paper or create a new document on your computer. Look at areas of your life where you feel like you are giving yourself away. For now, put it aside and add to the list as needed. If you stay on the journey with me, you will have the tools to take a different path, if and only, if you want to. We always have the choice to get better, whether you choose to do it with me, someone else, or not do it at all is up to you. This is your life! Nobody can make it better except for you. No one else can do this work for us. We can be guided, but until we are ready we will stay in our chaos.

Be conscious of your energy that you are attracting to your life. Whatever you put out, you will get back. Holding ourselves accountable is not blame. We are all learning. We don’t know what we don’t know. If we choose to stay in the FIGHT of it all, we will suffer. We can make this choice moment to moment, and any time we fall back into old patterns, it just means there is more to learn. If we stick to it, we will get better. Becoming aware of how we give ourselves away is a BIG piece of the journey. Once we start seeing it, we open up to changes and shifts beyond our imagination.

Don’t miss today’s Letter from A Better Me, 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 28 -Giving Myself Away. In the meantime if you want more, please explore past posts. If you haven’t already, you can choose to follow me. Thank you for reading!

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 1 – Welcome to the Journey

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Day 1: Welcome to the Journey

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the journey of A Better Me. This letters piece of the journey is about connecting to the material in the 90-Day A Better Me Series. One of the things I’ve learned in my experience is that if I can’t make the journey personal, it’s not my journey. I won’t absorb the material in the same way as I do if I’m truly connected to it.

Since I’ve re-written my own story again and again using letters, I wanted to pass on one of the most essential tools in my own tool box. I’ve been amazed at what writing letters has done in my life. This helped me more than just journaling because writing a letter to myself or someone else gets me to engage deeper. The letters become personal contracts to live better.  I fully commit to feeling through whatever is going on inside of me at the time. I found that to be an AMAZING healing and transformative tool. Writing letters helps me to remember that I’m writing my own story. I need to commit to being the leading role.

Part I of the series is meant to stir up your emotions. If the program is working, you will get triggered. You will see yourself more openly. You will have opportunities to make better choices today. This journey is a process. In Part I, I’m peeling back the layers to expose the toxic muck that is keeping you from living your best life. In Part II, I help you to heal and strengthen. In Part III, you will get tools galore on how to grow and expand y to be the best version of yourself. Your relationships will shift and change as you take this journey. Trust the path!

I hope that if you stick to this journey, you will get what you need to become the best version of yourself, the program opens you up to see signs, guidance, teachers, and/or students. This is just the beginning. If you need extra guidance, I have a program that acts as a supplement to any personal development program you are using and/or want to start using. You will see a little more about that throughout the series. For now, enjoy this 90-Day journey. You can read it daily, like a book, or pick and choose what you need. This journey is yours. Just go to CATEGORIES to have direct access to both series.

Remember each day comes with a companion piece on the 90-Day A Better Me Series. Don’t forget to read and follow on long in order to get the most out of the experience. Read today’s here: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 1-A Commitment for 2019

 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019