I’m grateful I KNOW forgiveness. I remember how painful it was to carry the energy holding me hostage to my past experiences. There were things I hadn’t forgiven myself for in addition to keeping past traumas alive by not forgiving the people involved. When I held onto the trauma so tightly, everyone in my present day life was paying the price in addition to the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage it created within me. KNOWING forgiveness brought peace to my past. I could heal the wounded energy I was carrying around with me. I could take back the power to create a new reality from the energy of love, abundance, and peace instead of continuing to create from the energy fear, lack, and separation. KNOWING forgiveness opened the doors to compassion, empathy, healthy boundaries, self-love, loving others, peace, joy, abundance, faith, and hope. A journey well worth every step—and it does happen in steps!
The beauty of knowing forgiveness is that I KNOW when I’m faced with a situation that needs forgiving. I feel it in my body and my thoughts. I might feel an inner rage, fear, hate, or anxiousness building within me. I hold my breath more and breath shallow breaths. My chest feels tight, my stomach turns, and my throat feels constrained. These are signs I use to go within and tap into what is unhealed inside me. I either haven’t forgiven myself or someone else when I have this strong a reaction to any situation and it might have absolutely nothing to do with the person who I’m reacting to in front of me. Something they did may have just triggered old unhealed pain. KNOWING this has helped me heal buried pain and communicate better in my present relationships.
Today, I commit to BEING in the energy of forgiveness. I’m spending time here to remind myself of the peace I feel when I live in the space of forgiveness. Forgiveness is NOT about the person I’m forgiving, unless that person is me. Forgiving someone else is about me cutting a toxic energy cord to a time, space, story, and/or person that is not healthy for me to hold onto. Many times I’ve realized that when I’m holding onto something, what I’m really holding onto is a story that is aligning me with the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Some part of me is saying that moment SHOULDN’T have gone the way it did. I’m separating myself from what IS ANYTIME I think or talk about what have SHOULDN’T happened. The reality is that whatever happened—HAPPENED. My healing depends on me accepting reality and empowering myself to shift out of the story that is keeping me hostage to the energy of fear, lack, and separation.
It’s never anyone’s fault if I’m stuck in that energy. I’m the only one who can align myself with the energy of fear, lack, and separation. This doesn’t mean I won’t feel scared, sad, hurt, hate, rage, frustration, etc. Every FEELING I feel is apart of my journey as a human. Denying, suppressing, avoiding, numbing, and creating stories around my hurt feelings is what causes me to align with the energy of fear, lack, and separation. That’s where I create the toxic cords and why forgiveness is necessary for my well-being. Just think of all the toxic cords one could carry around if they didn’t KNOW forgiveness. Our life force is drained in those cords. We become slaves to those cords. It doesn’t matter what anyone else chooses to do, it’s too draining for me. I choose to live in the energy of forgiveness, because I love the way it feels.
One of the ways I use to BE in the energy of forgiveness is through prayer. I pray for the people, including myself whose choices have had a painful emotional affect on me. If I still feel any kind of negative pull, I write a letter to the person. I don’t send it to them, I burn it and release it to the Divine Source of all love. If that doesn’t work, I do a cord-cutting, which I’ve written about in past blogs. I don’t want any toxic cords linking me to other people, because then I feel prisoner to my story with that person and that toxic energy keeps playing out in my current relationships…NOT WORTH IT!
I used to have a toxic cord with God. I blamed God for specific circumstances in my life. I also believed that God hated me and was punishing me. The cord got so toxic that I tried to kill myself. This toxic cord played out in all my relationships to the point where I felt like I was being strangled by all the cords. My point in telling you this is that sometimes forgiveness has NOTHING to do with someone doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just about the stories we are telling ourselves that create toxic energy cords aligning us with energy of fear, lack, and separation. I wrote God many forgiveness letters as I worked on cutting those toxic cords. Now, my relationship with the Divine is filled with pure love and it plays out in ALL my relationships with others. Just BEING with this memory puts me in energy of forgiveness and aligns me with the energy of love, abundance, and peace.
With Love, Abundance, and Peace,
©Rachael Wolff 2021
Author of Letters from a Better Me