Part I: A Journey of Awareness
What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation
Day 14: The Darkness of Self-Blame
“You need to stop blaming yourself for the things you can not change.”
Blame is sneaky. Blame creeps in like a shadow if we aren’t aware of where our energy is. As we realize we don’t want to be in the energy of blaming others, we can instantly jump into blaming ourselves instead. IT’S THE SAME ENERGY! We aren’t going to see better in our lives just because we are no longer pointing our fingers outward. If we are still pointing that finger inward we are still living in the darkness of self-blame. We are going to be harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else. Think about things you are capable of saying to yourself in the mirror when you’re not happy with yourself. Is there self-blame there? If so, that is part of the energy that is holding you back from having the life you want. Self-blame is self-abuse. People can and do take self-blame to the point of suicide, addiction, cutting, and other forms of extreme abuse. Self-blame has the ability to really push people off the edge. Mixing shaming with self-blame and it is a toxic cocktail.
When I was going through some hard-hitting life lessons I was not blaming others, but boy did I put the blame on myself. I still was contributing to the same negative energy, but I was putting it all on me. I was still ending up with people and in situations that would just perpetuate the blame, shame, and fear-filled way of life. It was even more confusing to me than how I was living before. At the time, I had NO IDEA it was happening because I was pointing the finger inward. I thought that is what I was SUPPOSED to be doing. I thought the blame was exactly where it was supposed to be, so why was I still feeling so depleted, depressed, and toxic to be around?
I didn’t know the difference between taking personal responsibility and blaming myself. There is a fine line between the two, but the energy from each one is VERY different. Taking personal responsibility comes from a loving energy. Therefor, it promotes self-care, compassion, empathy, and trust. We don’t have an expectation of ourselves to be more than human. We know making mistakes is apart of the journey and the learning experience. Taking personal responsibility means we’re open to learn from our mistakes and we commit to working to be and do better.
Now, self-blame comes from a fear-based energy field. Therefor, it promotes shame, self-centered behavior, anger, sadness, depression, energy depletion, just to name a few. It also can lead us down the path of addiction to try to cover up the way we are feeling inside. We can feel the difference in how our bodies respond and how we talk to ourselves and others after we have admitted our responsibility in the matter. If we are depleted, we used self-blame. If we feel liberated, we took personal responsibility. We are just taking responsibility for our choices and the energy that we put out there that may have affected ourselves and/or someone else. We ARE NOT taking responsibility for the way any other person feels or their actions and/or reactions. They are in charge of their own energy, rewards, or consequences of their choices, even if they were in response to something we said or did.
My hope is that people taking this journey will not do what I did and spend too much time in the self-blame arena. This is a dangerous place to linger and there are plenty of belief systems out there that encourage us staying in that place. We are still at WAR if we remain here. We are just fighting ourselves and the fear-based beliefs start taking over each time we pick a fight. We don’t have to self-blame! We don’t have to be at war with ourselves! The energy of blame even if we are aiming towards ourselves is toxic to us and the people around us. It will come off in very different ways, but it still won’t feel right to people who are in our circles. Conversations may still endlessly rotate around you because a friend or family member is constantly trying to get you to be easier on yourself. We still aren’t capable of being in the present moment if our heads are stuck in blame. Blame doesn’t exist in the present moment. The dark energy consumes our thinking, while we continue to question why our lives are the way they are.
Just for Today
Investigate whether you are taking personal responsibility, self-blaming, or blaming someone else. How do the different energies feel in your body? How do they make you feel about finding solutions to the problems you are blaming over? How does taking personal responsibility feel different?
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff © 2019
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Read today’s companion series 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series letter of the day 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 14 – Recognizing Self-Blame
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