I’m grateful for my continued growth. The last couple days, I’ve decided to gain understanding on cults. As much as I’ve studied psychology, social science, abuse, Narcissistic personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder, etc., I’ve never spent time investigating cults on an educational level. Staying open to learn about what is uncomfortable in the human psyche helps me to be a better human. Many of the same tactics are used in abusive relationships are in cults. What’s interesting is the same techniques I’ve learned to keep me safe from falling prey to an abusive relationship again are the same as what keeps me safe from falling prey to a cult atmosphere. It has been interesting to get further understanding of where my vulnerabilities to become prey are.

Cults, just like abusers, need their followers/victims to be aligned with fear, lack, and separation in some way. They both can use love bombs as a way to disguise this to make fear look like love. They both preach victim and revenge mentalities to make followers/victims align with lack and separation. Both also use isolation tactics to only be fed what they want you to believe. I remember friends and family telling me that I was like a robot and/or just disappeared. They didn’t recognize me anymore. The same happens in cults.

The more I read, the more grateful I am I decided to take the path that I have to align with love, abundance, and peace. It actually makes me want to stay even more vigilant in these trying times to make sure my empathy, compassion, and forgiveness mindsets are intact. Sometimes, seeing the ugliest parts of humanity opens our eyes to what can bring out our best parts. I, like many, never thought I would have been the victim of abuse. At the time, I thought I was strong and independent. I didn’t realize I was self-abusing. I didn’t see that I was lost in the world of lack. I also didn’t see how separate I felt because of showing one side of myself to the outside world, while I was silently suffering internally. If you are wondering why I write about why it’s so important to be honest with how we are feeling inside, this is why.

My honesty with myself has been essential to my growth. I keep having to put myself in-check, which is why I keep writing these posts and stay open to learning from everything that is happening in and around me. In my latest examination, I learned a lot more about some of the actions I’ve taken as I’ve broken more and more unhealthy patterns in my life. I understand more about my empathy towards some of the people who others only feel vengeance for. Somewhere deep inside, I know that vengeance and revenge are paths that lead me away from love, abundance, and peace. They keep me in the energy field as abusers, cult leaders, and followers. It’s times like these, I’m grateful I grew up with Star Wars. When I talk about this, I often think of all the good points the movies made about the path of light (Jedi) and the dark side.

One of the things that has helped me is that I wanted to understand the answer to the question I’ve been asked, “If things were really that bad, why did you stay?” It wasn’t until I discovered layers of buried shame cycles and self-abuse that I would figure that piece out. Staying until the moment I did was a part of my personal journey that got me where I am today. Many people fall prey to abusers/cults unknowingly. Something feels normal and like home. There is a familiarity, and an energy of belonging. Our belief systems get aligned with the messages of fear, lack, and separation. We start not trusting anyone except who the source of power deems fit. We separate ourselves from everyone else. We grow in the energy that keeps us prisoner. Not just of someone else, but of our own minds and our own stories. I’ve been there. I was prisoner of my own mind longer than I haven’t been. I still have to do the daily work not to slip into the energy of fear, lack, and separation, but the blessing is the longer I do this, the more I learn and faster I catch myself.

Because of knowing what I’ve had to go through to get to where I am, I’m not going to give-up on and seek revenge on those who are having to experience wake-up calls. I cheer on wake-up calls no matter how long they take, because it can be the most pivotal experience that will help us to do the greatest good in the world. Waking up out of aligning with fear, lack, and separation is such an empowering experience, but that doesn’t mean the journey isn’t challenging. We have years of programming that align us with fear, lack, and separation. Stepping away and into the energy of love, abundance, and peace is a journey that takes time. This is why I celebrate my continued growth on this amazing journey.

Today, I commit to focusing on my growth. None of us are perfect. When I attended AL-ANON, one of the sayings was, “Progress, not perfection.” I’ve grown so much since the days where I felt like an empty shell. I continue to grow through the immense abundance of experiences I’ve been faced with in 2020 and now 2021. As I learn about others, I learn about myself. I’ve seen the difference between learning about myself and shaming myself. That was a HUGE one for me. 2020 gave me ample ground to learn new techniques of connecting with others and with myself. I’ve learned to set healthy boundaries without the need to explain myself. Today, I’m smiling from ear to ear. Today, I know how to show up for myself and others with my whole heart. The days I don’t, I know it and I know how to fix it. That is beautiful progress in my book.

In my growth, I’ve learned not to put others on pedestals. We are all human. We each have our journeys. I can’t change someone else, but I CAN and will continue to be the best version of me. I’m the only one responsible if I align with fear, lack, and separation or love, abundance, and peace in ANY moment. By taking that responsibility, I empower myself to change what I need to change to re-align my energy where I want it. That takes me changing my behaviors. Fear, lack, and separation blinds me, and I want to see. This is why I choose to be on this journey. My perspective is my power or my prison. Today, I choose to live in my power by aligning my energy with what expands my soul.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

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