90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 76 – Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 76: Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

“Each time you are tempted to become angry, or jealous, or fearful and you challenge that feeling, you empower yourself.”

-Gary Zukav

In Part II, I covered the topic of perspective (Days 42-46). We can’t use the tools of perspective until we understand how our perspectives of truth affect our lives. Until we understand about perspectives we want to see us as right and them as wrong. This view is a dark path that leads to fear, anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, revenge, envy, and codependency. We ALL know the effects of these things on our relationships.

Using perspective tools to navigate our relationships opens us up to hear what our family members, romantic partners, friends, coworkers, bosses, clients, and others are saying and where they are coming from. The more we can use our perspective tools the healthier we will be in our relationships, because as we ALL know NOBODY is going to agree with the when, where, how and why of everything we do, say, and feel. Just like, we won’t ALWAYS agree with someone else’s choices.

Using perspective tools is away to reduce the stress of not seeing things from the same angle, because really, that is all it is. We will never have the same exact view of life as any other person. We ALL have the journey each of us are meant to have, no two will ever be exactly the same. If we plan on taking any kind of relationship path with a person, the best we can do is be open to try to understand. It doesn’t mean we have to agree or change our ways, but by understanding our perspectives of truth, then making the effort to understand theirs—There is peace. Communication will improve, but we will talk about that a little later in the series. For now, we will focus on how to use perspective tools to navigate our relationships.

5 Ways You Can Use Perspective Tools

  1. We are either interpreting the moment from a place of love (light) or fear (darkness). The first step is to look at what you and the person you’re communicating with are projecting, love or fear. If either party is projecting fear, question where the fear is coming from inside.
  2. We ALL have a story we are telling. No matter what happens there are lots of ways to write our stories. When we don’t like the way we feel, think, and/or act we can choose a different way. We give the power to our stories. We decide if our story is going to be led by love or fear. How do we want our character to treat the secondary character in front of us?
  3. Try to see from the perspective of the other person. This means you have to ask a lot of questions to figure it out. Don’t tell the person how they should feel, think, or act. Ask questions to uncover why they are feeling, thinking, and/or acting the way they are. If you take the time to understand where they are coming from it’s easier for them to hear you when you explain where you are coming from.
  4. Speak in terms of perspective. You need an understanding of your perspective of truth that works in your life. Their perspective of truth might work in their life. You can ask: Does thinking the way you do bring joy and peace to your life? If it doesn’t, and your perspective of truth does bring joy and peace to your life, you are now open to explain without telling them they HAVE to change. The choice is theirs. It all depends on the perspectives we choose to believe. If your perspective doesn’t bring you peace and joy, maybe the other person may have perspectives you may want to implement in your life.
  5. KEEP QUESTIONING YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please, if you find yourself blaming, shaming, and judging others or yourself— Go back to Part I (Days 1-30) of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesand work through what is keeping you from having healthy relationships with others. The more we question our thinking, the better we will be.

If we use these tools, we start getting real honest with ourselves about the people we are inviting into our lives. We start noticing the energy they are bringing with them and how we feel when we are around them. If they are large sources of darkness, the more we spot it, the more we can protect ourselves from it. We will get more into that later. Like we talked about yesterday, we first have to stay present with the person standing in front of us. Once we are present, we see perspectives of truth clearly.

Once we see that we are all just interpreting life through our own unique perspective, we stop taking it so personally when people don’t agree with ours. We can question our perspectives of truth without feeling violated. It becomes much easier to say, we just see things from a different perspective and that’s okay. This is why mine works for me… If yours works for you and brings you peace and joy believing what you do—GREAT!

After we learn to navigate our relationships through the use of perspective tools, it makes it much easier to see which relationships work and which ones don’t in our lives. The more peaceful we remain in someone else’s chaos, the more the energy shifts and changes. The other person will either find a place of calm with you, or they may start unconsciously trying to stir up more chaos to break the relationship. Either way, you will be blessed the calmer and more peaceful you stay. The Law of Attraction will work in your favor.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 76

Stop Comparing and Start Living!

Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying, “Well, if I had their life, I could…?” I know I have. I used to give myself that excuse. I have also heard people use my life as their excuse. There is something we are not looking at inside if we are being critical or comparing on the outside. The negative energy that comes from thinking we are better or less than others is destroying our ability to create an amazing life for ourself and others.  We have become a society driven by this kind of thinking. That is part of the reason celebrities lives are under a microscope 24/7. We have been trained to pick apart other people’s lives. We somehow lost the vision to see that they are no different than us, not better or worse. We all make mistakes and have triumphs. We are ALL humans.

A while back I used to be consumed with celerity news. I would sit and read all the magazines that had dirt on people. Somehow, it would make me feel like my life wasn’t that bad. What I forgot is that there was a person behind the story. A person trying to live a their life. They are talented and get money for their talent, but does that give me the right to sit back and judge every aspect of their personal life. I can’t even begin to imagine living that life. Celebrities are the easiest example of this, but they are not the only example. If we feel our insides stirring with negativity at the other people’s chaos or successes, there is a battle going on inside from an old wound never healed.

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We are all people projects and in the dawn of reality TV, the worldwide web, and social media, we are all open to facing the joys and failures of the world. I simply ask that we do not forget that there are people attached to any story being told. Most times we don’t know all the circumstances and we definitely don’t know what a person’s life is really like outside the limited information we are usually being told. Is it worth comparing your life to theirs or bringing in more negativity energy into the situation?

Instead of being a quick to judge society, lets put our energy towards living our lives the best we can. One of the ways we can contribute is by not jumping into the pool of negative energy that comes with attacking others, instead asking ourselves:

  • Why does this bother me so much?
  • What inside me is triggered?
  • Why am I contributing to the negative energy around this situation?
  • Is this really about the situation in front of me or is it an experience I haven’t dealt with in my past?
  • Is  the way I’m thinking of this person’s actions worth interrupting my inner peace?
  • How can I put a better energy into the situation?
  • What internal blocks are holding me back from living the life I want to be living?

We are all individuals doing the best we can. What if we slowed down enough to try to understand humans again?  I’ve been caught up in a negative energy that I want no part of, and I’m trying to vocalize my weakness in order to raise my awareness in all the times my focus is not where it best serves myself, my children, my loved ones, and humanity.

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When I serve humanity by being compassionate, sharing loving ideas, and being solution minded, my struggles have been worth the pain I felt. The weight of experiencing severe trauma is lifted from my soul. I don’t want to be a part of system that thrives on tearing someone else down. That system contributed to my personal pain, I want to stop it from spreading.

I cried many tears after seeing how cruel people can be to others.  Recently, I’ve seen people being personally attacked for having an opinion and trying to live their best life. Reading comments on people’s posts has been so eye opening. I know that the people who are attacking others are hurting more than I could possibly understand. I know they are doing what they do because they are projecting out their darkest thoughts about themselves. So seeing the attacks hurts on a multitude of levels.

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I hope I never forget that there is person out there who is hurting. I commit to sending all parties involved love and hope that they do not let the negative energy define them. By not comparing and judging other people’s paths, I’m contributing to living my best life. This is the life I want to live.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

A special thank you to all the people who follow FromALovingPlace.com and Facebook.com/FromALovingPlace. I’m so happy you’ve decided to come on this journey with me. Wishing you all the best from a VERY loving place.

 

 

 

Love Without Discrimination

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I live within two hours from Orlando, FL. I have friends and family in the area, just as I did in New York when 9/11 happened. During both events, I worried about people I love being there and waiting to hear they were safe. These were two events I experienced personally. That gets me thinking of all the hate crimes that take place on a daily basis all over the world. How do we get to the place where groups and individuals hate each other so much that they forget that we are dealing with other human beings who have people who love them and possibly depend on them? How do we get to the level of hate where human life has no meaning?

Love is bigger and more welcoming than any other energy on this Earth. There is no discrimination in love. If we believe in love wholeheartedly, there are no limitations to our love. EveryONE deserves it and has the right to give and receive love. None of us have the right to take that love away. Love knows NO justification, bias, or rationalization. We are either acting lovingly or we are not.

In these times when hate and fear are at a heightened level, it is important not to contribute to the energy of it. We will get more of whatever we put our energy into. If we focus on spreading love and compassion, we will open doors to more of the same energy. Be careful of categorizing people in “All” statements. All whites, blacks, Muslims, Jews, Christians, LGBT, women, or men do not exist. We are all individuals and have different backgrounds that form our belief systems, even  within a group. Do you think the same as all women, men, Americans, Catholics, Jews, or Muslims? No, you don’t, because that is impossible. If we have a conversation with 10 people from the same group, even if that group is a family, they will not all agree. How can we label “All” to groups that have so many individuals involved. I know there are extremist groups who encourage hate and fear. Keep them separate from the whole. They have chosen a clear path. If they are justifying their hate with a deeper love, we know they are living in fear, not love. Love doesn’t harm any person. Love does not hurt. Fear, greed, jealousy, and hate do. We can not pretend to know the level of love or fear in any one person’s heart without knowing them as an individual. We all have both, but we are acting out one or the other.

We don’t have to justify loving actions, but if we are taking fearful actions we do. Fearful actions are vengeful and require victims and victors. Love has no winners or losers. Don’t confuse the two. Be aware of your reasoning for doing  things. It is tricky, and we all are capable of acting in love or fear at any moment. Most of us unaware of the choice we are making. The more we practice investigating our reasoning, the more we will see.

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Please, fight the urge to hate and fear, and put your energy toward love, compassion, and healing instead. I say this to you, as I remind myself. I know how easy it is to go into hate and fear mode and I pray that this time I will not have the urge to submit to the fearful thinking.

From A Loving Place…