I’m grateful I stopped being an illusionary rescuer. Have you ever had one of those AHA moments when you acknowledge where your part in the problem? This was one of those moments for me. I had NO IDEA that me being a doormat, walked on, constantly let down, and emotionally and mentally abused over a long period of time had a lot to do with a label I GAVE MYSELF! I was trying to seek my worth by doing for others, so I became an illusionary rescuer. I was going to save people from themselves. I couldn’t save myself at the time, but that is besides the POINT. NO, that is the point! I couldn’t figure out how to be the person I wanted to be so I was going to convert people into being who “I KNEW” they are supposed to be (seriously laughing out loud as I write these word). It turns out, I wasn’t appreciated for my role. I remember a guy telling me, “It’s like I’m your drug.” YES! I was addicted to trying to rescue him from himself. As a human development major, it was very easy to go down this road. Thank goodness, it also made it easier for me to see myself.
Once I realized I was an illusionary rescuer, I dove down the rabbit hole finding out everything I could about codependency. Once I realized that my savior complex was a codependency issue, I was quickly led to a path that uncovered my own shame and feelings of unworthiness. I figured out the difference between serving to establish my worth and serving from a loving place. This was such an eye-opening time for me and I’m so grateful I learned the difference.
Today, I commit to focusing on the one person I can change and doing my best from there. I love giving out seeds from my garden. I realized, once I’ve given them, it’s none of my business how the person I gave them to uses them. I can’t rescue anyone else with what I do. I simply share myself. If a person gets an AHA moment from something I say or do, they have to do the work to apply their interpretation of it to their own life. Part of the reason I love writing these daily blogs is because I have no idea who is reading something that will open a door up for them. It actually helps me keep my ego out of it, and when I do feel that little pull of the ego, I can simply say, it’s not my business. This doesn’t mean I don’t love to hear from people, I do. I just no longer feel like I NEED to hear from them to feel worthy of sharing my perspectives. That’s just one of the little ways I help to keep myself in check to make sure I’m aligned with love, abundance, and peace. If I’m there, I know I’m serving from a loving place. The second I feel like I NEED someone to do something to feel better about myself, I know I have work to do. If I need anyone to be anything more than who they are to feel good about myself, I need to work on my feelings of unworthiness.
I’m the only person I can change. If I want to live my most authentic life, I have to work on my own stuff. When I’m working on myself, I have healthy boundaries. When I have healthy boundaries, I serve from a loving place. When I serve from a loving place, I don’t feel depleted after helping to support others. When I take care of myself, I’m doing the best I can in everything I do. THAT FEELS AWESOME! Having healthy boundaries helps me to stay away from being an illusionary rescuer. It keeps me from doing the things that keep me aligned with fear, lack, and separation. When I take care of myself, I can see when my energy is slipping, and do something about it. Even if that means taking some time for myself to give myself an adult time-out.
With Love, Abundance, and Peace,
©Rachael Wolff 2021
Author of Letters from a Better Me