Today, I recorded a Seeds of Wisdom episode with Lair Torrent, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist). His episode is called, “Practicing Love.” It comes out on January 18, 2023. The name of his book is, The Practice of Love, and the podcast he does with his wife is called the Practice of Love Podcast (available on most podcast listening platforms). For Spotify listeners, here’s the one I listened to before recording with him:

The conversation got me thinking about what I’m practicing—what’s working and what isn’t. We all have to maintain our own gardens, and sometimes a practice that served us for awhile isn’t serving us anymore. When it comes to relationships, I have some unhealthy plant life in certain areas. Some were seeds passed down from childhood that I unknowingly planted, but I continue to feed. Others were one’s I brought in from past relationships that are in the past for a reason. Then there are those I’ve planted in my current relationship after a lot work gardening, but they still need work. If we want healthy gardens, we have to invest our time into practices that keep them healthy. For the gardens of our souls, this includes our relationships with ourselves, because if that relationship isn’t healthy, no outside relationship will be either.

What practice do I want to invest in right now that will help me operate from a loving place?

Lair spoke of mindfulness in the episode, and that is something I can do right now. Being present to what is happening in the moment, experiencing the thoughts, words being spoken, body sensations, senses being ignited, and beliefs that are playing in the present moment is definitely a practice worth investing my energy in.

Here are some more things I can do now—Make a couple lists:

What I’m practicing that isn’t coming from a loving place?

• Passive-Aggressive sarcasm
• Not having healthy boundaries in particular areas
• Going to bed too late in order to get adequate sleep

If I’m not willing to see what’s not working, I’m not going to grow in a direction that is healthy. That’s just like ignoring the weeds in a garden. If we don’t look at them, they will continue to grow. We have to first recognize them as weeds, then consciously make the choice to pull them out if we don’t want them to continue to grow. Seems simple, but sometimes as a human I like to complicate things.

What practices am I doing regularly contribute to me acting from a loving place?

• Writing this blog
• Healthy communications by listening and responding with love and compassion
• Being accountable and responsible when I make unhealthy choices
• Making posters for my Facebook page
• Responding with love even when I don’t agree with what people are saying (which sometimes includes saying no as an act of self-love)

These are just a few key things that came to me. The beautiful thing is that just thinking about them for the time it took me to write the question and make that list was less than five minutes. That is some great incremental progress, which was the topic of today’s episode of Seeds of Wisdom.

This is what I love about doing what I’m doing right now. Between having these powerful conversations on Seeds of Wisdom and doing these posts, I’ve been taking much better care of myself and my relationships with others. I’ve been feeling a positive momentum moving within me—It’s not forced! I’m not trying to make myself be somewhere I’m not. I’m not trying to deny what I’m feeling when I’m feeling it. I’m just focusing my energy on aligning with what is in front of me now, and what I can do to get the most out of the moment, which INCLUDES looking at whatever dark stuff that arises. It really does take digging in the dirt to plant the seed, so don’t forget that when things get messy. Sometimes we have to unearth some old toxic roots before we can plant a majestic tree.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff, author of Letters from a Better Me and host of the From A Loving Place with Author Rachael Wolff podcast