Part I: A Journey of Awareness
What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation
Day 13: The Sharp Edges of Blame
“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
-Eckhart Tolle
The sharp edges of blame are ready to cut at any time. No good solution comes from the negative energy of blame. When we are stuck in blame we are stuck in the problem. Even if the party we consider guilty tries to fix things we are ready to criticize that too. We choose not to work with them to come up with solutions or if we do there is an underlying resentment about it. How does this help find better solutions that are in the best interest of all parties involved? It keeps us separated.
Us against them starts wars. It doesn’t create peace, compassion, and understanding. Even if we carry an us against them mentality in our heads we are ready for war at any time. This could be a war with ourselves, partners, family, friends, and/or perfect strangers. We are just ready for the fight, and we brought something that will hurt.
We are responsible for the rewards and consequences of our actions. Everyone makes mistakes, but if we stay in the energy of blame it creates more problems, not less. If people chosen to commit a crime or they have violated us in some sort of way, they are responsible for the consequence of their choices and actions. I choose to believe in the Law of Karma, which says whatever you put out, you get back. This makes it possible for me not to attach to their negative energy by continually focusing on what they did. It gives me permission to learn and grow from the experience and it helps me find solutions to how I can help myself recover from the effects of that action so that I don’t take that energy out on someone else. Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), I know I can carry the darkness of that energy deep inside me and can get triggered by a random act that reminds me of the events gave me the P.S.T.D. in the first place. It is important for my health and well-being to deal and face each part of me that is still attached to that event.
I could easily stay in the blaming energy every time I have an episode, which keeps me stuck there. If I’m stuck there, I carry that blame around like a sharp blade ready to cut anybody who crosses me. I’m ready and waiting for the next time someone tries to make me a victim. I’ve been there and done that. It doesn’t feel good and it definitely didn’t do anything to help me attract the life I wanted to be living. I actually kept attracting people and situations that gave me more to point my finger at. My health also reflected the choice I made to stay in that energy. I had all kinds of internal issues going on.
Since taking on the different approach, which didn’t happen overnight, the episodes of P.T.S.D. happened less and less. They’re not as intense as they used to be, and they pass SO much faster. I’m more in control now. When an episode does happen, I’m able to learn from the experience. Healthy people and situations keep coming up in my life to help me work through whatever piece of myself I’m working on. The energy I’m putting out isn’t separating me from people, so it makes it possible for solutions to present themselves. Karma is great when what we are putting out is loving, empathetic, and compassionate energy. If you question that, tomorrow’s reading might help you dig into that a little deeper.
Be aware of where you are pointing fingers? How does that us against them or me against you energy feel in your body? If it doesn’t FEEL good, it’s not healthy for your body to be stuck in that energy. That energy is what tears foundations apart. The sharp edges make it impossible to be stable. People feel that energy coming off us whether they know it or not and we walk on eggshells trying not to get cut by it, or we keep our distance in full awareness that it’s an energy that we don’t want to be around.
Since most of my readers come from Facebook, I will give an example of how we can test where we are in our heads when it comes to the blame cycle. As we scroll down Facebook and we see posts blaming one thing or another, how does it make you feel? If it is igniting a belief in you, does it fire you up with energy that makes you angry and ready to attack? If you are against what they are talking about, does it fire you up with energy that makes you angry and ready to get on the defense? WAR, WAR, WAR! Our need to be right and make others wrong is a call for war, which can be internal or external. Even if we don’t speak a harsh word, our internal war will take a toll on our nervous system, digestive tracts, brain function, oxygen flow, just to name a few. When we are in war mode, we actually hold our breaths. We disturb the flow of our bodies by attaching to someone else’s perceived truth in a negative way.
I’m NOT innocent of letting this happen to me. I have to remember to take deep breaths, exhale all the way, and sometimes that will be all I need. If the me vs. them goes deeper, I might physically have to release the energy from my body. When I’m in a healthier place, I write it out in a letter and I burn it. I say a prayer to help me release the energy that is holding me captive to this energy. Some people will yell and hit punching bags, pillows, or use other ways to release the violent energy we feel in the body. Even jumping on trampolines can be a physical release. When I’m not feeling as healthy, my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about the person or idea will come out to a trusted friend. Then, I process it out loud. Most times seeing where I have let myself attach to negative energy. Walking in nature really helps me to release deeper triggers. When I’m clear, I start hearing the messages that restore my body’s flow. I do my best to remember to write those down, so I remember how to move myself out of the energy in the most efficient way possible the next time I feel a negative emotional trigger come up.
We have to take responsibility for the foundations that we are building our houses (lives) on. If we don’t want to live on unstable ground, we have to do the work to fix the foundation to make it a stable place to build on. Tomorrow, we will dig deeper into self-blame, because it is very easy to shift from not blaming others to blaming ourselves. We don’t get away from the negative energy by doing this, we only take it to a more self destructive level.
Just for Today
Test where you are with the blame cycle. Just observe, don’t judge it or try to change it. Just watch it. If we try to change it before we are ready, we won’t get to see it clearly first. We want to see it in all it’s depths. This will help you not to have to repeat the lessons that it is there to teach us about our choices. Try to stay as present as you can with how the blaming is making you feel. Even try to pinpoint what part of your body you feel it in. The more aware we can be in how we react to what we hear, see, feel, and experience will give us openings to see what beliefs are keeping us from living the life we really want.
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff ©2019
If you are ready to dive into the work to create the life you want to be living, scroll down and enter your e-mail to follow this 90-Day A Better Me Series.
Don’t forget read today’s companion series 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series letter of the day. 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 13 – Becoming Aware of How Blaming Affects My Life
From A Loving Place 
4 responses to “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 13 – The Sharp Edges of Blame”
Hello and thank you again for the very important information! Just a question, how can we not judge and just wait for Karma when someone for an example killed or injured or more…I mean it’s different than scrolling on Facebook and check opposite opinions and so…
And if someone is hurting us and we could defend ourselves, it that makes us violent or so…I find it hard to imagine me staying calm when someone is hurting or killing a human being, especially if this human being is family or friends…
Thank you 😊
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In crisis, our body will naturally react how it needs to in order to best deal with the situation at hand in the moment it is happening. We often will judge ourselves, here but we do the best with what we have in the moment. After the event we will go through stages of grief. The best thing we can do here is let ourselves feel whatever is coming out. Writing helps me process the grief, but what we don’t want to do is numb ourselves or focus on other people’s choices and energy. This is how we give them the power. I try to keep in mind that someone can force something on my outer world, but I always have a choice in my inner world. This is NOT any easy process by any means especially in extreme circumstances, but what I’ve read and studied about Genocides and the holocaust is the people who persevered in their lives after these horrific events had to find their own internal power. I will have a whole section on judgment starting the 19th. We can’t control what sick people who are full of shame do to us, so we have to find what we can control and that is what we take on by choosing the energy we want to live in. It’s a process. We just keep doing our best one step at a time. Thank you again for your comments! I love that you are really thinking about what is being said. Just remember, you never have to take on any perspective of truth that doesn’t work for you in your life. I’ve studied so many ways to live life, I’ve pick and choose what feels right to me and I don’t expect anyone else is going to agree with me on the whole of it. The key is finding the language that feels best to you to help you live the life that feels best to you inside and out. I hope that helps. The upcoming sections might help more too. We will go into the energy of judgment and hate to see how each affect us. Part II is all about opening us up to the possibilities that come from choosing to live from a loving place. Part I is tough work for people who have experienced extreme trauma. I have so much respect for you as you explore the ideas I present. 💜💜💜 Sending you lots of love and gratitude!
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Thank you so much for your reply and nice words as well 😊 well yes of course I read it once and twice and I try to figure out how to apply if it’s possible and to what extent
But as you said regarding the outer and inner world is really not easy at all! I read a story and heard some testimonies for massacres’ survivors …damn it’s really devastating (one true story of a survivor of the Armenian Genocides, she committed suicide after almost 30 years!)
And you are right, that I don’t need to take what it doesn’t work for me so I’m trying to figure out what is.
Will check the upcoming sections for sure and thank you again for this hard work and valuable information! ❤️
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[…] companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 13 – The Sharp Edges of Blame. The 90-A Better Me Series is there to help you see and fix any parts of your foundation that are […]
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