When I’ve exhausted what I CAN do, it’s time to let it go. Letting go isn’t giving up. Letting go is accepting what is, and working from there. Holding onto a dream or a nightmare of what’s not real is a choice. Worrying and wanting things to be different than they are takes A LOT of energy. Is it being used wisely?

I feel so depleted if I’ve done everything I’m able to do and continue to put my energy into the situation. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I’m not telling others they have to believe that. Believing it is what feels right to me. Just like everything else on my blog, it’s a perspective.

When I let go of the tight grip of how I think the world SHOULD be, people SHOULD be, situations SHOULD be, and overall things SHOULD be—I’m left with what IS. What IS gives me something I can actually work with NOW.

My life as a single mom with two teenagers and a long-time boyfriend can get very hectic. If I don’t let things go, I can easily slip into being overwhelmed which then makes me passive-aggressive in my interactions with them. I was marinated in the womb of passive-aggressive sarcasm, so when I’m not thinking clearly, which I don’t when I’m in the state of overwhelm, it can get bad. If I hold onto a story in my head about something, it just isn’t good for my relationships.

I have to tell you, ever since the movie Frozen came out, “Let it Go” has become a lot more fun. Even writing about letting go, I’m singing the song in my head and smiling.

Today has been a busy day. I did a Facebook Live Heart Wisdom Panel with authors Polly Campbell, Sherry Richert-Belul, and Mango publisher, Brenda Knight. The subject was self-acceptance, which I wrote about yesterday, but what really came to light in the conversation was the importance of a mindful pause. When I think of letting go, I thought about how important that mindful pause is to ask, How important is it? That question opens me up to consider:

• What are the benefits of holding onto this?
• What are the consequences of holding onto this?
• How is it serving me to hold onto this?
• How is it serving my relationships to hold onto this?
• How do I treat myself by not letting go?
• How am I treating others?
• How is holding on serving the love within me?

What can I do now? I can take that mindful pause. In that pause, I can pay attention to my breathing. I can feel how holding onto specific things feels in my body. I can take a moment to look inward honestly and ask those questions I listed above. I can also consider, What are the choices healthiest for me in this situation?

I find by doing this I feel grounded in whatever decision I make. If I feel like I’m going to serve my relationships, community, or humanity at large by not letting something go, I feel even more passionately to take action steps forward—something I CAN do. I also feel grounded enough to see the other tools I have to release what isn’t serving me. One of my favorite tools for that is letter-writing and then letter-burning (safely of course).

For the letter-writing, I write EVERYTHING out, my darkest thoughts included. I get it all out of me and onto paper. Then, I start letting the letter take the turn into the letting go process, whether that be forgiveness, agreeing to disagree, self-acceptance, accepting others for who and where they are, etc. Once I feel the peace come over me, I know I’m done.

For the letter-burning, I pick a very safe place. I say a release prayer to the universe and ask for God’s grace to truly help me let it go and not take it back. Then I burn it, and I imagine all that energy tied to fear, lack, and separation being released. Then, I allow myself to sit and marinate in the energy of love, abundance, and peace for however long it feels good doing it.

By focusing on what I can do now, I make a choice that is best for me in this moment. And really…that’s all we have. The rest is just story —for better or worse.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff, author of Letters from a Better Me and host of the From A Loving Place with Author Rachael Wolff podcast