I’m grateful that I AM responsible and accountable for how I treat myself. Over the last twelve years, I’ve experienced tremendous growth after working up to, then coming out of a very toxic environment. I’ve faced my own self-abuse, codependency, toxic stories, challenging lessons, and faith. I went from the darkest time in my life to a place of acceptance and love. When I began to be responsible and accountable for where I was in the moment, I gave myself permission to become aware of the obstacles that were holding me back and the perspectives that help to set me free.
This journey takes a lot of twists and turns. I still have to go through some tunnels to help open me up to see more. For instance, I’ve been reading Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza with my book buddy. We just got to the part of the book where we begin doing the work. One of the things he suggests is finding the word, which represents a feeling that creates obstacles. He said to just pick one. I knew that when I saw the word, I would know it. I went through the first list. None of the words triggered that physical feeling of contraction within me. Most of them I’ve been working on for the last twelve years. Then the I saw the thing that triggers me in a way like no other, it is the feeling of being overwhelmed. The word, “overwhelmed” hit me like a ton of bricks in my gut. This is the first time that I fully recognized what the feeling of overwhelmed feels like inside of me. Upon further inner exploration, I got to see all the other feelings that get triggered by that one word, overwhelmed. WOW!
I realized in order to get to the next level of my growth, I have to face this head on, because I am responsible and accountable for how I treat myself. When I’m in the state of being overwhelmed, I’m not taking the best care of myself, and then I’m not capable of being there for the people I’m closest to because that feeling of being overwhelmed keeps me in the energy of fear, lack, and separation when I’m participating in the stories that are feeding that state of being.
The beauty of this journey is that even when I’m going through the challenges of breaking-up patterns and stories that are feeding the energy of fear, lack, and separation, I’m able to embrace them with love. Everything I’m faced with has something to teach me. I always get the opportunity to learn and grow. When I started doing the work to end my self-abuse, I remember feeling like the weight of ten years coming off my shoulders. People noticed it too. I looked younger. I also ate healthier, looked healthier, and attracted healthier people to my life—Because I became healthier body, mind, and soul!
If I blame someone else for how I treat myself, I give my power to change to that person. As long as I stay in the victim role of someone else, I stay aligned with fear, lack, and separation. It’s only when I took my power back by saying and BELIEVING that I AM responsible and accountable for how I treat myself that my life started changing in the best of ways. Even though I’m facing many challenges right now, I know that I will come out stronger and wiser, because I’m willing to see myself, accept myself, heal myself, and excel myself. We can’t do this by running away, numbing, or avoiding ourselves. We have to be willing to look at ourselves with love, respect, compassion, and empathy. This is how we live empowered.
Today, I commit to treating myself with love, respect, empathy, and compassion. When I’m experiencing joy, it’s easy to treat myself with love and respect. It’s when I’m being challenged with aspects of myself that are creating obstacles that I really NEED to consciously treat myself with love, respect, empathy, and compassion. When I was coming out of my fog after being psychologically, emotionally, and mentally abused by a narcissist was times I needed it the most. I’ve watched people end up back in the patterns of abuse over and over because of NOT choosing to treat themselves with love, respect, empathy, and compassion. We are 100% responsible and accountable for how we treat ourselves, and it MATTERS!!!
I know how challenging it can be after realizing what a person believed in so wholeheartedly was a lie, scam, con, facade, whatever you want to call it. I was told over and over by friends and loved ones to leave and to see the truth. I was asked over 1,000 times, “Why are you staying?” I was left behind by friends who were sick and tired of hearing me complain then go back for more. The thing was I stayed in that relationship as a form of self-abuse. That is how bad I was abusing myself. I was immersed in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. In order to get out, I had to do something VERY different than anything I had ever done before. I had to treat myself with love, respect, empathy, and compassion. Once I started doing that and allowing myself to feel pain without self-abusing, I broke the pattern to even attracting people like him to my life again.
Recently I’ve been studying cults, and the similarities of what happens to the victims is SO similar. Most times, we don’t know we are in an abusive relationship or cult until so much damage has already been done. One of the analogies I’ve heard many times is, How do you boil a frog? Slowly. If someone threw a frog into hot boiling water, the frog would jump out instantly. If you start in nice cool water to get the frog comfortable, then slowly increase the temperature, you weaken the frog until it becomes too late for the frog to jump out.
I had to learn that self-blame was self-abuse. Taking responsibility and holding myself accountable is a respectful way to learn from our experiences. It is a part of treating ourselves with the love, respect, empathy, and compassion that we deserve. It doesn’t matter if ANYONE else believes we deserve that. WE HAVE TO BELIEVE WE DESERVE IT. Some people will think you deserve to self-abuse, don’t listen to them. We are the ones who have to live with ourselves the rest of our lives. The best thing we can do for ourselves is hold ourselves responsible and accountable for how we treat ourselves, because when we do that with love, respect, empathy, and compassion—we will do that for someone else. That is what we need to make the world a better place.
Today, I commit to treating myself with love, respect, empathy, and compassion as I face the challenges that lie before me. As I process the obstacles I’m facing, I will be forgiving of myself for the times where I let myself get in my own way. I will accept the awareness of where I am in this moment. Then, I will make a plan to do things differently. If I need help, I will ask for help. If I need love, I will give myself love. I will do for me what I would do for my best friend, because I am my life partner. The healthier my relationship with myself is, the healthier the relationship I will be able to have with others.
With Love, Abundance, and Peace,
©Rachael Wolff 2021
Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (link to retailers)