Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #19

In order to align ourselves with love, abundance, and peace we have to stop taking what other people say and do personally. If their energy is aligned with fear, lack, and separation, that is what they will project onto whoever will listen and/or align with their energy. My mom has been telling me, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you” since I was thirteen years old. What people think of us and others is based on what beliefs (perspectives of truth) they are attaching to within themselves and the SAME is true for us. We have choices in how we respond to others through acquiring new ways to look at things and that is something to be VERY grateful for.

I have a choice to internalize what someone says, or I can be grateful that I can come up with other ways to look at it that trigger my compassion. The things I choose don’t have to be true for someone else, I’m only responsible and accountable for how my thoughts make me feel and what energy I project out. If it helps me feel better by not taking it personally and seeing other possibilities that help me to align me with love, abundance, and peace—I’m okay with that. I’m grateful for my choice Not to take others personally by seeing seeing these options in perspectives instead:

  • Others are only every projecting what is inside them.
  • Someone who says hurtful things to others is really saying those things to themselves (They are their own mirror).
  • Some people who are supporting abusive people or are abusive see abuse as normal, so they don’t even see what they or another person are doing doing as abusive. Possibly because they have been abusing themselves on an unconscious level or they have suppressed verbal, mental, emotional or physical abuse from someone else it’s not my job to CHANGE them, just be aware that I don’t have to align or agree with any energy I don’t want to be apart of and make the healthiest choice for me and my energy.

Today’s challenge is one I love doing as I scroll social media looking at posts and comments. I choose to see what anyone is saying and doing as a projection of what is going on inside of them.I love figuring out if a person is coming from a place of love, abundance, and peace OR fear, lack, and separation. Focusing my energy on seeing through this lens also helps me to look at what I’m saying and doing more clearly.

If someone in my family or any of my other relationships interacts with me in any other way than loving, respectful, and considerate, I take my ego out of it (making how they are acting about me), and try to ask questions that help me to see what is going on inside of them. I find questions are so much more productive than any statements I make, not saying I don’t do it sometimes (LOL). I find that making statements doesn’t tend to get me to the heart of the issue, and it also doesn’t help the person I care about figure out why they are projecting their energy of fear, lack, and separation onto me. I really hope you will try today’s challenge and see what a difference it makes in your energy. I get a natural high when I do it, which is how I know my energy is aligned with love, abundance, and peace.

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Find out more about Letters from A Better Me here:

Available in audiobook, cd, ebook, and paperback

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #16

Avoiding, suppressing, and numbing feelings does us a great disservice. When those hard feelings show up, they are giving us beautiful signals just like when what we may consider the “good” feelings show up. Here is a secret that will set you free, they are ALL good feelings if you know how to work with them. It’s when we avoid, suppress, and numb them that they fuel the energy of fear, lack, and separation in our lives. It is a path that creates addiction, prejudice, oppression, violence, and so much more. Look around and you will see it. Unfortunately, many of us are taught that to feel anything that doesn’t put a smile on our face isn’t good. If that isn’t sad, I don’t know what is. Feelings are one of our greatest gifts because they have so much to teach us about ourselves if we just start giving them the respect they deserve.

I find it fascinating when people assume I haven’t been through trauma when I talk about living life from a loving place. It reminds me of old perspectives of truths (beliefs) I used to have. I used to believe that my traumas had control over how I lived. When I would have a Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) episode, which is reliving the trauma, I thought there was nothing I could do, and it would be this way forever. People would feel sorry for me and treat me like I was damaged, and I believed them for a VERY long time. Until I didn’t. I got enough seeds from people who thought about past trauma differently, and with that the flame was lit and I grow stronger and brighter with each revelation that comes from FEELING the FEELINGS that come up, when they come up! YES!!! My feelings are the windows into my healing and I’m so grateful for every single one of them.

Long ago, someone said to me, “You are rarely reacting to the person in front of you.” There is usually a trigger that takes us back to another time where our boundaries, safety, self-esteem, and/or feelings felt violated or threatened. Our feelings can be a guide to release us from something that no longer exists. They also help us to figure out when we are stuck in a cycle of energy revolving around fear, lack, and separations. WHY would we want to numb or avoid this? I’m grateful when my feelings show up to teach me something about myself! When we learn to truly appreciate ALL our feelings, we learn not to be so scared of them.

Today, I’m writing down any perspectives of truth that are making me feel trapped in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Then, I’m going to write down as many other perspectives I can that can move the energy to love, abundance, and peace. I can take this to the point where it is comical, but the point of this exercise is to realize we have options in how we look at things. We can look at beliefs we have about politics, the pandemic, social justice, past trauma, judgments about ourselves/others, or even traffic. We just need to check in with ourselves on a variety of subjects and see where our energy goes. This can actually be really fun to do with friends. I’ve definitely had some tears running down my face, snorting, and hyperventilating from laughing so hard over doing this exercise in the past with people. I’m laughing just thinking about it. I’m going to enjoy this! I hope you do too!

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

If you are struggling and need help figuring out where some of your trigger points are that keep you stuck in fear, lack, and separation, you can read more about this in my book Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World or you can check out my 90-Day A Better Me Series here on this site. Make sure to start from the beginning. You will soon see where many of your trigger points are.

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth Consciously Defining Love

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth

I’ve been watching people throughout this pandemic handle things in much different ways. Some people are stuck in the prisons of their minds. That is one area, I know very well. This month I’ve committed to do a Facebook Live video every week of May to offer some perspectives that will hopefully assist people to tap into the light within them.

Consciously Defining Love

This week’s video is on my absolute favorite subject, LOVE! Defining love was such a vital tool in helping me to set myself free from the prison I was putting myself in. I trust that whoever is supposed to see this video, will.

To anyone feeling unworthy, unlovable, or just plain empty:

I’ve been there. You are not alone and I hope you find comfort in my words.

With Love, Compassion, and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Https://FromALovingPlace.com/book

Samples of ebook and audiobook are available on Amazon (click for Amazon USA).

Who Is My Reader?

When I was asked in the marketing meeting about who I wanted to read my book, I thought every woman could get something out of it, since it covers romantic relationships, family, parenting, career, spirituality, addiction, unhealthy belief systems, and all things self. I also thought men could gain a lot of understanding and get a lot from it too, because it would not only give them tools, but help to better communication and empower themselves to make positive change in their lives.

For those who struggle in any unhealthy belief patterns, it gives tools to get out. For those who are healthy, it may help them see how their belief systems help them and give them a better understanding of those who struggle.

The book celebrates authentic empowerment. “Empower Yourself, Change the World!” When we see our own value, we lift others up and don’t tear them down. Authentic empowerment comes from love not fear. It’s about representing what we stand for and not putting our energy into what we are against (VERY IMPORTANT in today’s climate).

The marketing team said I needed to narrow it down to the one reader. Who was the one person I wanted to get through to with my book? I had the picture of the exact person in my mind. I want to get to the woman who is stuck in patterns of abuse, whether it be self-abuse or abuse from others, because self-abuse tends to lead to abuse (mental, emotional, or physical) from either bosses, partners, children, etc. We can accept from others the level of abuse that we give to ourselves.Some unhealthy patterns were passed down so unconsciously that we have to dig down to see them.

The book deals with what belief systems got us into the patterns that get us to act against ourselves in our lives and how to change them. There are so many reasons a person can choose to pick up the book, but if I can help that one person see their value and give them the tools to lift themselves out of living a life they are not passionately in love with, I’ve helped to make the world better.

When we help others see their best selves, it creates an unstoppable ripple effect. I would have never been able to write this book, if I didn’t have every experience I did, read every book that I did, and believe everything that I did. I’m continuously learning how to better myself, and I will until my journey here is done. With that, I’m able to continually give others seeds to help lift them as I get lifted.

At the time of this post, March 3, 2020, it’s been two weeks since Letters from a Better Me has been out and a little over that for the audiobook, and the audiobook is still in the Top 100 for Domestic Partner Abuse (link). My heart feels full knowing that people are getting the seeds I’m giving. I hope they choose to plant them and that they flourish into beautiful flowers. Life is precious, we each deserve to live lives we love.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

You can choose from one of your favorite book retailers here: http://FromALovingPlace.com/Book/

Amazon has the book on sale at the time of this post, and it’s the only place to get the audiobook (Audible).You can see a preview of the book and a sample of the audiobook when you click on the link below.

Audible Release Day of Letters from A Better Me

Today is a very exciting day for me. I love audiobooks, and today mine comes out. It feels surreal. The narrator is the wonderful, Kate Mulligan. Her voice is the perfect fit for this book. You can hear a sample when you click on the link.

3 MORE DAYS UNTIL THE PAPERBACK AND EBOOK RELEASE OF LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME!!!

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

Healthy People Don’t Intentionally Hurt Others

To Emotional, Mental, and/or Physical Abusers:

Your pain towards yourselves is very clear. If you were healthy and happy individuals you wouldn’t feel the need to tear someone else down. This is not just to men or women in romantic relationships. This is to the bosses, co-workers, friends, parents, sons, and/or daughters who are out there intentionally hurting others.

In my days of being in an abusive relationship, I became one of you. I called names and used manipulative cunning tools to get my way or to try to one up my abuser. I couldn’t stand the words coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t stand the thoughts going through my head.They were so against my innermost nature. The truth is I hated myself. That is the way I became you. My shame, guilt and lack of self-worth made me feel like there was no other way to escape from my abuser’s verbal attacks.

I believe that people can change, because I’ve been around to see too many people who have for better and/or for worse. One can’t be true without the other. However, I know a great deal of abusers who choose not to change. If you blame ANYONE else for any of your actions, you will not change for the better.

Taking our personal issues out on others doesn’t mean we are bad people, it means we are unhealthy people. There is an issue inside that has gone unhealed, and we are projecting an unhealed part of ourselves out to the world. Does this mean victims should try to fix the person abusing them, feel pity to the point of staying, or put themselves in unsafe situations? NO!!!

The people receiving the emotional, mental, and/or physical beatings aren’t MAKING you do ANYTHING! Your actions, reactions, and feelings are on YOU! You are accountable for every word and action you put out in the world. If you were a happy and healthy person, you would project that to the world. You can’t say you are healthy then tear someone else down in the same breath. If you want to change you have to take a deep hard look at yourself. You have to be honest about how your behavior is affecting your view.You have to look at the beliefs that make it okay for you to do what you do. Everything you say about someone else is a direct reflection of the person you really are. Your darkness comes through in your words. Healthy people don’t intentionally hurt others. 

I accepted abuse for way too long because I hated myself. My abuser couldn’t treat me worse than I treated myself. For every insult I was given I could match it with three. I couldn’t get out until I saw my own worth. I did the same digging. I questioned my beliefs and my behaviors. I had to truly believe that I deserved better than the treatment I was getting. When there was no question about my worth, I left.

My energy level no longer matches that of an abusers’ energy. I now love and respect myself enough to attract healthy people to my life. I know I am lovable and deserve to feel love. I am whole. Therefor, a boss, co-worker, partner, or family member who attempt to abuse me will be met with clear-stated boundaries. Most of all, I will not tear down who I am. I will continue to treat myself the way I deserve to be treated, with love.

I forgave the abusers in my life, but the most important person I forgave is myself. I treated myself horribly. I let how I felt about myself hurt other people I love. That apology was crucial, because without forgiving myself I might have let another one of you affect my inner well-being. I might have went down the shame cycle again doing things that weren’t in the best interests of myself, family, friends, and community. As long as I continue to love myself, I don’t have to take your words and actions personally, because they are just a reflection of your self-hatred. I will pray that you will one day love yourself, so that you no longer hurt the people around you. That is the only interaction I choose to have.  

My goal is to stay healthy and happy so that I will not find my way back to another person like you or become you again. If I see you out there abusing others, I will call you out. I won’t do this to shame you, but in hopes that one day you will see yourself in the eyes of your victims and decide to be better. I will stand up for the victim you are hurting.

Thank you for showing me how important it is to love myself and not believe other people’s opinions of me. Anything I want others to feel about me, I have to feel for myself first. Your actions forced me to move and make the changes I needed in order to have a life I’m proud to be living.

Please, if you find that you are having any thoughts of hurting others, get help. There is a healthier way to live that doesn’t involve anyone having to suffer, including you. We have to stop taking the way we feel inside out on others, and the ONLY way to do that is to get honest with ourselves so that we can heal.

With Forgiveness, Empowerment and Gratitude, 

A Better Me 

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

7 Days Until the Release of Letters from a Better Me!

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

For those who want to read Letters from a Better Me, but can’t afford to buy a copy, or are scared to have it in your house, you can ask your local library to carry it.

A Warning to Social Media Users

Dear Social Media Users,

I know this seems hard to believe, but many of us have been used as a form of narcissist abuse. Many of us have read articles on what narcissists do and we cringe thinking about the poor women, men, and children who have had to suffer at the hands of a narcissist.

The stories might even hit us closer to home. It might have been our family, our friends, or us who is or was the people/person being abused. There are different levels of narcissism, and Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD), isn’t easily diagnosed. Yet people with NPD have an amazing tool with social media to continue their extended abuse.

The worst part is we are trained to accept and perpetuate abuse in our society when we are asked to quickly judge women, men, politicians, celebrities, athletes, victims, alleged perpetrators, religious organizations, ethnic backgrounds, businesses, etc. We are so quick to judge that we forget to dig deeper. We post things without investigating to see the background of what we post. We leave comments and emojis, likes, and loves on posts, which are actually perpetuating the problem and making it easier for a narcissist to abuse their victims.

We are actually becoming the very thing that many of us are so sick of seeing. We who were once victims have become perpetrators of hate, fear, and condemnation and many of us do this blindly. We may think we are being a friend, patriot, or fighting for what we stand against. We have become a person who contributes to a narcissist’s playground.

Narcissists love making themselves the victims and making their actual victims the villain. Part of their M.O. is that they turn everyone they can against the actual victim of their abuse. They will do whatever it takes to destroy the reputation of the their victim. They try to turn the victim’s family, friends, employers, and communities against them. Now, do see how social media is a narcissist’s playground 

Healthy people don’t intentionally do things to hurt others. SLOW DOWN, think about what you’re reacting to. It may sound like something you went through, it may trigger you because a friend is posting it, it may sound like you once felt. Just stop and think before you respond to any posts that engage in tearing someone else down on a personal or public level.

I know that most people reading this are good people caught up in societal webs made of judgment. I’m not above it either. Here is just one example, I’ve laughed at a person I thought was drunk on a viral video. Through research I found out the poor woman who has been going through hell in her personal life actually had heat stroke. I was so quick to judge her because it looked like someone in my past who was messed up on drugs and alcohol. Luckily, because I have been the victim of an abuser using social media to TRY to hurt me, I investigated and found out the truth. I was horrified that even after showing proof of what happened, the person showing the video could let it continue to go viral after knowing what this poor woman was actually going through. That is when I saw how easy it is to get caught in this web. 

If you post hateful, uninvestigated, and cruel comments on social media, I won’t engage and perpetuate this problem. I won’t be apart of the energy that is allowing victims to keep getting abused. I commit to investigating claims before I show my support. My mission is to swing the pendulum towards love. I commit to spreading the energy I want to see more of in the world on social media. I’m committed to share the best that humanity has to offer.  

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020,2018

12 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

#NarcissisticAbuse #Abuse #SocialMedia #ABetterMe

Here are a few other pieces about narcissistic abuse (click on the links to go to the piece):

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as a Weapon

Social Media: A Narcissist’s Playground

How Researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder Opened My Eyes

You are NOT Stupid!

To the People who Refer to Themselves as Stupid:

We all make mistakes! Mistakes are missteps, detours, and/or stepping stones to growth (as long as we learn from them). They definitely don’t make us stupid. We may try things and fail again and again. You are still not stupid. You may turn to drugs or alcohol thinking you can escape and find out it only makes everything worse. You are still not stupid. Our self-talk defines what feels normal from someone else. How we talk to ourselves makes it okay for someone else to talk to us however we are talking to ourselves. Make sure it’s good. Our self-talk can be the reason we can’t accept compliments if we don’t believe we deserve them. 

You deserve more than calling yourself names. You deserve more than others calling you names. The first step to living better begins with cleaning up your self-talk. If you aren’t going to do it, you will never be able to feel the full appreciation others have for you, because your focus is on the people who treat you the same way you treat yourself. You have lived and survived many lessons in your life. You deserve to be proud of yourself for still being here. You can take life’s circumstances and learn from them. This doesn’t mean you will do this or anything else in life perfectly, because none of us our perfect. Why are you holding yourself to a standard that you don’t hold anyone else to? 

We simply make choices and we have the ability to make a better choices for ourselves in every moment that passes us. Don’t focus on the future or the past. Don’t worry about where this choice will get you or what has happened before. In this moment, make the best choice that you can make. When you make a choice that brings you joy, celebrate it. When you make a choice that brings you pain, learn from it. Don’t be a prisoner by using your choices as a tool to beat yourself up. 

When you feel stupid for the choice you made, write it down, then right down three better choices. Figure out what is creating you to want to make the unhealthy choices, and then forgive yourself. Thank the Universe for the learning experience. Reframing will help you stop beating yourself up.  You are worth your own kindness. When we are not kind to ourselves, we allow others to walk on us. We lie down and become a doormat willingly because we don’t have the self-worth to say something. We try to prove our worth to others by doing for them what they can do for themselves. This still doesn’t make us stupid. We are doing the best we can do in every moment.

Today, commit to making choices that make you feel good inside. Today, do something for yourself that makes you feel valuable. Try looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m not stupid, I’m learning.” Say it until you believe it. When you do, your reality will shift for the better.

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me 

Rachael Wolff © 2020, 2017

15 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

Other purchasing options can be found here: https://fromalovingplace.com/book/

#PerspectiveChallenge: I’m Stupid, Ugly, and Unlovable

PERSPECTIVE: I’M STUPID, UGLY, AND UNLOVABLE

When we label ourselves, we will do, think, and feel things to prove the label true. When we choose words that coming from someone else would be considered bullying or abusive, we are bullying and abusing ourselves. If it’s normal to treat ourselves that way, wouldn’t it feel normal coming from someone else? Let me answer that for you, YES!!!! If we want to be treated better by others, we have to treat ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve. If we don’t, we can’t expect others to know how we want to be treated. Worse than that, we would think the people treating us better were lying or up to something. Yes, we would self-sabotage the good stuff trying to come into our lives. So, today’s challenge is a VERY important one. 

We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves and what we bring to any given situation. When I stopped abusing myself, my unhealthy relationships with others shifted and changed. Some I happily walked away from, and others were redefined because of the new perspectives I chose to live by. I also started noticing how truly amazing some of the people around me really were, because now I was in a place to accept their goodness. 

What labels are you carrying around that are working against you? Anything that makes you feel small or little is restricting your potential and your ability to have healthy relationships.  If you notice repeated patterns in your relationships with others, it’s time to check-in with how you are treating yourself. 

TODAY’S  PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Make a list of all the negative labels you’ve given yourself and write a positive label that you would like to take its place. If you struggle with accepting the positive label, look deeper and talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. Be the friend to yourself that you want to have in someone else.  This one challenge could be the first step in changing the trajectory of your life.  

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you are a woman ready to make 2020 your best year, LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: HOW BECOMING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN TRANSFORMS THE WORLD is available for pre-order in paperback, ebook, and audiobook.  You can find a list of book retailers here.

Feel-Good Friday Book Series: Power

FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY

BOOKS THAT GAVE ME SEEDS TO THRIVE (Click link for the introduction to the series)

Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi was one of THE most important books I ever read to complete my healing from narcissistic abuse. For me, it was the final piece of the puzzle that I couldn’t understand. I had no idea how calculated narcissistic abuse was. She would say thing that were said to me verbatim. All the research studies I read didn’t cover that. I remember listening to the audiobook and just sitting there with my mouth opened as I listened to what seemed like old memories. Arabi helps the reader detach from the part of ourselves that wants to play rescuer, at least that is what she did for me.

After reading this book it was much easier for me to stick to my healthy boundaries and create a healthy distance. When I was coming out of the haze of narcissistic abuse I had a lot of resources I was using to build my self-worth, heal, and find my inner peace. So many of the tools I used were mentioned in this book, which is why I recommend it to ANY person coming out of or still in a relationship with someone who could possibly be a narcissist or sociopath.

Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse is available on audiobook and paperback and I have both. If you are the beginning of your recovery, you will definitely want to read this book multiple times. My wish is that people read the book all the way through because there are so many jewels of wisdom throughout and it will help you thrive if you do the work.

There were many passages in this book that gave me seeds to thrive, so picking one quote is very challenging. I keep going back and worth on which one to do. So here’s what I landed on, because this was the piece of the puzzle that was missing from my recovery before reading this book.

Favorite Quote from Power

(click on the book title to check out the book for yourself)

“It’s not that they can’t help it, or that they’re utterly helpless to their disorder—it’s that they selectively choose which victims to devalue and discard, and those victims ten to be loved ones.”

-Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, p. 99

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Catch up on Your Feel-Good Friday Book Series Here:

I Am What’s Wrong 

Your Creative Brain

Hope for the Flowers

The Tao of Pooh

A New Earth

The Four Agreements

Healing the Shame that Binds You