Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #170

I’m grateful for all the people who speak out about abuse. Tears fill my eyes as my fingers stroke the keys. If you have never been a target of a narcissistic abuser or a sociopathic abuser, you really don’t know the courage it takes to speak out. Some people don’t even recognize that they were abused until they start hearing other people’s stories. Abusers can be parents, family members, neighbors, loved ones, partners, bosses, co-workers, pastors, etc. If someone grew up in a household with abuse unrecognized, they will not see it in others who are doing the same behaviors. We have to recognize it first. Once we recognize it, we open a closed box of painful memories. It’s the people who speak up that help those people through one of the darkest times they may ever have to face.

I’m so grateful for all the testimonials, books, and personal stories I heard when I was unearthing my truths. I spent years in an emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive relationship before I was willing to see. I was living numb. I was living empty. When people spoke up, I didn’t feel alone. When an abuse victim has those voices under their feet, they are carried. When we WAKE-UP from the brainwashing and mind control, we start taking our power back. I know that even though I read many of the books I did after I left, the people’s stories helped me break free from the cycle of abuse, because the stories were so similar. I started asking myself, how I became a target. I discovered I had unhealed shame cycles going on that were causing me to self-abuse. I didn’t recognize his behaviors, because I was treating myself worse.

Though people heal from abuse in different ways, the beauty is that there are so many people willing to share their stories. The more people who share their stories, the less we sweep it under a rug. When we face the abuses that touch our lives whether it is in our personal lives or professional lives, we give ourselves the space to heal, grow, and expand. Suppressing it can actually make us perfect targets for cults, extremist groups, and more abusive situations. If you’ve been reading this blog the last few weeks, I’ve been talking a lot about the ways people will attempt to get us to align with fear, lack, and separation. Unearthed shame around abuse can keep a person aligned with fear, lack, and separation at such a deep level. Remember, healthy people don’t intentionally hurt other people. Only the hurt parts of us can hurt someone else intentionally.

Today, I commit to using my voice to speak up about abuse. I hope that today someone who needs to know that they are not alone reads this blog. I hope they will choose to look at the way I choose to live now and have hope. I was once a victim, but I’m not anymore. I once felt like I was just surviving the day, now I choose to live it fully. I’m not alone in how I choose to live either. One of the things that really helped me heal was reading books by Holocaust survivors. I spent time in Holocaust museums and paying close attention to the heroes who spoke up and/or did something. I did everything I could to learn about abuse, so that I would not only spot it, but I would help myself find the path to breaking the cycle.

My book, Letters from a Better Me has been in the top 20 for domestic partner abuse on Amazon. People can find other books, tools, and resources throughout the pages I’ve written in both my book and on this blog. The best things I do for myself is to align with love, abundance, and peace and be willing to look at what keeps me in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Our healing matters, not just for us, but for all the relationships we have throughout our lives. Our healing matters, because when we can become aware of when we are in the energy of fear, lack, and separation, we get the opportunity to heal, learn, and grow from it. We stop the cycles of abuse in the generations that come after us. It’s important to be kind, loving, forgiving, and accepting of ourselves. Learning to the difference between accountability and responsibility which aligns our energy with love, abundance and peace and then self-blame which aligns our energy with fear, lack, and separation is so important when we are recovering from the patterns of abuse. The blame keeps us in the cycle of abuse, and accountability for what is ours sets us free. We get to choose.

In the last few years, more and more people are speaking out. I have such tremendous respect for their bravery. Does this mean an attention-seeking person won’t sneak in and try to grab the spotlight from time to time, and lie? Of course there will be people who do this, but remember they are coming from an unhealthy and unhealed place too. If I choose to hate that person and let it affect my humanity with the next person who comes forward, that’s on me. If I let their alignment with fear, lack, and separation affect my alignment with love, abundance, and peace, I’m empowering myself to do something about it. They are responsible and accountable for what they put out into the world, and I’m responsible and accountable for what I put out into the world. I do my best to ask God to help them find their path to love, abundance, and peace. Just doing that helps me to realign.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #123

I’m grateful for my education on narcissistic abuse. I never thought my experience going through and then learning about narcissistic abuse would be so important. I never realized how many people have unhealed trauma from abuse that they have normalized, which unfortunately allows them to excuse abusers and even become a part of their gaslighting of others. What I realized is that it is not just important to spot narcissist abuse, but to educate myself on it. That way I can spot warning signs, victims, and perpetrators. I can clearly see how they are using tactics to abuse, manipulate, and attempt to control others and myself.

I’ve seen the effects of narcissistic abuse in families, romantic relationships, careers, politics, religious leaders, CEOs, etc. Narcissistic abusers can be anywhere and everywhere. This is why it is SO important to be educated and heal the parts of us that were once exposed to their abusive ways. I’ve written a lot about narcissistic abuse on this blog.

Here’s what I find fascinating about narcissistic abuse, it has been a hot topic for years now. We can read article after article, but when it is right in front of us, and someone is trying to manipulate us, it can be much harder to see. It really does take being vigilant and staying aligned with love, abundance, and peace in order not to be used, manipulated, or abused by a narcissist.

One of the most important protections I’ve learned in my ten years of exploration is the importance of staying away from negatively attacking or blaming others. We become prey to narcissists when we buy into conspiracy theories, blaming, and shaming others. I learned how important it is to fully think out what people put out there. I think about whether a person has a negative agenda or needs me not to trust something in order for me to believe them. Once I started reading about narcissistic abuse, I realized how similar their tactics are. It was a little scary seeing someone else write the exact same words as someone had used on me—MULTIPLE times an in MULTIPLE different ways.

I actually just finished reading a memoir that was full of similar situations. I have friends who have mothers, fathers, and bosses who are narcissists. They experience the same things. One of the reasons I wrote, Letters from a Better Me was to help people spot how we let ourselves be manipulated by outside sources if we aren’t aligning our own energy. If we self-abuse, we are are prey for narcissistic abusers. This is one of the reasons I dedicated myself to the work I do now. I not only didn’t want to be a victim again, but I wanted to help others heal so that they weren’t used, abused, or manipulated by any form of abuser, but I also know I can’t do the work for them to heal. I can only bring awareness and accessibility to a different way of living.

The energy of fear, lack, and separation is an open door for abusers to walk through. Whether we are treating ourselves or others from a place of fear, lack, and separation isn’t important to them. If they know we are there, which they do, we are prey. My education on narcissist abuse helps me to stay alert and aware, while making conscious choices to empower myself to serve humanity and myself from a loving place.

Today, I commit to keep educating myself on narcissistic abuse tactics. Being aware of abuse tactics isn’t always easy. I’m not going to say that watching people get used and manipulated enough to dehumanize others isn’t heartbreaking. I’ve shed many tears and prayed endlessly. For me, I know who the abuser is. I know that they are who they are. Part of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is that they are not capable of taking personal responsibility. They are always the victim. Everyone is against them, and they will turn on anyone they feel has betrayed them in an instant. No facts required. Often, they believe their own lies, which is why they can be so convincing to others. I know this about them, so I don’t have any expectations for them to change or be any different from who they are. I pray for them, I know they are here for a reason, because I do believe in God contracts. I believe they are humanities eye-openers and teachers for how we are treating ourselves and others. We can see how far our fears will take us when we align with the energy of their abusive ways. They also help to strengthen leaders who come from a compassionate and loving place. I learned so much from the narcissistic abuser in my life. I’m grateful for the many lessons I was taught to take better care of myself and my energy. One of the BIGGEST lessons I learned was about seeing, spotting, and healing my self-abusive ways. That is what completely shut the door the that person’s power over my life.

My education helps me to not accept unacceptable behavior in my own life. It helps me not get sucked into being manipulated on social media and in personal relationships. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We can’t change anyone else’s thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors. People make choices for themselves. That’s free will. If people want to change, they will. If they don’t want to change, they won’t. Change isn’t easy, but education can help to make change feel more possible. When we put our education into practice, we empower ourselves to live the lives we WANT to be living. For me, that is why it’s important to keep educating myself on narcissistic abuse tactics, because it helps me wisely invest in my own self care and change things I need to change. I’m not going to stop the narcissistic abusers of the world, but I will make sure my energy is aligned with love, abundance, and peace so that I don’t contribute to their power.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Catch me on on 12/2/20 at 4PM EDT OMTimes Radio being interviewed by Melisa Caprio on her show Postcards to the Universe: Creating the Life You Crave.

A Warning to Social Media Users

Dear Social Media Users,

I know this seems hard to believe, but many of us have been used as a form of narcissist abuse. Many of us have read articles on what narcissists do and we cringe thinking about the poor women, men, and children who have had to suffer at the hands of a narcissist.

The stories might even hit us closer to home. It might have been our family, our friends, or us who is or was the people/person being abused. There are different levels of narcissism, and Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD), isn’t easily diagnosed. Yet people with NPD have an amazing tool with social media to continue their extended abuse.

The worst part is we are trained to accept and perpetuate abuse in our society when we are asked to quickly judge women, men, politicians, celebrities, athletes, victims, alleged perpetrators, religious organizations, ethnic backgrounds, businesses, etc. We are so quick to judge that we forget to dig deeper. We post things without investigating to see the background of what we post. We leave comments and emojis, likes, and loves on posts, which are actually perpetuating the problem and making it easier for a narcissist to abuse their victims.

We are actually becoming the very thing that many of us are so sick of seeing. We who were once victims have become perpetrators of hate, fear, and condemnation and many of us do this blindly. We may think we are being a friend, patriot, or fighting for what we stand against. We have become a person who contributes to a narcissist’s playground.

Narcissists love making themselves the victims and making their actual victims the villain. Part of their M.O. is that they turn everyone they can against the actual victim of their abuse. They will do whatever it takes to destroy the reputation of the their victim. They try to turn the victim’s family, friends, employers, and communities against them. Now, do see how social media is a narcissist’s playground 

Healthy people don’t intentionally do things to hurt others. SLOW DOWN, think about what you’re reacting to. It may sound like something you went through, it may trigger you because a friend is posting it, it may sound like you once felt. Just stop and think before you respond to any posts that engage in tearing someone else down on a personal or public level.

I know that most people reading this are good people caught up in societal webs made of judgment. I’m not above it either. Here is just one example, I’ve laughed at a person I thought was drunk on a viral video. Through research I found out the poor woman who has been going through hell in her personal life actually had heat stroke. I was so quick to judge her because it looked like someone in my past who was messed up on drugs and alcohol. Luckily, because I have been the victim of an abuser using social media to TRY to hurt me, I investigated and found out the truth. I was horrified that even after showing proof of what happened, the person showing the video could let it continue to go viral after knowing what this poor woman was actually going through. That is when I saw how easy it is to get caught in this web. 

If you post hateful, uninvestigated, and cruel comments on social media, I won’t engage and perpetuate this problem. I won’t be apart of the energy that is allowing victims to keep getting abused. I commit to investigating claims before I show my support. My mission is to swing the pendulum towards love. I commit to spreading the energy I want to see more of in the world on social media. I’m committed to share the best that humanity has to offer.  

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020,2018

Letters from A Better Me is available through many online retailers and apps.

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

#NarcissisticAbuse #Abuse #SocialMedia #ABetterMe

Here are a few other pieces about narcissistic abuse (click on the links to go to the piece):

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as a Weapon

Social Media: A Narcissist’s Playground

How Researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder Opened My Eyes