90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 5 – The Choices We Make Living in Fear

Part I: Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 5: The Choices We Make Living in Fear

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”

-Les Brown

We are a global community now. We can see events happening all over the world and the events don’t have to be from a news source. We have so much information at our fingertips that if we are living in fear we can scare ourselves out of enjoying our lives. Each day we are alive is a gift. We live until we’ve completed our Earthly lessons then we leave the physical planet. Some will pass on before they even enter the world and others will live over 100 years here. No life is more or less important. Each life has lessons to teach. Yet, our fears can keep us trapped in a hell on Earth if we allow them too. We each get to choose how we want to live.

When I was in my early 20’s, I traveled around the United States and Canada as a sales trainer. I spoke at large events, so I was in and out of hotels and places I was unfamiliar with. This was at the time where the Internet was just coming into play. Social media didn’t exist on a level that I knew about. There were no GPS tools to get me from place to place or help me find restrooms along highways. Phone reception was spotty through many of the areas I traveled. I had so many people tell me how dangerous it was for me to be traveling alone to all these places. People would tell me stories of women getting raped and murdered at hotels. I got to hear how truckers would abduct women traveling alone at gas stations and rest areas. If I had listened to the fears, I would have missed out on so many great adventures. Could those things have happened? Of course there is a possibility. I could also die tomorrow by choking on some kind of food, but I’m not going to stop eating. I could slip in the shower, which is more likely than getting abducted, but I promise you, I will continue to take showers daily.

I live in Florida where there are alligators in about every place where there is fresh or brackish water. As an adventurer, I take many hiking, traveling and camping adventures. I live next to a lake and I have walked through many of the most alligator populated areas in Florida. I’m not going to make myself crazy with fear over this creature because I watch the media cover alligator attacks. We have to keep in mind that what we see is such a small percentage of what is actually happening. The odds of getting attacked by an alligator in Florida as of 2017 according to the Wildlife Commission are 1 in 3.2 million. From 1948-2017 there have been 401 unprovoked alligator bites reported and of that 24 deaths. Let’s put the fear into perspective. According to the National Center of Health Statistics-Mortality data for 2017, a death happening due to a pedestrian incident is 1 in 556. Death by fall is 1 in 114. Some people are so scared of wildlife that they miss great exercise, amazing views, and awe-filled moments experiencing nature. This is what happens when people choose to live according to their fears. Someone once screamed at me from across a lake that I was a neglectful parent for fishing with my kids. I couldn’t imagine living at that level of fear that I would attack someone else the way this woman attacked me, but that is what happens when we live according to our fears.

There is a difference between healthy fears which protect us and living in fear. Now a days it is very hard to tell the difference when we are inundated with stories to engage our fears. We can find it harder to trust our instincts. Even when that woman attacked my parenting, I questioned myself to the point where I did the research to know I’m not out of line with my beliefs. Do I need to be responsible and know different tactics to deter alligators? Yes! I grew up being educated by professionals about alligators. My fear of them has never been out of proportion. That is what will keep my kids and I at even less of a risk. Just like swimming in the ocean amongst the sharks. Knowledge is power. If you start seeing fears of things take over your life, start doing the research. Don’t trust any type of media. Go to the source.  As humans we have so many fears that can keep us stuck and can end up isolating us.

“A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision.”

-Tony Robbins

Our fight AGAINST is another way our choice to live in fear works against us. Whatever we put our energy into we make stronger. So when we are fighting against things like cancer, drugs, political parties, sexual harassment, governments, communities, and/or religious sectors—we actually make the problem worse. Now, the problem may shift into another form, but it literally tears us down from the inside. The fear of what we don’t want is leading us. Fear is running things in a disguised fashion, which makes the fear even more dangerous. Hence, keeping a plant that can be cure cancer, reduce seizures, and help economies along with so many other benefits illegal. Fear can prevent us from finding solutions that work.

When we make decisions to fight against something our energy is in what we don’t want. We aren’t putting our energy into what we do want. We are acting in defense instead of being proactive about the decisions we are making in this moment and how they will contribute to a better way of living. In our last US presidential election I saw this in full force. So many people were voting to keep the other politician out of office. Our energy was stuck in against mode. I saw many people make their choices based on the lesser of two evils approach. I saw Democrats voting Republican and Republicans voting Democrat. I saw constant attacks and the focus was on what people were against. When I wanted to understand why people were voting the way they were, I heard very little about what they actually stood for. After the election, even with people who won according to their vote, there was this drop in enthusiasm and energy. Fear can only keep us going in short intervals without causing our bodies to feel drained. Then we start seeing consequences and setbacks that will happen anytime we act out of that energy field.

Communication with others is a biggie! People destroy relationships based on belief systems of AGAINST every day! When people’s energy of against differs it has the power to cause a war. We stop communicating because AGAINST is a fear-based energy. If someone doesn’t agree with our fight or cause, being AGAINST gives us power to attack without understanding of another persons perception. See if you can feel a difference in these statements: I’m against canceror I’m for finding a cure for cancer. For me, when I say, I’m for finding a cure for cancer, a flood of ideas and thoughts come to me. When I say, I’m against cancer. I think of all the fights my loved ones have had with this disease along with all my losses. I feel my stomach turn. If I’m in a fear place, my communication with others will be more defensive. Our fears will build together or if we disagree they can tear us apart.

When we are making choices based on what we stand for, and what we stand for is based on love for ourselves, our families, our communities, our countries, and our world— the energy is different. The energy actually fuels us and makes us do and experience the impossible. Some people will go as far as to say it’s what miracles are made of. Others might compare it to the power of prayer. Either way, the solutions that come from being a true representative of loving action are beyond what words can describe. I have tears in my eyes thinking of all the heroic tales of individuals who traveled paths filled with loving actions such as Jesus, Siddhartha, Martin Luther King Jr., Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Oprah, and so many more. Does it mean that all these people were or are perfect—NO! It means they did or do their best to let love guide them. They face fears and try not to create more. Just like any human, when we are passionate about something fear may take the lead here or there, but it’s about seeing it and redirecting ourselves in a more productive direction.

Just for today, look at the fears that have a big impact on your decision-making process. Do research if you need to. If you notice you are fighting against something write it down and make a list of what you actually want to see in the world instead of putting your energy into what you are against. Be present and see the difference in how that feels.  Think about adventures, dreams, and goals you haven’t followed through on, and look at where fears have stopped you. For now, just be aware and put some thought into ways to look at situations with a loving energy. I’m not telling anyone to change his or her mind. Just look.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 5 – Fear As A Decision Maker

Exciting news coming next week if you are ready to invest in being the best version of yourself. The 35-DAY A BETTER ME BOOT CAMP is days away from launching. 

7 responses to “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 5 – The Choices We Make Living in Fear”

  1. I guess most of us are terrified of living as our true-selves, who we really are and what we really want…day after day we just fall into our daily routine and sometimes instead of living, we just become survivors, we just work as planned, like a robot…we wake up, we eat, we sleep, we work, we choose a decent job, we earn money, we go out…it’s like someone is writing and we’re executing….we live 2% and dream 98% of our lives… (part of something I wrote) and we need something major to break this chain even though we’re responsible to break it but it’s not easy when many people are involved and so…This is why I respect a lot those passionate people that are ready to do everything to follow their dreams and they are not afraid to be who they are all the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Those are very good points. I lived in survivor mode on multiple points of my journey and it was exhausting! I felt similar to what you are explaining here. My Achilles heel was my relationships for a VERY long time. I didn’t see it was the messages that I was telling myself that kept me where I was. When I broke open my world changed! Not overnight and I’m definitely still a work in progress, but I’m able to experience levels of freedom, happiness, and joy that I never knew possible (even in my relationship 😃). It’s all apart of the journey. When I can remember to keep my mind where my feet are, I’m so much better! Best wishes to you on your journey! Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. […] To Fear as a Decision Maker, I’ve let you be in charge of my decision making processes for long enough. I’ve hurt myself, relationships, and my life just by leaving you in charge. I missed out on so many amazing opportunities because I’m scared of some unknown future. I’ve put my energy into so many things that I’m against in fear of future of having them around. I’m tired and worn down from being scared all the time. Each decision I make I find myself going back and forth out of fear. I’m at the point where I don’t know what fears are legitimate and which ones aren’t. I see you laughing as I chose you once again. I feel a deep pressure each time I enlist you in the decision making process. You’ve had power over me because I was unconscious of what you were doing. Not anymore! I’m committed to acknowledging you when you creep in to my decision making process. I will actively question and look at you in order to diminish your power over me and my relationships. If I feel like I’m fighting against something in my conversations I will slow down and ask questions to help me remain open and stay away from fear. I’m committed to looking at what I stand for instead of putting my energy into what I’m against. Life is too short to waste time having to fight people to be right because of the power of my fears. I don’t have to be against people because they don’t believe what I do. That is just me leaving you in charge of my decision making. I will learn to decipher healthy fear from living in fear. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself. Thank you for showing me the dangers of letting you lead the way. I really want to be a better person for my family, friends, community, country and world. I can’t do that if I contribute to others being defensive around me. If I’m doing that- I’m just creating more fear. I feel capable of doing better now. I can live life from a more loving place. With Love and Gratitude, A Better Me Rachael Wolff ©2019 Companion Piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 5 – The Choices We Make Living in Fear […]


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