90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 26 – The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 26: The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

“Most people are living in an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.”

-Jen Sincero

So far in the 90-Day A Better Me Serieswe’ve been working on becoming aware of our unstable foundations. We’ve covered: fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. Now, we are getting to the heart of all of it—Ourselves and our beliefs.  Our focus will be on the perceptions of ourselves and the reality we create that keeps our foundations unstable.

Today, I’m not going to be talking about the cruelty that can come out of the mirror. I’m going beyond the cruelty and get deep down into the roots—Our unquestioned beliefs about ourselves, life, and how we live it. Each one of us is programmed with a series of belief systems that goes back generation after generation. These beliefs dictate how we live our lives if they go unquestioned.

In today’s world things can get even more confusing with so many different people, opinions, and belief systems of their own weighing in. Our ability to be involved with a global community at the touch of a finger can be very overwhelming. People are fighting harder to hold onto belief systems that were passed down. The fight AGAINST the unknown has grown more intense. If you’ve been reading, you know just how dangerous the fight AGAINST is (Day 23).

Our foundations we have built on are being questioned, and sometimes we are solid in our beliefs. We may choose to fight and defend them, once again going to war, which is an act against ourselves. If the belief is something that brings us love and light, we will share them, but without trying to insist on our own way. Sometimes we question them and will feel a sense of shame, guilt, and betrayal towards our families or ourselves. Other times we completely freeze and try to numb ourselves from the overload.  There are plenty more reactions, feelings, thoughts, and actions that come from the questioning of the core beliefs that make up our foundations. Each individual person is going to react a little differently. Just because we react or think one way, it doesn’t mean someone else will. We each have our own path; it’s not our business to judge someone else’s. If we focus on our own, it not only benefits ourselves, it benefits the people around us.

Self-care is selfish is one of the beliefs that can really mess with a person’s head. Many who belief this will completely give themselves away time and time again then wonder why they are tired, exhausted, and drained. When we belief self-care is selfish, we are in a constant fight with ourselves anytime we try to take time or do something to show that we value ourselves. Let’s take a battle, which I know many people struggle with—Weight loss. If a person believes self-care is selfish losing weight will be a fight, because you have to care for yourself to lose and keep the weight off. You have to make your health a priority. We only make time for what we value. Hmmm… So unconscious sabotage of losing weight takes hold and our mind gets really confused because if we don’t lose the weight, we’re honoring the belief that self-care is selfish and if we do lose the weight, we feel a sense of selfishness for doing it. Some people will feel guilt and shame for spending time to focus on their own needs.

Now some people may take this belief to the other extreme. They will lose weight to try to serve someone else. We can teach health and live an unhealthy inner life because of this belief system is working against us. So we may be so physically fit, but it’s not for ourselves. It may be for someone we love or to serve a community. We still are going to have to deal with the war inside of us. It may come out as resentment for our loved ones wanting us to be healthy, so we go into war with them.  We might get digestive problems due to stress, because  the manifestation of stress can be our inner battle against ourselves. Our minds operate how our bodies work. If we go to war with our minds, our bodies pay the price. Toxic build-up in our bodies turns into sickness and disease.

If you believe in some form of a Higher Power, Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, etc., I can’t believe for one second that we were created to torture ourselves. We have just as much value as everyone else who was created. You don’t deserve to treat yourself as less than. If love is not what you feel from the Creator of your beliefs—It’s time to question your beliefs.

Self-care is our oxygen. If we don’t put our oxygen masks on ourselves first—WE DIE. Fear, blame, shame, judgment, and hate will do their best to keep us from taking care of ourselves, because they can’t survive if we take care of ourselves. Self-care is an action of love. Once we embrace the love within ourselves, we are unstoppable to help ourselves and the world we serve. We will get more into that more in the months to come.

Belief systems that consist of fear and hate of or for others are destructive to all foundations of life. I literally just let out the biggest sigh as the tears welled up in my eyes. If we are run by fear and hate, we are incapable of knowing what love REALLY is. We confuse our messages and we interlink the two. They don’t go together! People who intentionally hurt others don’t know love. They know all the elements of fear: jealousy, judgment, blame, rage, resentment, passive-aggressiveness, shame, guilt (except sociopaths and malignant narcissists), manipulation, war, sabotage, emotional traps, abuse, and/or attempts to control others feelings, thoughts, and actions. None of those are love!! If we are using any of these tools to live, we aren’t operating from a loving place. We are operating out of fear. The more we love ourselves, the more we are able to recognize love in someone else. When I start fearing, I start questioning my beliefs that put me there. The internet can be a great source of investigation, but it can also be a great tool for fear. It’s about how we use it and what our focus is. We can see whatever we want to see. My story about the alligator on Day 5 was a prime example. Fears unquestioned can keep us from living. Fear separates us and love unites us, but if we don’t know the difference between the two we go to war.

Our belief systems are a series of perspectives of truth. They come from stories, thoughts, and ideas that turned into a belief. Have you ever played the game Telephone? A group of people sit in a line or a circle. The person at one end whispers a secret to the person sitting next to them. Then the secret moves down the line and gets interpreted by every person as it’s whispered from person to person. By the end, the secret is nowhere close to the original message. We have to remember that each person who passes down a story puts his or her own interpretations into it. Many parents use fearful stories to try to get their kids to do something. Those messages can turn into beliefs very quickly and unconsciously. If you look at religious organizations even within the same religious belief system will have different interpretations. NO two people are going to view things the exact same way. Neither can any group of people. The best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to learn about each other as individuals. We ALL have love and we ALL have fear. How does the person you are connecting to live their life? How does she/he show her love? How does he/she show her fear? Is what they are telling me project love or fear?

Someone who is raised with love around them may interpret life differently than someone who is raised surrounded by fear. Yet, if a person who was raised around fear finds the meaning of love within him, the fear bounces off of him and inspires him expand out of that fear-filled life. A person raised around love can be touched with fear and if she turns that fear against herself and chooses not to love herself, the trajectory of unconscious fear-based living gets ignited. The circumstances around our lives don’t matter as much as the messages and beliefs we form within ourselves and who we are as individuals.

This installment is just scratching the surface of this topic. I’ve dropped pieces throughout the series and will continue to do so, but it will still only scratch the surface. The quest to question our belief systems that keep our foundations unstable is a HUGE undertaking. Many of us need help going through this piece if we’ve reached living in the throws of fear. I know I have! I’ve gotten help in many areas of my life to help me reveal beliefs that were holding me back. I didn’t find the way through this in one place. When you take the journey of awareness, the doors will open as you are ready for them. Just be patient. We can only get to the path of freedom by taking one step at a time.

Just for Today

Look at what beliefs of yourself and others keep you from seeing love in the mirror. How are you interpreting perspectives of truth that keep your foundation weak and unstable?

If you notice messages being repeated through out this series, GOOD! That means the information is sticking. If it didn’t stick, you wouldn’t notice. The farther we are from noticing, the deeper our fears are keeping us trapped.  We are building our awareness by taking steps. Each time the material may hit us a little differently. The process isn’t different for me. By writing it, the ideas sink in more and more and I start living from a loving place on a more consistent basis. That’s why I ABSOLUTELY love the journey of awareness.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to write and share my perspectives with the people who choose to read this. I don’t believe there are any mistakes in the Universe, so I welcome you because I know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Whether you choose to read this one piece, a few pieces, or the entire series, you are on the journey you are meant to be on, so trust the process. It’s time to break-free from the prison of our minds.

Thank you for reading!

With Love and Gratitude,


Rachael Wolff ©2019


Companion letter: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 26 -Questioning Beliefs on Why My Foundation Continues to Crumble

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