90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 72: Having the Most Important Love Affair

“The love affair you seek is with yourself.”

-Alan Cohen

Too many of us start searching for the romantic partner of our dreams before we become the partner of our dreams. We are going to get a partner who is as healthy or as sick as we are. We are going to stay with emotionally unhealthy partners until we get emotionally healthier. The way we get the partner of our dreams is by becoming everything we want to see in the person we are looking for. Then we realize that we don’t need them to be everything we once believed they needed to be, because they are not filling any hole in us. If we already have a partner and we aren’t happy, our partner isn’t the problem. Our problem is the lack of investment we are putting into the love affair with ourselves. Our current partners have the opportunity to grow when we do, but what they do is their business. Our business is committing to have a love affair with ourselves.

We are complete and he or she is complete. We simply decide to travel on this journey together. We also figure out that no ONE person can fulfill everything we want. Sometimes certain adventures are better suited to do alone or with friends. When we invest our time and energy in a love affair with ourselves—WE WIN THE JACKPOT!

“The first love affair you must consummate is the love affair with yourself. Only then are you ready for a romantic relationship.”

-Nathaniel Branden

I brought this topic up in Part II as an introduction to the work of becoming our own ideal partner. Now it’s time to do the work. Once we do this work, all other relationships in our lives begin falling into place whether they are with romantic partners, family, friends, colleagues, and/or strangers we come across. This love affair affects EVERY area of our lives for the better.  Now some people may leave our lives as we get better and healthier, God is doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves. We may not have wanted to cut ties, but if the person’s energy level doesn’t connect with our newfound energy. They no longer fit. Just imagine how magnets work. We are either brought together or pushed apart because of the energy being projected by both parties. This is NOT something to fight! Trust the process, sometimes it may help the other person to lift their energy, but if they don’t, those are that person’s life choices. Don’t let what other people do stop you from having this love affair.

The more we love ourselves, the more we will feel the love from our Creator. When we can feel our own love for ourselves radiating through us, we get a glimpse of the love that comes from Source energy. Our internal dimmer switch is turned up as we project our love out into the world.

I’ve been giving you steps along the way on how to get this love affair going. This whole journey of the 90-Day A Better Me Series is about the journey to loving ourselves, so that we can project that love out into the world. A better me is about being the best we are capable of being and living that journey. In Part I, I showed you what blocks us from having this love affair. In Part II, I showed you the door to this AMAZING love affair. Now, if you are ready, it’s time for you to take the steps to becoming the person you need most in your life to show you love, respect, loyalty, honesty, compassion, joy, fulfillment, abundance, adventure, faith, courage, strength, and hope—YOU! When you project this from the inside, you will see it in your relationship with God, you will project it into the world, you will manifest it in your life experiences, and YOU WILL ATTRACT IT BACK TO YOU! Remember, focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. The energy you put out is the energy you will get back.

“To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong affair.”

-Mervyn Bana

7 Steps to Having the Most Important Love Affair

1. You are dating yourself, anything you have EVER expected a partner to do for you, DO FOR YOURSELF. If you can’t do it for yourself, don’t expect other people to do it for you. It’s not another person’s job to complete us. It’s our job to complete ourselves. We write our stories. How do you want to be written?
2. Make a list of each and everything you want in a partner. Then re-write that list as a To-Do List for yourself. Do you represent and project everything on that list? If you want someone to give you his or her time; ask yourself if you are giving yourself the time you expect someone else to give you. Then on your to-do list come up with ways to give yourself the time.  It’s important to go through and do this with each item. You are getting the recipe for the dream love affair with you.
3. Check-in regularly with what you are projecting out. If you look on social media, entertainment, and mainstream media are you envious, jealous, bitter, and/or annoyed when you see love stories? Well that is the energy you are putting out, and those are NOT Love-based energies—they are fear-based. Are you projecting feelings of abundance (I have what I need) or lack (I don’t have what I need) into the world? Are you focusing on the love in the world or the fear in the world? Where are you putting your energy? When we are filling our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, responses, and reactions with love, our energy is going to the right places.
4. Take care of your body! It’s your transportation for this journey (Day 69)
5. Do what you love to do! How better to celebrate the love you have for yourself than to do what you love and love what you do (Day 70)
6. Live gratitude! What are you doing to live gratitude in your life (Day 71)?
7. Fall in love with yourself! Nurture and care for the most important love affair that you will ever have.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 72 – Honoring My Most Important Love Affair