Breaking Toxic Patterns: Why Do I Keep Doing this to Myself?

Why Won’t These Seeds Thrive?

Trying and Failing to Make My Internal Garden Thrive

I lived in the darkness for a long time pretending to love, but I wasn’t capable. I read book after book, went to multiple therapists, and would even go to seminars trying to find the help I needed. I kept searching for an outside source to fix an inside problem. I could live motivated for short stretches, but deep down I was living the fake it until you make itapproach, but the make it just wouldn’t come. I thought I had it, then bang! I would sabotage my happiness once again. I thought I was ready to plant all the amazing seeds I would get, but my ground wasn’t fertile enough for the seeds to thrive. I would try, but I didn’t know how to feed, nurture, and sustain them. They may have looked pretty on top of the ground for a little while, but the roots were weak, so they just couldn’t survive on my toxic foundation. Something lurking underneath was killing every flower and tree I was trying to plant. I needed to figure out why.

Just like the internal garden I was trying to create, my outer self could look great on the surface for short periods of time, but because my roots weren’t strong, I would eventually begin to crumble. I would move before others could see my decent into madness. In my new location, I once again would plant the seeds I had picked up along the way. Then would sabotage myself again. 

Toxic relationships were my drugs of choice for a long time. They were the way I could keep myself right where I was comfortable. I didn’t know it at the time, but the chaos was my comfort zone.  I knew that if I could see why I kept repeating this pattern, I would find the source of this toxic muck corroding my foundation.

If you are noticing the definition of insanity in my words, you are getting the message. I kept trying to do the same thing, and I expected different results because I was in a new location. Some refer to this as a geographical cure—An outside fix trying to repair an inside problem. 

How Do I Plant these Damn Seeds to Make them Thrive?

Digging Into My Own Toxic Muck to Fix the Problem at the Source

I was in my thirties before I started to change my patterns to create a new reality. It took me becoming a shell of a person before I would be ready to fully surrender to get better. I couldn’t just plant the seeds, I had to fix, repair, and nurture the ground. I needed to come face to face with the woman in the mirror looking back at me and dig down to see where the source was for this toxic muck. The digging took years; not days, weeks, or months. This didn’t mean there wasn’t progress. My life was definitely changing for the better the more I was willing to REALLY face myself and clean up my own mess. The more I did this, doors would open and others would close. I was on the path to making a garden that would thrive.

My path led me to a college that couldn’t have been a better fit. I learned so much about myself in the 4-½ years it took me to get my degree. The experiences I had with the classes, professors, and other students would help me to have the energy to keep doing the work to fix my foundation. I received more and more seeds I wanted to plant. 

It took a lot of lessons for me to find out the answer was to dig further down into this toxic foundation. I had to find out why I kept attracting men and getting into relationships with individuals who were unhealthy. I needed to look at why I wanted to rescue them. I had to dig deep to get to the bottom of this toxic root. It was the weed that kept strangling all the beauty I would try to grow in my garden.

What Will I Find at the Source of These Toxic Patterns?

Through the Layers of Digging

  1. I saw that I wanted to feel needed.
  2. I learned everything I could about co-dependency.
  3. Digging deeper, I saw that I wanted to feel needed because I lacked self-worth and had a horrible self-concept.
  4. I began to look into the mirror and figure out what I didn’t like about myself.
  5. Going down even deeper, I found that I felt unlovable.
  6. I had to face why I felt unlovable, and that was digging down to the core of my toxic foundation. I found the source, which came from the shame that was buried and hidden under all the layers of guilt, anger, rage, resentment, fear, hate, chaos, confusion, and separation. 
  7. I started doing the work to have a loving relationship with myself.

What Did I Discover?

I’m Happy I Decided to Get Dirty and Do the Work

Digging down to the core took years, but as I faced layer after layer, life would improve and seeds would start growing into flowers. As my energy became aligned with the garden I wanted to create, I understood what I needed to feed and nurture the seeds to make them thrive—LOVE!

This wasn’t about receiving love from the outside world. This was about understanding that I had to feed the seeds my love, and I only could do that by loving myself. Anytime I spoke to myself in a disrespectful way, I was pouring poison onto my land. When I chose to focus my energy on forgiving and loving myself, my land became fertile ground. My garden began to thrive and I started attracting more sources to nurture and feed my garden. I was finally capable to fully love others authentically, because I could love myself. I stopped laying down for people to walk on me. I stopped accepting unacceptable behavior, because I love myself enough to know my value. I live abundantly in my internal world, and I do the work daily to stay there.

Who Is Attracted to My Life Now?

Appreciating the Individuals Who Cross my Path

The people who are attracted to the garden I’ve created aren’t looking to steal from it, they are asking for seeds, which I lovingly give out. People also come into my life offering new seeds. Some I accept lovingly, others I may realize are strangling vines, so I say no thank you and move on. No one can plant a seed in my garden without my permission. If I mistake a strangling vine for a flower, it’s my job to dig the seed up from the root to find out why it found a place to grow in my garden. If we waste energy blaming, we will avoid finding the solution, because blame is just an excuse to stop digging.

Are You Looking for a Seed?

Just like me, others have to go on their own journeys of learning what it will take to let their gardens thrive the way they want them to. If you are reading this looking for a seed; the best advice I can give is to be open to go deep and pay attention to the signs along the way.  Keep praying for help in seeing signs and learning the lessons to uncover the answers. You are worth it! Be prepared to get dirty. We all have what it takes to create beautiful gardens; we just have to be willing to do the work.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If this journey resonates with you, I hope you will explore FromALovingPlace.com and check out my upcoming book, Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World. When we become our best selves, we change the world around us for the better. 

3 Ways to Remove the Clutter that Self-Abuse Creates

3 Ways to Remove the Clutter that Self-Abuse Creates

Self-abuse is one of the many ways our self-hate, low self-esteem, lack of worth, and negative self-image manifest themselves. We create clutter both inwardly and outwardly when we don’t become self-aware of how we are treating ourselves. This doesn’t help us lead productive lives. This doesn’t help us stay away from the chaos and drama that surrounds us. The more we hate ourselves and treat ourselves with disrespect, the more chaos and drama we will attract to our lives. The clutter in our minds is fuel for the fear, hate, shame, guilt, and violence that is spreading in and around us.

If we want things to get better around us, we have to start within us. Our energy that we put into the world comes from the energy we are feeding ourselves daily. If we want to stop the abuse, we have to stop creating a space where we are apart of the problem. Self-abuse is not helping us or anyone else! When we self-abuse we are showing others that it’s okay to disrespect us, walk on us, and treat us as if we have no value. Many times people don’t even know that that is the way we feel, because our own behaviors have led them to believe that what they are doing is acceptable.

For years, I wanted to be the victim of my own thinking. I found a sick pleasure in being the doormat, but what I didn’t want to see is that I laid down in front of the person who chose to walk across my back. I was trying to find my value because I hated myself so much that I just gave myself away over and over expecting someone to see what I couldn’t. Our lack of value clutters our minds and distorts our realities into believing that we are trapped and that we can’t stop what is happening to us. Just the thought is self-sabotaging and attracts more of what we don’t want.

When my mind is cluttered, it spreads into my personal spaces. I’ve had my bed so covered in stuff that I have barely been able to fit on it to sleep. That’s when I know I have some real cleaning to do. The last time my bed was like that I dove head-first into figuring out how and why I kept sabotaging myself. It was time for me to look at how I was treating myself.

Here are three ways you can help yourself:

1. Become Aware of the Clutter —INVENTORY NEGATIVE MESSAGES

  • How do you talk to yourself when you are looking in the mirror?
  • What do you think about all your features?
  • What do you think about the person you are?
  • How do you feel about how your life looks to you when you look in the mirror?
  • How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake for the first time?
  • How do you talk to yourself when you’ve repeated a mistake?

This inventory won’t be done in one sitting. As life situations come up, see how you are talking to yourself:

  • Are you calling yourself names?
  • Are you criticizing yourself?
  • Are you beating yourself with an emotional 2×4?

Just to give you an idea, life situations can still hit me off-guard from time to time and I go back through these steps in order to keep my headspace clean and clutter free.

2. Cleaning out the Clutter—INSIDE AND OUT

  • Start a self-love Journal —Pick a number of days you will commit 35, 45, and/or 90 days. Each day write a minimum of three things you like about yourself. Here’s a hint, if you spot certain positive qualities in others it’s usually because you have them yourself. Do your best not to repeat, especially in the beginning. As you see more and more things you like about yourself, then you can start reusing ones that you are really connecting to.
  • Clean up your physical clutter—Start with a drawer and just keep going. Throw away what you don’t need. Pitch, sell, or donate the things that are just taking up space in your life. Make space for what you want more of in your life. Remember, clear space is peaceful space.

3. Keep the Space Clean—STAY AWARE OF WHERE YOUR MIND GOES

  • Living in gratitude is the best way to keep your space clean. Anytime our minds go to lack, deprivation, fear, hate, blame, etc. we are creating more clutter.
  • Watch your reactions to people. I find this one entertaining. If  a person’s actions work you up: First question your own thinking about what is happening to see if you are fully aware of where your reaction is coming from. Second, I imagine the person saying or doing whatever it is to themselves. Our negative behaviors start from how we are treating ourselves, so we can gain clarity about the situation if we are not taking the person personally. This doesn’t mean we have to accept unacceptable behavior. We just don’t add our own clutter. How someone treats us shows us their love or fear that they are internally dealing with. How we respond to them shows us where we are.
  • Stop the Cycle of abuse. If you see, hear, or feel abusive thoughts about yourself come up, correct them and clean up your self-talk. Treat yourself with love, respect, loyalty, honesty, and compassion. We have to have it inside us before we have a chance of cleaning up what’s around us.
  • Give from a Loving Place. This means you are giving because you want to, not because you think it will make you worthy of someone else’s time, affection, love, respect, etc.

Side effects of these steps are: sleep better, eat healthier, enjoy self-care, kinder thoughts, less judgmental towards others, more compassionate, attract healthier people to our personal and professional lives, more opportunities to do good in the world, appreciate peace, and so many more. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Did what you just read resonate with you? I hope you will explore FromALovingPlace.com and keep reading. I’ll be bringing a new series to the blog starting September 1, 2019. If you are not following along, make sure to sign-up below.

For my female readers, I have EXCITING news! Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World is available for pre-order! Click the link to order your copy today!

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 73 – Constructing A Self-Care Regimen

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 73: Constructing A Self-Care Regimen

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings you joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”

-Jean Shinoda Bolen

In this 90-Day A Better Day Series, I’ve given a lot of suggestions about self-care. We each have to choose what items of self-care resonate with us, because a self-care regimen, routine, or ritual will only work if we are connecting to the process of doing the activity. I don’t know about you, but I’ve tried a lot and I mean a lot of things in my life because people told me it would make me feel better. It could be about how to practice my faith, eating, drinking, dieting, exercising, meditating, mindfulness, positive affirmations, lifestyle, prayer, gratitude, mindset, weight loss, etc. No matter how good something has worked for my life or anyone else’s, you have to come up with your own regimen. No two regimens will ever look exactly the same and not any two people doing them will get the exact same results. As I’ve said before, I don’t expect everyone to do what I did and get the same exact results, because each of us has our own unique journey. Here are a few examples:

  • One person drinks lemon water everyday and it improves their digestive health. Another person may have an adverse reaction from the acid in the lemon and have digestive problems because of it.
  • One person may use nature therapy to help them reach levels of mindfulness and peace within themselves. Another person’s fears may create so much anxiety that triggers fight or flight response.
  • One person does a hard-core exercise routine and she/he feels alive and energized. Another person may not like the feelings that come after that level of exercise, so it doesn’t benefit her/his overall well-being, because that feeling could be their body giving them a signal that that is too much.

A self-care program won’t work if you aren’t invested in doing it or it doesn’t feel right for you. I’ve gone through many regimens and I change them up if I don’t feel the effectiveness of a particular one anymore. What is important is that I give time to self-care. I do my best to trust myself to help me to figure out what I need at any given time, while making sure that my intentions aren’t blocking the results I’m looking to achieve. Numbing ourselves with drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling, games, social media, binge watching, etc. isn’t apart of self-care. They are contributors to self-destruction. I’m not talking about moderation. There is a difference, and it is a fine line—Self awareness is KEY!

15 Questions to Help You Construct Your Personal Self-Care Regimen

  1. How am I taking care of my connection to my spiritual life and beliefs?
  2. How am I taking care of quieting my mind?
  3. How am I taking care of accepting myself in the mirror?
  4. How am I taking care of my body and organs?
  5. How am I checking in with my perspectives of truth (Days 42-46) to make sure they are working in my life?
  6. How am I showing myself love?
  7. How am I showing myself respect?
  8. How am I investing in my quality time with myself?
  9. How do I feed my mind?
  10. How do I practice presence?
  11. How do I live gratitude?
  12. How do I take care of myself in the presence of other’s darkness (fear, anger, rage, resentment, jealousy, envy)?
  13. How do I take care of myself in the presence of my own darkness (fear, anger, rage, resentment, jealousy, envy)?
  14. How do I take care of myself when I’m feeling depleted?
  15. How do I take care of myself when I’m feeling a lack (loss, grief, disappointment)?

“Self-care is how you take your power back.”

-Lalah Delia

This list can give you ideas of what to implement into your daily routines. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to-do a list of things that are all new all at once. Take some things you are already doing and then try a couple new things at a time. If they work for 90 days and you want to add some more, do it. If what you were doing doesn’t seem to fit, try something else. Just don’t beat yourself up if things fall off. Trust that you are getting exactly what you need to get in this moment. When you are open to take on more, you will MAKE the space to fit more in your life. Just keep caring for yourself. Don’t forget how important you are.  Everything in life will run much smoother if we are committed to our self-care.

Today’s Letter from A Better Me in the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 73 – Constructing My Self-Care Regimen will take you through my process of answering all the above questions. I highly suggest writing your own letter to yourself as a way of planting the seed to make sure it takes root.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 72 – Honoring My Most Important Love Affair

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 72: Honoring My Most Important Love Affair

Dear Self,

With this letter, I’m writing my vows to you. You deserve the ultimate love story and I know that I can give it to you. Here are 10 promises I vow to you:

  1. I promise to love you mind, body, and soul at all time because we are lifetime partners and you deserve the greatest love affair.
  2. I promise to respect you and the journey you are on because you are responsible for any feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, and reactions that come from you.
  3. I promise to honor the time that I have with you and be present to your needs, because I know your time is valuable.
  4. I promise to protect you from situations that aren’t in your best interest, because you are valuable.
  5. I promise stand up for you when you need a voice because your voice is important.
  6. I promise to explore and go on adventures with you because I know that is what you love to do.
  7. I promise to take steps to follow your passions because they are part of what makes you shine.
  8. I promise to honor your spiritual path because connecting to service through spirit feeds your soul.
  9. I promise to provide your body nourishment because this will be our vessel for this lifetime of learning, love, and growth.
  10. I promise to take the time to slow down and be mindful to nourish our relationship because only through the strength of our relationship will others learn how to treat us.

You and the Divine Source of ALL love are the only two lifetime partners I will ever have. In order to live the best life, I have to show this world the best I’m capable of being and all that starts with my love for you. My light only shines as bright as the love I have inside. I will sabotage any love that isn’t as strong as mine is for you, so these promises not only ensure I live this best life with you, these promises will help me shine my light bright for the world around me. The brighter my light, the more love I’m able to give and receive from others. So with this letter, I fully commit to our love affair. You and the world are worth it!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the relationship I have with myself today.
  2. I’m grateful for the knowledge that I’m worthy.
  3. I’m grateful for the opportunity to make today better than yesterday.
  4. I’m grateful for the love I’m capable of giving and receiving to/from others.
  5. I’m grateful for being a life partner with the person I am today.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 72 – Having the Most Important Love Affair

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 72 – Having the Most Important Love Affair

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 72: Having the Most Important Love Affair

“The love affair you seek is with yourself.”

-Alan Cohen

Too many of us start searching for the romantic partner of our dreams before we become the partner of our dreams. We are going to get a partner who is as healthy or as sick as we are. We are going to stay with emotionally unhealthy partners until we get emotionally healthier. The way we get the partner of our dreams is by becoming everything we want to see in the person we are looking for. Then we realize that we don’t need them to be everything we once believed they needed to be, because they are not filling any hole in us. If we already have a partner and we aren’t happy, our partner isn’t the problem. Our problem is the lack of investment we are putting into the love affair with ourselves. Our current partners have the opportunity to grow when we do, but what they do is their business. Our business is committing to have a love affair with ourselves.

We are complete and he or she is complete. We simply decide to travel on this journey together. We also figure out that no ONE person can fulfill everything we want. Sometimes certain adventures are better suited to do alone or with friends. When we invest our time and energy in a love affair with ourselves—WE WIN THE JACKPOT!

“The first love affair you must consummate is the love affair with yourself. Only then are you ready for a romantic relationship.”

-Nathaniel Branden

I brought this topic up in Part II as an introduction to the work of becoming our own ideal partner. Now it’s time to do the work. Once we do this work, all other relationships in our lives begin falling into place whether they are with romantic partners, family, friends, colleagues, and/or strangers we come across. This love affair affects EVERY area of our lives for the better.  Now some people may leave our lives as we get better and healthier, God is doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves. We may not have wanted to cut ties, but if the person’s energy level doesn’t connect with our newfound energy. They no longer fit. Just imagine how magnets work. We are either brought together or pushed apart because of the energy being projected by both parties. This is NOT something to fight! Trust the process, sometimes it may help the other person to lift their energy, but if they don’t, those are that person’s life choices. Don’t let what other people do stop you from having this love affair.

The more we love ourselves, the more we will feel the love from our Creator. When we can feel our own love for ourselves radiating through us, we get a glimpse of the love that comes from Source energy. Our internal dimmer switch is turned up as we project our love out into the world.

I’ve been giving you steps along the way on how to get this love affair going. This whole journey of the 90-Day A Better Me Series is about the journey to loving ourselves, so that we can project that love out into the world. A better me is about being the best we are capable of being and living that journey. In Part I, I showed you what blocks us from having this love affair. In Part II, I showed you the door to this AMAZING love affair. Now, if you are ready, it’s time for you to take the steps to becoming the person you need most in your life to show you love, respect, loyalty, honesty, compassion, joy, fulfillment, abundance, adventure, faith, courage, strength, and hope—YOU! When you project this from the inside, you will see it in your relationship with God, you will project it into the world, you will manifest it in your life experiences, and YOU WILL ATTRACT IT BACK TO YOU! Remember, focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. The energy you put out is the energy you will get back.

“To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong affair.”

-Mervyn Bana

7 Steps to Having the Most Important Love Affair

  1. You are dating yourself, anything you have EVER expected a partner to do for you, DO FOR YOURSELF. If you can’t do it for yourself, don’t expect other people to do it for you. It’s not another person’s job to complete us. It’s our job to complete ourselves. We write our stories. How do you want to be written?
  2. Make a list of each and everything you want in a partner. Then re-write that list as a To-Do List for yourself. Do you represent and project everything on that list? If you want someone to give you his or her time; ask yourself if you are giving yourself the time you expect someone else to give you. Then on your to-do list come up with ways to give yourself the time.  It’s important to go through and do this with each item. You are getting the recipe for the dream love affair with you.
  3. Check-in regularly with what you are projecting out. If you look on social media, entertainment, and mainstream media are you envious, jealous, bitter, and/or annoyed when you see love stories? Well that is the energy you are putting out, and those are NOT Love-based energies—they are fear-based. Are you projecting feelings of abundance (I have what I need) or lack (I don’t have what I need) into the world? Are you focusing on the love in the world or the fear in the world? Where are you putting your energy? When we are filling our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, responses, and reactions with love, our energy is going to the right places.
  4. Take care of your body! It’s your transportation for this journey (Day 69)
  5. Do what you love to do! How better to celebrate the love you have for yourself than to do what you love and love what you do (Day 70)
  6. Live gratitude! What are you doing to live gratitude in your life (Day 71)?
  7. Fall in love with yourself! Nurture and care for the most important love affair that you will ever have.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 72 – Honoring My Most Important Love Affair

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 69 – Taking Care of My Body

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 69: Taking Care of My Body

Dear Body,

I’m so grateful for this journey you have taken me on. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. I know there are times I don’t give you the time and energy that you deserve. Those are the times when I do not love myself enough to see how hard you work for me. Those are the times that I’m not living consciously and recognizing that you are my lifetime partner in all of this. I’m sorry for that, and I’m grateful that I can live another day to let you know how grateful I truly am.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the use of ALL my senses. When I remember to consciously use them, I appreciate each moment so much more. I live life instead of life living me. I can appreciate any moment when I engage in the enjoyment of my senses. When I love myself and appreciate my journey, my senses seem to pick up on things to make each moment even better.

I’m so grateful for your signals that tell me what you need. When I’m not numbing myself, I listen and you tell me how much is good to eat and what flavors I’m craving. There is usually some form of nutrition, but not all the time. Sometimes a bite is about bringing pleasure to my senses. It’s like you are telling me to embrace the moment.

I’m so grateful every time I feel air expanding inside my lungs and feeding my body the oxygen it needs. I appreciate you every time I’m conscious of my breathing. I’ve been given the gift of life with every breath I’m blessed enough to take.

I’m so grateful for the times where I hear you telling me to rest, and I do because that is what I need to do to be at my best. When I don’t listen to you, I pay the price in everything I do and how I move through my day.

I’m so grateful for my ability to see colors in all their glorious wonder. The magic of art, life forms, and nature come alive as I take time to see the beauty, texture, and depth. My life is filled with wonder because your determination to let me see.

I’m so incredibly grateful for my shape and my features because they teach me so much about accepting myself and others. I learn so much by appreciating what I you are instead of focusing on what you aren’t. You are exactly the way you are supposed to be in this moment. You look exactly how you are meant to look to help me become the person I want to be. You give me lessons in love, compassion, empathy, faith, strength, resilience, determination, and courage all because you are exactly how you are meant to be.

When I stretch my limbs, take a breath, hydrate, nourish, rest, and take care of you, I’m showing love, not only myself, but to the Creator of this vessel. I’m seeing through the eyes of the Divine when I love and honor this beautiful creation.

When I love and honor the beautiful creation that I am, I’m open to love and honor creations outside of myself with my full capability. Body, I love that you were the vessel chosen for me. I love that my connection to you helps me to connect with others and life itself. I’m so grateful for each moment I get with you on this journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Check out 7 Ways to Check-In with Your Body here: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 69 – Taking Care of Our Bodies as an Act of Self-Love

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 69 – Taking Care of Our Bodies as an Act of Self-Love

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 69: Taking Care of Our Bodies as an Act of Self-Love

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”

-Jim Rohn

We were created to live in the exact body that we have. Our body is our vessel for this life. How we live within the skin we are given is how we honor the life we are given. Our lack of love or our abundance of love shows in how we treat the skin we are in. How do you talk about your body when you look in the mirror? How do your nourish your body? How do you treat your body physically? When we don’t love ourselves, we abuse it in ways way worse than any outside person can. When we really hate ourselves it’s like we are committing a slow suicide by the lack of care.

When we love, honor, and respect our bodies for the important role they play in our lives, we do our best to take care of them. It isn’t about beating ourselves up with what we don’t do; it’s about what we are actually doing. When our minds are right, we treat our bodies right.

When we love ourselves, our bodies tell us what they need. They tell us when they are tired. We feel signs our body is giving us. We are not numbing, overindulging, dehydrating, and mistreating our vessels that are carrying us through this life. When we take care of mind, body, and spirit. We are given clear signals what to do. It can even be that if our body needs to walk, we won’t be able to find a parking space right up front.

When we have genuine love for our bodies, the Universe hears us. We project the love out, and it comes back to us. If you aren’t taking care of your vessel, you need to look at any areas you are not taking care of your relationship with yourself. What way are you neglecting to love yourself? If you haven’t read the rest of the series, check out Part I and II. If you are not taking care of yourself, but feel like you love yourself—PRAY! Pray for guidance in finding your blocks so that you can treat your body like it deserves to be treated. If you are calling your body names and negatively judging it—STOP!

IMG_2897

Be Grateful

  • Be Grateful for what your vessel does for you. Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what your body doesn’t do. What does your vessel for this life do for you?
  • Be grateful for any senses you are blessed enough to have. Senses are a gateway to presence.
  • Be grateful for your body’s ability to breathe, however much it is able to.
  • Be grateful for the lessons your body teaches you about what happens when you do and don’t take care of it.
  • Be grateful for the signs your body gives you when it’s not happy.
  • Be grateful for legs that carry you or ones that let you experience lessons because they don’t.
  • Be grateful for every scare, because they were lessons you survived.
  • Be grateful for your eyes allowing you to see or for them strengthening your other senses by not seeing.
  • Be grateful to your arms for all the things they allow you to touch and hold or for the ability to survive without them and the blessings that come with the lack of them being there.
  • Be grateful for the illness that has shown you where your vessel needs your love and attention. Be grateful for each day as a blessing because even with your illness, today you are here. Your vessel is working for you the exact way it needs to be in this moment.
  • Be grateful for the nose that connects you to the present moment by being able take in the moment.

No matter what your vessel is experiencing in this moment, be grateful because it is experiencing life. How we take care of our vessels shows how grateful we really are. We are energetic beings, and if we are constantly feeding negative energy into them, we will pay the price by the toxic build up it creates within us. The more love and gratitude you can send to this lifelong partner, the better it will work to serve you.

The list below is a check-in. If you are not doing the things below dig deeper to help you understand why you are neglecting your vessel’s care. If you say you are too busy for taking the time to care for your body, your priorities are not in order. You don’t have time to do all the other things you are doing if you aren’t taking care of the vessel that was created just for you.  I’m not listing anything here that costs money, this is just what we do for ourselves consciously, unconsciously, or not at all.

7 Ways to Check-In with Your Body

  1. Are you getting enough rest? Sleep is important. People need different amounts of sleep, but it’s important you are getting enough for you. If you don’t, your defensive walls will rise as a form of protection and you end up not just mistreating yourself but those around you, because tiredness can keep us from being conscious of our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions.
  2. Are you stretching? Throughout the day, are you taking breaks to help oxygen and blood circulation by stretching? Stretching before, during, and after times when your body is under physical or emotional duress helps to ensure the toxins don’t build up and start causing problems. Yoga, Thai Chi, and Qigong are great ways to implement stretching into your daily routine. Good blood and oxygen flow can help your body deal with stress.
  3. Are you taking conscious breaths? Are you holding your breath when you’re stressed, exercising, and doing work? When we are taking care of ourselves and present, we focus on breathing. When experiencing a moment of AWE, pay attention to the way you exhale. It’s like the body is pushing out anything that doesn’t belong there to take in the magical moment of AWE.
  4. Are you getting enough physical activity? Are you getting in 10,000 steps a day? Did you know that most phones come with a step counter and there are apps that do the counting for you? Working our bodies helps keep up our strength and energy to keep the toxic energy from building up in our bodies. It helps oxygen flow so that our minds are more able to focus on what is in front of us.
  5. Are you eating consciously? When we aren’t present and we don’t love ourselves, to be blunt, we treat our bodies like garbage. One of the ways we do it is by eating unconsciously. We don’t pay attention to how much we eat and the garbage we are putting into our mouths. When we are present, our bodies give us signs when it has had enough. There are tells when food isn’t sitting right in our bodies, but if we have been feeding negative energy into our bodies, we attract the food that will have a negative affect. It’s not judgment, just the Law of attraction working in away that we don’t want it to.
  6. Are you taking the time to quiet your mind? Your brain needs rest too. Go back to the list on Day 66 if you are struggling with this one. When we take the time to quiet our minds we hear what our bodies need from us. We pay attention as an act of love.
  7. Are you laughing? Laughter plays a huge role in your body. It’s been said to even help the healing process. Regular laughter is important to the function of your mind, body, and spirit. If we are taking life too seriously we stop laughing and the stress builds up in our bodies. Laughter gets things moving and creates a positive energy flow running through our entire system.

Take the time to take care of the vessel you are travelling in. Without it, you wouldn’t be here. Mistreating it only makes the journey here more challenging and shows your lack of self-love. Show yourself the love you deserve and life becomes an amazing adventure.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 69 – Taking Care of My Body

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 59 – Attracting the Energy of Love to My Life

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 59: Attracting the Energy of Love to My Life

Dear Universe,

I’m in awe of how attracting the energy of love to my life works. It doesn’t matter how many times I see it or in what capacity; the feelings that come over me as I  watch my self-love project out of me, manifest more things to love,  and then watch how people and things are attracted back to me is AMAZING. It is the most empowering experience that I can even begin to imagine. I really do have the power to make my life incredible.

Ever since I started to really understand the concept of only getting more of what we already have inside, I truly feel empowered to manifest and attract more love into my life. For me, this also makes giving my love to others so much more rewarding. I don’t expect anything from the love I give, and I’m not attracted to places where it is unhealthy for me to express my love. Some situations I can send  love in a prayer that someone gets the help they need, or that a person sees how much harm they are doing to themselves by living in their darkness. Whatever the case may be, I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be and so is my love.

I’ve attracted people in my life now that are capable of loving me back. Before I invested my time and energy into showing myself love, I would attract people who didn’t want to invest time and energy into showing me love. I got back the exact energy I put towards myself. Now, since I’m able to show myself love, I attract people who have no problems showing me love.

This love extends out all around me. I’m able to serve others with a full heart. I’m not trying to seek my worth in what I’m doing for someone else, so it doesn’t take loving energy away from him/her or me. I can just authentically be there serving with a grateful heart.

There are so many incredible blessings that come with seeing the power of how this works. I’m attracting the people who I’m meant to teach and/or be taught by. The lessons inspire me, where I used need a big hit over the head to get a lesson to take hold.

I love how my world has shifted by working on how I perceived myself and my value to this life. The abundance of love that I feel in my heart is overflowing. Life is really an amazing journey, and I’m so blessed for every moment I’m aware enough to be fully engaged in the experience!

Today I’m grateful

  1. I’m incredible grateful for the ability attract the energy of love to my life
  2. I’m grateful for the love I feel in nature
  3. I’m grateful for the love I feel from my family
  4. I’m grateful for the love I feel interacting with animals
  5. I’m grateful for the love I feel when I’m looking in the mirror

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 59 – Attracting the Energy of Love

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 59 – Attracting the Energy of Love

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 59: Attracting the Energy of Love

“The state of our inner being directly influences our behavior, which in turn influences how people respond to us.”

-Cheryl Pallant

On Day 58, I wrote about manifesting love, now we will dive into the idea a little further by moving into attracting the energy of love. Once we have our self-love in place, we project that loving energy out to the Universe. We begin manifesting the magic that self-love has to offer us out in the world. Finally, what we project out and manifest is what we attract back to us. This is the Law of Attraction along with a religious/spiritual concept many of us know, we reap what we sow.

Yesterday (Day 58), I told the story about the list I wrote to attempt to attract my ideal romantic partner, and how through my journey I stopped even looking for this partner because I felt complete and full of joy with the life I had created from my self-love. When my pendulum calmed down to the relaxed position where I was at peace. I became ready to see the door to allow space for a healthy relationship to enter my life. I prayed:

“God, if you have a person you feel would be a good fit in this life I love, please make the space for him to come in.”

I had to open the door in order to allow the manifestation of this energy to come back to me in the way I had originally asked for—I was ready when he arrived at my door.

About three years after the relationship began, I found all my lists and letters to the Universe. I couldn’t believe how many check boxes he filled on this very long list. This didn’t mean the relationship has been perfect. I had to learn with my request for my partner’s actions to tell me he loved me, meant I didn’t hear “I love you” for a year into the relationship. His actions told me…I got EXACTLY what I asked for. The Universe can be quite literal.  I also have gotten plenty of lessons on the things I still need to work on. I can tell when I get triggered; I have some self-examination to get into. I’m attracting back what I put out. If I’m faced with fear, I have to look at where the fear is coming from inside of me.

I have learned how to attract an abundance of love to my life, not just in my romantic relationship, but also through my relationships with family, friends, nature, community, and thanks to this blog and the From A Loving Place Facebook page, globally. I love, honor, and appreciate all the love I’m able to give out, and what I’m able to attract back to me. I visualize the infinity symbol when I think about how the energy of love works. This energy is available to ANYONE who wants to jump into this stream of loving energy.

If you haven’t been reading the series or if you need a reminder, this doesn’t mean challenges aren’t going to come your way. This doesn’t mean that you won’t get knocked off your feet from time to time with a life lesson. This doesn’t mean that good people, animals, and other life forms won’t die and cause you tremendous grief. My perspective of truth tells me there is a reason for all the pain, hardships, loss, and devastation. I believe in Divine purpose. I believe every life serves a greater purpose, sometimes that means the life won’t be with us long. Other times the life may last over 100 years.

If I attract a life to mine that only is in my life or on this planet for a short time, I need to look at what that life brought to my life (remember we are looking at this from a perspective of love, not fear). This could be a human, animal, or any other living organism that we’ve chosen to love and be loved by. Any life that was touched by the life that was lost got to experience the magic, compassion, blessings, joy, love, laughter, empathy, tenderness, and peace that love brings to our lives.

The more self-love we have, the more we can feel the love that is coming back to us for whatever time we have been blessed with. We also stop confusing love and fear and the feelings, thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions that come from each of them. When we stay aware, there is always more love available to us if that is what we are attracting from our own inner well of self-love.

We have to become a self-filling well of love so that we can create that beautiful garden in our minds. Our self-love nourishes our gardens and makes the space grow and expand to attract more beautiful species into it. These are the seeds we get from the love that we’ve attracted to our lives. Each life that touches ours comes with blessings. Even if it takes a lot of pain and time to find the blessings—They are there waiting to be discovered.

How much love do you want to attract to your life? Whatever the answer is, that is how much love you have to give yourself. Don’t be afraid of your own capacity to love. Once you sort through the layers of blocks that keep you from attracting love outside of you and the perspectives of truth that keep you from giving yourself the love, attention, and affection you deserve, you will be set free to project, manifest, and attract love all over the place. The awe of a bird soaring in the sky might bring you to tears. Seeing a waterfall can make your heart sing. Watching the clouds roll through could inspire joy within you. You may start crying at any sentimental moment you watch on TV or video, but it’s not longing it’s feeling the love within you swell up. The world begins changing before your very eyes. The people who come into your life whether it be in person or across the world are tremendous gifts of the love you are putting out there. Stay in gratitude! You will attract so many blessings to your life.

This energy can’t be faked. You can’t pretend to love yourself and expect to have the good flowing into your life. You have to fully feel the love inside of you first to attract the love you actually want. If you don’t, you may attract a person who says the words, but the actions don’t match up. We attract whatever energy we project out into the Universe. Believe me, I know. I attracted a narcissist to my life trying the fake it until you make it method of self-love. I got a very long lesson on how important it was for me to love myself and create healthy boundaries.

Just for Today

Investigate these thoughts:

  • Are your doors open to attract the love you want into your life?
  • Are you treating yourself the way you need to in order to attract the love you want to you?
  • How do you need to invest the time in you to attract more love in your life?

When you notice how magical this process is, you will never be the same.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 59 – Attracting the Energy of Love to My Life

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 58 – Manifesting Love through Self-Love

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 58: Manifesting Love through Self-Love

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

-Lucille Ball

Are you ready to create love in your life? This can be romance, friendship, familial, animal, nature, communal, and/or global. You know when you are ready by the amount of love you have for yourself. The more love you have for yourself, the more love you can manifest in your life. The greatest gift of the writing I do and the life I live is the amount of love I have to give and the amount I’m able to receive. There is never too much love to give or to be given. The illusion of giving too much comes from giving ourselves away, and that isn’t about love. We have to love ourselves first so that we don’t give ourselves away (Day 28). We are responsible for seeing our own value and worth (Day 52). This makes it possible to create healthy boundaries from a loving place (Day 53). This is how we make the Law of Attraction work for us.

One of the first things I did to manifest the love I actually wanted in my life was to make a list of what I wanted in a romantic partner. This list was a few pages long. I didn’t leave anything out. Now, this list was different than any of the lists I have ever written. When I wrote this list I was conscious of how energy works. I had to make sure my energy was matching what I said I wanted. Then I had to make sure nowhere on this list did I make this wonderful person responsible for my feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions. I didn’t focus on the future plans that I wanted with the person, because as I’ve said before in the series, that creates expectations and we stop seeing the person in front of us. I focused on the person and the qualities I was looking for. I was very careful not to put the energy of against into this list. This is similar to what I was talking about on Day 57 about representing the energy of what we stand for. It all falls under the same concept. Making this list was only a small piece in the puzzle.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

-Oscar Wilde

The larger piece was having to turn the list around onto me, because we can only attract what we already have inside. This is where the real work came in. This is why the list plays a large part my 35-Day A Better Me Boot CampThe love affair we have with ourselves, is the most important of all love affairs we will ever have. It dictates how every other love story in our lives will go. Including our spiritual connection with the Creator of Universe itself. We have to know self-love before we can even begin to accept the love that our Creator has for us. Just like any other love, we will sabotage any level of love that goes beyond the love we feel for ourselves. We inject our fears into the love, which creates the stories of not enough, too much, and expectations. All these things are apart of our own self-sabotage.

The original list became the list of things I needed to work on to manifest this love outside of myself. During this process, I stopped seeking love outside of myself because I found my joy and peace within myself. I started manifesting amazing friendships, adventures, and opportunities to experience so much love. I felt full and complete within myself. I didn’t feel like my life was missing anything. So much so, that for a little bit I went to the other extreme of not allowing the Universe to make space for romance to come into my life. I see it like the pendulum swinging. I went from one extreme to the other, then with time settled into a relaxed place in the middle. I will go more into all the things we can attract by manifesting this love in our lives on Day 59.

Turning the list around onto what I needed to do and how I needed to work on treating myself was the inspiration for so much of the work I do now with individuals who are struggle to live life from a loving place. It all begins with us seeing and loving the people we are. I accept the lessons this body has to teach me, so I love my body for it. I accept the lessons my circumstances have to teach me, so I love my life for them. I accept the lessons that people come into my life to teach me, so I love what I have the ability to create from my experiences with them. I accept the gifts I’ve been given, so I love sharing my perspectives with others.

The energy of gratitude and love takes over our lives when we have this love affair with ourselves. We become aware of the miracles self-love creates in our lives and in the lives of others who are able to accept the love that we have to give. We see the world through different lens. Our prejudices, blocks, drama, chaos, and fear-based perspectives of truth (beliefs) fall away little by little. We become open to manifest love in our lives beyond what we could have ever imagined, because that love is coming from inside of us. It opens our eyes to see the love available in the world and creates more. If you’ve been reading this series, and your wondering if this is one of those times tears are running down my face…YES!

I honestly never knew how life-transforming self-love could be. I used to read thousands of self-help books that had beautiful concepts, but the problem was I struggled to apply them to my life. Self-love made the faraway concepts come to life. If you are not getting what you want from life, look inside. The answers to what we are manifesting, whether it is love or hate/fear (Day 24), all reside within the perspectives of truth (Days 42-46) we are living by and how we are using those to treat ourselves.

Love yourself enough to contribute to the changes you want to see in your world and the world around you.

Just for Today

Make your list! Create the ideal friend, partner, and/or family member to help you figure out how you need to work on having your love affair with yourself. What we want to attract from someone else is the qualities we want in ourselves. We have to make sure they are in-line with what we feel and how we treat ourselves to manifest this level of love in our lives. We will dig deeper into this in Part III.

Enjoy this journey! This is the love affair that will create true magic in your life. Don’t take it for granted.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece:90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 58 – Manifesting Love in My Life