90-Day A Better Me Series
Part I: A Journey of Awareness
What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation
Day 25:Attracting the Energy of Hate
“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I never knew how much I hated myself until I attracted a severely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship to my life. I had no idea of the energy I was projecting to the world because on the outside, I was kind and loving to all the people around me. I was the friend who would do anything for anybody. I constantly ran around town like a little social butterfly and never stopped for a second to look at how I was treating myself. I had no idea at the core I felt unlovable and unworthy of being loved at all. Trying desperately, I grasped at straws for anyone to love me. I begged for love in all the wrong ways. I didn’t do ANYTHING to take care of myself or my self-worth. My self-hatred came out in self-blame and judgment of others. I would blame my childhood and my life choices for not being able to be loved. It was in the midst of one of my lowest points that I felt like a shell of a human being. I was trying to please everyone, except myself. I saw only titles (mom, wife, friend, co-worker, daughter, sister) but I had no clue of who I was. Like so many, I kept trying to find myself outside of myself. I avoided venturing in because I was scared of what I would find. I had no idea that by avoiding looking inward was the reason I was attracting (Law of Attraction) the energy of hate to my life.
When we start from a place of self-abuse and/or being the emotional victims of others (mentally not physically) and ourselves, we project out toxic energy. We can do good things; be kind to friends, strangers, and animals, but the energy we put out into the Universe will attract more traumatic life lessons. We aren’t being punished. Our Creator doesn’t hate us. The Universe isn’t against us. We are against ourselves, which hinders our personal/ spiritual growth.
A couple days ago, I talked about the energy of AGAINST (Day 23). If you have been following the 90-Day A Better Me Series, you might be seeing the problem with this. We have given ourselves the role of victim over our entire life any time we shame, judge, and blame ourselves and others. If we are victims of our lives, we attract (Law of Attraction) outer circumstances to be victims of. THIS FREAKING SUCKS!!! I know, and I have been there! We can be victims of traumatic events, natural or unnatural, without defining ourselves with the role of victim. We were victim of that particular thing, yes, but it is what we do with the experience that will change our lives for better or worse.
I kept getting these hard life lessons that were like getting bashed in the head with a baseball bat. I used that as an excuse to treat myself with more and more cruelty (violence). Looking back to how I used to talk to myself in the mirror, I can only be grateful that I learned another way to live, but it took me going through some hardcore traumatic situations for me to get here. I had to completely breakdown to the point where my only way out of the suffering was to break through it (I will talk about the process in Part II and Part III).
As I’ve said earlier in the series, I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. I do understand that sometimes there are forces beyond what our mind is ready to handle, but I will tell you, the more I broke free from being a victim of my life, the less often I had episodes. Now, if they do come up, I can recognize them quickly, choose new thoughts, take the lesson from the episode, and move past it. Instead of becoming part of a bigger problem, the episode becomes apart of my growth…the experience feels so much better once I changed my perspective on it. Our thoughts are our choice! They are not a prison sentence.
Hate is the very energy that will endlessly sabotage anything good that comes our way. We will only attract as much happiness as we believe we deserve. If we think self-care is selfish, that will NOT help us. Without self-care we can easily become co-dependent on others to fulfill an emptiness that only we can fill. This pressure we put on someone else turns into resentment, which carries the energy of hate. Even if a relationship starts off just the way we want it, the hate will brew underneath the surface until it makes the floors so unstable that the other person will fight to match the hate or they will leave. The house we built on the foundation of hate will burn to the ground. Either way, the results are devastating. We sit alone wondering how it could happen when it started so strong.
If we can do that with one person’s personal energy, can you imagine what we do as a global community if so many people are feeding into this hate filled energy pool? We see and attract more things that attract violence and despair. How can we expect individuals to respect each other if they can’t respect themselves? We can’t know someone else’s true value to this life without judgment, until we see our own. We are all valuable, because we are here taking this journey. We each have things to learn. We each have lessons to offer. Some of us will be faced with very tough, hard-hitting lessons, but all lessons will hurt more when we resist them.
Numbing ourselves is RESISTING! Numbing is a guarantee that we will attract the energy of hate to our lives. It’s like the Universe is saying, you can learn this the easy way by facing what I bring to you, or you can learn the hard way and resist the process. The Universe has no choice but to give us lesson after to lesson until we learn and grow or shrink and die—No judgment just energy. Many of our numbing tools are literally killing us slowly. We have to make the choice to live or lives or hide in our caves. This is not the Universe being against us or judging us, this is us judging ourselves so harshly that we are scared to face the feelings that come up. The energy we put into this experience (journey through life) is the energy we will get out of it. Once again, I will remind you of the fear vs. hope exercise on Day 16. Where you put your focus is key, but the trick that many people forget to share is that the energy has to come from within. We can’t find this energy outside of ourselves. We can’t attract an energy that we don’t have. So, PLEASE be very conscious of how you are treating yourself. We attract whatever energy is at the core of how we really feel about ourselves. There is no hiding from it. We can choose to live in the muck or break free. The choice is ours.
Tomorrow, we are going to start the journey of awareness inward. Here is a sneak peak of what is coming in the next few days:
- Day 26: The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror
- Day 27:Looking for Value Outside of Ourselves
- Day 28:Giving Ourselves Away
- Day 29: Self-Abuse
- Day 30:Anywhere but Right Here and Now
Just for Today
Anywhere you can, try to become aware of the energy you are projecting out without shaming or blaming yourself. Just know that becoming aware is the first step to changing the trajectory of your life. Our unknowing is simply just another lesson we must learn in order to live better. We don’t have to make it anything more or anything less.
This is one person’s gathered perspective. There are plenty others out there. It doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong, simply be open to hold on to what feels best for your life and let go of the rest. Seeing things differently is how we are all able to grow and expand. If you feel yourself judging material as right or wrong, simply try saying something like, “That’s an interesting perspective.” Just this simple phrase can do wonders to help shift our energy. It helps us leave our minds open for interpretation. We are all humans trying to interpret the information we are given the best we can. My material is supplemental to religious/spiritual practices, therapeutic processes, wellness programs, etc. No two people will ever think, feel, act, and react the exact same way. Celebrate the opportunities of the world of perspective.
I hope to see you back again tomorrow. If you missed a day, you can go to the Categories Section and pull up the 90-Day A Better Me Series. You will be see and explore all the days you missed. You can also follow via E-mail by scrolling down. I hope you have a great day! Thank you for reading.
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff ©2019
Don’t forget to read today’s letter! 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 25 – Being Accountable for Attracting the Energy of Hate