Letters from A Better Me
90-Day A Better Me Letters Series
Part I: A Journey of Awareness
What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation
Day 29: How I Abuse Myself
Looking in the mirror, I’ve never met someone as cruel to me as I am to myself. I couldn’t imagine talking to a friend like I talk to me. I can’t believe I never noticed how bad I abuse myself.
I abuse myself physically by not taking care of my body and internal health. I make everyone else more important than making sure I’m in the best possible health. I don’t give myself any time to properly take care of my body. I spend money on things that contribute to the abuse of my body inside instead of investing in my health. I push myself to the point of crashing and my body pays the price.
I abuse myself emotionally by choosing belief systems and behavior patterns that contribute to my suffering. I push myself with my cruel and hurtful self-talk. Then I go out and attract people to my life that reflect how bad I feel about myself. Then I blame them for the way I feel. Really…I’m the one responsible for me suffering.
I abuse myself mentally by blaming myself for things I can’t control. I don’t accept myself exactly the way I am and my mental well-being suffers for it. I know I’m responsible for my feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions, so abusing myself for not being more than I am is mentally exhausting. My fuse is short because I’m constantly attacking myself, so I end up attacking others either passive aggressively or aggressively, but I don’t attack anyone more than I attack me.
I’ve carried such guilt with all the blame I’ve been holding onto. It’s time to let it all go and start treating myself with the love and respect that I deserve. It’s time for me to stop abusing the one person that I AM responsible for. I know that this will take some time to change patterns that I’ve been holding onto for so long. I will commit to being patient with myself and do the best I can.
I’m ready to become aware of how I’m abusing myself on a regular basis. My hope is that with my awareness I will be able to spot what’s not working and start picking up new healthier patterns that do. I’m grateful that I can see myself, so that I can heal myself.
With Love and Gratitude,
A Better Me
Rachael Wolff ©2019
Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 29 – Self-Abuse
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