90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 75: Being Present with the People We Invite Into Our Lives

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.”

–Maya Angelou

We blind ourselves to see the people we are with when our focus in on the past and/or the future. We don’t see the person they are showing us. So much information is given in the moment. It’s the actions right now, not the promises of any unforeseen future that matter. If we allow people into our physical and internal lives, the best thing we can do for ourselves and the relationship is to be conscious in each moment we are with them. Sometimes we find that person doesn’t fit into the internal life we are working on living. They may have just meant to come in to show us a lesson, then leave. A person won’t leave our internal home until we shut the door. They will linger around stirring up lessons because we didn’t learn them when they were physically in our lives. Have you ever hung onto an unhealthy relationship for a lot longer than the relationship was actually about of your life? This relationship could be with a family member, friend, romantic partner, community member, boss and/or coworker.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

-Tony Gaskins

When we are present with the people in our lives, we can consciously make choices that show that person how to treat us. We don’t lie down in front of them for them to wipe their feet on us, because we know we are not doormats. We have to be present with others and with ourselves to see how we are allowing others to treat us. If we love and respect ourselves, remain present, and stay mentally conscious, we will be able to respond in a way that is healthy for us.

“You silently teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Move yourself up your priority list immediately.”

– Lisa Marie Rosat

The reason I have Part I, II, and III of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesis that it take us being and doing better before we can be treated better by others and treat others better. Only then can we be conscious with each person in each moment we are interacting. This is not a process that happens over night.  We will get the exact experiences we need to help us learn, grow, and expand our consciousness. Each person who comes into our physical lives serves a purpose. Each person we invite into our internal homes gives us our greatest lessons and blessings. We bring our light and darkness to the forefront through our exchanges. If we become aware and present— We learn, grow and expand our abundant lives!

10 Ways to be Present with the People We Invite into Our Lives

1. Stop attaching to promises of the future.
2. Actively listen to what the person is doing and saying—Are the two even matching up? Remember, they are showing you who they are.
3. Let the past go and see the person who is standing in front of you. People can and do change, but only as much as they want to. The same goes for you!
4. Show yourself love, so that you are treating yourself the way you want to be treated by someone else. When the energies match up—You will be consciously showing them how to treat you in each moment.
5. DON’T EVER neglect your self-care! If you do, it will be hard for you to be present enough to see the person in front of you.
6. Don’t expect others to do what you are not doing for yourself. You are the example they will follow in any given moment.
7. Don’t expect others to be more than they who they are. If you are unhappy with the person in front of you—Change your perspectives, feelings, thoughts, and actions even if that action is to walk out the door and shut it. You aren’t responsible for someone else changing; you are only responsible for yourself.
8. Be conscious if you are shining your light (love) or your darkness (fear) into your interactions with others. This means you are conscious of where your energy is while your listening and speaking and that your actions in that moment are reflecting the energy you want to be contributing to the situation. This keeps you PRESENT!
9. Ask yourself—What is the person I’m allowing into my life teaching me in this moment? What am I learning from how I’m feeling, thinking, believing, and acting? Is there anything I can change in this moment?
10. Be honest about who you are! If you can’t be honest, that is not a healthy relationship to have in your life and it will only contribute to growing your own darkness. When we are present, we see who belongs and who doesn’t belong in our lives. You have to love yourself enough to embrace the person you are. The people who genuinely love you will stay. The ones who don’t will leave. You can save a lot of time and trouble by being honest in your interactions.

Enjoy the journey of presence!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 75 -Being Present With the People I Invite Into My Life