90-Day Series Updates

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to inform you that I’ve been through each day of the FREE  90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series and now BOTH series are fully available on FromALovingPlace.com. I provided links on each day for easy navigation through every piece of the series. Now that the series is complete, it makes it easier to read like you would a book. Whether you are reading the series again, like some of you have told me you are, or you are new to the 90-Day A Better Me journey, I hope you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to write it and an even greater pleasure to talk with the followers of both series.

Now, I need to go and focus on the editing my book coming out at the end of 2019. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to subscribe to e-mails. Thank you for all the readers, followers, and commenters. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Here at the direct links to both series:

90-Day A Better Me Series

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

 

Happy reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 90 – Leading by Example

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 90: Leading by Example

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

-John Maxwell

When I started this 90-Day A Better Me Series, one of my goals was not just to write about how to clean up our own foundation, re-build, then share our tools with others. It was to do the steps along with my readers. That is why I wrote the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series to go with it. Before the 90-Day A Better Me Series, I had done a test-run of my 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, which I also did along with participants. I don’t just talk about these concepts, like I’ve said before these concepts of self-care aren’t new. What you are seeing in these pages is how I applied them to my life, how I combined them, and how I saw the connections between them. I made what sometimes people us to separate and disconnect each other into connections within me through loving feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. I don’t believe in do as I say, not as I do thinking.

I don’t expect people to do more than I’m willing to do myself. I don’t expect people to do anything they are not ready to do, or don’t want to do. I know when someone is ready because they don’t talk about wanting to change, they step up and do the work. We have to want peace to the point where we are willing to step out of our own chaos. For some of us, we’ve been marinating in chaos from before we even could understand it. Chaos becomes comfortable. I get it, internal chaos was a comfort zone for me for a long time, I still attach to a little chaos here and there. I just keep taking steps and it becomes less and less. I had to live this in order to show the way for others.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.”

Lewis Cass

Being the change means we lead by example. I told you early on that if you stuck with me through the entire series and did the work things would start transforming in your life. I wrote, read, and did the work of the series for these last 90 days, and I have to report that once again, AMAZING shifts within me and in my external world keep happening. On Day 88, I signed a contract for my first book deal, Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Woman. On Day 89, my passenger side window of my car broke; I kept a positive attitude about it. When I called to make an appointment to get it fixed, the woman on the phone told me anytime I need anything, please contact her directly because she considered me a pleasure to work with and she loved the energy that I put off. Those are just a couple examples of the kind of things that have been happening.

The energy we put out will come back to us, so if we truly want to stand up as a leaders, we have to be the example. If we expect others to do what we aren’t willing to do ourselves, we often will be led to live in lack. We won’t appreciate what others are doing, because we can’t see how challenging it can be to do what we are asking them to do. When we see people working through challenges, we are more likely to appreciate their efforts if we have been there ourselves. Leading by example keeps us in the energy of gratitude/abundance.

We ALL have the opportunity to learn from the mistakes, trips, slaps in the faces, trauma, drama, chaos, confusion, and losses we experience. How we get up is how we choose to lead others. Do we lead through the path of love or the path of fear? What we choose to do says it all. If we ourselves make a mistake, then we go attacking others by shaming, blaming, and judging to get the heat off ourselves, we are teaching others to do the same. If we make a mistake, take responsibility, and take actions to learn from and find solutions encouraging others to help get creative— The mistake can be avoided next time. We bring light into the darkness and let our mistakes teach us how to become better.

“What you do has far greater impact than what you say.”

-Stephen Covey

How people choose to live, choose to lead, choose to feel, choose to think, choose to believe, and choose to act will be different. The questions we want to be asking ourselves:

  • Are we making life choices from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to lead from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing our feelings based on beliefs of love OR fear?
  • Are our perspectives of truth from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we choosing to perceive events, conversations, self-reflection from a place of love OR fear?
  • Are we judging others from a place of love OR fear?

The energy we project will come from the love or the fear within us. What we manifest comes from the love or the fear we project. What we attract back to us comes from the love or the fear we manifested in the world. BE CLEAR on what you are putting out there for others to spread and expand upon. Lead by example!

5 Steps to Leading by Example

  1. Be AWARE of the ENERGY you are projecting (Days 2-30)! We all have light (love) and darkness (fear) within us. Be aware of which one you are letting be the dominant energy you are choosing to live by.
  2. Accept responsibility for your choices (Day31-60)! Others cannot make us feel, think, or do anything. You make choices in how you want to perceive what happens and how you interpret people, places, and things. Don’t give your power away by blaming, shaming, judging, and hating. Doing those things puts your energy in your darkness.
  3. Be solution minded (Day 61-90)! Staying in the energy of blame keeps us stuck (lack) in the darkness and blocks our minds from finding creative solutions (abundance). If you are open and willing to learn from the mistakes and missteps, you can make changes and improvements that turn out better than the solutions that come from the energy of fear and lack. Those solutions tend to cause more problems in the future, because lack breeds lack.
  4. Be the change (Day 89)! Represent the energy and the change that you want to see. Do whatever work necessary to keep you projecting light into the world.
  5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR ENERGY!!! SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE, SELF-CARE! Make sure you have an active self-care regimen (Day 73). Do the work to keep yourself in the energy you want to be creating your reality from. This is your life, LEAD IT!

When we are truly ready to take responsibility for our lives, we empower ourselves to BE THE CHANGE—No stories, no blaming, no shaming, and NO EXCUSES! We become the light and can lead ourselves through the darkness. If others choose to see our light, it will help them to see what was hidden in their own darkness. We then can give them tools to help keep their light on—Leading by example.

Thank you for joining me on this 90-Day adventure. I’ve loved all the interactions, comments, and places this journey has led me to. I’m so incredibly grateful for the time you’ve taken to read the words I’ve felt led to write. Three months, around 400 hundred pages, and whole lot of love has filled me with abundance and gratitude for this amazing life I’m choosing to live. Now, I’m in the best place possible to work on the trimming and editing of the Letters from A Better Me: The Empowered Women.

Subscribe to follow FromALovingPlace.com for inspiration, updates, new adventures, promotions on the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp, and so much more. Whatever you CHOOSE to do—I hope you keep choosing to live from a loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read today’s Letter from A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 90 – Committing to Lead by Example

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 87 – Being Active About What I Stand For

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 87: Being Active About What I Stand For

Dear Self,

Sometimes I can get up in the negative energy of what is going on around me, whether it is raising teenagers, on social media, or in society. I’m human. What’s important for me is to be able to take a step back and get a clear look at what I’m representing. If I don’t like what my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, and reactions are saying and/or projecting, I have the ability to shift, grow, and change. There is so much power behind something so simply as taking personal responsibility.

Taking personal responsibility makes it possible for me to do my best in representing what I’m standing for. What I’d like to accomplish is to help myself and others to enjoy the journey inward, so that we are projecting out the energy that we WANT to see more of in the world. I want to contribute to a stronger and more beautiful energy in our physical world. I stand for love, connection, compassion, empathy, peace and overall goodness. I have to represent that in my inner and outer life. I need to check-in when I feel my own chaos. I have to take responsibility so that I can transmute it into an energy that I want to be projecting.

My mission is to empower others to be their best selves, whatever that look like to them. I want to celebrate people’s journeys in living life from a loving place.  I believe that standing to represent the sharing and spreading of love can change the political, social, spiritual, and financial environment that I live in. I want to contribute my energy to what I want to see more of in the world—Love and abundance united!

In order to represent love in the way I want to, I have to take care of me. I have to feel that love for myself running into everything that I do for others. I need to stay on top of my self-care and know that if I’m not, I’m not projecting my best energy out into the world. I’m responsible for the energy I’m putting out there and I need to be aligned with the energy I’m trying to project, or else I’m unconsciously projecting my darkness. It’s so important for me to love myself on this journey.

I’m continuously amazed at what happens when my energy is aligned. Pathways to share and spread love open up all around me. I may be inspired to write something that others can relate to. I see a quote that I feel strong about sharing. I may spend extra time talking to people who reach out to me. I come up with and create programs to support my personal mission and a way to actively participant in representing what I stand for. I may simply take responsibility for my darkness to show others that learning from our darkness is apart of our journey. I may have friends call me out of the blue who are looking to break unhealthy patterns in their lives. The people I’m meant to help show up. I trust that this journey is taking me exactly where I’m supposed to go. I need to keep taking steps in the direction of what I stand for and the expansive energy of the Universe does the rest.

What is important is that I stay true to what I stand for. I’m a big supporter of women’s empowerment, but not at the expense of disempowering others. I don’t believe that all men are pigs, or we have to take men down a notch. To me, the more I can encourage men and women to love themselves, the less likely they will be to attack or try to overpower each other. I believe that we only try to overpower each other when we still have our own darkness and/or toxic energy that needs attention. I want to help people heal that so that we can help lift each other up instead of take each other down. When I’m supporting women’s empowerment, I have to be conscious about the energy I’m attaching to while standing up for the cause. This example also helps me to remember this in my personal/ professional life as well. Apart of sharing and spreading love is to commit to trying to understand perspectives of truth that I don’t follow, because I can’t find love in what I don’t understand. My commitment to learning about others is crucial for being able to represent what I stand for in the best way possible.

I will continue to take responsibility for my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, and actions. I’m responsible for any and all light and/or darkness I choose to spread in the world. Knowing my responsibility empowers me to make better choices.

I commit to working on myself on a regular basis so that I can be the best possible version of me. I know that taking these steps make it possible to be active about what I stand for.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so incredibly grateful that I can actively represent what I stand for.
  2. I’m grateful for all the people who are drawn into my life.
  3. I’m grateful to the people who share my vision.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who show me how important my work is.
  5. I’m grateful for the relationship I have with myself, which allow me to change, grow, and expand on a regular basis.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 87 – Being Active About What We Stand For

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m responsible for any darkness that turns into toxic energy in my home. I’m the only person who can keep it out. If I have attached to someone else’s toxic energy it’s because it exists in me. It may look different, he could be an abuser and I may be a recipient of his abuse, but I only accept his abuse if I’m abusing myself inside, which would be my toxic energy. I’ve been there and done that, no need to do it again. I couldn’t think of a better reason to STOP abusing myself. I can’t make others change their toxic energy, but I can change my own. I’ve come along way from the days where I accepted unacceptable behavior from others and/or myself.

Now, it’s about making sure the toxic energy doesn’t come back in to germinate, grow, and expand. The only way I can keep this from happening is get the lessons from the darkness that enters my world, and turn on the light. Toxic energy can’t grow in my internal home if I don’t attach to stories about the past or future. When I’m present, there is no story. I can deal with what comes up in the moment.

When I’m present, I’m aware. I can learn from whatever darkness starts to stir inside of me because I can get a clear view of it. I don’t have to let it turn into toxic energy. Toxic energy is what creates the toxic patterns that get me into trouble. Addictions are birthed and fed in toxic energy, so I need to be aware if I start doing anything to the extent of addiction, because succumbing to addiction is just another form of self-abuse. I can’t numb my darkness away; it only would turn into a fast growing toxic force field around my life. NO THANK YOU! I will choose to stay aware.

If I stay aware, I can check-in with my perspectives of truth easily. If I’m triggered, I can look at if I’m attaching to a perspective of truth that grows hidden toxic energy within my walls. When I stay aware, I can change my perspective of truth to serve the life I am choosing to live.

If I want to continue to consciously choose how I live, I have to keep doing the work. If I don’t do the work, the toxic energy has space to grow. My self-care is so important. Even my connection with God struggles if I’m not doing the work. When I used to get too caught up in my story, because I wasn’t doing the work and staying present, I blamed God for what was happening in my life. I wasn’t learning and growing from the important lessons I was getting, I was using them as an excuse to self-abuse.  I was giving my power away and I was even the victim of God in my story. NOT GOOD! When I do the work, I choose to live my best life and my connection with God is solid and healthy which engages my light.

When I do the work, I keep my light on. When I’m shining my light the people who are attracted to my life are shining their own light without trying to dim mine. The people who are stuck in their darkness aren’t even attracted to me—They are repelled. That’s why I stopped taking it personal when people don’t like me. I trust they aren’t meant to be in my life. When I don’t attach to the story of why someone doesn’t like me, I’m free to continue to shine my light.

What keeps me shining bright is gratitude. I’m living in true abundance when the energy of gratitude is filling me. Toxic energy has no place to hide and/or grow. It dies! My life is full and expanding. There are no empty holes to fill, just room for growth and expansion.

When I operate from a place of abundance, I live from a loving place. I give from a loving place. I receive from a loving place.  There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that what I’m authentically putting out there is what I’m getting back. Even my lessons come from a loving place, and I can see the benefits. It’s AMAZING TO LIVE FROM HERE!

I know I’m not going to stay in this energy every second. I will slip, stumble, and fall as apart of my learning process. I simply just do my best. I learn from my slips, stumbles, and falls on my ass and I grow. If I choose to linger in my darkness, it’s because there is a bigger lesson to learn there. It just means I need to move deep through it and see what comes out of the depths. This is an important part of my growth, and accepting that is doing my best.

This process isn’t a one or two time fix. These are the tools I need for a lifetime. I know I may forget to pick one up, forget about one, and/ or upgrade my tool chest, but the important thing to remember is that I have a choice in how I choose to grow and expand my internal home. I am the only one responsible for keeping it clean and maintaining it. I can’t be scared of the dark. I have to be willing to shine the light by repeating and expanding on the tools I’ve learned.

What’s important to me is to stay open to change, grow, and expand. This means I have to embrace my lessons and see the blessings. This is the life I’ve chosen in order to keep my internal home clear of toxic energy. Doing this doesn’t just benefit me; it benefits all the people I have relationships with. It benefits all the causes I serve. It benefits the bigger picture of this life.

If I don’t have toxic energy in my internal home, I’m not spreading it to the people around me. I’m taking responsibility for my darkness and not blaming others for my triggers. I’m whole. I AM!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for each new day because everyone I get gives me an opportunity to be and do better.
  2. I’m grateful for all the lessons that helped me to clean my soul with my tears.
  3. I’m grateful for my ability to see toxic energy and take steps to clean it up.
  4. I’m grateful that my love is stronger than any fear that I need to face.
  5. I’m grateful I AM.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

See today’s installment 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes to see each step today’s letter revealed.

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in My Relationships

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in My Relationships

Dear Universe,

I feel so incredibly blessed to have the relationships I do in my life. I feel blessed to have learned so much from the relationships of my past. I feel so incredibly blessed to be living gratitude in my relationships more than I choose to live in lack now. I’m so incredibly grateful to experience so many different people with different backgrounds, experience, and opinions. Each one helps me to grow exponentially.

Living Gratitude in my relationships has shown me exactly where I am in my perspective. When I see someone’s light, I’m in my light. If I see and react to someone’s darkness, I’m in my darkness. If I respond to someone’s darkness from a loving and grateful place, I’m in my brightest light. If I feel my inner people pleaser emerging, I’m stuck in feelings and energy of lack. If I do things for others, because it feels good to do it, I’m in my feelings and energy of abundance. Living in gratitude helps me to spot, shift, and change my feelings, thoughts, and actions to project abundance to the people I’ve chosen to love, honor, and respect. I’m so incredibly grateful to have learned how to do this. The blessings that have come from living gratitude in my relationships are nothing short of miracles.

Seeing the best in people in my life has helped me to see the best in myself. When I can spot the beauty in them, I see that I had to project that beauty out to be attracted back to me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to recognize and appreciate it. I would still be stuck in picking apart the other person if I was picking apart myself. I see now that the only time I’m picking on someone else to others or even to myself is when I’m digging at myself. I may be angry with myself for saying yes when I know that I wanted to say no. I may be feeling weak because I sacrificed my healthy boundaries to appease someone else’s comfort. I may be feeling justified in my toxic energy I’m putting out because someone else’s is worse. I may be feeling insecure about who I am so I take it out on someone else.  Anyway I look at it, it all comes back to the energy that I’m putting out and that is MY choice.

I want the people I love to know exactly how much I love and appreciate them. I want them to see how much them being in my life means to me. I can only do this by choosing to live in gratitude in my relationships. In order to do that, I must decide to live gratitude in my life.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for my children for being who they are and showing me ways to be a better mom daily.
  2. I’m grateful for my dad and my “special mom” who taught me so much about love, life, growth, and death.
  3. I’m grateful for my mom being a beacon of light even when I am in my darkness.
  4. I’m grateful for my sister for helping me to learn so much about what it means to be strong and compassionate while standing up for the people we love. I’m incredibly grateful for her ability to bring out the best laughs in me by the mere sound of her laughter.
  5. I’m grateful for my stepdad for loving me like I am his own and being such an amazing friend.
  6. I’m grateful to my amazing partner who I can love and accept for who he is and where we are in each moment. I’m so grateful we both know how to support each other in loving and encouraging ways.
  7. I’m grateful to all my incredible extended family who show up with love and support no matter how much time passes.
  8. I’m grateful to my absolutely AMAZING soul sister and agent for encouraging me to spread my voice and my work as we travel this life’s journey together. I’m so incredibly grateful for the day when everything came together in the Universe for us to meet over a decade ago.
  9. I’m grateful for my friends new and old who show me my light and my darkness and give me so many opportunities to live, laugh, and love.
  10. I’m grateful for the relationships that trigger my darkness so I can see it and heal it.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you missed it, check out today’s installment get 6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships by following this link: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

“Service and gratitude will fuel your relationship; entitlement and expectation will poison it. “

-Steve Maraboli

Today we are expanding on what I covered in Part II on Day 49 “Gratitude in Our Relationships”. Living gratitude is the next step in the process. Our relationships are our biggest teachers for where we are in our darkness and our light. The longer we are in a relationship with someone, the more he/she gets to see us unmasked. That is why familial relationships and romantic relationships have the opportunity to see the most light (love/abundance) and dark (fear/lack) in us, just like we have a front row seat to see the most of their light and their darkness.

Any relationship we put our identity into the title of that relationship has a better chance of them and us lingering in darkness (Day 77). The best way to bring our relationships into the light is through gratitude. When we sit in gratitude, our focus is on love, abundance, and light. We are seeing the love within ourselves and within them. We are seeing the relationships right now in this moment instead of putting our focus on the past or some unknown future. If our focus is on gratitude, love, and abundance, we project gratitude, love and abundance onto the people we are with. When they feel that coming off of us, if they are healthy, loving individuals it will be reflected back to us.

Side Note: If the individuals are stuck in their darkness, I will be talking about that on Days 81-84, because we are going to have people in our lives who will try to dim our lights, so having tools is extremely important.

We have a choice in our relationships of where to put our focus. If we are constantly focused on everything these relationships don’t offer us, what the individuals aren’t doing, how they aren’t filling our expectations, how being her/himself isn’t enough and/or our own sense of entitlement—We are stuck in our own darkness and lack. We only see in lack if we are there ourselves. When our focus is on love, light, and abundance, we see from a loving place. We project our light. The blessing is when we start focusing on the light in others; their light has the opportunity to shine even brighter. Sometimes our darkness wasn’t dimming their light, it was just blinding us to it because we were stuck in our dark.

Living gratitude in our relationships is path to our authentic joy. Just think of the difference in how you feel when you are focused on the things you love as opposed to the things you hate. How do you feel in your body when you are celebrating the love within you? How do you feel in your body when your energy is in the darkness of hate? Each of those is projecting out of you like an invisible beacon and it is attracting back matching energy. Your light is attracting the light within the people around you. Your darkness is attracting the darkness within the people around you. This is not a judgment. In religious terms, we reap what we sow. We only receive what we already have inside and what we are spreading to others is what will we get back. In ancient religious terms it is the Law of karma, which is defined as a natural and universal law (karma is also used philosophically in many contexts outside of it’s religious roots). In energy terms, it’s the Law of Attraction. No matter what way we choose to look at it, we arrive at the same place. What we put out there is what we will get back.

If you are struggling with your perspectives on the people in your life, and you want to move your darkness out of the way to get a clear picture—Living gratitude in your relationships is the path you want! Living gratitude is the path to an abundant life filled with love and light. We get what we focus on. Our perspective is our super power. We get to choose how we want to use it. Do we want to fuel the light or the darkness? I have a feeling if you are reading this series, or even just this particular day, you were brought here because you are being led to fuel your light.

“Gratitude helps us love well by keeping us focused on the beauty in our relationship and the person we love.”

-M.J. Ryan

Here’s how to get started:

6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships

  1. Get out your gratitude journal. Each day, write three things you are grateful for about each individual you are closest to. If you have more in that day, write more. You don’t have to limit your gratitude. FEEL IT!
  2. Write a list of the personality traits you like/love about the people you’ve invited into your life and/or energy field. Be conscious on how focusing your energy here makes you feel.
  3. Write about what this person has taught you about yourself—No matter what you have learned, becoming more aware is a blessing and something to be EXTREMELY grateful for. Once we see ourselves, we have the ability to change, grow, and expand. We can’t do that if we don’t see what holds us back and what launches us forward. Our relationships show us what we need to know about ourselves, and it doesn’t matter if the lesson comes from darkness or light. We projected out the energy to attract the lesson to us. Every lesson we get gives us a chance to move into the light or darkness within ourselves. Being grateful moves us out of any darkness.
  4. Give hugs that last more than 20 seconds when you are sharing your gratitude with a loved one. This may feel odd at first, but it is EXTREMELY beneficial to both of your energy fields. There is this exhale that happens—Feels like a release. It can be very energizing and/or freeing. It’s a hard feeling to explain because it is different for everyone depending on where they are in their own energy.
  5. For every one thing that annoys you about a person, come up with three things that make you grateful about their behavior, choices, who they are, and/or how their actions or words to help you. You can make this fun too. If it makes you laugh, it’s cleansing that toxic energy out of you. Enjoy the process.
  6. Share your gratitude every chance you get! You are not entitled to anything. What a person gives to you is a gift to be grateful for. When you understand and appreciate that, you are living gratitude in your relationships. There is a saying that I love, Expectations are future resentments waiting to happen.

As I’ve said throughout this entire series, you are responsible for your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. You ARE NOT responsible for theirs. Your job is to keep your energy clean and full of light. If deep down inside they want to shine their light too—They will! If they want to be stuck in their own darkness—They will! You don’t need anybody to do anything in order for you to choose living in gratitude with him/her.

Living gratitude is a choice we make for ourselves to see clearly, like I said before if the person is stuck in their own darkness, I will give you tools to protect yourself while continuing to live in love, abundance, and light in the upcoming days.

We have to focus on cleaning up or own energy. Once we do that—MIRACLES HAPPEN! We only recognize them when our energy is in the right place to see them unfold in front of our eyes. I’ve watched relationships completely shift. I’ve seen people come in and others leave. I’ve seen the blessings of Divine timing. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of death be brought back to life. SO MANY BLESSINGS come from living gratitude in our relationships. The question is what do you want your energy to be on lack or abundance? Which one feels better? If you can answer those questions then all you have to do is make the choice to live in that energy! The energy you put in is the energy you will get back. Your relationships deserve the best you. It will help you see the best them. How beautiful is that? We have to want to live here and be willing to put in the work in order to see the blessings that come from living gratitude in our relationships. It really is our choice. Be empowered to do the work you need to do in order to change your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Continue reading “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships”

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 79 – Healthy Communication Tools

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 79: Healthy Communication Tools

Before I ask you to sit with me,

I must be able to sit with myself.

Before I ask you to accept my pain,

I have to accept the pain myself.

Before I ask you to love me,

I have to be MADLY in love with myself.

-C.Thoth

In order to keep our internal homes clean for visitors (Day 74), healthy communication is key. We learn so much about ourselves by how we communicate with others. Our communication skills show us if we are in-line with our intentions of love and light, or if we are connected to our own darkness. If we are coming from a place of darkness (fear, blame, shame, hate, vengeance, ignorance, prejudice, AGAINST, name-calling, yelling, etc.), we are incapable of having healthy communication with others. We will bring toxic energy into the communication. Our intentions will be aligned with fear (darkness) instead of love (light). Having healthy communication with others is about us staying in our light and sharing it with others. We have the choice to bring light or submit to darkness.

When the person we are communicating with brings their light, and we bring our light, even in the disagreements there will be light. Both parties can connect even with differing perspectives of truth. The connection is through love, peace, and joy. When we stand for love and light, we are attracted to people who also stand for the spreading of love and light. Communication becomes so much more interesting when people start enjoying learning about different perspectives of truth, instead of condemning them. We can do this in our intimate relationships as much as we do it with individuals from across the world who are strangers to us. Our openness to gain understanding of where others are coming from spreads light in our homes and in the world around us.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

-Tony Robbins

10 Healthy Communication Tools

  1. Be aware of where your energy is. Are you communicating from a loving place or a fear-filled one? It can’t be both. If your thoughts are confused, slow down and sit in your awareness before you speak.
  2. Speak from a loving place. If you want the best communication, make sure you are speaking in terms of solutions (love/light), not problems (fear/darkness). With fear we get stuck in our own darkness and others are more likely to engage in theirs if that is where we are.
  3. Know your intentions. Be clear of what your intentions are with the person your communicating with. If you’re not clear, they won’t receive you clearly.
  4. Express your feelings. Speak in terms of I feel ____________ when you did _______________ or do ________________. This communicates your feelings without BLAMING and or making someone responsible for your feelings positive and/or negative. Another person isn’t responsible for making you feel anything, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not healthy to let them know that particular actions and/or words bring up specific feelings in you. Unless the person is unhealthy and sick, most likely they didn’t intentionally mean to cause you pain. Only when we are in our own darkness do we intentionally cause other people pain and suffering (we will be discussing that in the days to come).
  5. Listen from a loving place. When we listen from a loving place, we are adding our light to the exchange. This doesn’t mean the other person won’t stay in their darkness if that is where they are, but we don’t add to it. When we add to the darkness, we put ourselves into the darkness. Our light is dimmed and we no longer see clearly.
  6. Speak in perspectives of truth. Each individual has his or her own perspectives of truth (Days 42-46). When we can communicate clearly from this place, we don’t have the expectations of others being exactly where we are and to understanding our point of view. We don’t communicate in terms of I’m right and you’re wrong. Instead, we say this is where I’m coming from
  7. Listen in terms of perspectives of truth. The goal is to understand where the other person is coming from. Remember they are writing their own story. Listen for what their story about themselves is saying. Is what they are saying coming from perspectives of love or fear? How are those perspectives making them feel? How are their perspectives effecting communication with you?
  8. Take a break when needed. If communications gets challenging, take a minute to re-center yourself if needed. Go to the bathroom and take some deep breaths, align with your light and intentions, and pray for the words to help you communicate clearly.
  9. Agree to disagree when needed. Remember you are each speaking and listening from your own perspectives of truth. You can simply let the other person know if their perspectives are bringing peace to his or her life, you are happy for him/her. If you are aligned with your own energy and intentions, your perspectives are bringing you a sense of calm no matter where the other person is.
  10. End communications on a note of gratitude. It doesn’t matter how the communication went—You learned something! You may have learned beautiful things about a person where light connected to light, even if some of the perspectives were different. You may have learned where you still have work to do on your own dark corners, which awareness is a thing to definitely be grateful for. You may have learned about perspectives of truth led by fear that you can be grateful that you don’t believe because you see the negative effects they have on a person’s thinking. There is ALWAYS a place for gratitude.

Remember to enjoy the journey! We aren’t going to do this perfectly. We are all learning to be the best we can. We can only do this journey one step at a time.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff  ©2019

Need more inspiration? Read 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 79 – Committing to Healthy Communication

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 76 – Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 76: Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

“Each time you are tempted to become angry, or jealous, or fearful and you challenge that feeling, you empower yourself.”

-Gary Zukav

In Part II, I covered the topic of perspective (Days 42-46). We can’t use the tools of perspective until we understand how our perspectives of truth affect our lives. Until we understand about perspectives we want to see us as right and them as wrong. This view is a dark path that leads to fear, anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, revenge, envy, and codependency. We ALL know the effects of these things on our relationships.

Using perspective tools to navigate our relationships opens us up to hear what our family members, romantic partners, friends, coworkers, bosses, clients, and others are saying and where they are coming from. The more we can use our perspective tools the healthier we will be in our relationships, because as we ALL know NOBODY is going to agree with the when, where, how and why of everything we do, say, and feel. Just like, we won’t ALWAYS agree with someone else’s choices.

Using perspective tools is away to reduce the stress of not seeing things from the same angle, because really, that is all it is. We will never have the same exact view of life as any other person. We ALL have the journey each of us are meant to have, no two will ever be exactly the same. If we plan on taking any kind of relationship path with a person, the best we can do is be open to try to understand. It doesn’t mean we have to agree or change our ways, but by understanding our perspectives of truth, then making the effort to understand theirs—There is peace. Communication will improve, but we will talk about that a little later in the series. For now, we will focus on how to use perspective tools to navigate our relationships.

5 Ways You Can Use Perspective Tools

  1. We are either interpreting the moment from a place of love (light) or fear (darkness). The first step is to look at what you and the person you’re communicating with are projecting, love or fear. If either party is projecting fear, question where the fear is coming from inside.
  2. We ALL have a story we are telling. No matter what happens there are lots of ways to write our stories. When we don’t like the way we feel, think, and/or act we can choose a different way. We give the power to our stories. We decide if our story is going to be led by love or fear. How do we want our character to treat the secondary character in front of us?
  3. Try to see from the perspective of the other person. This means you have to ask a lot of questions to figure it out. Don’t tell the person how they should feel, think, or act. Ask questions to uncover why they are feeling, thinking, and/or acting the way they are. If you take the time to understand where they are coming from it’s easier for them to hear you when you explain where you are coming from.
  4. Speak in terms of perspective. You need an understanding of your perspective of truth that works in your life. Their perspective of truth might work in their life. You can ask: Does thinking the way you do bring joy and peace to your life? If it doesn’t, and your perspective of truth does bring joy and peace to your life, you are now open to explain without telling them they HAVE to change. The choice is theirs. It all depends on the perspectives we choose to believe. If your perspective doesn’t bring you peace and joy, maybe the other person may have perspectives you may want to implement in your life.
  5. KEEP QUESTIONING YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please, if you find yourself blaming, shaming, and judging others or yourself— Go back to Part I (Days 1-30) of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesand work through what is keeping you from having healthy relationships with others. The more we question our thinking, the better we will be.

If we use these tools, we start getting real honest with ourselves about the people we are inviting into our lives. We start noticing the energy they are bringing with them and how we feel when we are around them. If they are large sources of darkness, the more we spot it, the more we can protect ourselves from it. We will get more into that later. Like we talked about yesterday, we first have to stay present with the person standing in front of us. Once we are present, we see perspectives of truth clearly.

Once we see that we are all just interpreting life through our own unique perspective, we stop taking it so personally when people don’t agree with ours. We can question our perspectives of truth without feeling violated. It becomes much easier to say, we just see things from a different perspective and that’s okay. This is why mine works for me… If yours works for you and brings you peace and joy believing what you do—GREAT!

After we learn to navigate our relationships through the use of perspective tools, it makes it much easier to see which relationships work and which ones don’t in our lives. The more peaceful we remain in someone else’s chaos, the more the energy shifts and changes. The other person will either find a place of calm with you, or they may start unconsciously trying to stir up more chaos to break the relationship. Either way, you will be blessed the calmer and more peaceful you stay. The Law of Attraction will work in your favor.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 76

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 75 – Being Present with the People We Invite Into Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 75: Being Present with the People We Invite Into Our Lives

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.”

–Maya Angelou

We blind ourselves to see the people we are with when our focus in on the past and/or the future. We don’t see the person they are showing us. So much information is given in the moment. It’s the actions right now, not the promises of any unforeseen future that matter. If we allow people into our physical and internal lives, the best thing we can do for ourselves and the relationship is to be conscious in each moment we are with them. Sometimes we find that person doesn’t fit into the internal life we are working on living. They may have just meant to come in to show us a lesson, then leave. A person won’t leave our internal home until we shut the door. They will linger around stirring up lessons because we didn’t learn them when they were physically in our lives. Have you ever hung onto an unhealthy relationship for a lot longer than the relationship was actually about of your life? This relationship could be with a family member, friend, romantic partner, community member, boss and/or coworker.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

-Tony Gaskins

When we are present with the people in our lives, we can consciously make choices that show that person how to treat us. We don’t lie down in front of them for them to wipe their feet on us, because we know we are not doormats. We have to be present with others and with ourselves to see how we are allowing others to treat us. If we love and respect ourselves, remain present, and stay mentally conscious, we will be able to respond in a way that is healthy for us.

“You silently teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Move yourself up your priority list immediately.”

– Lisa Marie Rosat

The reason I have Part I, II, and III of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesis that it take us being and doing better before we can be treated better by others and treat others better. Only then can we be conscious with each person in each moment we are interacting. This is not a process that happens over night.  We will get the exact experiences we need to help us learn, grow, and expand our consciousness. Each person who comes into our physical lives serves a purpose. Each person we invite into our internal homes gives us our greatest lessons and blessings. We bring our light and darkness to the forefront through our exchanges. If we become aware and present— We learn, grow and expand our abundant lives!

10 Ways to be Present with the People We Invite into Our Lives

  1. Stop attaching to promises of the future.
  2. Actively listen to what the person is doing and saying—Are the two even matching up? Remember, they are showing you who they are.
  3. Let the past go and see the person who is standing in front of you. People can and do change, but only as much as they want to. The same goes for you!
  4. Show yourself love, so that you are treating yourself the way you want to be treated by someone else. When the energies match up—You will be consciously showing them how to treat you in each moment.
  5. DON’T EVER neglect your self-care! If you do, it will be hard for you to be present enough to see the person in front of you.
  6. Don’t expect others to do what you are not doing for yourself. You are the example they will follow in any given moment.
  7. Don’t expect others to be more than they who they are. If you are unhappy with the person in front of you—Change your perspectives, feelings, thoughts, and actions even if that action is to walk out the door and shut it. You aren’t responsible for someone else changing; you are only responsible for yourself.
  8. Be conscious if you are shining your light (love) or your darkness (fear) into your interactions with others. This means you are conscious of where your energy is while your listening and speaking and that your actions in that moment are reflecting the energy you want to be contributing to the situation. This keeps you PRESENT!
  9. Ask yourself—What is the person I’m allowing into my life teaching me in this moment? What am I learning from how I’m feeling, thinking, believing, and acting? Is there anything I can change in this moment?
  10. Be honest about who you are! If you can’t be honest, that is not a healthy relationship to have in your life and it will only contribute to growing your own darkness. When we are present, we see who belongs and who doesn’t belong in our lives. You have to love yourself enough to embrace the person you are. The people who genuinely love you will stay. The ones who don’t will leave. You can save a lot of time and trouble by being honest in your interactions.

Enjoy the journey of presence!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 75 -Being Present With the People I Invite Into My Life