90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 5 – Fear As A Decision Maker

Letters from A Better Me

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 5: Fear As A Decision Maker

To Fear as a Decision Maker,
I’ve let you be in charge of my decision making processes for long enough. I’ve hurt myself, relationships, and my life just by leaving you in charge. I missed out on so many amazing opportunities because I’m scared of some unknown future. I’ve put my energy into so many things that I’m against in fear of future of having them around. I’m tired and worn down from being scared all the time.
Each decision I make I find myself going back and forth out of fear. I’m at the point where I don’t know what fears are legitimate and which ones aren’t. I see you laughing as I chose you once again. I feel a deep pressure each time I enlist you in the decision making process.
You’ve had power over me because I was unconscious of what you were doing. Not anymore! I’m committed to acknowledging you when you creep in to my decision making process. I will actively question and look at you in order to diminish your power over me and my relationships.
If I feel like I’m fighting against something in my conversations I will slow down and ask questions to help me remain open and stay away from fear.
I’m committed to looking at what I stand for instead of putting my energy into what I’m against. Life is too short to waste time having to fight people to be right because of the power of my fears. I don’t have to be against people because they don’t believe what I do. That is just me leaving you in charge of my decision making.
I will learn to decipher healthy fear from living in fear. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself. Thank you for showing me the dangers of letting you lead the way. I really want to be a better person for my family, friends, community, country and world. I can’t do that if I contribute to others being defensive around me. If I’m doing that- I’m just creating more fear.
I feel capable of doing better now. I can live life from a more loving place.
With Love and Gratitude,
A Better Me
Rachael Wolff ©2019


90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 3-The Power of Fear

Day 3: The Power of Fear

“If you catch yourself in the track of fear, just by having that awareness, you can shift your attention into the track of love.”

– Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love p. 71           

Fear-based thinking is a dangerous way to live. We are on guard 24/7 and we can go into a fight or flight reaction based on a defense mechanism put in place in childhood that is the power of fear. We could have watched news, heard name-calling, witnessed fighting, and that is just naming a few light incidents. When we are faced with addictions, abandonment, abuse, prejudice, rape, and a fear based environment, who could blame us for having such an unstable foundation. The power of fear wins. No matter what we have been through in the past, we CAN change. Nobody can make us, or force us to let go of the fear-based defense mechanisms. We can’t change because someone we love wants us to be different. We can only release these fears when we are really ready to dig into them and be present to why we used them, how they served us, and how they are not working anymore.

A suggestion to those of you who are about to embark on this cleanup, be aware of any addictions you use to numb yourself. This is not the time to engage. I would go as far to suggest, staying away from video games, drugs, alcohol, indulgent eating, bing watching T.V., obsessively focusing on other people’s lives, and whatever else you tend to use to avoid looking at yourself, even if you use a relationship and doing for others, I hope you take the time to slow down and focus on you. You deserve your best life. If you are avoiding the process of getting healthier, you will keep repeating the same patterns that are keeping you down.

We feel trapped in patterns of living that aren’t making our lives better. We actually are even hurting the people we love by keeping this fear-based thinking alive. If we truly want to break this thought process we have to see how it is not serving us anymore and come up with ideas of thoughts, feelings, actions, and perceptions that will contribute to the life we actually WANT. If you can motivate yourself to try new things in order to occupy the time you would have been spending avoiding yourself, do it. Meditation, exercise, self-help audiobooks, cleaning, or writing are a few suggestions based on what I used to help me stay focused on my path. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t there.

I can’t tell you how many books I stopped reading because the author told me to write something down. If you are considering stopping because of having to do any physical work, don’t do it! That is your fear trying to keep you down. Just keep reading, only do the work you feel an internal calling to do. You may decide to read this 10 times before you make any changes, it really doesn’t matter, if you are making progress, honor yourself for that. Just reading this series may be a huge step for you. Don’t lose your joy in the process because you think you aren’t doing enough. You’re here, that is enough.

It may take doing some investigating of different ways of thinking to figure out how to change the language you have been using. This is not an overnight process. One of my hardest lessons in the process of giving up fear-based thinking was the amount of time it takes to do it. I’m still working on it! I have been working on it for years. We are raised with fear-based thinking from early on and we are engaged in a society that thrives on it. One of my practices is to watch how certain fear-based thinking in society triggers me and come up with a different way to look at the situation. This helps me to keep my brain and heart in the right place in order to create more love and peace in my life.

Check out 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 3 – The Power of Fear , the letter on fear represents a jumping off point. Pay close attention to what comes up. Write down or pay attention to any fears that surface, look into how believing the fears hold you back, and come up with some solutions, just thoughts about other ways to handle yourself. If you want the best results, write your own letters about the fears that come up in your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019