90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 88: Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

Dear Self,

Ever since I began living my life in gratitude, I’ve embraced what manifests in my life. I know I talk to myself a lot more than I ever did as I work through thoughts in my head, but that’s just apart of what makes life fun. The one thing is if I’m not present, I start manifesting lessons, and my only way through them is to face any feelings, thoughts, and/or perspectives of truth that comeup. If I don’t, I start not to like what is manifesting. The lessons get more challenging and they hit me hard. Eventually, I learn what I need to learn, but sometimes it takes me kicking and screaming.

I’m so grateful to say that those times happen less and less and for shorter periods of time. I can spot the shifts in energy before I let myself spin into story. That’s the blessing of the energy of gratitude. It allows me a fast way to help me transmute energy from lack to abundance fairly quickly. Once I do that, get back to presence, I enjoy manifesting once again. I don’t attach to what I’m manifesting like I used to. I pay close attention to what I’m projecting. If I’m conscious about what I’m projecting, what I’m manifesting falls into place.

Praying is one of my biggest tools in my toolbox. Learning how to pray for help in a way that wasn’t putting my will above God’s will was a BIG AHA moment. I used to get so attached to my way that I would try to take over the job of the Creator of Divine energy. I laugh now at how far I’ve come. Prayer helps to center me and reminds me to focus my energy on loving vibes. If I need help staying in loving energy, I’m not afraid to ask.

I’m amazed how much my life has changed from all these little steps I’ve taken to get out of my own way, because that’s all it ever is. Nobody can make or break me, except for me. I’m the writer of this story, and I choose to be a heroine. What I project manifests into an amazing life filled with so many great adventures. I have to keep doing the work to keep up with my self-care, so that my head is in the right place. When my head is in the right place, I fully trust who and what manifests in my life.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the energy to manifest great adventures.
  2. I’m grateful to be conscious enough to appreciate the lessons I manifest from my darkness when I need to heal.
  3. I’m so incredibly grateful for the energy of gratitude.
  4. I’m grateful for the power of presence and the authentic joy that comes with it.
  5. I’m grateful for my connection to Divine Energy that gives me so much faith and hope to appreciate my journey on this planet.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 88: Trusting Who and What Manifests in Our Lives

“You do not manifest what you want. You manifest what you believe.”

-Sonia Ricotti

When we do the work that I’ve been talking about for the last three months, we start seeing our power to create our realities through our choices in perspective. How we treat ourselves holds the key to how we are choosing to manifest. We can’t pretend our deepest fear-filled beliefs away. We can choose to heal them or suppress them. If we heal them, we manifest amazing people, events, and circumstances. If we suppress them, we manifest hard-hitting lesson after lesson until we are open and willing to look our darkness in the eye and take away it’s power.

When we see our power to create we open our minds to possibilities. We open our perception to see a world outside of the view of fear. In this world miracles unfold on a regular basis. What we manifest into our lives are the lessons we need to learn to be the best versions of ourselves, and the abundance that comes from living gratitude from a loving place. Each moment opens us up to be a better version of the person we were one step ago.

“Write your own story and trust the Universe to deliver.”

-Esther Hicks

5 Little Reminders to Help You Trust What and Who You Manifest in Your Life

  1. STAY PRESENT! This is at the beginning at many lists because it is the best thing you can do in order to not attach yourself to a story that tells you to feed your fear. Staying present helps you stay clear and conscious. You need presence to manifest consciously.
  2. Choose your thoughts consciously. Question thoughts and feelings that are stemming from fear. How are they serving you and what you want? What can you learn from feeling and thinking this way? Trust if something manifests in your life it’s to help you learn.
  3. If you believe in a Higher Power, PRAY! Connect spiritually and ask to be blessed or blocked. Trust what comes. If you weren’t blocked, trust you are getting exactly what you are supposed to get to help you be your best you.
  4. Stay in Gratitude! If you are living gratitude, you are choosing abundance. You are operating from a full vessel. You are given because of what you are projecting, manifesting, and attracting back to you.
  5. Shine as bright as you possibly can! Live life from a loving place as often as you can. Live your best life! This doesn’t mean your life will be perfect, it just means you aren’t wasting it by living unconsciously contributing to the toxic muck. Keep doing the work and remember whatever is inside you project out. Whatever you project, you manifest. Whatever you manifest, you attract back to your life.

Once we decide to commit to living life from a loving place, we shine our brightest lights. Trust feels natural instead of forced. We don’t think, I should trust God and Divine timing. We can say without a doubt, I trust the Creator of the Universe and Divine timing to provide me with what I need in each moment. If that is how you connect to the energy of the Universe. Don’t pretend to connect if you don’t, because that doesn’t work. Find an energy that you completely connect to.

When things don’t go how we planned, we can laugh and realize how attached we had become to OUR own way. We can see the stress that the attachment created and release it. Once we clear our heads, we get back to projecting the energy we actually WANT to project, which manifests into incredible experiences and adventures. The tools are all within this 90-Day A Better Me Series. There are no new ideas here, just different ways to say them. The things I’ve talked about have been passed through ancient texts, philosophy, psychology, anthropology, religion, physics, laws of energy, new age, etc. People find different ways to relate to the material.  As we dig deeper, we connect deeper. Trust the journey!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter From A Better Me 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 88 – Trusting Who and What Manifests in My Life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 86 -Consciously Projecting Love Through Action

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 86: Consciously Projecting Love Through Action

“Nothing will work unless you do.”

-Maya Angelou

When we are aligned with the love within ourselves, we project love consciously. We don’t try to project love. We don’t try to project joy. We don’t try to project hope. WE DO IT naturally! We are projecting out our authentic selves and we are conscious of it. We are led to ways to act out the love we are projecting. One of the Phrases I use in my life is that I’m God led. People will call it all kinds of different things. What we choose to call this energy is our unique connection to it. It will not look the same for everyone. It doesn’t have to.

What is important is that we trust that the love flowing through us will lead us to truly LIVING our best life. Consciously projecting love through action is our gift to the world. When we open up to see the love within ourselves, we see the love the within others. We project it, which manifests more of it in the world, and then it is attracted back to us. We know longer close our minds to other ways of seeing love in action. If we are blocking ourselves from seeing love through eyes that don’t look the same as ours, we are still not going to experience the full power of the Divine love that is flowing through us. The energy that connects us beyond any difference in color, belief, culture, and/or lifestyle—LOVE!

“Love is action. It’s clear, it’s kind, it’s effortless, and it’s irresistible.”

-Byron Katie

Consciously projecting love through action is a dedication to remain open to see love and project love. Someone else can hate who we are and what we represent. We are still able to project love. Someone else’s darkness and/or toxic energy can only affect us if we let it. If we choose to dim or turn off our light switch is up to us. The key is to remain conscious as much as we possible can. We have the tools. We just have to use them.

For a long time I searched for the path, but the truth is we are on the path. We just have to consciously walk it. When we walk it consciously we see our opportunities to project love through our actions. It may be as simple as a hug, conversation, and/or giving conscious time to another person. It also can be the causes we stand for and what we do to represent them from a loving place. Each small act we do to project love matters.

5 Ways to Project Love through Action

  1. To be conscious you must be present. If we aren’t present, we can confuse projecting love with projecting fear. If our inner people pleaser comes out—Fear. If we serve because we are thinking of the consequence of not serving—Fear. When you are present you are conscious enough to question your thoughts. You know when something feels right to do and when it doesn’t.
  2. Use your tools to center yourself. Prayer, meditation, breathing, stretching, etc., whatever you’ve found to help you stay in your light—Be there.
  3. Stay in the journey. Keep your head in the journey, not the destination. Each step you take is important to your journey. If your head isn’t where your feet are walking you can lose your footing, trip, fall, and/or get lost. When you are lost you have to do the work to get back on your path within you before you can get back to projecting love out.
  4. Make sure your words and actions are aligned. You can only project love through action if you are aligned.
  5. ACT! Give what you are led to give! Do what you are led to do! Project your love into actions that will inspire others to open up to the love within them. Remember, you can’t make someone plant the seeds you give her/him. Our gift is to give it. If a person is too lost in her/his darkness that person may not be ready to plant it. That is apart of their journey. Some people will need lesson after lesson before they are willing to see the love that someone offers them. If they can’t spot it in themselves, they won’t be able to see it in you. Don’t let it stop you. You don’t have to be in someone’s life to perform a loving act. A prayer has more power than you can possibly imagine. If you start feeling the urge to get your head (Internal home) fearing them or for them, pray (love) instead.

We can encourage people to act through love or we can encourage people to act through fear. Which one will you choose? Whatever one you are projecting is the one you have chosen. When we are conscious we choose wisely. When we are taking care of ourselves, we choose love naturally. When we are neglecting ourselves, we unconsciously choose fear.

If we fuel or excuse another person’s acts of fear, hatred, bigotry, entitlement, abuse, bullying, name-calling, harassment, revenge, vengeance, and neglect— We are projecting fear through our actions and/or inactions. This doesn’t mean we go to war. This means we stay true to the love within ourselves to counteract all the fear with acts of love in our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses.

Most of us will not do this perfectly. I know I sometimes can be triggered to choose fear first and that’s okay as long as we allow ourselves to learn from our reactions, we have the ability to turn the fear into love. Beating ourselves up about it won’t get us to back to projecting love faster, compassion and empathy for ourselves does. Choose wisely!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 86 – Consciously Projecting Love Through My Actions

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 85 – Giving People Tools to Build From A Loving Place

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 85: Giving People Tools to Build From A Loving Place

“Creativity is the person-centered process of imagining possibilities and taking embodied expressive action to make your ideas real.”

-Marta Davidovich Ockuly, PhD, 2019

On this 90-Day A Better Mejourney we have covered a lot of ground. We have looked at what holds us back (Part I), what launches us forward (Part II), and now we are well into living the journey (Part III). In these final days of the journey we will be covering how to consciously project love (light), engage in what we stand for, embracing what we manifest, being the change, and leading by example.  There is one tool very important tool you will need to engage if you want the best results and to completely submerge into life as a better you—CREATIVITY!

Take in the definition of creativity above given by Dr. Davidovich Ockuly. REALLY take it in. If you have any thoughts or perspectives of truth within you that tells you that you aren’t a creative person, read this definition again and again. YOU ARE CREATIVE! Each of us has a purpose where we need our creativity to shine through in order to bring our purpose into fruition. We make our soul’s purpose come alive when we engage in our creativity.

When we block our creativity with beliefs such as, I’m not a creative person. We sabotage our gifts; we create unnecessary blocks for ourselves. We conjure a struggle where their doesn’t need to be one. We are creative. We were made creative. We just need to find our own unique creativity. When we do that—

We find our power! We use creativity to better our lives and give others seeds to better theirs on a daily basis. What we do may not be a piece of fine art, a best-selling book, viral memes or videos, mind-blowing photography, a jaw-dropping performance, and/or an award-winning garden. We use creative to project and manifest AWE in our lives. The work is engaging in our creativity.

If we want to give people tools to build from a loving place, we not only have to be creative, we have to inspire the creativity within them. We don’t know what someone else’s creative path is, but what we do know is if we help others see themselves clearly, we are giving them the tools to go within and see their gifts. Here’s an example: I’ve read countless books, gone to thousands of workshops and classes, had many challenging life experiences, practiced spirituality and religion, and experimented with using my creative mind in all kinds of way. I needed to do all those things to create the 90-Day A Better Me Series. I had no idea when I started my blog that I would be led to write this. It just kept unfolding, because I trusted the process. I was open to the possibility of giving others tools to live better. I had to go through the process to see the possibilities in order to write everything that has come to me.

When we engage our creativity our minds are open. When we suppress our creativity our minds close. We don’t see possibility. If we don’t see possibility we are stuck in the cycle of insanity. When we are open—WE LEARN, GROW, AND EXPAND. When we do that, we have the ability to give people tools to build from a loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

P.S. I wanted to give my former professor, Dr. Marta Davidovich Ockuly, a special thank you for this beautiful definition of creativity. Thank-you for being who you are and creating what you do. You are an inspiration.

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 85- Using My Creativity to Help People Find Their Tools to Build From A Loving Place

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m responsible for any darkness that turns into toxic energy in my home. I’m the only person who can keep it out. If I have attached to someone else’s toxic energy it’s because it exists in me. It may look different, he could be an abuser and I may be a recipient of his abuse, but I only accept his abuse if I’m abusing myself inside, which would be my toxic energy. I’ve been there and done that, no need to do it again. I couldn’t think of a better reason to STOP abusing myself. I can’t make others change their toxic energy, but I can change my own. I’ve come along way from the days where I accepted unacceptable behavior from others and/or myself.

Now, it’s about making sure the toxic energy doesn’t come back in to germinate, grow, and expand. The only way I can keep this from happening is get the lessons from the darkness that enters my world, and turn on the light. Toxic energy can’t grow in my internal home if I don’t attach to stories about the past or future. When I’m present, there is no story. I can deal with what comes up in the moment.

When I’m present, I’m aware. I can learn from whatever darkness starts to stir inside of me because I can get a clear view of it. I don’t have to let it turn into toxic energy. Toxic energy is what creates the toxic patterns that get me into trouble. Addictions are birthed and fed in toxic energy, so I need to be aware if I start doing anything to the extent of addiction, because succumbing to addiction is just another form of self-abuse. I can’t numb my darkness away; it only would turn into a fast growing toxic force field around my life. NO THANK YOU! I will choose to stay aware.

If I stay aware, I can check-in with my perspectives of truth easily. If I’m triggered, I can look at if I’m attaching to a perspective of truth that grows hidden toxic energy within my walls. When I stay aware, I can change my perspective of truth to serve the life I am choosing to live.

If I want to continue to consciously choose how I live, I have to keep doing the work. If I don’t do the work, the toxic energy has space to grow. My self-care is so important. Even my connection with God struggles if I’m not doing the work. When I used to get too caught up in my story, because I wasn’t doing the work and staying present, I blamed God for what was happening in my life. I wasn’t learning and growing from the important lessons I was getting, I was using them as an excuse to self-abuse.  I was giving my power away and I was even the victim of God in my story. NOT GOOD! When I do the work, I choose to live my best life and my connection with God is solid and healthy which engages my light.

When I do the work, I keep my light on. When I’m shining my light the people who are attracted to my life are shining their own light without trying to dim mine. The people who are stuck in their darkness aren’t even attracted to me—They are repelled. That’s why I stopped taking it personal when people don’t like me. I trust they aren’t meant to be in my life. When I don’t attach to the story of why someone doesn’t like me, I’m free to continue to shine my light.

What keeps me shining bright is gratitude. I’m living in true abundance when the energy of gratitude is filling me. Toxic energy has no place to hide and/or grow. It dies! My life is full and expanding. There are no empty holes to fill, just room for growth and expansion.

When I operate from a place of abundance, I live from a loving place. I give from a loving place. I receive from a loving place.  There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that what I’m authentically putting out there is what I’m getting back. Even my lessons come from a loving place, and I can see the benefits. It’s AMAZING TO LIVE FROM HERE!

I know I’m not going to stay in this energy every second. I will slip, stumble, and fall as apart of my learning process. I simply just do my best. I learn from my slips, stumbles, and falls on my ass and I grow. If I choose to linger in my darkness, it’s because there is a bigger lesson to learn there. It just means I need to move deep through it and see what comes out of the depths. This is an important part of my growth, and accepting that is doing my best.

This process isn’t a one or two time fix. These are the tools I need for a lifetime. I know I may forget to pick one up, forget about one, and/ or upgrade my tool chest, but the important thing to remember is that I have a choice in how I choose to grow and expand my internal home. I am the only one responsible for keeping it clean and maintaining it. I can’t be scared of the dark. I have to be willing to shine the light by repeating and expanding on the tools I’ve learned.

What’s important to me is to stay open to change, grow, and expand. This means I have to embrace my lessons and see the blessings. This is the life I’ve chosen in order to keep my internal home clear of toxic energy. Doing this doesn’t just benefit me; it benefits all the people I have relationships with. It benefits all the causes I serve. It benefits the bigger picture of this life.

If I don’t have toxic energy in my internal home, I’m not spreading it to the people around me. I’m taking responsibility for my darkness and not blaming others for my triggers. I’m whole. I AM!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for each new day because everyone I get gives me an opportunity to be and do better.
  2. I’m grateful for all the lessons that helped me to clean my soul with my tears.
  3. I’m grateful for my ability to see toxic energy and take steps to clean it up.
  4. I’m grateful that my love is stronger than any fear that I need to face.
  5. I’m grateful I AM.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

See today’s installment 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes to see each step today’s letter revealed.

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 -Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

-Anais Nin

Once we bring awareness to our darkness and take responsibility for it, we can shine light on any toxic energy hidden within the walls of our internal homes. On Day 83, I gave “6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes”.    Darkness will show up, because we all have dark corners and shadows there to teach us on our journeys. We learn so much from the darkness within us. Yesterday, I talked about cleaning up the toxic energy and build-up that the darkness exposes when we decide to turn our lights on in the dark rooms. Today, we are expanding on that concept to focus on how to keep the toxic energy out of Internal homes. This isn’t a boot camp, 90-day, 6-month, and/or yearlong submersion program. There is no short-term fix for a lifelong learning process.

10 Steps to Keeping Toxic Energy Out of Your Internal Home

  1. STAY PRESENT! The toxic seed can only be planted, grow, and spread if you get stuck in your dark stories of the past and a fear-filled unknown future. When you get out of your fear-based stories, you don’t germinate the seed. You can stop it at the source when it gets handed to you.
  2. Stay AWARE! If you spot darkness within yourself, work through it. Do NOT run away or numb (addiction) it. Those methods turn darkness into toxic energy. Instead of learning and expanding, you avoid and shrink. If you are blaming, shaming, or judging someone else for your darkness—You still have work to do! That toxic energy will spread if you don’t shine light on it.
  3. CHECK-IN WITH YOUR PERSPECTIVES OF TRUTH. Make sure they are aligned with the light within you. A great intention is to shine your light on any darkness inside of you.
  4. KEEP DOING THE WORK! Your self-care regimen (Day 73) is an essential piece for ensuring that you don’t allow toxic energy into your internal home to fester, grow, and spread.
  5. KEEP YOUR LIGHT ON! Like mold, toxic energy grows in the dark hidden walls within your home. Keeping your light on means you are using the tools and techniques you’ve learned along the way to spot sources where there are leaks that can cause a build-up. Make sure you know which tools to use to help you keep your light on (i.e. prayer, tapping, meditation, worship, yoga, dance, writing, swimming, nature exploration, etc.). Only you can know which tools work best for you to help you keep your light on at all times. You have to truly connect and align with your actions or your light dims.
  6. SHINE BRIGHT! Keep your light in the energy of gratitude. Gratitude’s light energy is vast and expansive. It is the light of abundance. When you operate from a place of gratitude, you are running on a full tank. Your light will guide you and keep you focused on the best you have to offer the world.
  7. LIVE FROM A LOVING PLACE. When you live your life from a loving place both internally and externally your darkness will stay your teacher, but it won’t grow into toxic energy. Your love will simply dry out the toxic seed so that it’s purified.
  8. DO YOUR BEST! You are here to learn. You will be the teacher and/or the student many times over in this life. You will be given some lessons that were inspired by the light and others that have to be learned through your darkness. If you learn the lesson, you don’t have to repeat it. If there are deeper lessons to hit, just keep going and doing your best. The blessings that come from learning are beautiful. No one is meant to do this life perfectly. You need to stop expecting it from others and yourself. If you do the best you can WITHOUT excuses or copouts: your life will be better; your contributions to your family, friend, and community will be better; and the world will be better. A Better you equals a better world to live in.
  9. REPEAT! If you want to keep the toxic energy out of your internal home you will have to repeat these steps over and over. It won’t come out the same way every time, so don’t expect a specific result. Just know when you take care of yourself and stay present, you have the ability to do the best you can in every moment. Trust your journey!
  10. MAKE SPACE FOR CHANGE, GROWTH, AND EXPANSION! When you are on the journey of A BETTER ME, you will change, grow, and expand. Some people will fall off your path and others will come onto to it. Don’t try to hold onto anyone or anything that is not meant to go with you on this path because that can create toxic energy when you are holding on too tight to what you’ve outgrown. Trust your path! Don’t try to force people to walk through doors that they aren’t ready for. They might not be meant to come with you. If they are tied into their own darkness and/or toxic energy and you don’t give them a toxic hand to hold onto, their energy won’t match yours anymore. They become that flip side of the magnet. That goes the same way for jobs and lifestyles. Make the space for your new inner world to show through so that toxic energy has no space to grab onto.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m the only one who can invite dark energy into my internal home. I trust that if I attach to a person’s darkness in the physical world and invite that darkness to stir inside of me, I’ve invited the darkness in. I’m responsible for anything the darkness does inside of my internal home. If I’m attaching to the darkness, there is a reason for it. I have something to learn from it. I have a piece of me to heal if I’ve invited darkness in to teach me what I need to learn. I am resisting learning, which is why the darkness came to my door.

I have options when I see that I’ve invited the darkness into my home. The darkness stimulates fear, judgment, guilt, shame, hate, vengeance, greed, and/or ego—Just to name a few. I can see options in my thinking that will stimulate love, compassion, empathy, peace, joy, connection, and hope. I can find reasons to look at the situation from different perspectives to see that the only thing that is trapping me in my darkness are my thoughts. I am choosing my thoughts, so I have the key to get out of the darkness when I’m ready.

I can turn on the light. My first step towards turning on the light is prayer. I pray for the courage to face myself in my darkness. I know that the person, thing, or event in my physical world only triggered me to see my darkness. Now by choosing to shine the light on it, I’m willing to look deeper to see what my dark corner has hidden. For that, I need courage. Once I pray, I like giving myself space to mediate. When I’m quiet and my breath is steady, I hear the Divine whisper to me. If I don’t hear the answer consciously yet, my next step is to go out in nature and focus on what I see, hear, smell, touch, and/or taste. This opens my senses up to receiving answers. Most times nature offers me some insight. I go and stretch through my thoughts and center myself with the Earth through the practice of yoga. I don’t usually have to go any further, but sometimes if the dark energy is just lodged down deep, I shake it out and dance. My light switch clicks on.

This is where I can spot any toxic waste and build-up that is hidden in the dark. These are my old perspectives of truth that I may have thought I got rid of but they are still lingering and spreading like mold. These are those old beliefs that say things like, People have to like me so that I have value, I’m small, I’m unlovable, I’m a victim, I’m more important than another person, I’m less important than another person, I’m nothing, I’m entitled to more, I don’t deserve more, etc. I have to look at my toxic energy that is causing toxic patterns in my life. Those toxic patterns are what I attach to in other people’s darkness. If I’m being triggered by darkness, I’m in a great space to see the secrets that are being hidden in those dark corners.

Now, I can clean it out. My self-care regimen can help me to work through these old beliefs that I’m attaching to. I don’t have space for them anymore. It’s time to replace them with perspectives of truth that make my internal home warm, cozy, safe, comfortable, beautiful, loving, and inspiring. I pray for assistance to help me transform any toxic energy into light producing energy so that I’m able to project more love out into the world. The more clarity I get, the better the job I do at cleaning up the mess. I’m responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, growth, development, and expansion of my internal home.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the dark energy that I invited in because it showed me what areas of my internal home that still need work.
  2. I’m grateful that I’m empowered to make the changes I need to in order to shine my light.
  3. I’m grateful to God for helping me find my courage and strength to face my darkness and take responsibility for it.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who trigger my darkness because they help me to become a better version of me.
  5. I’m grateful for all the unlimited choices I have on perspectives. I love that I ALWAYS have options of how I want to look at things.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

Dear Self,

I’ve learned so much on this journey of implementing my boundaries. What I’ve realized in my practice of using my healthy tools is that I no longer take on other people’s darkness. I used to feel like I had to engage in the darkness (i.e. fear) to get my point across or not be walked on by someone in their darkness, but what I realized is that by engaging in their darkness only makes me feed and spread mine. I definitely DON’T want to be doing that. I’ve learned how to listen while being lovingly unattached to their energy. I can’t say I do this perfect every time, but the more I do it, the better I get.

One of my biggest challenges in implementing my healthy boundaries is to STAY PRESENT!!! It can be very easy to be caught up in the story whether it is mine or someone else’s. When I realize I’m feeding the darkness of a story, I need to pull back and re-group because it means I got out of the present moment. People who are REALLY stuck in their darkness will have story after story filled with blame, shame, guilt, judgment, victimhood, and hate it may be aimed at me or someone else, but if a person isn’t taking any personal responsibility for where they are, they are lost in darkness. I don’t help them by feeding into it. If and when I stay present, my other natural healthy boundaries fall into line. If I’m challenged to stay present, it just means I have to work a little harder to stay in my light.

It is such a blessing not to feel obligated to take on someone else’s darkness. When I remind myself of that, I don’t feel the weight of someone else’s energy. I don’t try to control their journey or get tied to their story. I can step back and remind myself that the only person I am responsible for is me. What they choose to do with their energy is their business. If I shine my light and they see it, it means they have a want to get out of their own darkness. If they don’t see it, they are comfortable where they are and they will be until the darkness gets too much for them to handle.

My calmness can help to ease and lift some of the dark energy in the room. If my darkness isn’t triggered by their darkness it brings light into the situation whether they want to be apart of it or not. I’m protected in the calm. I can think clearly when I’m calm, present, and not attaching to any of their story.

When I struggle with implementing my tools, I pray! PRAY! And PRAY SOME MORE! There are times where I feel the fear creeping up in me so I know that I’m not fueling the energy of what I stand for and those are the times I need to pray the most. I pray for guidance and that the words coming out of my mouth are will come from a loving place. I pray that I’m guided to take action in a way that serves the best possible outcome in the situation. I pray for the courage and strength to stay in my light. I know when I pray; I’m focused on being the best I can be in the moment.

People who are trapped in their darkness aren’t seeking to hurt me personally. They may be trying to hurt what I represent in their heads, but what I represent in their heads has nothing to do with who I really am. It is a distorted image created by their own darkness. This is not personal. They are looking at me through a story based on perspectives of truth led by fear. I may be the villain or the vandal in their story because I’m not engaging in their darkness with them and that’s ok. They are where they are. If I keep feeling, thinking, believing, and acting from a loving place, I’m being true to me. I won’t leave the situation with any regrets because I will trust exactly how the exchange went. I will take the lessons I need to make me better, and then I get to move on. I’m free!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so incredibly grateful that I have the tools to keep me out of someone else’s darkness.
  2. I’m grateful I have healthy boundaries because it means I’m taking care of me.
  3. I’m grateful that I know that I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be in this moment.
  4. I’m grateful for the power of long deep breaths.
  5. I’m grateful that EVERYDAY I do the work, I get better.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff © 2019

Read Today’s Installment to get 10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations