Rachael Wolff: Here’s My Why

MY WHY

I believe that the healthier our thinking is the more good we can do in the world. When we become more conscious of what is going on inside of us, we are empowered to make better choices for ourselves and the world around us. 

I didn’t come up with this belief. It’s been written about for as long as people have been passing down stories. It’s been studied over and over again. Yet, for some reason, the majority of us resist it out of fear. With that, we keep trying to use fear and accept fear-based thinking to guide us. You see this in our social media, news, politics, and daily interactions with others. 

Even though this has been written about time and time again, the way some people try to get us there is through fear.

Since many individuals are stimulated to move and change through fear, why wouldn’t this method work? 

When we do things from a place of fear, we are NOT focusing on the energy we want. We are focused on what we don’t want. Here’s an example, a God-fearing individual might do things because they don’t want to go to hell. That is a fear-driven way to live and when we fail, get lazy, resist, or make a poor choice, our fear kicks in to high swing and we belittle ourselves and start a shame cycle.  We are not worthy of God’s love. We are not worthy of getting into heaven. 

Not all religious practices are driven by fear, and some have changed it’s messages over time. Even with the changes, individuals still will take the route of shame and fear-based living because they are unconsciously living with beliefs that have been passed down from generations even if the belief has been proven unhealthy or false—The beliefs are embedded. This isn’t just tied to religion. This can be tied to ANY belief system we hold. 

WHY FROM A LOVING PLACE?

This is WHY I do what I do, write what I write, practice what I practice, read what I read, etc. This is WHY I named this blog, From A Loving Place and named my book, Letters from A Better Me. My Why represents the work of thinking from a loving place, believing from a loving place, and doing from a loving place. My goal is to help others open themselves up to live from a loving place too. The larger the community we have living from a loving place, the more our conversations will change on social media, in the news, in politics, with each other, and in the world. This is not a fluff or woo-woo conversation. We can choose to live in fear or love at any minute of the day.

What is wrong with our thinking that living in fear has become an acceptable norm and living in love is woo-woo? 

I know I’m not alone in my why. I see it in the social media I focus on. I see it  in the stories and research I spend my time reading. I see it in  many of the people I choose to have in my life. When I feel better about me, understand where my shadows come from, and see the power my light creates—I soar. I then connect to the energy and people who feel this too. It’s amazing how many amazing people have come into my life since I started connecting to my why.

MY JOURNEY

I’m on a transformative journey. I’m open to learn and grow, so I can pass on what works for me. It doesn’t have to work for you. Our whys don’t have to be the same. I have plenty of friends and loved ones who don’t have the same why. What we do have is some of the same joys, laughter, experiences, triumphs, lessons, fears, sadness, humor, sarcasm, love, happiness and sorrows. Those are the things that connect me to others. When I choose to connect and live my why, I feel free within all those connections. I don’t take our differences personally. I know how I want to live, and I know that I’m making my choices consciously. The healthier I am, the healthier my relationships with others are.  I also am clear on healthy boundaries and trusting my gut when I don’t feel comfortable around particular people. It all works together. 

My happiness in my life comes in large part to figuring out my why. My why is what guides me in my daily choices of how I want to be living. It helps me to learn from my fears, and to change what doesn’t work in my life. This doesn’t mean I ALWAYS choose to live in my why.

WHEN I DISCONNECT FROM MY WHY

I learned important warning signs for when and how I would fall out of living my why in a 12-Step program called AL-ANON.

H.A.L.T.

  • Hungry
  • Angry
  • Lonely
  • Tired

H.A.L.T. is a reminder to check-in with ourselves when we are feeling emotionally triggered. It’s the reminder to stop, take a breath, and reflect. When I’m experiencing one or all of these things, it’s a struggle for me to live my why, because I’m irritable. I take other people’s actions personally. I also, play fear-based messages in my mind because my lack of focus is guiding me to unconscious living. I’m not perfect by any means. I’ve screamed at my kids, I’ve blamed others, I’ve held personal pity-parties more times than I can count, but I do all of this when I’m lost somewhere in the hungry, angry, lonely, and/or tired. I don’t want to take care of myself when I’m there, so I’m not present. I’m defensive and lost somewhere in my unhealed past or the unknown future. My head is definitely not where my feet are. 

When I realize that I don’t like the space where I am, I have HALT to help me find my way out: 

  • If I’m hungry—I eat.
  • If I’m angry—I write, exercise, dance, or talk to someone I trust not to commiserate with me but to help me be responsible and accountable.
  • If I’m lonely—I write a gratitude list, call a friend, hug one of my kids, write a letter to myself, or go do something I love to do.
  • If I’m tired—I sleep and if I can’t sleep, I meditate, get on my Simply Fit Exercise Board, or go outside and walk. 

These are just a few of the tools I use to get me back to living my life from a loving place and showing myself the love that I deserve. This is how I get my thinking to a healthy place, so that I can make the best choices for myself and with that—the world I live in. 

DEFINE YOUR WHY

Take the time to define your why. The how, what, where, when, and who hold more meaning when we allow our why to lead us on our journeys. We start understanding that we have to stumble to learn. We don’t have to let our stumbles define who we are, we can let the lessons we learned be our driving force to make better and wiser choices.

WHAT’S NEXT?

 If you feel connected to what I’m saying, make sure to follow the From A Loving Place blog. You can also follow me on Facebook.com/FromALovingPlace for daily inspiration to help you stay connected to your WHY.

I’m also very excited because I will be speaking in St. Petersburg, Florida at Dream Con on February 29, 2020. This will be my first event after my book, Letters from A Better Me launches in 45 days (Feb.18, 2020).  You will also be able to find me in Atlanta, GA at Phoenix & Dragon Bookstore from 4-6PM on March 15, 2020 for a book-signing event. If you can’t make it to see me in person, the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp’s next session will be available in March 2020. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2020

Please feel welcome to connect with my on my author Facebook page (click on link to be connected). 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 26 – The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 26: The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

“Most people are living in an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.”

-Jen Sincero

So far in the 90-Day A Better Me Serieswe’ve been working on becoming aware of our unstable foundations. We’ve covered: fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. Now, we are getting to the heart of all of it—Ourselves and our beliefs.  Our focus will be on the perceptions of ourselves and the reality we create that keeps our foundations unstable.

Today, I’m not going to be talking about the cruelty that can come out of the mirror. I’m going beyond the cruelty and get deep down into the roots—Our unquestioned beliefs about ourselves, life, and how we live it. Each one of us is programmed with a series of belief systems that goes back generation after generation. These beliefs dictate how we live our lives if they go unquestioned.

In today’s world things can get even more confusing with so many different people, opinions, and belief systems of their own weighing in. Our ability to be involved with a global community at the touch of a finger can be very overwhelming. People are fighting harder to hold onto belief systems that were passed down. The fight AGAINST the unknown has grown more intense. If you’ve been reading, you know just how dangerous the fight AGAINST is (Day 23).

Our foundations we have built on are being questioned, and sometimes we are solid in our beliefs. We may choose to fight and defend them, once again going to war, which is an act against ourselves. If the belief is something that brings us love and light, we will share them, but without trying to insist on our own way. Sometimes we question them and will feel a sense of shame, guilt, and betrayal towards our families or ourselves. Other times we completely freeze and try to numb ourselves from the overload.  There are plenty more reactions, feelings, thoughts, and actions that come from the questioning of the core beliefs that make up our foundations. Each individual person is going to react a little differently. Just because we react or think one way, it doesn’t mean someone else will. We each have our own path; it’s not our business to judge someone else’s. If we focus on our own, it not only benefits ourselves, it benefits the people around us.

Self-care is selfish is one of the beliefs that can really mess with a person’s head. Many who belief this will completely give themselves away time and time again then wonder why they are tired, exhausted, and drained. When we belief self-care is selfish, we are in a constant fight with ourselves anytime we try to take time or do something to show that we value ourselves. Let’s take a battle, which I know many people struggle with—Weight loss. If a person believes self-care is selfish losing weight will be a fight, because you have to care for yourself to lose and keep the weight off. You have to make your health a priority. We only make time for what we value. Hmmm… So unconscious sabotage of losing weight takes hold and our mind gets really confused because if we don’t lose the weight, we’re honoring the belief that self-care is selfish and if we do lose the weight, we feel a sense of selfishness for doing it. Some people will feel guilt and shame for spending time to focus on their own needs.

Now some people may take this belief to the other extreme. They will lose weight to try to serve someone else. We can teach health and live an unhealthy inner life because of this belief system is working against us. So we may be so physically fit, but it’s not for ourselves. It may be for someone we love or to serve a community. We still are going to have to deal with the war inside of us. It may come out as resentment for our loved ones wanting us to be healthy, so we go into war with them.  We might get digestive problems due to stress, because  the manifestation of stress can be our inner battle against ourselves. Our minds operate how our bodies work. If we go to war with our minds, our bodies pay the price. Toxic build-up in our bodies turns into sickness and disease.

If you believe in some form of a Higher Power, Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, etc., I can’t believe for one second that we were created to torture ourselves. We have just as much value as everyone else who was created. You don’t deserve to treat yourself as less than. If love is not what you feel from the Creator of your beliefs—It’s time to question your beliefs.

Self-care is our oxygen. If we don’t put our oxygen masks on ourselves first—WE DIE. Fear, blame, shame, judgment, and hate will do their best to keep us from taking care of ourselves, because they can’t survive if we take care of ourselves. Self-care is an action of love. Once we embrace the love within ourselves, we are unstoppable to help ourselves and the world we serve. We will get more into that more in the months to come.

Belief systems that consist of fear and hate of or for others are destructive to all foundations of life. I literally just let out the biggest sigh as the tears welled up in my eyes. If we are run by fear and hate, we are incapable of knowing what love REALLY is. We confuse our messages and we interlink the two. They don’t go together! People who intentionally hurt others don’t know love. They know all the elements of fear: jealousy, judgment, blame, rage, resentment, passive-aggressiveness, shame, guilt (except sociopaths and malignant narcissists), manipulation, war, sabotage, emotional traps, abuse, and/or attempts to control others feelings, thoughts, and actions. None of those are love!! If we are using any of these tools to live, we aren’t operating from a loving place. We are operating out of fear. The more we love ourselves, the more we are able to recognize love in someone else. When I start fearing, I start questioning my beliefs that put me there. The internet can be a great source of investigation, but it can also be a great tool for fear. It’s about how we use it and what our focus is. We can see whatever we want to see. My story about the alligator on Day 5 was a prime example. Fears unquestioned can keep us from living. Fear separates us and love unites us, but if we don’t know the difference between the two we go to war.

Our belief systems are a series of perspectives of truth. They come from stories, thoughts, and ideas that turned into a belief. Have you ever played the game Telephone? A group of people sit in a line or a circle. The person at one end whispers a secret to the person sitting next to them. Then the secret moves down the line and gets interpreted by every person as it’s whispered from person to person. By the end, the secret is nowhere close to the original message. We have to remember that each person who passes down a story puts his or her own interpretations into it. Many parents use fearful stories to try to get their kids to do something. Those messages can turn into beliefs very quickly and unconsciously. If you look at religious organizations even within the same religious belief system will have different interpretations. NO two people are going to view things the exact same way. Neither can any group of people. The best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to learn about each other as individuals. We ALL have love and we ALL have fear. How does the person you are connecting to live their life? How does she/he show her love? How does he/she show her fear? Is what they are telling me project love or fear?

Someone who is raised with love around them may interpret life differently than someone who is raised surrounded by fear. Yet, if a person who was raised around fear finds the meaning of love within him, the fear bounces off of him and inspires him expand out of that fear-filled life. A person raised around love can be touched with fear and if she turns that fear against herself and chooses not to love herself, the trajectory of unconscious fear-based living gets ignited. The circumstances around our lives don’t matter as much as the messages and beliefs we form within ourselves and who we are as individuals.

This installment is just scratching the surface of this topic. I’ve dropped pieces throughout the series and will continue to do so, but it will still only scratch the surface. The quest to question our belief systems that keep our foundations unstable is a HUGE undertaking. Many of us need help going through this piece if we’ve reached living in the throws of fear. I know I have! I’ve gotten help in many areas of my life to help me reveal beliefs that were holding me back. I didn’t find the way through this in one place. When you take the journey of awareness, the doors will open as you are ready for them. Just be patient. We can only get to the path of freedom by taking one step at a time.

Just for Today

Look at what beliefs of yourself and others keep you from seeing love in the mirror. How are you interpreting perspectives of truth that keep your foundation weak and unstable?

If you notice messages being repeated through out this series, GOOD! That means the information is sticking. If it didn’t stick, you wouldn’t notice. The farther we are from noticing, the deeper our fears are keeping us trapped.  We are building our awareness by taking steps. Each time the material may hit us a little differently. The process isn’t different for me. By writing it, the ideas sink in more and more and I start living from a loving place on a more consistent basis. That’s why I ABSOLUTELY love the journey of awareness.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to write and share my perspectives with the people who choose to read this. I don’t believe there are any mistakes in the Universe, so I welcome you because I know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Whether you choose to read this one piece, a few pieces, or the entire series, you are on the journey you are meant to be on, so trust the process. It’s time to break-free from the prison of our minds.

Thank you for reading!

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Companion letter: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 26 -Questioning Beliefs on Why My Foundation Continues to Crumble

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