Do You See You?

Who Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

If you see fear and lack, you are living in your own private hell no matter how it looks to anyone else.

If you see love and abundance, you are living your life to its fullest no matter what it looks like to anyone else.

Our perception is our power or our kryptonite. How others view us is their business. How we view ourselves is ours.

It doesn’t matter who sees you as long as you see you. Nothing will change until we shift our perceptions to reflect our power. When we change how we see ourselves, we change what we see in the world. For better or worse is ALWAYS our own personal choice. Choose wisely!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

27 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

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90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 54 – Empowering the Person in the Mirror

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 54: Empowering the Person in the Mirror

“You have a belief about what is beautiful and what is ugly, and if you don’t like yourself, you can change your belief and your life will change.”

-Don Miguel Ruiz

If we want to feel true empowerment, we have to strip down all those layers of titles we’ve defined ourselves by. We have to let go of the titles we’ve been given to by others and look deep into the mirror and see the power of the soul within ourselves. We limit our power by naming ourselves through a series of titles. Titles are and were created by humans.  Our power is limitless. Our definition of who we are is only thing that can stand in our way of shining to our full capacity.

That being said, I don’t mean for you to go around and yell at people for putting you in a category. When we act out in anger and fear because of how someone else is defining us, we aren’t expanding our empowerment onto them. We are creating them to put up their dark defensive walls to protect themselves from the darkness we are spreading. What matters is that we aren’t defining ourselves through the categories people check off for us. If they are defining us by a title that is led by their fear, we don’t have to engage in ours. We do have choices on how not to let their darkness dampen our light. We have to know from the inside that we are bigger than any category. When we truly know that, someone else’s title doesn’t have the ability to hurt us. We are empowered when we are spreading our light!

When we don’t fight categories and titles we can see that they can help lead people to our lives. They can help lead people who aren’t healthy for us away from our lives too. They are just not the embodiment of who we are. If we define ourselves by them we can limit how bright we can shine our lights. We can let darkness come in and defend the title in an, US AGAINST THEMwar. See any patterns here? We can see people fighting for their titles of race, gender, religion, political affiliation, region, along with titles like mother, father, son, daughter, rich, poor, etc. We also see people fighting against other people’s titles, but as I talked about earlier in the series, seeing people as groups and categories keeps us from seeing the individual we lose our humanity and we don’t see theirs. You can look anywhere around you and see evidence of this perspective of truth.

We are only as empowered as the love we project from inside of us. That is why I’ve spent the last few days covering our worth and our value. We can only shine as bright as we allow ourselves to shine. This is not about being self-centered. This is about being able to give from a full bucket that is constantly self-filling. This is about putting the oxygen masks on ourselves first so we can thrive while helping others.

I’ve seen a lot of amazing causes fail and people burn out because they were driving themselves by fear. They felt like the anger was empowering them. When we fight darkness with more darkness, we only create more. It just moves. We may feel the fight or flight reaction and choose the fight. The energy from that burns out and can have lasting long-term effects on our bodies and our minds. We open ourselves up to so much pain that we can’t tell the difference between love and fear. We can and do make this choice on a regular basis. We can choose to be and do better! We have to find clarity in who we are and what we stand for so that when are standing up for the oppressed, victims, and ill, we are serving them with the energy we want to see more of—LOVE! When we are serving causes from a place of fear, rage, anger, and revenge we miss giving opportunities for the people who might have been ignorant of wrongdoing to grow. NOBODY is perfect and we are all learning, when we go in with our guns blazing, we enter into our darkness. We can’t fix others until we are willing to look at and empower ourselves. The more aware we are of how we CHOOSE to live moment to moment, the more empowered we are to represent ourselves and our causes in a loving way.

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In order to empower the person in the mirror to spread more light into the world, we have to empower her/him with more light within. We have to turn our internal dimmer switches up. We have to start asking the right questions to ourselves when we are faced with our and other people’s darkness:

  • How are my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions contributing to the light (love) or the dark  (fear) in this situation?
  • Am I speaking in away that will encourage communication (light) or put up defenses (dark) to those who don’t have the same perspectives of truth as I do?
  • Am I coming at this situation from a loving place representing what I stand for (love) or a fearful place representing what I’m against (fear)?
  • Am I trying to encourage people to see other perspectives of truth (light) or force my beliefs down a person’s throat because I believe my way is the ONLY right way (dark)?
  • Am I trying to understand where other people are coming from through their perspectives of truth (love) or am I closing myself off to possibilities of looking at the situation from a different perspective (fear)?

When I don’t know how to not fight AGAINST something I don’t like, I wait. I work through the fear, anger, rage, and resentment. Then I look at how I can approach the situation from a loving place that will open up conversations so both sides can feel heard which opens the door to come up with solutions. Do I always get the solution I was hoping for? No, and I may need to work through my feelings about that, but when I acted from a place of love I don’t have all the residual fear-based thoughts about regretting things I said, or realizing I wasn’t considering someone else’s opportunity for growth. Even if my answer is to walk away from the person or situation, I can feel good about the choice I made. I can know that I passed a seed to a beautiful flower, plant, or tree. What they do with that seed is up to them? Feeling empowered from within the energy of light launches us forward in such miraculous ways.

“Self-worth comes from one thing—thinking that you are worthy.”

-Wayne Dyer

Just for Today

When you engage with others be aware of how bright you are choosing to shine your light. If someone disagrees with you, take a second. Question how much light you can choose to shine on the situation. Then try out some different ways to introduce more light to challenges of your day. This can be in traffic, stores, work, home, etc. Remember you are learning, this is not about doing it perfectly, it’s about be open to try something new.

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In Part III (Days 61-90), I will talk a lot more about action steps. For now, we are working on understanding our perspectives of truth and creating shifts to open them up to empower us at a soul level. This is where we take control of our own dimmer switches and choose to turn the light up to see the magnificent souls we are.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 54 – I AM Empowered

 

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90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 26 – The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 26: The Crumbling Foundation in the Mirror

“Most people are living in an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.”

-Jen Sincero

So far in the 90-Day A Better Me Serieswe’ve been working on becoming aware of our unstable foundations. We’ve covered: fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. Now, we are getting to the heart of all of it—Ourselves and our beliefs.  Our focus will be on the perceptions of ourselves and the reality we create that keeps our foundations unstable.

Today, I’m not going to be talking about the cruelty that can come out of the mirror. I’m going beyond the cruelty and get deep down into the roots—Our unquestioned beliefs about ourselves, life, and how we live it. Each one of us is programmed with a series of belief systems that goes back generation after generation. These beliefs dictate how we live our lives if they go unquestioned.

In today’s world things can get even more confusing with so many different people, opinions, and belief systems of their own weighing in. Our ability to be involved with a global community at the touch of a finger can be very overwhelming. People are fighting harder to hold onto belief systems that were passed down. The fight AGAINST the unknown has grown more intense. If you’ve been reading, you know just how dangerous the fight AGAINST is (Day 23).

Our foundations we have built on are being questioned, and sometimes we are solid in our beliefs. We may choose to fight and defend them, once again going to war, which is an act against ourselves. If the belief is something that brings us love and light, we will share them, but without trying to insist on our own way. Sometimes we question them and will feel a sense of shame, guilt, and betrayal towards our families or ourselves. Other times we completely freeze and try to numb ourselves from the overload.  There are plenty more reactions, feelings, thoughts, and actions that come from the questioning of the core beliefs that make up our foundations. Each individual person is going to react a little differently. Just because we react or think one way, it doesn’t mean someone else will. We each have our own path; it’s not our business to judge someone else’s. If we focus on our own, it not only benefits ourselves, it benefits the people around us.

Self-care is selfish is one of the beliefs that can really mess with a person’s head. Many who belief this will completely give themselves away time and time again then wonder why they are tired, exhausted, and drained. When we belief self-care is selfish, we are in a constant fight with ourselves anytime we try to take time or do something to show that we value ourselves. Let’s take a battle, which I know many people struggle with—Weight loss. If a person believes self-care is selfish losing weight will be a fight, because you have to care for yourself to lose and keep the weight off. You have to make your health a priority. We only make time for what we value. Hmmm… So unconscious sabotage of losing weight takes hold and our mind gets really confused because if we don’t lose the weight, we’re honoring the belief that self-care is selfish and if we do lose the weight, we feel a sense of selfishness for doing it. Some people will feel guilt and shame for spending time to focus on their own needs.

Now some people may take this belief to the other extreme. They will lose weight to try to serve someone else. We can teach health and live an unhealthy inner life because of this belief system is working against us. So we may be so physically fit, but it’s not for ourselves. It may be for someone we love or to serve a community. We still are going to have to deal with the war inside of us. It may come out as resentment for our loved ones wanting us to be healthy, so we go into war with them.  We might get digestive problems due to stress, because  the manifestation of stress can be our inner battle against ourselves. Our minds operate how our bodies work. If we go to war with our minds, our bodies pay the price. Toxic build-up in our bodies turns into sickness and disease.

If you believe in some form of a Higher Power, Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, etc., I can’t believe for one second that we were created to torture ourselves. We have just as much value as everyone else who was created. You don’t deserve to treat yourself as less than. If love is not what you feel from the Creator of your beliefs—It’s time to question your beliefs.

Self-care is our oxygen. If we don’t put our oxygen masks on ourselves first—WE DIE. Fear, blame, shame, judgment, and hate will do their best to keep us from taking care of ourselves, because they can’t survive if we take care of ourselves. Self-care is an action of love. Once we embrace the love within ourselves, we are unstoppable to help ourselves and the world we serve. We will get more into that more in the months to come.

Belief systems that consist of fear and hate of or for others are destructive to all foundations of life. I literally just let out the biggest sigh as the tears welled up in my eyes. If we are run by fear and hate, we are incapable of knowing what love REALLY is. We confuse our messages and we interlink the two. They don’t go together! People who intentionally hurt others don’t know love. They know all the elements of fear: jealousy, judgment, blame, rage, resentment, passive-aggressiveness, shame, guilt (except sociopaths and malignant narcissists), manipulation, war, sabotage, emotional traps, abuse, and/or attempts to control others feelings, thoughts, and actions. None of those are love!! If we are using any of these tools to live, we aren’t operating from a loving place. We are operating out of fear. The more we love ourselves, the more we are able to recognize love in someone else. When I start fearing, I start questioning my beliefs that put me there. The internet can be a great source of investigation, but it can also be a great tool for fear. It’s about how we use it and what our focus is. We can see whatever we want to see. My story about the alligator on Day 5 was a prime example. Fears unquestioned can keep us from living. Fear separates us and love unites us, but if we don’t know the difference between the two we go to war.

Our belief systems are a series of perspectives of truth. They come from stories, thoughts, and ideas that turned into a belief. Have you ever played the game Telephone? A group of people sit in a line or a circle. The person at one end whispers a secret to the person sitting next to them. Then the secret moves down the line and gets interpreted by every person as it’s whispered from person to person. By the end, the secret is nowhere close to the original message. We have to remember that each person who passes down a story puts his or her own interpretations into it. Many parents use fearful stories to try to get their kids to do something. Those messages can turn into beliefs very quickly and unconsciously. If you look at religious organizations even within the same religious belief system will have different interpretations. NO two people are going to view things the exact same way. Neither can any group of people. The best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to learn about each other as individuals. We ALL have love and we ALL have fear. How does the person you are connecting to live their life? How does she/he show her love? How does he/she show her fear? Is what they are telling me project love or fear?

Someone who is raised with love around them may interpret life differently than someone who is raised surrounded by fear. Yet, if a person who was raised around fear finds the meaning of love within him, the fear bounces off of him and inspires him expand out of that fear-filled life. A person raised around love can be touched with fear and if she turns that fear against herself and chooses not to love herself, the trajectory of unconscious fear-based living gets ignited. The circumstances around our lives don’t matter as much as the messages and beliefs we form within ourselves and who we are as individuals.

This installment is just scratching the surface of this topic. I’ve dropped pieces throughout the series and will continue to do so, but it will still only scratch the surface. The quest to question our belief systems that keep our foundations unstable is a HUGE undertaking. Many of us need help going through this piece if we’ve reached living in the throws of fear. I know I have! I’ve gotten help in many areas of my life to help me reveal beliefs that were holding me back. I didn’t find the way through this in one place. When you take the journey of awareness, the doors will open as you are ready for them. Just be patient. We can only get to the path of freedom by taking one step at a time.

Just for Today

Look at what beliefs of yourself and others keep you from seeing love in the mirror. How are you interpreting perspectives of truth that keep your foundation weak and unstable?

If you notice messages being repeated through out this series, GOOD! That means the information is sticking. If it didn’t stick, you wouldn’t notice. The farther we are from noticing, the deeper our fears are keeping us trapped.  We are building our awareness by taking steps. Each time the material may hit us a little differently. The process isn’t different for me. By writing it, the ideas sink in more and more and I start living from a loving place on a more consistent basis. That’s why I ABSOLUTELY love the journey of awareness.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to write and share my perspectives with the people who choose to read this. I don’t believe there are any mistakes in the Universe, so I welcome you because I know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Whether you choose to read this one piece, a few pieces, or the entire series, you are on the journey you are meant to be on, so trust the process. It’s time to break-free from the prison of our minds.

Thank you for reading!

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Companion letter: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 26 -Questioning Beliefs on Why My Foundation Continues to Crumble

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Looking Through the Mirror

A child looks into the mirror as a thousand of messages go through his or her head. Questions, thoughts, and statements go into the mirror. As they bounce back a reality is created. How that child treats people is all in what happens in that mirror. As time goes on, the statements sometimes will start moving in one direction or the other. Are the messages helpful or hurtful? It all depends on which side is being fed. Are they spending more time putting themselves down or lifting themselves up? The messages are so powerful that each one can create a lesson to happen sometime in our lives.

As time passes, we become adults. The messages and lessons will keep moving in one direction or the other. If we are open, we will get that looking into the mirror and through the mirror are two very different things. When we look into the mirror, we are unaware of what we are putting into it. We have no idea that the messages we feed our reflections will reflect into every aspect of our lives. The messages create how we treat others and how we are treated in return. When we look through the mirror, we consciously put messages into our reflections that we want to see reflected back to us. While we are getting ready for the day, we can choose to take a second and notice what is being put into the reflection staring back at us.

  • What kinds of things are happening in my life?
  • Am I being treated like I matter?
  • Am I confident in my abilities and character?
  • Do I see beauty when I look in?
  • Do I see flaws?
  • Do I beat myself up for all that I am or am not?
  • Do I have faith that life is working for me?
  • Do I feel like I am being punished?
  • Do I feel like I am blessed?
  • Am I grateful?
  • Do I feel like I deserve this?
  • Do I feel like I don’t deserve this?
  • Is my life better or worse than I could have ever imagined?
  • Am I a victim or a champion of my circumstances?
  • Does the past define and control my present?
  • Am I resentful?
  • Do I know how to look in the mirror and forgive?

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The answers to how to make our lives better are staring us in the face. We have to gain the courage to look through the mirror. Find the wisdom to see that our lives are a reflection of everything we have put into the mirror hanging on our bathroom walls. This is not a task for the weak; the weak will choose to keep letting the mirror control their lives. They will look into it, but not go deeper. They may try to escape through their drug of choice. These are the people who will continue to be the victim of their lives and constantly blame circumstances for how their lives are on someone or something else. This is a choice each of us has in every moment that passes.

When a hard lesson crosses my path, I need to choose how to look at it. What will I take from the suffering? I may even bounce back and forth from wanting to look through the mirror and getting scared, to just wanting to look into the mirror for awhile.

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The faster we learn that we are not alone, whether it is through spirit or from the people who truly love us. We will gain the confidence and strength we need to look through the mirror for longer and more painful time periods. This is when the real miracles start to occur. Sometimes the biggest challenges come from knowing who to trust to be on this journey with us.

For me, I had to get over my anger at God and finally see I was not alone in the Universe. I needed to figure out I was capable of feeling the ultimate love that stems from a source so great, that no humanness can touch it’s power. Then I needed to find the best definition of love. The people who would come on this journey with me would need to be able to give and receive this love openly. (You can read more about my journey to finding the meaning of love by clicking here.) I wanted friends who would help me hold myself accountable with 100% love in their hearts.

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The journey to looking through the mirror isn’t linear. We go back, forth, up, and down. We make U-turns and sometimes come to abrupt stops, but each move matters. Each move will keep us moving on our journey to the lessons and the blessings. The more open we are, the clearer the signs will be. We may be led to messages, books, movies, places, and/or people. This very piece may be a step in your journey. I know writing it is a step in mine.

In order to see, we need to trust the process. The journey will not always be fun and full of joy. Sometimes looking through the mirror will take us to the darkest parts of our childhood and we may learn about some painful things we’ve never seen before. We may also find the times in our lives where we were offered love, the real love, but denied it due to our own guilt and shame. Don’t give up. Stop as long as you need, stay in any stage as long as you need, but don’t give up. Keep looking, the truth is always revealed to give space for healing and growth.

If you are on this journey with someone, please understand that you can’t force them to be in a different place. We all make this journey in our own timing. Sometimes watching our friends and family go through this is painful.

  • Are they staying in a toxic relationship?
  • Are they abusing drugs and alcohol?
  • Are they stuck in the past traumas of their lives?
  • Are they being destructive?

Pray for them and keep praying, but don’t try to convince them to be somewhere they are not. We have to meet people where they are. The best advice I can give is to offer them different possible ways to look at a situation without forcing or insisting it is the right way. When we are stuck, we often feel trapped in our story or chosen perspective. Sometimes just offering another perspective can get the wheels turning. What is important to remember, we all have our own journey. When we focus on the lives of others as if we know what’s better for them, we are avoiding our own journey. We really need to look deeper and look through the mirror. When we spot what’s broken in somebody else, it usually means we have some similar battle going on within ourselves.

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With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff  ©2017

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