90-Day A Better Me Series
Part II: A Journey of Perspective
What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation
Day 55: Clarity in Self Discovery
“What I believe makes me who I am.”
When we stop defining ourselves in terms of what we do, what we have, and how we were raised, we open our world up to discovering who we really are. We discover ourselves. The clearer we see ourselves the more capacity we have to shine our light.
We aren’t seeking value outside of ourselves, so our intentions don’t get confused. We don’t do things that go against the person we are. We support and take care of ourselves so that we are able to give to others authentically with no expectations of what we will get back. We project and attract the best kind of life. When our power comes from within, nobody can take it away.
Our relationships are healthier because we aren’t trying to force others to see our value. This includes our relationship with the God of our understanding. We value ourselves. We project our value. We manifest healthy individuals into our lives. Our value is reflected back to us through our relationship with them. If a person’s energy doesn’t match ours, they will fade to the background of our lives or they will be gone. I have learned what an amazing blessing this is. I know the people in my life have a reason for being there. If it’s not a pleasant experience, I say a prayer: Please help me see the lesson I’m supposed to learn so that I can grow and expand from this situation.
If I’m triggered, I do my best to dig deep to figure out what in them is triggering something in me. People are our mirrors, sometimes the ones we have the hardest time with are most like the parts of us that we don’t accept about ourselves. I’m not going to lie; I needed a narcissist and a diagnosed schizophrenic to show me how hurtful I was to myself. I feel truly blessed for all the lessoned I learned about myself in those relationships. I don’t think I would be where I am today if I didn’t go through what I did with them. I truly see all the things that I was once victimized by as my biggest blessings, because those situations are what it took me to move and shift out of my darkness. They showed me clarity in self discovery.
When we have clarity, we aren’t so hard on other people’s imperfections, because we know we have them too. We know that they have the opportunity to grow just like we do. We don’t feel the need to tear someone else down because it doesn’t contribute to our light. We also know that tearing someone else down is us showing our darkness. When we are clear, we want to shine light on the dark, not create more.
With clarity, I can clearly see that it’s none of my business what people think about me. I don’t do things to please others; I do things out of a genuine place of wanting to do it. In my romantic relationship, I am able to communicate clearly and effectively without any underlying feeling of needing him to do or be different than he is. I’m responsible for my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions and he is responsible for his. I won’t take or accept responsibility for anything that isn’t mine. I don’t give my power away by making someone else responsible for my stuff.
I used to believe I had to fight for healthy boundaries, appreciation, my way, etc. I’ve learned through this process that the more I fought, the more stress there would be in my relationships. The problem was I wasn’t clear on who I was so I would get lost in my relationships with the men I was trying to gain value from. It was a very unhealthy way to live. I remember the constant struggle. I’m so grateful to have learned ways to expand my perspectives of truth to me less painful. Now, I’m secure in the person I am, so I’m so much more at peace.
I love the process on gaining clarity, and it is so much less stressful than how I was living my life before. Being a mom still shows me the areas I need to work on, but it truly is a gift to be able to say something like: Wow, this is really triggering me. I’m feeling an anger inside me and I don’t think it’s because my daughter didn’t do her school work like over the weekend like I told her to. Let me look at this a little deeper: she tried to blame me for her schoolwork not getting done. Blaming me for something that is not my responsibility is still a hot spot. How did I feel when we both started raising our voices? When did I feel the sensation of anger start creeping up in my body? When is the first time I remember feeling that? How can I work on myself to be a better mom to her?
I can see where there is always room to get more clarity. The talk in my head that used to be so unproductive often serves a purpose now. The blessing of blogging is that I can get out the ideas that pop into my head. That way I make room to develop and grow with them.
The more clear we are about who we are, the less people who get hurt by our projection of unworthy self. Sometimes we have no idea how much damage we are doing by putting out our fear-filled energies out into the world. The fear that comes from being unworthy can spin out of control and create a lot of chaos. None of us our perfect, when we learn from our pasts, every step we took was necessary to get us to the moment we are in right now.
Just for Today
Answer these questions:
- Are you aware of what living in fear, shame, blame, judgment, self-abuse, and living in the past and the future creates in your life (Days 1-30)?
- Are you holding yourself accountable for your feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions?
- Are you clear on the difference between love and fear (Days 32-35)?
- Are you in acceptance (Days 36-41) of your past and the unknown future?
- Do you want to be led by perspectives of truth (Day 42-46) led by love (light) or fear (dark)?
- Have you chose perspectives of truth that support the life you want to be living?
- Are you living in a place of gratitude or lack (Days 47-50)?
- Is how you are treating yourself the way you want others treating you (Days 51-54)?
- What is your intention on how you want to live?
- What is your intention on how you want to give?
- Do you love yourself (Days 56-59)?
- Is your focus on what you can do today (Day 60)?
- Are you willing an open to try something new to break old unhealthy patterns (Part III)?
Feel free to read and explore any of the 90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series that you have missed so far. Thank you for being on this journey with me. Let the love within you guide the way!
With Love and Gratitude,
Rachael Wolff ©2019
Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 55 – How I Honor the Person I Am