Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

Trusting the Journey: The People Who Are Supposed to Be There Are

I know it is easy to get caught up in who is “supposed” to be there and who “shouldn’t” be there. We can sometimes believe that we know best about what should be, but all of that thinking is just a story in our heads. Who should be there is who is there. Who shouldn’t be there is who isn’t. We have something to learn from who shows up and who doesn’t in our lives.

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I know this can be a hard pill to swallow and I’ve definitely been caught up in a story playing in my head about what other people should be doing. The truth is that none of that is my business and quite honestly, who am I to say. I know that every experience I’ve had was necessary to be where I am right now. I know that all my pleasant and not so pleasant exchanges have played roles in my life. So, if things were different I may have missed a valuable lesson or exchange.

If our energy is focused on what shouldn’t of happened, who shouldn’t have been there, and who should have been. We missed seeing the value in what did happen, who was there, and the blessing that came from the exchanges we had with people because of who wasn’t there.  I know there were years I was caught up in the energy that things didn’t happen the way they were supposed to and the only person who paid the price for that thinking was me.

For me, I need to remember to put the energy back where it belongs, because I know that I don’t want to live bitter. I want to live with purpose and believing that my experiences empower me. If my experiences empower me, I have to embrace the idea that other people have that same option. We each get to choose how we want to live, so the stories that play in our minds make a difference. I choose to believe that people will come and go from my life. They are there for the exact time and in the exact way that they are meant to be.

Thank you to all the people who are there and who aren’t at any given moment. I know the exact people I need for the moment I’m in are there when they are supposed to be. I’m grateful for all the beautiful lessons I’ve learned that came from appreciating my experiences exactly the way that they did happen. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to hold any bitterness towards people who don’t show up. I love that the power of interpreting my experiences is ALWAYS in my hands. I love the way it feels to believe that if someone doesn’t show up it’s because they weren’t meant to be there or else they would have been. This belief has helped me appreciate ALL the people in my life so much more.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 4 – How Fear Keeps Us from Experiencing Love

Day 4: How Fear Keeps Us from Experiencing Love

“Love is what we were born with fear is what we learned here.”

-Marianne Williamson

 

Whether we are talking about romantic relationships, family, friends, or strangers fear keeps us from experiencing love. We like to pretend that by fearing for others and/or their actions we are showing love. We’ve been groomed to fear which leads to expectations of others. Those expectations create more fear—not love. Does this mean we need to accept unacceptable behavior…HELL NO! This means that we understand through awareness what we can control. We are only in control of our own perceptions. We can’t expect others to act according to our expectations. We don’t use their adherence to our expectations as a tool to measure whether we love them or hate them.

Fear breaks down all forms of communication in relationships. Once all parties enlist fear into conversation— a war breaks out. Now all parties are acting like their wounded pre-teen selves. Our reasoning goes out the door. We view us as right and them as wrong. We can’t see that ALL our and their beliefs are just perceptions of what is true based on each person’s experiences in life. We are no longer open. We have an armor layer that is constructed of 100% fear.

Some of us go through our whole lives and never consider the definitions of love and fear. We wing it and because of that we intertwine the two and then start believing things like: Love hurts! Love is painful! Love blinds us. The opposite is actually true. Fear hurts. Fear is painful. Fear blinds us.

Fear is what drives the overbearing parent. Fear is what leads to jealousy, separation, abuse, betrayal, and cheating. Fear is what builds walls and shuts doors to strangers who are just as capable of love as we are. Fear closes us off and makes us want to numb our pain. Fear breaks down any and all relationships without discrimination.

We are human. None of us are going to be perfect people. We are going to make mistakes. The people we love will make mistakes. Strangers will make mistakes. We take away the opportunity to learn from our mistakes when we are in so much fear that we attack and criticize without any understanding of how the mistake could have happened. Then we come up with defenses, and those defenses create more fear. If a person chooses to learn from their mistakes, they will grow. If they don’t, they will wallow in self-defeat. They will make the mistakes reasons for being unlovable and unworthy. Once we see ourselves as unlovable and unworthy—Fear-based living takes over.

We project that fear to the world, and it becomes a belief. We will try to prove our belief right. This makes us attract people who will use us and call it love. We will allow our parents to demean and try to control us and call it love. We will attract friends who attack us and call it love. Something deep inside us knows these actions aren’t demonstrating love, so it feeds our belief that we are unlovable and unworthy of love.  If you are nodding your head because you see this in yourself, remember it is true for others too.

If we truly want to experience the fullness of love we have to show love to ourselves. We have to know love from the inside before we can see it in the world around us. We can only do this if we become aware of all the fears that are holding us back.

It is self-love that keeps us from being abused, bullied, controlled, and used by others. When we love ourselves we have healthy boundaries. We don’t DEMAND people respect us. We respect ourselves, so people who don’t respect us change or move away from us.  If our house isn’t built on a foundation of fear, we won’t engage in what perpetuates more fear, which is fear itself.

Do we fear repeating patterns from the past?

Do we fear others will hurt us more than we hurt ourselves?

Do we fear the unknown future?

These keep us from seeing the people standing in front of us. We can’t be present if our heads are lost in fear. Therefore we miss expressions of love and red flags we need to face. Love is experienced right here and right now. Self-love helps us spot red flags in ourselves and others. Fear is based on past beliefs, which creates fears of the future. Fear actually keeps you from being present.

Just for today see how fear and/or love is expressing itself in your relationships. Really ask yourself if your thoughts, feelings, and actions towards yourself and others are projecting love or fear.

If you want to learn about how to get out of fearful patterns—Keep READING!

This is a process. Part I is about making us AWARE of the problems. We can’t fix what we don’t want to face. Part II is about ACCEPTING where we are right now and opening ourselves up to changing from a place of love and not fear. Then in Part III we take ACTION. You will learn action plans to break unhealthy patterns. There is a reason for the order so it is best not to skip any part of it.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Companion letter: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 4 -To the Fear Keeping Me from Experiencing Love Don’t miss a day!