90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 78: Using Self-Reflection When We Are Triggered

“Self-reflection is the school of wisdom.”

-Baltasar Gracian

One of the best tools I ever received about how to become a better me through my relationships with others was by looking at others like a mirror. If a person triggers us—There’s a connection. Sometimes we are connecting to a part of ourselves that we don’t like, haven’t accepted, and/or hasn’t healed. People are our doorways to personal growth. Sometimes the person reminds us of someone from the past who we felt hurt by and that pain hasn’t healed so we take it out on the person we are interacting with now. These unhealed parts of us are creating toxic build-up within our bodies and our energy fields. Whatever way we cut it, if we emotionally react to someone else’s behavior it is affecting energy inside of us. No one is responsible for that energy but the person looking back at us in the mirror. The people who trigger us are our teachers. We have something important to learn from the interaction, and it’s not about the person’s behavior and/or words. It’s about our reactions to their behaviors and/or words. They are the storytellers of their own stories, and that isn’t our business. Our business is what is happening inside of us and how we are projecting our energy out into the world.

Once we are clear with what is going on inside of us, it makes it possible to have healthy communications with others. Even if they decide to stay in their darkness—We have the power to bring our light to the situation. In order to get there, we must first self-reflect.  Self-reflection is the only way we can decipher what is our stuff and what is their stuff. Once we know that—Life becomes so much less dramatic. Oh, and if you have kids, they are GREATteachers! Kids can get us to go DEEP into our self-reflection pond if we are open enough to REALLY look at ourselves.

“The greatest of faults, is to be conscious of none.”

-Thomas Caryle

20 Questions to Help You Dig Into Self-Reflection When You’re Triggered

1. What characteristics about this person are creating me to have a negative reaction?
2. Do I see any of those characteristics in myself?
3. Do I see any of those characteristics in a person from my past?
4. Is my reaction REALLY about the person in front of me?
5. Why is what this person is doing or saying right now affecting me negatively?
6. What qualities do I like about this person?
7. Do I sense any jealousy or envy within me about what they have, what they do, whom they are connected to, and/or how they communicate?
8. Is the person I’m interacting with being her/himself and I’m reacting because I’m expecting them to act differently than she/he is capable?
9. Are my expectations of others really my expectations of myself that I’m falling short on?
10. Is it my place to judge someone else’s journey?
11. Who’s stuff am I reacting to—Theirs or mine?
12. Do I have the power to change the other person? NO—The answer is ALWAYS NO.
13. Do I have the power to change my perspectives? YES—The answer is ALWAYS YES.
14. Is my reaction causing my tightness, discomfort, and pain? If so, is what I’m feeling serving me?
15. How can I change my thinking to move myself to operating from a loving place inside?
16. How does this exchange have the power to help heal past wounds?
17. How can I help myself to stay in a place of peace while interacting with this person?
18. Can I communicate/act from a loving place in this moment? If not, silence is the best option.
19. Am I representing the energy I want to project out into the world in this moment?
20. What actions can I take to shine my light in the darkness of this person’s words and/or actions?

Just keep in mind, we are NEVER responsible for the energy of others, but we are ALWAYS responsible for the energy we are putting out into the world through our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, and actions. Self-reflection is the only way we can heal our energy and make sure we are projecting the loving energy we want to manifest out and reflect back to us. We reap what we sow.Make sure you are holding yourself accountable for your reactions to others. When we master our triggers—We know internal peace. Only then can we manifest peace around us. This is the path to becoming the change we want to see in the world around us. We can’t fix what’s outside of us, until we are operating from the best place inside of us.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 78 – I’m Triggered! Using Self-Reflection to Heal My Energy