Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #102

I’m grateful for empathy. Feeling empathy for someone else who is hurting can feel gut wrenching at times, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love celebrating people’s joy and supporting them in their sadness. It’s because of my empathy that I don’t discount other people’s experiences. It helps me to see people instead of politics, religion, race, culture, gender, economic status, and lifestyle, because the truth is we each have our own journeys in this life and will process our journeys differently.

The other day, I shared that I believe in God’s plan, but I also believe in God contracts, which means I believe that everyone has a purpose to fulfill here. Some contracts are short, some are long, some are harsh, some are light-filled, some are dark-filled, and on we go. Like I’ve said before, I don’t expect or ask anyone to believe what I do, I choose beliefs that help me live my best life, and this is one of the beliefs that fit into my garden. This belief helps me to feel empathy when others will choose to hate. The combination of God’s plan and God contracts has helped me get through the US elections thus far. My empathy for those who have experienced trauma right now is breaking my heart wide open.

I honestly wish some people could see that this election for many was not about republicans and democrats. There are so many different reasons people vote and to just lump everyone into these big heaping categories on either side strips us of our humanity and decency, because we have dehumanized them by doing this. We can’t even begin to acknowledge the person, if we label them as wrong, evil, or bad because of their political views (which we have NO IDEA what their views are because we are only looking at things from our side). Many people on both sides of politics are full of fear, lack, and separation over a variety of different subjects. If someone is being hurtful to someone else, they are hurting. People in a healthy mindset don’t intentionally hurt others. If we are filled with love, abundance, and peace. We are not quick to believe in every conspiracy theory that passes us by. Conspiracy theories feed on our fears and can quickly make us dehumanize individuals with our personal fears.

As a narcissistic abuse survivor, and as someone who has studied narcissist abuse for ten years to fully understand how it works, I didn’t want to carry the weight of the abuse around with me for the rest of my life. I wanted to fully understand it because I needed to heal myself, but I also wanted help others. Through my education, I found empathy for my abuser, but also was able to set healthy boundaries and create new behavior patterns to project energy that wouldn’t attract another narcissist abuser to my life. I was once a victim, and that helps me feel empathy for people who were victims of all kinds of injustices. Some of those people have healed so the exchange can be compassionate and loving. Others have not, and so they may take it out of me, a group, an institution, etc. I know that isn’t my stuff, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t empathize with their pain, because I know unhealed pain comes out ugly (rage). I know how challenging it is to come up from the trenches when you have felt beat down.

So right now, I’m feeling empathy of joy, relief, peace, hurt, sadness, anger, and forgiveness. I know and love people who voted different ways for much different reasons. I don’t personally understand all the reasons, but where I can connect to people is through feelings. To be able to put my foot in another person’s shoes for even a few minutes is a gift. Being able to do this brings out the best in our humanity. When we can be empathetic, humanity wins.

Today, I commit to being empathetic to my fellow humans. When we can listen openly to hear someone’s love, anger, fear, joy, hurt, sadness, authenticity, compassion, kindness, separation, lack, abundance, etc., we become better humans. When we can hear them express their feelings and put our feet in their shoes while we are listening, we grow exponentially! Some of my favorite stories are those from people who once hated each other because of their differences, and ended up becoming friends. Once they connected in their humanity and could take the time to feel the other person’s experience, the barriers came down.

Now, if a person is very unhealthy and toxic, it may not feel or be safe to do this personally, which is why you may choose to look at them through education. Example, if the person is an addict, read about addiction and how it starts. If someone is a narcissist, research narcissism, but not just from the side of the victim. Learn about the brain and psychology. Gain understanding that what they do really isn’t personal. It truly is about them and not you. If a person is an abuser, try learning through documentaries and books. Remember, this isn’t about changing another person or fixing them, it’s about you just being able to empathize to the point where you don’t have to carry the weight of hating them. That is toxic energy we carry around if we just let it sit and fester. If we hate a person that hates, we are carrying around the energy of hate, AND that WILL EFFECT the reality we are creating.

Today’s challenge is not an easy one, and I find myself needing to consciously focus on having empathy for the people who think differently than I do right now. I also have to remember not to take others hate personally. When I feel someone’s hate, I have to remember that comes from fear, lack, and separation. I can feel empathy for someone who is so miserable with themselves that they take it out on others. I can feel empathy with someone is so fearful that buy into conspiracy theories instead of seeing facts. I love feeling people’s authentic joy, because that comes from a place of love, abundance, and peace. I’ve cried many tears of joy listening to people’s stories of triumph and celebration.

The point of all of this is to see the human. We are all just human. None of us are perfect. We can only ever look at the big picture through our own straw, so where we aim it is important. You can focus your straw on love, abundance, and peace or fear, lack, and separation. Wherever you choose to aim your straw is all that you will see, and each moment you get the choice where you want to aim it. Choose wisely!

Remember being an empath or being able to feel empathy for someone else is a gift and an honor. We have so much to learn from others, we just have to be open enough to listen with our whole heart. Try not to judge them as right or wrong, just observe if they are coming from a place of fear, lack, and separation or love, abundance, and peace. It’s just a little tip to help you see someone else a little clearer.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Sorry for the Times I Didn’t Put Humanity First

Dear Humanity,

I owe you an apology. I got lost in what I was against, I lost sight of what I stood for. I’ve seen politics get uglier and uglier through the years and have felt enraged about some of the mud slinging. Yet, in my rage, I became one of them. One of the people I’ve said I didn’t want to be. I became a person who put agenda before people. I forgot to ask questions before damning other people’s beliefs. This is NOT who I am.

Even if I don’t believe in other people’s beliefs or agendas, I still must be held accountable for the energy I’m contributing. If I forget MY humanity because of politics, injustices, social causes, religious beliefs, etc. My energy is going towards the very thing I’m against. That will only make the hate stronger and that is NOT WHAT I WANT. I’m just as guilty as the person who used the same tactics to keep someone else down. THIS IS NOT WHO I AM

If I really want to make positive change in this world, I have to remember who I am and what I stand for. No life is more or less valuable than my own. The people I don’t understand have taught me some amazing lessons, but I only learn them if I apply the lesson in a positive way. I will not allow other people’s prejudices and entitlement ruin my beliefs about humanity. 

I’m going back to putting my energy toward the changes I WANT TO SEE in the world. I’m going to look for the best in humanity. My energy is going towards the people who are creating change to better and strengthen our communities, communications, relationships, human rights, environment, foods, resources, and positive treatment of children and animals. These are the people I want to give my energy to. These are the people I want to align myself with. I will no longer contribute my energy towards hate. 

I have many friends who don’t have the same beliefs as I do, if I don’t understand I can ask questions. I don’t have to consider them a horrible person because they believe differently. I love my life. I love the way I live my life. My beliefs create my life to be what it is. If someone’s beliefs cause them pain and stress, it’s their job to re-evaluate their perspective if and when they get sick and tired of it. My beliefs tell me to show up with compassion, empathy, and love—THIS IS WHO I AM. 

I hope you accept my apology for losing my way. Whether you heard my angry thoughts or not, I’m still holding myself accountable. I want to be better. I will do my best to put humanity first in all my daily exchanges. I will remind myself what I stand for in the face of hate, injustice, and oppression. I will contribute to the solutions instead of exasperating the problems that hold humanity back. This is my commitment to you. 

#ABetterMe #HumanityFirst #humanitywins

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

11 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

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Perspective is the Key to a Happy or Miserable Life

“It isn’t the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer, it’s how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer.”

-Pema Chodron

Perspective is the key to a happy or miserable life. We all come with a set of ingrained beliefs. Some of them will work for us and others will work against us. Then we go through life gathering more and more beliefs and again, some will work for us and others will work against us. We get fixated on what is true according to our beliefs. It starts so early! As much as I try to teach my kids perspective and give them examples of other ways to look at any given situation, they still believe their way is the only way that could be right. The battles for right and wrong, no wonder why some of us have so many issues in relationships. If we are battling for right and wrong there is a winner and a loser. That is a competition, not a partnership. I can’t hear other people when I’m so fixated on being right. I can’t hear someone talking to me if they are so fixated on me being wrong. All I’m doing is coming up with my argument.

Perspective opens our mind to possibilities. We can see things from other angles and really get our creative brains flowing if we can simply change our language from I’m right, or I’m in the right to this is my perspective, what is yours? We are more open to understand if we don’t think in absolutes. We can come up with real working resolutions when we are not acting against one another but working for the betterment of the relationship with one another. Does this mean we can’t have strong beliefs and convictions? Of course not! We just stop being limited by them. We open ourselves up to understanding. We still may not agree with what another person says or does, but we can all agree to disagree whenever we sit fit. You can agree to disagree with this article and that’s ok too.

All I can say, I’m happier when I am not competing to be right. When I don’t understand someone’s perspective I can ask questions, I will learn enough in their answers to know if it’s worth sharing my beliefs or not. I know I won’t change someone’s opinion by saying they are wrong, but it might change eventually in time when they are ready. If we aren’t battling a person to make their beliefs wrong, and simply offering our perspective, it is much easier to disagree and keep things peaceful. If a person doesn’t feel threatened by our opinion, they might remain open enough to hear what we have to say. We also may be able to hear what they have to say, who knows we may alter our perspective on some issues.

No person can be 100% right all the time. We are all shaped in very different ways, this doesn’t make any of us right or wrong. We need to have people who are different and who have different beliefs. This is how we learn empathy, compassion, and acceptance of others. This is what makes us better people. We can turn to judgment, hate, and bigotry if we want too. All I know is when I go there, I don’t feel good. My stomach gets tied in knots. I get tense. I get angry. Overall, I feel like a miserable human being. Though I can fall into some nasty cycles of judgment here or there, I do become aware much faster now and can work my way out of it for the most part. I have a few stragglers that keep rearing their ugly head from time to time.

When I don’t work myself out of my misery, I know there is a bigger issue at hand. I know the issue doesn’t involve me changing anyone else’s behavior except for mine. I don’t have to respond any ONE way to people I disagree with. I have tons of options. When I know that AND can spot it, life becomes so much easier.

Perspective of knowing, I CHOOSE to see things the way I do is so incredibly freeing. This perspective is what opened doors for me out of toxic relationships and helped me to be kinder and more loving to myself and others.

Now, I can look in the mirror and know that I have a choice in what I want to focus on. I can focus on the areas of my body and mind that cause me to not like myself or I can CHOOSE to celebrate what I see.

I can look at someone else’s beliefs as a personal attack or I can see that they are only reflecting their own beliefs on me. I don’t have to agree with them under any circumstance if I CHOOSE not to take on their opinion.

I find it fun to play with perspective now when something really gets to me. It may take me a little bit before I’m ready to play, but once I get there I feel soooo much better. Seeing things with an open mind never means we have to agree with anything that we don’t feel comfortable with. What it does do is help us trust our gut to tell us what feels comfortable and what doesn’t. At least, that’s my perspective.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017