90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 40 – Projecting Acceptance

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 40: Projecting Acceptance

“A compassionate heart can engage evil directly—it can bring Light where there was no light.”

-Gary Zukav

I love projecting acceptance, but it is only possible once we accept the past (Day 37), become secure in the present (Day 38), and welcome the unknown (Day 39). We have to live it in order to project it.

When we project acceptance; compassion, empathy, love, and light energies are leading our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions. Zukav says above, “ A compassionate heart can engage evil directly…” We are adding light to the darkness. We aren’t there insisting on our own way, fighting reality, and fighting darkness with more darkness, we see beyond the events and face evil with our hearts.

This doesn’t excuse people’s poor choices, we bring light to them. If people don’t have a psychological illness that keeps them from experiencing light, they have the ability to add light to their dark. We allow them space to process their feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions and give them seeds to add light by giving them the opportunity to take responsibility for them. We give them the opportunity to learn out of love, not from the fear of the consequences of their actions. An apology that comes from fear of the consequences isn’t a true apology and carries people’s darkness, not their light. That is why we can tell if an apology is genuine when we are in tune with the energy acceptance. By projecting acceptance we don’t feel the need to attack others. We know when to add our light directly and/or from a distance.

Side Note: Just in case you haven’t been keeping up with the series, dark energies include fear, shame, blame, judgment, hate, revenge, etc. Light energies include love, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, personal responsibility, self-love, loving actions, etc. 

When we project acceptance we attract a variety of people to learn from and/or give seeds to. We attract leaders who inspire us because with acceptance we open our doors to learning. We are no longer closed off by fear. We are led to people, books, videos, seminars, churches, groups, and gatherings that inspire us to be more accepting. We naturally distance ourselves from dark energies that no longer serve us. This may mean people walk away, we stop watching certain shows, we stop going to particular places, etc.  We are more aware of when we are being faced with individuals who are being led by fear. My favorite part is their energy no longer has power over us. We accept the person being where she or he is. We no longer have to be affected by the darkness she/he is projecting. We don’t try to force them to change; we change to move with our energy. What they do with themselves is their business. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

I’ve experienced multiple encounters where before I would have easily got sucked into someone else’s fearful energy. But now I can say, “I’m sorry that you are living in that fear. I choose not to live there.” Before, even if I felt that way, I wouldn’t say anything. I was worried about what they would think if I didn’t have the same fears as them. I would question my lack of fear in whatever we were discussing. At this point, I can feel confident telling a person that living in fear wasn’t good for me. It didn’t feel good, so I’m choosing a different way to see things. I’m not telling them they have to change. If they want to live in fear, I accept that. That’s their journey. Only the person having the experience can decide if they are ready to let go of their dark energy of fear and live a different way. If they want to know more she/he will ask, do my boot camp, read the things I write about, or will distance themselves from me because they have no interest in my perspective.

I used to feel hurt and insulted when people left my life, now I completely get that our energies don’t match up so it’s ok that there is distance. I’m very happy with what I’m projecting right now, so I will attract the people who are meant to be around me. This goes for readers, followers, friends, family members, and strangers. I love how the Law of Attraction works this way. I don’t have to judge the people who aren’t in my life, when and if they are meant to be there, they will be. If they aren’t they won’t be. No need to fight reality when you live in acceptance of what it is.

I trust when I have a feeling to reach out to someone, I do. I trust when they have a feeling to reach out to me, they will. I won’t blame them if they don’t reach out to me, and I won’t feel guilt if I don’t reach out to them. I know the people who I’m meant to encounter I will. There is no pressure! It’s a beautiful thing!

Projecting acceptance of ourselves and others becomes this beautiful journey of discovery. We are invited into seeing our lives through a different lens—A perspective that invites SO much love into our lives! The thing that blows me away the most is the incredible people it invites in. I’ve been blessed to meet and/or  interact with so many people who are on their journeys in different phases. Each one has something to remind me of or teach me about my own journey. Each question I’m asked or encounter I have contributes to the magic in my life when I’m in the place where I’m projecting acceptance. If I choose to project my fears, my encounters teach me about my fear. If I try to avoid the lesson, my darkness grows and begins to affect all the relationships and energy fueling my life.

We aren’t going to do this perfectly all the time, but there is beauty there too. Just by having the awareness of what we are projecting gives us the opportunity to work with it to change what we don’t like and appreciate what we do. That when we once again get to practice accepting ourselves. We all experience this classroom of life a little differently. We will get the lessons necessary for our individual journey. When we accept that we start growing exponentially.

Once we get to the point we start projecting acceptance our reality shifts, our service to and for others shifts, and our appreciation of self-care shifts. We don’t feel the need to be right all the time. We accept that there are multiple ways to look at a situation. WE GAIN PERSPECTIVE!

We are responsible for the views, beliefs, feelings, and thoughts that live inside ourselves. We aren’t accountable for what someone’s else’s are. When we stop trying to force (fear) our way, we actually give people the opportunity to look at how we are living our lives and we can share our experiences in regards to what our views, beliefs, feelings, and thoughts have done for us. We begin to share our lives from a loving place. Others will feel empowered to make the choice of how to live for themselves. If something resonates, they will be drawn to us more, if it doesn’t, they will distance themselves. Whatever happens, accept what is and trust the process.

Just for Today

Look at how you are projecting acceptance. Have you accepted your past, the present, and the unknown? What can you do today to help you feel and project acceptance today? Try it! If it doesn’t work for you, try something else. You can also test your level of acceptance by watching the news. Just try looking at the stories from a perspective of acceptance. I’m not asking you to believe them, just see the options in other ways to look at a situation.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 40 – Projecting Acceptance in My Life

 

 

Perspective is the Key to a Happy or Miserable Life

“It isn’t the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer, it’s how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer.”

-Pema Chodron

Perspective is the key to a happy or miserable life. We all come with a set of ingrained beliefs. Some of them will work for us and others will work against us. Then we go through life gathering more and more beliefs and again, some will work for us and others will work against us. We get fixated on what is true according to our beliefs. It starts so early! As much as I try to teach my kids perspective and give them examples of other ways to look at any given situation, they still believe their way is the only way that could be right. The battles for right and wrong, no wonder why some of us have so many issues in relationships. If we are battling for right and wrong there is a winner and a loser. That is a competition, not a partnership. I can’t hear other people when I’m so fixated on being right. I can’t hear someone talking to me if they are so fixated on me being wrong. All I’m doing is coming up with my argument.

Perspective opens our mind to possibilities. We can see things from other angles and really get our creative brains flowing if we can simply change our language from I’m right, or I’m in the right to this is my perspective, what is yours? We are more open to understand if we don’t think in absolutes. We can come up with real working resolutions when we are not acting against one another but working for the betterment of the relationship with one another. Does this mean we can’t have strong beliefs and convictions? Of course not! We just stop being limited by them. We open ourselves up to understanding. We still may not agree with what another person says or does, but we can all agree to disagree whenever we sit fit. You can agree to disagree with this article and that’s ok too.

All I can say, I’m happier when I am not competing to be right. When I don’t understand someone’s perspective I can ask questions, I will learn enough in their answers to know if it’s worth sharing my beliefs or not. I know I won’t change someone’s opinion by saying they are wrong, but it might change eventually in time when they are ready. If we aren’t battling a person to make their beliefs wrong, and simply offering our perspective, it is much easier to disagree and keep things peaceful. If a person doesn’t feel threatened by our opinion, they might remain open enough to hear what we have to say. We also may be able to hear what they have to say, who knows we may alter our perspective on some issues.

No person can be 100% right all the time. We are all shaped in very different ways, this doesn’t make any of us right or wrong. We need to have people who are different and who have different beliefs. This is how we learn empathy, compassion, and acceptance of others. This is what makes us better people. We can turn to judgment, hate, and bigotry if we want too. All I know is when I go there, I don’t feel good. My stomach gets tied in knots. I get tense. I get angry. Overall, I feel like a miserable human being. Though I can fall into some nasty cycles of judgment here or there, I do become aware much faster now and can work my way out of it for the most part. I have a few stragglers that keep rearing their ugly head from time to time.

When I don’t work myself out of my misery, I know there is a bigger issue at hand. I know the issue doesn’t involve me changing anyone else’s behavior except for mine. I don’t have to respond any ONE way to people I disagree with. I have tons of options. When I know that AND can spot it, life becomes so much easier.

Perspective of knowing, I CHOOSE to see things the way I do is so incredibly freeing. This perspective is what opened doors for me out of toxic relationships and helped me to be kinder and more loving to myself and others.

Now, I can look in the mirror and know that I have a choice in what I want to focus on. I can focus on the areas of my body and mind that cause me to not like myself or I can CHOOSE to celebrate what I see.

I can look at someone else’s beliefs as a personal attack or I can see that they are only reflecting their own beliefs on me. I don’t have to agree with them under any circumstance if I CHOOSE not to take on their opinion.

I find it fun to play with perspective now when something really gets to me. It may take me a little bit before I’m ready to play, but once I get there I feel soooo much better. Seeing things with an open mind never means we have to agree with anything that we don’t feel comfortable with. What it does do is help us trust our gut to tell us what feels comfortable and what doesn’t. At least, that’s my perspective.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

Tragedy Strikes: Let it Bring Out Our Compassion not our Judgment

We sit and watch as tragedy after tragedy pass in front of us. Natural disasters and shootings keep coming up across my newsfeed. Yesterday, I spent the day reading about the mass shooting in Las Vegas and a double-murder suicide in my area. I have my brother in-law who works for Jet Blue in Puerto Rico in the heart of so much tragedy. I have family members getting surgery, and I sit here overwhelmed by all that is going on in the world.

I can’t help but think about families and survivors of these tragedies trying to get through each day. Tears start streaming down my face as I watch so many lives being ripped apart. Many people will have to completely re-build their lives. The more I think about what all this means for these people, the more I want to cry. I will be the first to tell you that I don’t understand why there is so much tragedy.

My only hope is this perfect storm of events will keep our compassion level on high and encourage us to love our fellow human without all the judgment. I hope these events don’t cause us to run to cover up these intense feelings we all have and instead launch us into action to do what we can to make life better in any way we can.

Many people are going through a tragedy right now. These big events might not have even touched their lives. There are plenty of people out there who are losing loved ones to cancer, mental illness, health issues, addictions, heroics, violence, and wrong-place wrong-time situations. These experiences should not be forgotten because they are not making the news.

If we can’t help the people far away, there are plenty of people in our neighborhoods who could use our love and support. What people don’t need right now is our judgment; this includes judgment towards yourself. We are all doing the best we can. Just because all these things are happening in the world doesn’t mean that your own personal challenges don’t mean anything. Be kind to yourself, and use that kindness to extend love to others.

In times like this I’ve watched people use it as an excuse to self-abuse. They ignore their own feelings then in time their physical and mental health pay the price. We don’t need more tragedy. We need to take care of ourselves in order to better serve our communities. Just like on a plane, we need to put the oxygen masks on ourselves first.

My prayers and love extend to all the people near and far who don’t know what to do, that want to help but don’t know how, and to all the people in the direct lines of any personal tragedy. I hope everyone has a community around them with big hearts to help them through. If someone needs help, I pray that they reach out and see there is someone there.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

 

Stop Comparing and Start Living!

Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying, “Well, if I had their life, I could…?” I know I have. I used to give myself that excuse. I have also heard people use my life as their excuse. There is something we are not looking at inside if we are being critical or comparing on the outside. The negative energy that comes from thinking we are better or less than others is destroying our ability to create an amazing life for ourself and others.  We have become a society driven by this kind of thinking. That is part of the reason celebrities lives are under a microscope 24/7. We have been trained to pick apart other people’s lives. We somehow lost the vision to see that they are no different than us, not better or worse. We all make mistakes and have triumphs. We are ALL humans.

A while back I used to be consumed with celerity news. I would sit and read all the magazines that had dirt on people. Somehow, it would make me feel like my life wasn’t that bad. What I forgot is that there was a person behind the story. A person trying to live a their life. They are talented and get money for their talent, but does that give me the right to sit back and judge every aspect of their personal life. I can’t even begin to imagine living that life. Celebrities are the easiest example of this, but they are not the only example. If we feel our insides stirring with negativity at the other people’s chaos or successes, there is a battle going on inside from an old wound never healed.

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We are all people projects and in the dawn of reality TV, the worldwide web, and social media, we are all open to facing the joys and failures of the world. I simply ask that we do not forget that there are people attached to any story being told. Most times we don’t know all the circumstances and we definitely don’t know what a person’s life is really like outside the limited information we are usually being told. Is it worth comparing your life to theirs or bringing in more negativity energy into the situation?

Instead of being a quick to judge society, lets put our energy towards living our lives the best we can. One of the ways we can contribute is by not jumping into the pool of negative energy that comes with attacking others, instead asking ourselves:

  • Why does this bother me so much?
  • What inside me is triggered?
  • Why am I contributing to the negative energy around this situation?
  • Is this really about the situation in front of me or is it an experience I haven’t dealt with in my past?
  • Is  the way I’m thinking of this person’s actions worth interrupting my inner peace?
  • How can I put a better energy into the situation?
  • What internal blocks are holding me back from living the life I want to be living?

We are all individuals doing the best we can. What if we slowed down enough to try to understand humans again?  I’ve been caught up in a negative energy that I want no part of, and I’m trying to vocalize my weakness in order to raise my awareness in all the times my focus is not where it best serves myself, my children, my loved ones, and humanity.

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When I serve humanity by being compassionate, sharing loving ideas, and being solution minded, my struggles have been worth the pain I felt. The weight of experiencing severe trauma is lifted from my soul. I don’t want to be a part of system that thrives on tearing someone else down. That system contributed to my personal pain, I want to stop it from spreading.

I cried many tears after seeing how cruel people can be to others.  Recently, I’ve seen people being personally attacked for having an opinion and trying to live their best life. Reading comments on people’s posts has been so eye opening. I know that the people who are attacking others are hurting more than I could possibly understand. I know they are doing what they do because they are projecting out their darkest thoughts about themselves. So seeing the attacks hurts on a multitude of levels.

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I hope I never forget that there is person out there who is hurting. I commit to sending all parties involved love and hope that they do not let the negative energy define them. By not comparing and judging other people’s paths, I’m contributing to living my best life. This is the life I want to live.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

A special thank you to all the people who follow FromALovingPlace.com and Facebook.com/FromALovingPlace. I’m so happy you’ve decided to come on this journey with me. Wishing you all the best from a VERY loving place.

 

 

 

When the Pain Is Real

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I have been writing about emotional pain and suffering since I started this blog, but until last week I hadn’t had much experience with the concept of dealing with so much emotional pain and physical pain all at once. I like to believe I’m a very compassionate person, but until I suffered from what I’m going through right now I didn’t know I had ways to open up even more.

In a matter of weeks, I found out my “Gifted mother” (GM) (my dad’s partner of 21 years and too special to consider step or anything less) had stage 4 lung cancer and would not be fighting it. She was ready to be with my dad once again on the other side; a strange foot thing making my foot swell and sharp pains run over the top of my foot; discovering I had a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) right above my lip; my book proposal needing to be finished; and my kid’s father stopped paying child support. I showed up for my GM as much as I could, and dealt with my foot issue including having to wear a soft cast on my right foot as I traveled  an hour and a half to go be with my GM as frequently as I possible.

I had surgery on my face that turned out to be a lot more intense than I thought it would be. The worst news I got from my Dr. was that I wasn’t supposed to smile, laugh, or excessively move my mouth for three weeks. I’m a positive person and all I could think about was not being able to help my GM feel comfortable in what could be her last week of life. After leaving my surgery, I get a text letting me know that my GM was unresponsive. I drove right down with a fully bandaged face. Her friend sent me a message saying she was waiting for me, and that she was talking now.

When I got there she didn’t recognize me because I had a bandage covering most of my face. If I had painted a little nose on, I would have looked like on of Dr. Seuss’ Who characters from Whoville. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. She talked and laughed all night passing messages of love and even humor with one of her best friends and I, then later her daughter arrived from a very long drive to get to her. She still was having beautiful moments until I left late that night. I wouldn’t have missed that time for the world. The next morning, I came in and sat quietly across the room as her and her daughter slept. My GM had a rough night and was now on a morphine drip and anti-anxiety  meds. She was so peaceful, we thought we would have a little more time, but at 9:43am, I was holding her hand in my hands as she took her last breath.  All of this happened within six long, never-ending weeks.

I sit here now with stitches still in my face, feeling out of sorts and not quite like myself. I didn’t have any idea of how much of my identity I put into expressing my emotions through my face. I have never stuffed any kind of pain, so to have to constantly restrict what I can do and how my face moves, along with watching my tears because I need to make sure to keep my wound clean, has proven to be more challenging than I thought it would be. I see now how people can feel like they lose their identities when they have an injury or illness that restricts them from doing and acting the way they usually do. I get how it takes time to process the feelings that I never even knew I had inside.

My lesson is one of compassion for others. As I walk by people and they look at me and smile a sympathetic smile, I have to look down instead of smile back, because it causes too much physical pain. I am now more understanding to people who are suffering from emotional, mental, physical, and financial distress, because I truly have no idea what might have happened to that person in the last week, month or year.

On a logical and practical level, I know not to take other’s actions personally, but going through everything I just did in these last six weeks, I finally fully understand it in the heart now. I have had to let people have their journeys and experiences through all of this. Everyone views the end of life journey so differently. My kids had to see me after surgery and get the news that their JoJo passed all at once. I had to understand how scary seeing me stitched up and covered in bandages was for them and that it was also embarrassing in a way. I get that, I still get a little embarrassed, I can’t expect they wouldn’t. I feel like I could talk about it openly and help them deal with the guilt of feeling embarrassed. I could also let them feel the way they needed to about their JoJo, which is still not quite real to any of us yet.

I know there is still a lot of powerful lessons in all that happened over these last six weeks, but I also know how blessed I am. So many showed up and helped me and my kids through this piece of a very big and unfinished puzzle. I’m blessed because all the right things came together for my GM to have the most peaceful journey possible. I’m blessed because though these next few weeks will be rough as I have to control how my feelings release on the outside, I still have my fingers to type and so much love in my heart to continue on and know I will smile again.

I believe the world is filled with Earth Angels and I’m so grateful that so many have crossed my path and helped me to continue to see all the beauty in humanity. Though I’m going through some tough life lessons, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be-Itchy stitches and all. Even when the pain is SO real! The love can still always shine through if we keep our hearts open.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff