90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 86 – Consciously Projecting Love Through My Actions

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 86: Consciously Projecting Love Through My Actions

Dear Universe,

When I got the tools to be conscious in my feelings, thoughts, and actions my world changed. My life changed when I knew that I was responsible for what I was projecting out to the world. Any feeling I feed takes on a life and an energy that emanates from me. I started asking myself what exactly do I want to be projecting? The answer—LOVE!

Once I answered that question, lesson after lesson came for me to see where I was feeding love and where I was feeding fear. Being conscious is such an amazing gift. When I know I’m feeding fear, and I’m willing to look at it and question it, I take away fears power over me. My light shines on my own darkness. This makes it possible to consciously project love through my actions.

When I hug someone, I’m really hugging her/him with all the light inside me. If I don’t feel comfortable hugging someone, I don’t hug them. When I’m listening to someone, I do my best to stay present with them so that they know that I’m fully there. When I pray for someone, I put all my love and light into the prayer and I don’t pray to get my own way. I remind myself of my straw-holed view of the whole picture. When I volunteer my time, I give my time completely so that the cause I’m supporting gets the best parts of me. When I put dinner on the table, I show up fully and disconnected from any and all technology. When I agree to work with people, they get my full dedication to the process of transformation. I love what I have to offer the world through my actions when they are projections of love.

I love my relationships since I started taking responsibility for only my energy. This way, I know when I need to apologize and I know when I give love authentically. If I’m not, I can question my feelings, thoughts, and actions to bring me back to love. It’s an AMAZING blessing to have these tools.

It’s my intention to project love through my actions on a daily basis. It is my responsibility to check-in and care for myself so that I’m consciously making choices. I’m so incredibly grateful for the tools to do what I love naturally. I’m guided to all the right places when my energy is aligned with the light within me.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful that I can choose to be conscious of my choices
  2. I’m grateful that I’m empowered to take loving action
  3. I’m grateful that each minute I get a choice of how I want to live it.
  4. I’m grateful that I have people around me who project love.
  5. I’m grateful to know I can choose love no matter what another person chooses.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 86 – Consciously Projecting Love Through Action

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 86 -Consciously Projecting Love Through Action

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 86: Consciously Projecting Love Through Action

“Nothing will work unless you do.”

-Maya Angelou

When we are aligned with the love within ourselves, we project love consciously. We don’t try to project love. We don’t try to project joy. We don’t try to project hope. WE DO IT naturally! We are projecting out our authentic selves and we are conscious of it. We are led to ways to act out the love we are projecting. One of the Phrases I use in my life is that I’m God led. People will call it all kinds of different things. What we choose to call this energy is our unique connection to it. It will not look the same for everyone. It doesn’t have to.

What is important is that we trust that the love flowing through us will lead us to truly LIVING our best life. Consciously projecting love through action is our gift to the world. When we open up to see the love within ourselves, we see the love the within others. We project it, which manifests more of it in the world, and then it is attracted back to us. We know longer close our minds to other ways of seeing love in action. If we are blocking ourselves from seeing love through eyes that don’t look the same as ours, we are still not going to experience the full power of the Divine love that is flowing through us. The energy that connects us beyond any difference in color, belief, culture, and/or lifestyle—LOVE!

“Love is action. It’s clear, it’s kind, it’s effortless, and it’s irresistible.”

-Byron Katie

Consciously projecting love through action is a dedication to remain open to see love and project love. Someone else can hate who we are and what we represent. We are still able to project love. Someone else’s darkness and/or toxic energy can only affect us if we let it. If we choose to dim or turn off our light switch is up to us. The key is to remain conscious as much as we possible can. We have the tools. We just have to use them.

For a long time I searched for the path, but the truth is we are on the path. We just have to consciously walk it. When we walk it consciously we see our opportunities to project love through our actions. It may be as simple as a hug, conversation, and/or giving conscious time to another person. It also can be the causes we stand for and what we do to represent them from a loving place. Each small act we do to project love matters.

5 Ways to Project Love through Action

  1. To be conscious you must be present. If we aren’t present, we can confuse projecting love with projecting fear. If our inner people pleaser comes out—Fear. If we serve because we are thinking of the consequence of not serving—Fear. When you are present you are conscious enough to question your thoughts. You know when something feels right to do and when it doesn’t.
  2. Use your tools to center yourself. Prayer, meditation, breathing, stretching, etc., whatever you’ve found to help you stay in your light—Be there.
  3. Stay in the journey. Keep your head in the journey, not the destination. Each step you take is important to your journey. If your head isn’t where your feet are walking you can lose your footing, trip, fall, and/or get lost. When you are lost you have to do the work to get back on your path within you before you can get back to projecting love out.
  4. Make sure your words and actions are aligned. You can only project love through action if you are aligned.
  5. ACT! Give what you are led to give! Do what you are led to do! Project your love into actions that will inspire others to open up to the love within them. Remember, you can’t make someone plant the seeds you give her/him. Our gift is to give it. If a person is too lost in her/his darkness that person may not be ready to plant it. That is apart of their journey. Some people will need lesson after lesson before they are willing to see the love that someone offers them. If they can’t spot it in themselves, they won’t be able to see it in you. Don’t let it stop you. You don’t have to be in someone’s life to perform a loving act. A prayer has more power than you can possibly imagine. If you start feeling the urge to get your head (Internal home) fearing them or for them, pray (love) instead.

We can encourage people to act through love or we can encourage people to act through fear. Which one will you choose? Whatever one you are projecting is the one you have chosen. When we are conscious we choose wisely. When we are taking care of ourselves, we choose love naturally. When we are neglecting ourselves, we unconsciously choose fear.

If we fuel or excuse another person’s acts of fear, hatred, bigotry, entitlement, abuse, bullying, name-calling, harassment, revenge, vengeance, and neglect— We are projecting fear through our actions and/or inactions. This doesn’t mean we go to war. This means we stay true to the love within ourselves to counteract all the fear with acts of love in our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses.

Most of us will not do this perfectly. I know I sometimes can be triggered to choose fear first and that’s okay as long as we allow ourselves to learn from our reactions, we have the ability to turn the fear into love. Beating ourselves up about it won’t get us to back to projecting love faster, compassion and empathy for ourselves does. Choose wisely!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 86 – Consciously Projecting Love Through My Actions

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 85- Using My Creativity to Help People Find Their Tools to Build From A Loving Place

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 85: Using My Creativity to Help People Find Their Tools to Build From A Loving Place

Dear Self,

I’ve learned so much on my journey and my life has transformed from living a life of insanity to living a life from a loving place. I have to be creativity in order to stay open to the possibility of my life being better. I have to fully engage in the process of living, changing, learning, growing, and expanding. All those processes took doing the work in order for new ways of living to take hold. Now, I’m using my creativity to help people find their tools to build from a loving place. I know that I can’t make anyone choose to live from this place. That is a choice that is up to them. I can find creative ways to show them how living this way has changed my life and what it has helped me create. If they are inspired, they will want to strip down their foundation of fear and replace it with a foundation of love, so that they to can build a life from a loving place too. I know each individual has his/ her own path. My work may simply just be a seed a person takes a long the way. He or she may choose to plant it, hold onto it, or just throw it away. Those are their choices. I’m just happy to have a seed I feel is worth giving. I’m not responsible for the upkeep and care of someone else’s garden. I just need to love, honor, and respect mine enough to take care of it so I keep producing the seeds I want to be spreading.

I love what has happened to my life by allowing my creativity a place to shine. My letters, gratitude lists, perspective work, nature photography, and collages help me to keep my mind focusing on possibilities daily. When my focus is here I feel my life growing and expanding. I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. I know longer put myself in any mental prison with my fears. I love having the opportunity to pass on the things I’ve learned to help others find the tools that work for them.

My gratitude fills me with such abundance and joy. My heart is overflowing with passion for the work that I do for myself and for others. I would love for others to have to opportunity to feel this way too. Living life from a loving place is inward journey that creates miracles in our physical world. It’s living in connection. I absolutely love connecting to people who are choosing to live from a loving place because the energy is palpable. I feel the AWE for life when I see and feel the AWE in others—Its part of the magic of this journey! I’m brought to tears with just the thought of it.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the ability to pass what I’ve learned onto others.
  2. I’m grateful for getting to live from a loving place daily.
  3. I’m grateful for all the relationships that were created from a loving place.
  4. I’m grateful for the tools I have to get me back to a loving place when I’m lost in fear.
  5. I’m grateful for every step I’ve taken that has led me to where I am today.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece : 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 85 – Giving People Tools to Build From A Loving Place

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 85 – Giving People Tools to Build From A Loving Place

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 85: Giving People Tools to Build From A Loving Place

“Creativity is the person-centered process of imagining possibilities and taking embodied expressive action to make your ideas real.”

-Marta Davidovich Ockuly, PhD, 2019

On this 90-Day A Better Mejourney we have covered a lot of ground. We have looked at what holds us back (Part I), what launches us forward (Part II), and now we are well into living the journey (Part III). In these final days of the journey we will be covering how to consciously project love (light), engage in what we stand for, embracing what we manifest, being the change, and leading by example.  There is one tool very important tool you will need to engage if you want the best results and to completely submerge into life as a better you—CREATIVITY!

Take in the definition of creativity above given by Dr. Davidovich Ockuly. REALLY take it in. If you have any thoughts or perspectives of truth within you that tells you that you aren’t a creative person, read this definition again and again. YOU ARE CREATIVE! Each of us has a purpose where we need our creativity to shine through in order to bring our purpose into fruition. We make our soul’s purpose come alive when we engage in our creativity.

When we block our creativity with beliefs such as, I’m not a creative person. We sabotage our gifts; we create unnecessary blocks for ourselves. We conjure a struggle where their doesn’t need to be one. We are creative. We were made creative. We just need to find our own unique creativity. When we do that—

We find our power! We use creativity to better our lives and give others seeds to better theirs on a daily basis. What we do may not be a piece of fine art, a best-selling book, viral memes or videos, mind-blowing photography, a jaw-dropping performance, and/or an award-winning garden. We use creative to project and manifest AWE in our lives. The work is engaging in our creativity.

If we want to give people tools to build from a loving place, we not only have to be creative, we have to inspire the creativity within them. We don’t know what someone else’s creative path is, but what we do know is if we help others see themselves clearly, we are giving them the tools to go within and see their gifts. Here’s an example: I’ve read countless books, gone to thousands of workshops and classes, had many challenging life experiences, practiced spirituality and religion, and experimented with using my creative mind in all kinds of way. I needed to do all those things to create the 90-Day A Better Me Series. I had no idea when I started my blog that I would be led to write this. It just kept unfolding, because I trusted the process. I was open to the possibility of giving others tools to live better. I had to go through the process to see the possibilities in order to write everything that has come to me.

When we engage our creativity our minds are open. When we suppress our creativity our minds close. We don’t see possibility. If we don’t see possibility we are stuck in the cycle of insanity. When we are open—WE LEARN, GROW, AND EXPAND. When we do that, we have the ability to give people tools to build from a loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

P.S. I wanted to give my former professor, Dr. Marta Davidovich Ockuly, a special thank you for this beautiful definition of creativity. Thank-you for being who you are and creating what you do. You are an inspiration.

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 85- Using My Creativity to Help People Find Their Tools to Build From A Loving Place

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m responsible for any darkness that turns into toxic energy in my home. I’m the only person who can keep it out. If I have attached to someone else’s toxic energy it’s because it exists in me. It may look different, he could be an abuser and I may be a recipient of his abuse, but I only accept his abuse if I’m abusing myself inside, which would be my toxic energy. I’ve been there and done that, no need to do it again. I couldn’t think of a better reason to STOP abusing myself. I can’t make others change their toxic energy, but I can change my own. I’ve come along way from the days where I accepted unacceptable behavior from others and/or myself.

Now, it’s about making sure the toxic energy doesn’t come back in to germinate, grow, and expand. The only way I can keep this from happening is get the lessons from the darkness that enters my world, and turn on the light. Toxic energy can’t grow in my internal home if I don’t attach to stories about the past or future. When I’m present, there is no story. I can deal with what comes up in the moment.

When I’m present, I’m aware. I can learn from whatever darkness starts to stir inside of me because I can get a clear view of it. I don’t have to let it turn into toxic energy. Toxic energy is what creates the toxic patterns that get me into trouble. Addictions are birthed and fed in toxic energy, so I need to be aware if I start doing anything to the extent of addiction, because succumbing to addiction is just another form of self-abuse. I can’t numb my darkness away; it only would turn into a fast growing toxic force field around my life. NO THANK YOU! I will choose to stay aware.

If I stay aware, I can check-in with my perspectives of truth easily. If I’m triggered, I can look at if I’m attaching to a perspective of truth that grows hidden toxic energy within my walls. When I stay aware, I can change my perspective of truth to serve the life I am choosing to live.

If I want to continue to consciously choose how I live, I have to keep doing the work. If I don’t do the work, the toxic energy has space to grow. My self-care is so important. Even my connection with God struggles if I’m not doing the work. When I used to get too caught up in my story, because I wasn’t doing the work and staying present, I blamed God for what was happening in my life. I wasn’t learning and growing from the important lessons I was getting, I was using them as an excuse to self-abuse.  I was giving my power away and I was even the victim of God in my story. NOT GOOD! When I do the work, I choose to live my best life and my connection with God is solid and healthy which engages my light.

When I do the work, I keep my light on. When I’m shining my light the people who are attracted to my life are shining their own light without trying to dim mine. The people who are stuck in their darkness aren’t even attracted to me—They are repelled. That’s why I stopped taking it personal when people don’t like me. I trust they aren’t meant to be in my life. When I don’t attach to the story of why someone doesn’t like me, I’m free to continue to shine my light.

What keeps me shining bright is gratitude. I’m living in true abundance when the energy of gratitude is filling me. Toxic energy has no place to hide and/or grow. It dies! My life is full and expanding. There are no empty holes to fill, just room for growth and expansion.

When I operate from a place of abundance, I live from a loving place. I give from a loving place. I receive from a loving place.  There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that what I’m authentically putting out there is what I’m getting back. Even my lessons come from a loving place, and I can see the benefits. It’s AMAZING TO LIVE FROM HERE!

I know I’m not going to stay in this energy every second. I will slip, stumble, and fall as apart of my learning process. I simply just do my best. I learn from my slips, stumbles, and falls on my ass and I grow. If I choose to linger in my darkness, it’s because there is a bigger lesson to learn there. It just means I need to move deep through it and see what comes out of the depths. This is an important part of my growth, and accepting that is doing my best.

This process isn’t a one or two time fix. These are the tools I need for a lifetime. I know I may forget to pick one up, forget about one, and/ or upgrade my tool chest, but the important thing to remember is that I have a choice in how I choose to grow and expand my internal home. I am the only one responsible for keeping it clean and maintaining it. I can’t be scared of the dark. I have to be willing to shine the light by repeating and expanding on the tools I’ve learned.

What’s important to me is to stay open to change, grow, and expand. This means I have to embrace my lessons and see the blessings. This is the life I’ve chosen in order to keep my internal home clear of toxic energy. Doing this doesn’t just benefit me; it benefits all the people I have relationships with. It benefits all the causes I serve. It benefits the bigger picture of this life.

If I don’t have toxic energy in my internal home, I’m not spreading it to the people around me. I’m taking responsibility for my darkness and not blaming others for my triggers. I’m whole. I AM!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for each new day because everyone I get gives me an opportunity to be and do better.
  2. I’m grateful for all the lessons that helped me to clean my soul with my tears.
  3. I’m grateful for my ability to see toxic energy and take steps to clean it up.
  4. I’m grateful that my love is stronger than any fear that I need to face.
  5. I’m grateful I AM.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

See today’s installment 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes to see each step today’s letter revealed.

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m the only one who can invite dark energy into my internal home. I trust that if I attach to a person’s darkness in the physical world and invite that darkness to stir inside of me, I’ve invited the darkness in. I’m responsible for anything the darkness does inside of my internal home. If I’m attaching to the darkness, there is a reason for it. I have something to learn from it. I have a piece of me to heal if I’ve invited darkness in to teach me what I need to learn. I am resisting learning, which is why the darkness came to my door.

I have options when I see that I’ve invited the darkness into my home. The darkness stimulates fear, judgment, guilt, shame, hate, vengeance, greed, and/or ego—Just to name a few. I can see options in my thinking that will stimulate love, compassion, empathy, peace, joy, connection, and hope. I can find reasons to look at the situation from different perspectives to see that the only thing that is trapping me in my darkness are my thoughts. I am choosing my thoughts, so I have the key to get out of the darkness when I’m ready.

I can turn on the light. My first step towards turning on the light is prayer. I pray for the courage to face myself in my darkness. I know that the person, thing, or event in my physical world only triggered me to see my darkness. Now by choosing to shine the light on it, I’m willing to look deeper to see what my dark corner has hidden. For that, I need courage. Once I pray, I like giving myself space to mediate. When I’m quiet and my breath is steady, I hear the Divine whisper to me. If I don’t hear the answer consciously yet, my next step is to go out in nature and focus on what I see, hear, smell, touch, and/or taste. This opens my senses up to receiving answers. Most times nature offers me some insight. I go and stretch through my thoughts and center myself with the Earth through the practice of yoga. I don’t usually have to go any further, but sometimes if the dark energy is just lodged down deep, I shake it out and dance. My light switch clicks on.

This is where I can spot any toxic waste and build-up that is hidden in the dark. These are my old perspectives of truth that I may have thought I got rid of but they are still lingering and spreading like mold. These are those old beliefs that say things like, People have to like me so that I have value, I’m small, I’m unlovable, I’m a victim, I’m more important than another person, I’m less important than another person, I’m nothing, I’m entitled to more, I don’t deserve more, etc. I have to look at my toxic energy that is causing toxic patterns in my life. Those toxic patterns are what I attach to in other people’s darkness. If I’m being triggered by darkness, I’m in a great space to see the secrets that are being hidden in those dark corners.

Now, I can clean it out. My self-care regimen can help me to work through these old beliefs that I’m attaching to. I don’t have space for them anymore. It’s time to replace them with perspectives of truth that make my internal home warm, cozy, safe, comfortable, beautiful, loving, and inspiring. I pray for assistance to help me transform any toxic energy into light producing energy so that I’m able to project more love out into the world. The more clarity I get, the better the job I do at cleaning up the mess. I’m responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, growth, development, and expansion of my internal home.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the dark energy that I invited in because it showed me what areas of my internal home that still need work.
  2. I’m grateful that I’m empowered to make the changes I need to in order to shine my light.
  3. I’m grateful to God for helping me find my courage and strength to face my darkness and take responsibility for it.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who trigger my darkness because they help me to become a better version of me.
  5. I’m grateful for all the unlimited choices I have on perspectives. I love that I ALWAYS have options of how I want to look at things.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 81 – Protecting My Internal Home from Vandals

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 81: Protecting My Internal Home from Vandals

Dear Self,

You have done great work to build a life from a loving place. The foundation to which I’ve built my internal home and garden is stable, solid, and strong. Now it’s my job to protect what I’ve built. I have to do the work to maintain my home and grow my garden.

When I commit to doing the work of caring for my internal home, I’m aware of who I’m inviting in. I can only protect my inner world by staying conscious of where my feelings, thoughts, and perspectives of truths are taking me. If I’m choosing to spend mental time on people who are stuck in their darkness, then I’ve invited them in. The more space I give them in my home, the more damage they will do. I don’t have to let anyone in my home that doesn’t serve my best self. Anytime I’ve chosen to be a victim of someone I’ve invited in, they have the power to vandalize my home. This is not a real person. It’s only my thoughts about them. I created this version of them in my world, so I have the power to make them anyway I see fit. If I don’t want to be a victim of them, I have to choose differently.

Only I can make the choice whether or not to invite them in. I do this by how I’m choosing to give my perspectives of individuals power in my internal world. If I’m letting someone I don’t want there take over my fear-filled perspectives. I’m filling my home with darkness. Vandals are hiding in my dark spots ready to come out. The more I choose love, the less dark hiding places I have.

Vandals have no place in my home. My home is meant to shine light. My house has been built to send loving energy into the world. My energy is aligned with the life and people I want in my world.

I can experience people in their darkness in the physical world without ever needing to bring them into my internal home. This is the gift of awareness, perception, and action. This is an amazing journey and where my true empowerment lies.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for my choices of who I want to invite into my internal home.
  2. I’m grateful I have the tools to maintain my internal home and garden.
  3. I’m grateful for the knowledge that the healthy of my inner world is up to me.
  4. I’m grateful for the light that comes from within me lighting the way.
  5. I’m grateful that I’m abundant in my inner world.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 81 – Protecting Our Internal Homes from Vandals

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in My Relationships

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in My Relationships

Dear Universe,

I feel so incredibly blessed to have the relationships I do in my life. I feel blessed to have learned so much from the relationships of my past. I feel so incredibly blessed to be living gratitude in my relationships more than I choose to live in lack now. I’m so incredibly grateful to experience so many different people with different backgrounds, experience, and opinions. Each one helps me to grow exponentially.

Living Gratitude in my relationships has shown me exactly where I am in my perspective. When I see someone’s light, I’m in my light. If I see and react to someone’s darkness, I’m in my darkness. If I respond to someone’s darkness from a loving and grateful place, I’m in my brightest light. If I feel my inner people pleaser emerging, I’m stuck in feelings and energy of lack. If I do things for others, because it feels good to do it, I’m in my feelings and energy of abundance. Living in gratitude helps me to spot, shift, and change my feelings, thoughts, and actions to project abundance to the people I’ve chosen to love, honor, and respect. I’m so incredibly grateful to have learned how to do this. The blessings that have come from living gratitude in my relationships are nothing short of miracles.

Seeing the best in people in my life has helped me to see the best in myself. When I can spot the beauty in them, I see that I had to project that beauty out to be attracted back to me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to recognize and appreciate it. I would still be stuck in picking apart the other person if I was picking apart myself. I see now that the only time I’m picking on someone else to others or even to myself is when I’m digging at myself. I may be angry with myself for saying yes when I know that I wanted to say no. I may be feeling weak because I sacrificed my healthy boundaries to appease someone else’s comfort. I may be feeling justified in my toxic energy I’m putting out because someone else’s is worse. I may be feeling insecure about who I am so I take it out on someone else.  Anyway I look at it, it all comes back to the energy that I’m putting out and that is MY choice.

I want the people I love to know exactly how much I love and appreciate them. I want them to see how much them being in my life means to me. I can only do this by choosing to live in gratitude in my relationships. In order to do that, I must decide to live gratitude in my life.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for my children for being who they are and showing me ways to be a better mom daily.
  2. I’m grateful for my dad and my “special mom” who taught me so much about love, life, growth, and death.
  3. I’m grateful for my mom being a beacon of light even when I am in my darkness.
  4. I’m grateful for my sister for helping me to learn so much about what it means to be strong and compassionate while standing up for the people we love. I’m incredibly grateful for her ability to bring out the best laughs in me by the mere sound of her laughter.
  5. I’m grateful for my stepdad for loving me like I am his own and being such an amazing friend.
  6. I’m grateful to my amazing partner who I can love and accept for who he is and where we are in each moment. I’m so grateful we both know how to support each other in loving and encouraging ways.
  7. I’m grateful to all my incredible extended family who show up with love and support no matter how much time passes.
  8. I’m grateful to my absolutely AMAZING soul sister and agent for encouraging me to spread my voice and my work as we travel this life’s journey together. I’m so incredibly grateful for the day when everything came together in the Universe for us to meet over a decade ago.
  9. I’m grateful for my friends new and old who show me my light and my darkness and give me so many opportunities to live, laugh, and love.
  10. I’m grateful for the relationships that trigger my darkness so I can see it and heal it.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you missed it, check out today’s installment get 6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships by following this link: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

“Service and gratitude will fuel your relationship; entitlement and expectation will poison it. “

-Steve Maraboli

Today we are expanding on what I covered in Part II on Day 49 “Gratitude in Our Relationships”. Living gratitude is the next step in the process. Our relationships are our biggest teachers for where we are in our darkness and our light. The longer we are in a relationship with someone, the more he/she gets to see us unmasked. That is why familial relationships and romantic relationships have the opportunity to see the most light (love/abundance) and dark (fear/lack) in us, just like we have a front row seat to see the most of their light and their darkness.

Any relationship we put our identity into the title of that relationship has a better chance of them and us lingering in darkness (Day 77). The best way to bring our relationships into the light is through gratitude. When we sit in gratitude, our focus is on love, abundance, and light. We are seeing the love within ourselves and within them. We are seeing the relationships right now in this moment instead of putting our focus on the past or some unknown future. If our focus is on gratitude, love, and abundance, we project gratitude, love and abundance onto the people we are with. When they feel that coming off of us, if they are healthy, loving individuals it will be reflected back to us.

Side Note: If the individuals are stuck in their darkness, I will be talking about that on Days 81-84, because we are going to have people in our lives who will try to dim our lights, so having tools is extremely important.

We have a choice in our relationships of where to put our focus. If we are constantly focused on everything these relationships don’t offer us, what the individuals aren’t doing, how they aren’t filling our expectations, how being her/himself isn’t enough and/or our own sense of entitlement—We are stuck in our own darkness and lack. We only see in lack if we are there ourselves. When our focus is on love, light, and abundance, we see from a loving place. We project our light. The blessing is when we start focusing on the light in others; their light has the opportunity to shine even brighter. Sometimes our darkness wasn’t dimming their light, it was just blinding us to it because we were stuck in our dark.

Living gratitude in our relationships is path to our authentic joy. Just think of the difference in how you feel when you are focused on the things you love as opposed to the things you hate. How do you feel in your body when you are celebrating the love within you? How do you feel in your body when your energy is in the darkness of hate? Each of those is projecting out of you like an invisible beacon and it is attracting back matching energy. Your light is attracting the light within the people around you. Your darkness is attracting the darkness within the people around you. This is not a judgment. In religious terms, we reap what we sow. We only receive what we already have inside and what we are spreading to others is what will we get back. In ancient religious terms it is the Law of karma, which is defined as a natural and universal law (karma is also used philosophically in many contexts outside of it’s religious roots). In energy terms, it’s the Law of Attraction. No matter what way we choose to look at it, we arrive at the same place. What we put out there is what we will get back.

If you are struggling with your perspectives on the people in your life, and you want to move your darkness out of the way to get a clear picture—Living gratitude in your relationships is the path you want! Living gratitude is the path to an abundant life filled with love and light. We get what we focus on. Our perspective is our super power. We get to choose how we want to use it. Do we want to fuel the light or the darkness? I have a feeling if you are reading this series, or even just this particular day, you were brought here because you are being led to fuel your light.

“Gratitude helps us love well by keeping us focused on the beauty in our relationship and the person we love.”

-M.J. Ryan

Here’s how to get started:

6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships

  1. Get out your gratitude journal. Each day, write three things you are grateful for about each individual you are closest to. If you have more in that day, write more. You don’t have to limit your gratitude. FEEL IT!
  2. Write a list of the personality traits you like/love about the people you’ve invited into your life and/or energy field. Be conscious on how focusing your energy here makes you feel.
  3. Write about what this person has taught you about yourself—No matter what you have learned, becoming more aware is a blessing and something to be EXTREMELY grateful for. Once we see ourselves, we have the ability to change, grow, and expand. We can’t do that if we don’t see what holds us back and what launches us forward. Our relationships show us what we need to know about ourselves, and it doesn’t matter if the lesson comes from darkness or light. We projected out the energy to attract the lesson to us. Every lesson we get gives us a chance to move into the light or darkness within ourselves. Being grateful moves us out of any darkness.
  4. Give hugs that last more than 20 seconds when you are sharing your gratitude with a loved one. This may feel odd at first, but it is EXTREMELY beneficial to both of your energy fields. There is this exhale that happens—Feels like a release. It can be very energizing and/or freeing. It’s a hard feeling to explain because it is different for everyone depending on where they are in their own energy.
  5. For every one thing that annoys you about a person, come up with three things that make you grateful about their behavior, choices, who they are, and/or how their actions or words to help you. You can make this fun too. If it makes you laugh, it’s cleansing that toxic energy out of you. Enjoy the process.
  6. Share your gratitude every chance you get! You are not entitled to anything. What a person gives to you is a gift to be grateful for. When you understand and appreciate that, you are living gratitude in your relationships. There is a saying that I love, Expectations are future resentments waiting to happen.

As I’ve said throughout this entire series, you are responsible for your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. You ARE NOT responsible for theirs. Your job is to keep your energy clean and full of light. If deep down inside they want to shine their light too—They will! If they want to be stuck in their own darkness—They will! You don’t need anybody to do anything in order for you to choose living in gratitude with him/her.

Living gratitude is a choice we make for ourselves to see clearly, like I said before if the person is stuck in their own darkness, I will give you tools to protect yourself while continuing to live in love, abundance, and light in the upcoming days.

We have to focus on cleaning up or own energy. Once we do that—MIRACLES HAPPEN! We only recognize them when our energy is in the right place to see them unfold in front of our eyes. I’ve watched relationships completely shift. I’ve seen people come in and others leave. I’ve seen the blessings of Divine timing. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of death be brought back to life. SO MANY BLESSINGS come from living gratitude in our relationships. The question is what do you want your energy to be on lack or abundance? Which one feels better? If you can answer those questions then all you have to do is make the choice to live in that energy! The energy you put in is the energy you will get back. Your relationships deserve the best you. It will help you see the best them. How beautiful is that? We have to want to live here and be willing to put in the work in order to see the blessings that come from living gratitude in our relationships. It really is our choice. Be empowered to do the work you need to do in order to change your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Continue reading “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships”