Love or Fear: The Straw-Hole Experiment

Over a decade ago, my friend Sarah gave me this image of us having a straw-holed vision of what is going on. A few years later, I took that image a step further and used it to create a visual example in a group project about the power of where we put our focus.  I’ve used this example in my 90-Day A Better Me Series and now I want to bring it to you. 

WHAT YOU NEED TO CONDUCT EXPERIMENT

Whether you use a metal straw or plastic straw, your hand to make a straw-sized hole, or the zoom feature on your phone, use what you have in front of you. The power of this experiment comes from doing it. 

DIRECTIONS

I want you to take out whatever you’re using and look at the two images below. Start off as close as you can on the image of your choice then slowly pull back.

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS

  • Which image did you find yourself focusing on from the closer positioning?
  • What word was the center of your focus?
  • How much could you see around where you put your focus?
  • How much did you have to zoom in to see each and every word in the image?
  • Could you see the other image at all when your focus was on reading the words?
  • Could you focus on both images at the same time?

PULLING BACK TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE

  • How much more could you see?
  • Where was your focus?
  • Which words are you continuing to focus on?
  • Could you focus on both images at the same time?
  • Which image pulls your focus in?
  • How much could you see around where you put your focus?

IN CONCLUSION

No matter what we are looking at in our lives, we only have a very small view of the big picture. If we are focused on love/ hope it’s harder to focus on fear/ lack and vice versa.

The best we can do for ourselves and the world around us is try to pull our straw back from whatever we are focusing on to see a slightly bigger picture, then move the straw around to gain perspective on what we haven’t looked at and/or don’t understand. 

Once we gain the perspective, we can put so much more wisdom into where we choose to put our attention. 

We will never have a full picture view on anything in life. We can simply create perspectives of truth from whatever we are focusing our attention on.  Those perspectives will be based in love or fear, never both at the same time. Whichever we choose will create the straw-holed view of our focus, which we will be how we view our reality.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2020

41 DAYS UNTIL LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME IS RELEASED!

Have you ordered your copy yet? Learn more on GoodReads.com OR order your copy from one of your favorite on-line retailers listed on this page.

If you want the latest news and watch me as I get my first author copies, please like and follow my author page on Facebook. I will be announcing the upcoming Facebook Live in the weeks to come. 

Here's What's Coming

FEBRUARY 15, 2020

Audible’s release of LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME from Blackstone Publishing

February 18, 2020

PAPERBACK AND EBOOK RELEASE DAY

Letters from a Better Me from Mango Publishing Paperback and E-Book release date. Go to Goodreads.com to see available on-line retailers.

February 29, 2020

I will be leading my Becoming the Butterfly Workshop at Dream Con St. Petersburg, Florida

Go to the Link Below to Let Me Know You Are Going!

https://www.facebook.com/events/950357578670705/

March 15, 2020

Book Signing at Phoenix & Dragon Bookstore Atlanta, Georgia

MARCH 22, 2020

Book Signing at Coral Springs Festival (click on link for more information) of the Arts at the Walk Coral Springs, Florida

Go to the events link below to let me know you are going!

https://www.facebook.com/events/578801839496859/

APRIL 5, 2020

Book Signing (Local Authors Event) at Barnes & Noble in Ft. Myers, Florida

APRIL 18, 2020

Book Signing (Local Authors Event) at Barnes & Noble in Naples, Florida

#PerspectiveChallenge: Love Hurts

PERSPECTIVE: LOVE HURTS

I hear this one a lot, and at one point in my life, I would fully agree. First, I want you to think about what your definition of love is where you can say that love is what hurts you. I’m going to get personal with you here because this is obviously a topic that is at the heart of everything that I write about.  

My definition of love used to be so warped that it would include me putting up with unacceptable behavior because I believed it was done out of love. I was in my thirties before I saw that fear is what led all the behaviors, actions, words, thoughts, and feelings that I was or felt hurt by (there is a difference there too). 

I was at my lowest point when I finally heard the call to look up the definition of love. This is what came up:

Love is patient; Love is kind; Love is NOT envious or boastful OR arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice in Wrongdoing, But rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, Hopes all things, endures all things.

—Corinthians 13.4-13.7

What about that definition has the potential to hurt? Everything that is mentioned about what love isn’t definitely has the potential to hurt. All of those things stem from fear. With that, my perspective that LOVE HURTS shifted to FEAR HURTS. It has even shifted more since those dark days, but the first step for me is giving love back the power it so much deserves. 

Now my definition of love is what anchors me and gives me a measurement of where my thoughts are in the moment. It shows me whether I’m living according to fear-based perspectives or love-based perspectives. We can choose either at any given moment, but if we don’t have a solid definition of love, we can get quickly confused between the two.  

When this perspective shifted, my life started changing. That is when I realized that in order to really live by this definition, I had to treat myself that way. That is when EVERYTHING changed for me. I was FINALLY able to break so many of the old patterns that came with my warped definition of love. Love Lifts is what I believe now. Love connects, and fear separates is what I believe. LOVE HURTS is just fear trying to use love as a cover-up. 

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE 

Write down all the reasons you believe that LOVE HURTS. Then use the definition above to see it is really love that is making you hurt. Write out as many perspectives of love that feel more true for you than LOVE HURTS. Check-in with your body to see what perspectives feel good and what ones don’t. The shift can feel extraordinary when it really sets in. 

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

43 More days until the release of Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

#PerspectiveChallenge: Money is Evil

PERSPECTIVE: MONEY IS EVIL

If anything guarantees you a horrible relationship with money, it’s telling yourself and the Universe that money is evil. If money is evil, anytime you have money you will sabotage it staying in your life. If money is evil, you make excuses for some people’s poor choices and look past others kind and loving choices that involve money. 

  • Is money evil or is some people’s relationship to money evil?
  • Do some people who have money give themselves the excuses to do evil because they believe that money is evil
  • Is the reason you resist being financially successful tied to your belief that money is evil?
  • If the reason why you can’t seem to hold onto money because you don’t want to let it’s evil rub off on you? 
  • Is the belief that money is evil hiding a bigger set of destructive beliefs?
  • These are all questions to ponder when we challenge the perspective of thinking that money is evil

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Investigate your relationship with money. Get personal with yourself to discover your beliefs around money. Do the work to heal any negative perspectives you hold that could be keeping you from having a healthy relationship. I can promise you—money won’t do anything to you, it’s a piece of paper. You are the only one that holds the key to healing any relationship you have with it. Whatever energy you put into it, you will get back. What energy do you want to put into that piece of paper?

  • What comes up for you when you think the thought money is evil
  • How is your relationship with money?
  • Does money always show up when you need it?
  • Do you have everything you need to survive this moment?
  • Do you focus on the choices that unhealthy people are making and blame it on having too much or not enough money? 
  • Do you do things in fear of not having enough money?
  • When you think of money, where do you feel it in your body? Do you feel light or heavy inside?

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

46 Days until Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World can be delivered to your door. 

Upcoming Events

Speaking – “Becoming the Butterfly” (1 of 6 speakers)

Dream Con/ St. Petersburg, Florida on February 29, 2020

Book signing 

Phoenix & Dragon Bookstore/ Atlanta, Georgia on March 15, 2020 from 4-6pm

Letters from A Better Me: Hello 2020

Hello 2020, 

I’m writing to tell you that I’m ready for you. I’ve come to the place where I know that whatever comes my way is an opportunity to learn and grow. Whether I’m celebrating triumphs and successes or learning from chaos and confusion—I’m open and willing to experience what you have to bring me. 

Today is a one-day in the 366 days you have to offer. Each day, I will have the ability to take what I learned and start fresh. Every evening, I will have the opportunity to sit and reflect on the choices I made that day. I’m choosing to learn from what doesn’t work and what doesn’t feel good. I’m choosing to appreciate everything that DOES work and DOES feel good. 

With my eye on gratitude, and keeping with the energy I want to see more of—I thank you for giving me this day. I thank you for the beauty of the sunrise and oxygen that fills my lungs. 

I’m so grateful for my eyes to see, my ears to hear, my nose to smell, my hands to touch, my arms to extend, my legs to walk, my soul to love, and my taste buds to enjoy the foods Mother Earth provides. This is only the beginning of what I’m grateful for today. 

The relationships in my life, both past and present, provide me with everything I need to give me strength, perseverance, hope, courage, compassion, empathy, joy, sadness, along with tons of opportunities to shine my best light and learn from the darkest corners of my soul. The love and fear I’ve experienced and learned from are what prepares me to be the best version of me today. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Let each day lead you to your greatest transformation yet!

Rachael Wolff ©2020

47 days until the release of Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Pre-order your copy today here or from one of your favorite book retailers in paperback, ebook, or audiobook for you or someone you love.  You can also join others on GoodReads.com by putting it on your “Want to read” list. 

2020 Commitment to Living Life as a Better Me

Happy NEW YEAR!

The last two years I’ve committed to a focus. Last year, I launched the 90-Day A Better Me Series, which I wrote every day for 90 days. The year before, I focused on creating a vision of what I wanted in my life. I made a vision board and took steps to commit to my dreams.

The last two years my dreams have been coming true from publishing my first book, which will be out February 18, 2020 and getting back into public speaking. February 29, 2020, I will be speaking at Dream Con in St. Petersburg, FL. I have to contribute much of what has happened in my life to focusing my energy on the things I want in my life. 

I’m starting my year in healthy and happy relationships with my partner, teenagers, family, and friends. Life is good, so this year’s focus is keeping it that way. I’m committing staying on track and doing the work it takes to live a purpose-filled life. 

I will being counting down to the book release with a daily posts to commit to the amazing feeling I get when I write daily. What I’ve discovered is when I stay committed to this—GREAT things happen! Becoming a better me takes work and if I’m not willing to do the work, positive change won’t last, and I for one am done sabotaging my happiness by falling back into old patterns. 

I hope you will join me on this journey by staying committed to your dreams and doing the daily work it takes to keep you on track. Let’s make 2020 the year of dreams coming true! Are you ready?

48 DAYS until Letters from A Better Me is available for delivery! Make sure to pre-order your copy today in paperback, ebook, or audiobook.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

#PerspectiveChallenge: People Can’t Change

PERSPECTIVE: PEOPLE CAN’T CHANGE

What we CHOOSE to believe in our lives is true. It will form our realities and our judgments of ourselves and others. When we believe that people can’t change, in turn we are saying we can’t change. Our advice and communications with others and ourselves will reflect that belief. 

People can’t change allows us to excuse ourselves and others for poor choices:

  • Well, that’s just the way I am.
  • It’s okay, that’s just the way she is. 
  • He can’t help it, that’s just the way he is. 

People can’t change also allows us to persecute others and ourselves while condemning them/us for life. 

  • He will never change. 
  • She is always going to be a train wreck.
  • I’m always going to be a jealous person, that’s just who I am. 

People WON’T change unless they want to more than they want to stay the same. We can’t make anyone else change. We are wasting our efforts when we try to FORCE someone else to change. In order for someone to even want to change, they first have to give up the belief that people can’t change. Then they have to become aware of the things in their lives that aren’t healthy. That is going to look different to each individual. Finally, a person then has to choose to do the work to break all the patterns of belief that are linked to that behavior they are trying to change. It’s not easy, and it takes a lot of effort. The GREAT news is there is a ton of support for who people who want to sincerely change. When a person is open, they will start seeing the ways to change all over the place.

Some people who were raised in trauma and/or chaos are going to have more challenges, because there are more unhealthy and unconscious patterns of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that have to be brought to awareness and untethered from us.  If you are looking at person who is an adult, that is a lot of time they spent believing in the things that make their chaos normal for them. That is A LOT of work. Will everyone choose to change? NO! 

We each have to make our own choices about how we are going to let another individual affect our lives. We have to change and make the choices that are best for us. If that means removing someone from our lives, accepting where another person is, or adding a little distance, that is each individual’s call. If we choose to believe that people can change, we have to be open to the truth that comes with that—for better or worse. This is why it is so important to continue to make healthy choices for ourselves by having healthy boundaries with others.

Brain science has proven we can create new neural pathways and that others can stop functioning. Isn’t that change at the heart of where our ability to change comes from? 

When we prove to ourselves that we CAN change, we become open see that others can too. Our core beliefs are our perspectives of truth. When we open ourselves up to see that we CAN change the ones that create drama and chaos in our lives, we start making different choices. Our brain starts opening up to create new options. BUT, once again remember, we CAN only change ourselves if we want to put in the work to do it. We become others example of possibility, but we cannot force them to make the choice we believe is right for them. What other people do is their journeys; what we do is ours. 

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Focus on an area of your life where you have given yourself the excuse that you can’t change. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What about the thought/belief is having a negative effect on my life? 
  • What core beliefs do I have that is keeping me making this unhealthy choice in my life? 
  • What is something I CAN do to change the way this belief effects my life? 
  • What are the actions of other people who don’t hold this belief? 
  • What actions can I take right now to open myself up to the possibility of doing this thing differently? (Make the choice a habit by choosing it consciously for a minimum of 60 days). 

Be open to see what changes in your life by shifting your perspectives. 

I believe that I can change, and I continue to consciously choose to change what doesn’t work in my life. This is a lifelong process, and it’s filled with a lot of lessons that turn into blessings along the way. Some people will like the changes I make, and others won’t. I will choose NOT to put my energy there, because when I make the best choices for me, I’m making the best choices for the people who I love and who love me. When I’m not at war with myself inside, I can do more for others in a healthy and productive way. 

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

If you are a woman ready to make 2020 your best year, LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: HOW BECOMING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN TRANSFORMS THE WORLD is available for pre-order in paperback, ebook, and audiobook.  You can find a list of book retailers here.

#PerspectiveChallenge: I, We, He, She, They, or It Should Have

PERSPECTIVE: I, WE, HE, SHE, THEY, OR IT SHOULD HAVE

We can give should a lot of power over our lives if we are not careful. I don’t care who we are shoulding. When we should a person or situation, we are fighting the reality of what is. Shoulding is a form of shaming ourselves and others. I used to use should haves to beat myself up in ways way beyond what anyone else could ever do to me. I used should to keep me prisoner of my self-proclaimed pity party. I also used should haves against other people and situations to keep me prisoner of my past and to punish them.  The should haves create toxic energy. The question is, do you really want to be carrying that around? If we carry that energy around with us, it will unconsciously seep into what we feel, think, and do. 

What should have been is an illusion and a toxic one at that. It is NOT reality. What happened is what should have happened, because it is what happened—that is reality. What are we going to do with what happened? No reason to waste time and energy on on should haves. Empower yourself and your energy to move you to make the changes you can make right now.

If we didn’t do something:

  • What did we learn from not doing it?
  • Are we committed to doing better next time?
  • What can we do right now to help us to move past our learning experience (let it go, forgive ourselves, pray, express gratitude for the lesson, etc.)?

If someone else or others didn’t do something:

  • What did it teach us about the person and/or group?
  • What choices do we have in the present to change the affect of their actions on our lives? 
  • How will be proceed with this person and/or people (accept, forgive, walk away, stand up to, report, etc)?

If we believe something should have been different:

  • What lessons can we take from the situation? 
  • What positives came from the situation?
  • How can we shift our energy to accept the reality of the situation?

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Challenge yourself to shift your perspective from should have to a more productive energy booster for you. Anytime you hear should have pop into your thoughts—challenge it. Ask yourself questions like the ones up above. See how your energy shifts. Be conscious of how you feel when you think should have

  • Where do you feel it? 
  • How does that feeling move through your body? 

After you have gained perspective, check in again. 

  • How does the thought feel? 
  • Where do you feel it? 
  • How is it affecting your mood to think about learning instead of fighting the reality of what already happened?

Have a perspective-filled day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

#PerspectiveChallenge: That Is SO True

PERSPECTIVE: THAT IS SO TRUE

I, like many, find myself saying this when I see positive quotes, read articles, go to seminars, watch TV, and talk to like-minded people. This statement can feel great when we feel and/or say it. It wasn’t until I started my From A Loving Place Facebook page that I realized for every quote that I felt was SO TRUE, there were people out there seeing it from a completely different perspective. Through their eyes, it wasn’t true at all. When I would engage with them, most times they didn’t even consider it in the way that I was thinking about it, and the same for me.

As true as it is for me, it might not be the same for someone else, which got me thinking about when I strongly disagree with something. Once again, we are all living in our own perspectives of truth. Doing the challenge below helped me to not take other people’s disagreements personally. The challenge also helped me open myself to change perspectives that don’t feel good to me. Here are two examples:

  • A perspective that is true for me now is: I have the power to empower or disempower my life by the perspectives I choose to let guide my journey. I know that some people will agree and others won’t, but the difference is I know that I’m living my truth and I know that the people who disagree are living theirs.
  • I used to think that is SO TRUE, when people said, “Love hurts.” That was a painful perspective to believe. I researched and found a definition of love that I could stand be behind. Once I did that, I realized what hurts has nothing to do with love. What hurts has everything to do with what came from living in fear: anger, jealously, rage, deceit, betrayal, envy, … I found this perspective to be true for me, and it feels SO MUCH BETTER!

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Think about a perspective of truth that you believe is SO TRUE. Write down why the perspective feels true for you. If it feels good to you, write down “This perspective of truth is true for me.” If you write down a perspective that feels SO TRUE, but it doesn’t contribute to you living your best life, challenge yourself to research other perspectives of truth that can help you disprove the belief you are carrying that is hurting you. Then write down a perspective that feels better to you and write, “This perspective of truth feels good to me.”

If you don’t feel like you want to write it down, practice saying them when you see things or hear things where you think the thought, that is SO TRUE. Just opening your mind to the possibility will create a shift in your thinking. That’s where the magic begins.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Author of LETTERS FROM A BETTER ME: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Available NOW for Pre-order in paperback, ebook, and audiobook

#PerspectiveChallenge: I Hate Mondays

Perspective: I Hate Mondays

One of the greatest ways to find peace is to find where our own perspectives are going against the peace we want to feel. Here is a prime example in a perspective that sets many of our weeks up for challenge and struggle. 

I hate Mondays can also be referred to as: 

  • Mondays Suck
  • Mondays are the worst
  • Can’t we just skip Monday
  • Well, it’s Monday…

When we believe these thoughts, we open ourselves up to focus on everything bad about Mondays. When we focus on everything bad, we attract more bad. Where is the peace in that?

When we become aware of how we are working against ourselves, we become open to make new choices in our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions. What you choose right now can set a whole new chain of events in motion, and it all begins with what is happening between our own two ears. 

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Today’s #perspectivechallenge is to write down at least 5 positive perspectives about Mondays. Then EVERY time you find yourself thinking a negative Monday thought: say, write, and/or sing three positive perspectives. 

Feel free to share some positive Monday perspectives in the comments section.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Mondays are an opportunity to introduce something different in my weekly routine.
  • Mondays give me an opportunity to serve my community.
  • Mondays offer me new learning experiences.
  • Mondays are for finding ways to make work fun.
  • I love Mondays!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget Letters from A Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World is available for pre-order! Order your copy today from one of your favorite book retailers.