90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 70 – Doing What We Love

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 70: Doing What We Love

“Doing what you love is freedom. Loving what you do is happiness.”

-Lana Del Ray

We’ve reached a point where it’s not enough to KNOW what we love doing. Now, we need to do what we love. There is no more room for excuses why we aren’t taking steps towards doing what we love. The only reason we don’t is because we don’t love ourselves enough to experience the joy of it. Taking the steps is the key to having the ability to do what we love. Without taking steps, we will never get there. I can say I love doing this or that all day long, but until I do something about it, it will be the cause for the feeling of lack. That feeling of lack will permeate through everything I do and don’t do. That feeling of lack takes our energy down and we start manifesting and attracting things that will bring us more feelings of lack. THAT IS NOT WHAT WE WANT TO BE DOING!!

“Let’s do what we love and do a lot of it.”

-Marc Jacobs

If we want to manifest and attract abundance in our lives we have to be in the energy of abundance. We have to do the work. The work is to do what we love with energy of fulfillment, joy, and love. Why do we make this so hard? If we don’t love ourselves, and I mean really love ourselves, we sabotage any level of love that goes above what we feel for ourselves. That’s why I talked yesterday about loving our bodies and actively showing our bodies they are valued. They are the structure of our internal homes, yet many of us don’t take the time to care and love the vessel that is carrying us through this life. Instead, we focus on the lack of what it does or doesn’t do and the lack of what it doesn’t look like or feel like…this all ties into how our energy affects what we are attracting to our lives.

Why not love what we do and do what we love? What do we have to lose by investing some of our time taking steps to doing what we love? This isn’t just about work—This is about life! We have to start taking steps somewhere, and once we do all the rest begins to fall into place with the energy we are aligning ourselves with. Start doing what you love today! Don’t wait to take a step tomorrow.

“Believe in yourself, listen to your gut, and do what you love.”

-Dylan Lauren

What CAN YOU DO TODAY THAT WILL START CONTRIBUTING TO THE ENERGY OF DOING WHAT YOU LOVE?

If you love hiking—Start walking! Take walks daily. Find local areas to walk in nature. Don’t be surprised when hiking shoes come into your life, and the dream hiking trip falls into your lap. This is what happens when we start taking the steps.

If you love art—Start watching how-to videos EVERYDAY and practicing your skills! Don’t be surprised if one day someone offers to buy your work or you have your own spot in an art show. This is what happens when we start doing the work.

If you love to write—Start writing EVERYDAY! You can write in a journal, a blog, a book, social media posts, etc. Keep writing, study techniques, and reading other people’s writings who you admire. Don’t be surprised when opportunities to write come to your door. You’re attracting this to your life by the energy you’re putting out.

If you love helping others—Start volunteering your time EVERYDAY to help others in some way! If you are doing this from a pure place of love, not of trying to win points, or thinking it’s what you should be doing, you will start attracting people who truly want help to get past the position they are in right now. You will be helping, without enabling and the results will keep the love in your heart full. Don’t be surprised when all kinds of blessings come to your life for being in this place.

If you love being a parent—Do things EVERYDAY that support this love! Be present and see how the energy shifts and expands through your home. Your kids will feel that energy of love and it will permeate into what they do too. Don’t be surprised if parenting becomes a lot easier all because of where your head is.

If you love working numbers—Push yourself daily on number problems to solve! You can find all you need and more on the Intranet. Your skills start increasing and problem-solving becomes even more fun as you work the numbers. Don’t be surprised when opportunities start coming your way.

If you love acting—Start running lines, doing the exercises, and honing your craft DAILY! Don’t be surprised when the opportunity shows up with an opportunity to act for others.

If you love cooking—Spend time learning techniques and cooking DAILY. There is nothing we can’t learn today in this day and age. Everything we want to know is only a few finger strokes away. Don’t be surprised when more people start acknowledging your food and giving you opportunities to spread your love for cooking.

WHAT ACTION STEPS ARE YOU CHOOSING TO TAKE TODAY?

STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU LOVE AND START DOING IT! Doing what you love might not lead to a paying gig, but it will improve your life in so many ways because you are taking the time to DO what you love. You will attract blessings beyond what you can even imagine. The way you approach the job you do will change even if your job title doesn’t. Eventually if you stick with the energy of doing what you love, you will start attracting job opportunities that will help you to grow and expand your love. It really is a truly AMAZING process to watch how this works in people’s lives.

So many amazing things have happened in my life once I started putting my whole heart into doing what I love. Once you start taking the steps, miracles start unfolding in front of your eyes. I feel complete AWE when I can see this energy working in my life and the lives of others. It gives me goose bumps EVERY time I hear someone tell me stories of how this has worked in their lives.  It will work for anyone who does the work to puts their energy in the place of love and abundance.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 70 – Doing What I Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tragedy Strikes: Let it Bring Out Our Compassion not our Judgment

We sit and watch as tragedy after tragedy pass in front of us. Natural disasters and shootings keep coming up across my newsfeed. Yesterday, I spent the day reading about the mass shooting in Las Vegas and a double-murder suicide in my area. I have my brother in-law who works for Jet Blue in Puerto Rico in the heart of so much tragedy. I have family members getting surgery, and I sit here overwhelmed by all that is going on in the world.

I can’t help but think about families and survivors of these tragedies trying to get through each day. Tears start streaming down my face as I watch so many lives being ripped apart. Many people will have to completely re-build their lives. The more I think about what all this means for these people, the more I want to cry. I will be the first to tell you that I don’t understand why there is so much tragedy.

My only hope is this perfect storm of events will keep our compassion level on high and encourage us to love our fellow human without all the judgment. I hope these events don’t cause us to run to cover up these intense feelings we all have and instead launch us into action to do what we can to make life better in any way we can.

Many people are going through a tragedy right now. These big events might not have even touched their lives. There are plenty of people out there who are losing loved ones to cancer, mental illness, health issues, addictions, heroics, violence, and wrong-place wrong-time situations. These experiences should not be forgotten because they are not making the news.

If we can’t help the people far away, there are plenty of people in our neighborhoods who could use our love and support. What people don’t need right now is our judgment; this includes judgment towards yourself. We are all doing the best we can. Just because all these things are happening in the world doesn’t mean that your own personal challenges don’t mean anything. Be kind to yourself, and use that kindness to extend love to others.

In times like this I’ve watched people use it as an excuse to self-abuse. They ignore their own feelings then in time their physical and mental health pay the price. We don’t need more tragedy. We need to take care of ourselves in order to better serve our communities. Just like on a plane, we need to put the oxygen masks on ourselves first.

My prayers and love extend to all the people near and far who don’t know what to do, that want to help but don’t know how, and to all the people in the direct lines of any personal tragedy. I hope everyone has a community around them with big hearts to help them through. If someone needs help, I pray that they reach out and see there is someone there.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

 

5 Ways to Stop Abusing Ourselves: How to Bring Healthy Relationships into Our lives

If you are one of the many people who have wondered what a healthy relationship looks like, more than likely you are guilty of abusing yourself. Why do I say this? Because healthy people don’t have to ask the question, they just have healthy relationships. This isn’t just an outer appearance healthy; this is the healthy that comes from the core. Those of us who struggle with issues of self-worth, guilt, and shame have to dig really deep to even figure out where these insecurities come from and have to do even more digging and work to figure out ways to let these past struggles go in order to move on and have healthy relationships. I will give you some of the tools I used to break the horrible cycle of self-abuse, but I can’t do the work for you. If you don’t do it, you will continue on the same path and continue to ask yourself the question, what do healthy relationships even look like? I don’t know what the result will be for you, but for me…It was AMAZING!!!!!

1. Become AWARE of Your Part

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I know it is so much easier to blame the other person involved, but we are treated the way we project out. What does this mean? Watch how you are talking, communicating, and acting towards yourself. I’ve read so many relationship books throughout the years and whether the author was talking about it in ways I didn’t understand or I was focused on the outward goal that I ignored the inner work. I don’t know, but seriously I didn’t see this clearly until I was taking a college course at 38 years old. A college professor told the class how “We’re as sick or as healthy as our partners.” WHAT????? I didn’t realize my sickness was my feeling of having no value to someone else. I didn’t know that my sickness wanted credit for making other people better. I didn’t realize how utterly unlovable I felt. I was one sick puppy who spoke horribly to myself and treated my body like a giant punching bag.

The way we treat ourselves is like any other habit. Somewhere we pick up an action or behavior. We start repeating it daily. Once we can do it on autopilot, BANG!!! It’s now a habit. Habits of self-abuse tend to hide under rocks, so we don’t tend to see them until we are ready to start looking under rocks to find them. If you’re ready to start, here are some good questions to bring out some of the hard to see habits that have been taking over your psyche:

  • How do I talk to myself when I make a mistake?
  • How do I treat myself when I do something nice for myself?
  • How often do I do something nice for myself?
  • Do I feel guilty about doing something nice for myself?
  • Do I exercise my body and mind so that it can function at its best ability?
  • Do I talk to myself in ways that I wouldn’t accept people talking to my best friend?
  • Do I talk to myself in ways that if a partner, parent, or stranger did it, it would be called emotional abuse?
  • When I look in the mirror, what do I see?
  • When I let other people’s behaviors stir me up, what thoughts about myself are going through my head?
  • Do I take responsibility for other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions?
  • Do I mentally beat myself up?
  • Does my eating support a healthy mental outlook?
  • Do I criticize myself when I don’t exercise, eat right, or have unhealthy encounters with others?

Be honest and write the answers out. Really become aware of how you are treating yourself. It matters, because if you accept that treatment from the one person you are with from the cradle to the grave, you will make it acceptable for others to take your lead.

2. Accept Responsibility for Your Choices

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If you are anything like me, that list above revealed a lot of not so nice truths about how you treat yourself. Some of them were very well hidden. Don’t use this list as yet another reason to beat yourself up. You are finding your way out, which is something to be celebrated!

The way I started accepting my responsibility is by seeing my relationships as lessons of how I was treating myself. I used a method by Byron Katie called “The Work” (click on it and it will take you to her site). The method consists of four questions and then a turn around. This process REALLY helped me to start to accept the responsibility for what I was putting out there. It helped me see what these partners were latching onto and flinging right back at me.

Now, when I’m being triggered its my sign to look at myself. I’ve accepted that my lack of self-care can lead me to be mistreated by others. My critical eye on myself can create me to have a critical eye on the relationships in my life. If I’m judging others, I’m judging myself worse. One of the questions I used to ask myself was why did I choose him? I even wrote a piece on it.

Every partner we choose gives us great lessons. We just have to open our eyes wide enough to see them. When a relationship is unhealthy, we aren’t healthy. Healthy people don’t attract unhealthy partners. Accepting our contribution to the chaos is the way out of the ugly patterns that keep us making the same mistakes over and over.

Now, here’s the trick: We can’t beat ourselves up over the choices we’ve made to get us where we are now. If we do that, we stay in the cycle of self-abuse. We have to forgive ourselves, find the lessons, and move on.

3. Take Action on Your Personal Journey

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We can’t do this for anyone else. No one can do this for us either. No friend can tell us enough times. No mom or dad can forbid us from getting treated badly again. No therapist can listen to our problems enough to support us not doing any work. We have to do the work. We will stay unhealthy until we decide with all our convictions that we truly want something better than we have right now. Nothing will change until we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I love you exactly the way you are” and more importantly, mean it. If you, like I did, struggle with this part of the journey, Louise Hay recently wrote a book called Mirror Work. She’s been doing seminars on this for decades, but she finally came out with a book that has a 21-day process. It took me a little longer than 21 days to accomplish what I wanted to, but this offers a great start and if you can stick to it, you will start treating yourself better.

We can’t blame anybody else for where we are right now. We all make choices to contribute to our best or worst attributes. We all have the opportunity to make an ugly past into something beautiful or to let it be our excuse to hold us hostage to our misery. We also each get to make the choice of the life we want for ourselves. As long as our actions follow the path of what we want, we can achieve it. As for healthy relationships, we can only attract healthy partners if we become a healthy partner. We can’t tell the Universe we want healthy lungs and then pick up a pack of cigarettes everyday. If we want healthy lungs we need to do a good cardio routine, drink water, and stay where there is good air quality. Take responsibility for your actions. The relationship with yourself has to be fixed before any other healthy relationship is possible.

This is your journey! A couple techniques that may help you commit to taking positive actions are:

  • Practicing Positive self-talk
  • Writing a list of all the positive attributes you would like to see in a partner, then start taking action steps to make sure you yourself are portraying those attributes.
  • Write a story of a positive life you would like to see for yourself. Make sure you are the hero in your own story. Don’t put the power of happiness in someone else’s hands.
  • Make a list of three things you like about yourself EVERY day for 60 days. This is you doing one thing for yourself daily to take care of your emotional and mental well-being.
  • Make a daily gratitude list
  • Walk 10,000 steps a day
  • Get outdoors and just watch nature unfold
  • SLOW DOWN and be Present
  • Meditate
  • Pray

WAIT!!! This list is not meant to be taken on all at once. Pick a couple of things and start there. I like change right now, so sometimes when I start looking at positive outlets for change, I want to take them on all at once. Then the second I fail, I use it as an excuse to get back into the pattern of self-talk that says, I’m not enough. I can’t do it. Don’t go there. Of course if we take on too much it will be too much. Start small, we can’t fix ourselves overnight. A friend once enlightened me on how the process of personal growth takes time. The longer we’ve had these self-sabotaging habits, the longer it will take to unlearn them and replace them with healthier ones. BE PATIENT!

You may experience big changes, then follow it up with a little step backwards in order to take the lesson a little deeper. Remember, we will only be given the lessons we are ready for.

4. Put Yourself on top of Your Own Priority List

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Don’t think I don’t know how hard we can make this one. Believe me, I know and as mom and a partner, I can definitely challenge myself to stay on my own priority list. With awareness, acceptance, and action I get see my progress. Now, I see a lot faster when I haven’t made my needs and myself a priority. I see when my kids are suffering, because I’m stretching myself too thin and making us all crazy for it. I can see it with my partner when I start expecting him to be someone he’s not and resenting him for taking care of his own needs. All signs lead to me not being at the top of my own priority list. My most recent lesson with this has led me to see that I just need to focus on the 24 hours ahead of me.

We don’t need to get caught up in any unknown future that keeps us from being available today. That’s what a calendar is for. Taking on only one day at a time makes self-care possible. The second we get into future thinking, all the sudden our time magically disappears to do anything to take care of our own personal needs. Just today, what are you going to do to take care of you?

Oh the excuses we can come up with to not do this one. Please, stop. If we have the time to do things for others that they can do for themselves; let them do it! They can be responsible for their own stuff; we have to be responsible for ours. If it means we need to get up 30 minutes earlier to do a meditation, exercise, or read a chapter in a book that contributes to the life we want to have; MAKE TIME FOR IT! We may need to use our lunch break or come up with a different routine at bedtime, but whatever it takes. We are all WORTH IT!! If we truly want to attract a healthier lifestyle, our life has to project it. We can only do that if our own life becomes a priority.

5. Be KIND to Yourself!

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Developing self-care, self-respect, self-love, and self-worth are all big tasks for people who have to ask themselves, “What does a healthy relationship look like?” We took a long time to get so down on ourselves that we don’t even know what healthy is anymore, some of us may have never known. We can’t expect anything to change over night. Just like anything else, we have to build up muscles that are weak or have never used before. The only way to keep going in the right direction is to practice, practice, and practice. We are going to make mistakes, but they are there to help us learn what we need to work on. We may go back to unhealthy relationships and be shunned by the people who love us, but if we need to do it to learn, then that is our journey. We may go for a person who is worse for us than any other person prior, but we brought the relationship there for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, we are ready to see what we need to do to break the cycle. Any way if happens, be kind to yourself.

Self-Abuse gets us nowhere and will keep us stuck wondering if we will ever be truly loved. We all get to choose how we will be treated by the people we love. When we love ourselves, we won’t attempt to hurt others or ourselves. We will not attract others who are looking to hurt us. They aren’t even meaning to hurt us. They, like us, are caught in a cycle of self-abuse caused by shame and guilt. Some people’s shame is so deep seeded it causes them to mentally and/or physically abuse others. Most of these people are burying their shame so deep that they have no idea how badly they are abusing themselves. They are projecting hate and rage that is stirring inside of them. It’s very sad to see, but they will only get help when they are ready to change. Our job is to stop focusing on the relationship that is causing us pain on the outside and start focusing on the one that we can change, the one we have created for ourselves on the inside. The first step is start figuring out ways you can be kinder to yourself.

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We will project a person who people respect, because we respect ourselves. We will project a person who inspires love, because we know how to love ourselves. We can’t fake this, if we try, the truth will come out. We will continue to get lessons to help us see the beautiful person that lies within the walls we’ve created. Trust the process! You are Worth it!

If you are in a situation where your physical safety is at risk, PLEASE seek help from an abuse shelter in your area. They are trained to help to keep you safe. If this process is too much for you to do on your own, please seek help from a professional. The key is for you to get the help you need to stop the cycle.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Facebook.com/FromALovingPlace