90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 12 – Learning from My Layers of Shame

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

DAY 12: Learning from My Layers of Shame

Dear Self,

I’m ready to learn from all the shame you’ve been holding onto. I’m ready to look at my past through a different lens and see where my beliefs have created my reality now. I’m committed to be kind to myself as each layer of shame is exposed, so that I may understand the lesson and grow from it.

I know that this isn’t an overnight journey. My shame has been building in my life since before I was born. I’m going to be kind to myself as I know my shame will be exposed one layer at a time. I’m ready to shed them. I will only ever be given what I can handle, so I won’t beat myself up when I don’t do this perfectly. I’m doing it exactly the way I’m supposed to.

My job is to be committed to grow from what I see within myself and others. I will do the work. I will commit seeing how other’s shaming affect my life and not take other’s fear/shame-filled projections personally. I am aware that I don’t have to buy into anyone else’s belief systems. That is only their perception of truth.

Today, I commit to being a better and more aware me.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 12 – The Layers of Shame

Come with me if you are ready to commit to the journey of being the best you. Sign up to follow these posts here or on From A Loving Place.

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 11 – My Participation in the Shame Cycle

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 11: My Participation in the Shame Cycle

Dear Self,

I’m committing to you to stay aware of my participation in the shame cycle. As I watch what is happening in the world, I will be aware of how it makes me feel about people, the environment, products, lifestyles, and overall myself. I’m ready to see where I’ve let shame have power over my life.

I’m committed to being aware of how my belief systems affect other people’s lives. I will question belief systems that don’t serve the life I want to be living.

I’m committed to see how other people’s belief systems have affected my life and how I feel about myself. If my views of their beliefs keep me participating in the shame cycle, I will investigate other perspectives of truth that don’t keep me there.

I will question any beliefs that make it ok for me to shame someone else, but I won’t beat myself up for having the thoughts I have. I will see my thoughts as opportunities to be and do better by learning from them.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

There are very few people out there that won’t get caught up participating in the shame cycle. Read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 11 – Projecting Shame

Come with me if you are ready to commit to the journey of being the best you. Sign up to follow these posts here or on From A Loving Place.

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 11 – Projecting Shame

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 11: Projecting Shame

“Shame erodes our courage and fuels our disengagement.”

-Brené Brown

 

Yesterday, we went through a list of ways we live in our shame. Most of them focused mainly on how choices and beliefs of living in our own shame affect how we live our lives. Today, we will go deeper into how shame gets projected to the world.

Shame is everywhere! Anytime advertising aims at people’s disapproval of themselves, they are aiming at the shame within. History proves individuals striving for a better life, way of living, and personal outlook will lead individuals to spend tons of money on trying to fix their insides by buying something to improve themselves or their life outside. Even though time and time again these things fail, we keep buying to try to avoid having to take a closer look inside to see how we are feeling about ourselves and why we are peaceful in this moment with who we are.

Our shame projects out and it gives the media, advertisers, products, programs, lifestyles, and money the power over our internal happiness and contentment. Is this any of these thing’s or people’s faults? NO! Our belief systems about what we are doing, seeing, wanting to change, and longing for are our own responsibility to look at. It is up to us to check-in with ourselves and ask ourselves why we are feeling driven to buy or seek satisfaction from life outside of us. Just think of it as a lesson. Don’t try to make it a personal attack on you as a consumer. We only buy into what we already believe.

If we believe money is bad

Money will keep itself away from us and/or cause us pain. Not because money is bad, but because our thoughts about money are bad. Why do we hate money’s affect on us? What kinds of decisions are we making with money to hate it? Are we expecting money to fill a void inside of us that comes from shame? It’s a choice to have a bad relationship with money. We project out that money is bad and we will be proven right. We actually are shaming money by continuing this relationship.

If we are shaming someone or something, we are shaming ourselves too.

If we believe something outside of us can make us happy

We are projecting out that we incapable of being happy otherwise. If we can’t be happy inside, it doesn’t matter what we have on the outside, we will project our inner shame and sabotage anything we attain from the outside world.

Take relationships as an example. If we believe a relationship can make us happy, or the person we are having the relationship with can make us happy, we are saying we aren’t happy without them. Think about the pressure we can put on a person or a relationship if we believe this belief. We start sabotaging the relationship by getting clingy, jealous, needy, suspicious, demanding, blaming, judgmental, etc. If our own personal worth and value is low enough we will try to get them to love us the way that we want to be loved instead of seeing the love they are capable of giving. We try to force them to be the way we think a happy relationship SHOULD be. We project our vision of happily ever after on them. We don’t even see the person in front of us, we see the illusion of the happily ever after that we created in our heads and we keep getting let down by the outcome. The relationship dies or turns into a nightmare and we use that to fuel our shame. Projecting our shame will destroy a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic, friends, co-workers, or family. If we don’t accept ourselves, we won’t accept others, and the cycle of shame continues.

As we’ve grown as a society we’ve accepted programming to shame and be shamed. Shaming is going on every day. The little pieces of us that believe that we are supposed to be perfect eat the shaming up with a spoon. We even project our shame out by spewing it at other people for not living up to our expectation of you name it, a role-model, mother, father, husband, wife, sister, brother, citizen, politician, political party, religious group, ethnic group, gay person, straight person, white person, black person, foreigner, and we can go on and on. If you are spewing fear and hate, you are projecting our global society’s darkest weapon of mass destruction. SHAME!

We are shaming to try to make someone or something else feel small. We only do this when we feel small ourselves and are trying to make ourselves feel better by taking someone or something down with us. The Law of Attraction says we get more of what we project out…Do you see how this can be used as weapon of mass destruction? If our focus is on the worst in people, we bring out more of it. We create more fear and like the woman I talked about personally attacking me on Day 5, she tried shaming me as a parent and taking me down to a small level. For a little bit, her projected shame had a negative affect on me. If I didn’t have the experience I do, that event could have taken me down and kept me down. Carrying that much anger, fear, and rage is only fueling the shame within us, which depletes our loving energy.

We are capable of shifting our own energy away from this vicious shame cycle. We can focus on projecting love instead. This is the difference in representing what we stand for instead of what we are against. It is so easy to fall into the energy of what we are against, we can’t watch the news, political campaigns, social media feeds without seeing what people are against. We have to stay centered in what we are for, and the only way we can do that without trying to make someone else feel small is by embracing our own humanness and accepting and loving ourselves exactly as we are. Otherwise, we will at some point or other fall into the grips of projecting our shame instead of what most of us are truly intending to do, which is projecting our love and compassion.

We aren’t capable of forcing others to face their shame, fear, hate, or any other harmful beliefs. We can choose not to feed our own. It’s a choice each of us has to make EVERY SINGLE DAY. We operate so much on autopilot and have picked up beliefs that we aren’t even aware of by being exposed to the programming over and over again. If we don’t want to keep our own cycle of shame going and contributing to all the shame in the world, we have to face it head on and prove it wrong, not to anyone else, just to you. As you see your self-shaming ways dissipate by simply being aware, you will notice AMAZING shifts around you. You will start spotting more and more to like, appreciate, and enjoy about living your life. Once again, it’s the Law of Attraction, we get more of what we put out. Telling the world we love ourselves, and having expectations of something coming back to us because of it can’t fool the Law of Attraction. We have to truly and deeply feel that love for ourselves, and from there we will attract more to love.

When we get there is when we start focusing our attention on the things that matter, which is what we want to see more of. The heroes are the priority over the people causing others harm. We start seeing the difference in giving a person our love for the good choices they make instead of feeding the shame in the world by bringing the attention to those who are living in their own shame. If we contribute to someone else’s shame, we are making it worse for ourselves, them, and for the world because we are taking part in keeping the shame cycle alive. None of us are perfect and even if we do our best not to contribute, we will sometime fail. It’s in those moments we need to stay open, learn from our failures, and just keep attempting to do better next time. No need for self-abuse, just take responsibility and learn.

Just for Today

Be aware when you see your shame or others being projected. See that if it is someone else’s shame, we don’t have to take it personally. We don’t HAVE to feel attacked by someone else’s choices in how they are choosing to live their life. Just be aware of the choice.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 11 – My Participation in the Shame Cycle

Reading the letter can help us to take in the material in a more personal way. Writing our own letters becomes a contract we make with ourselves as a commitment to be and do better.

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 10 – Living My Shame

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 10: Living My Shame

To the Shame I’m Living In,

My eyes are open wide now. I’m ready to look at where I’ve let you drive my life. There are no more excuses for why I’m not living the life I want to. I can see that by trying to avoid you, I let you take over.

I will watch my behaviors and thoughts and question myself to see if you are behind the choices I’m making. I know if I’m not taking care of me, you are. You have told me not to take care of myself for long enough.

You are not as scary as I once thought you were. I see my choices now. I see that if I’m choosing a belief that makes me feel bad about myself, I’m choosing you to be the driver.

Each day I become more aware—I’m getting stronger. I turn over the wheel less and less. You are guiding me the only way you know how. The shame I’m living in is because I’ve chosen to belief your perceived truths about reality and me. I can choose to see things differently. Today, I will.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 10 – Living in Our Shame goes to into the ideas behind how we live in our shame. If you really want to heal it, you will want to read today’s piece.

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 9 – Exposing the Shame Within

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 9: Exposing the Shame Within

Dear Shame,

I see you in how I treat myself and the people around me. I see you in how I perceive my life and the world around me. I AM LOVABLE. I don’t have to prove myself to the world in order to believe the simple fact that I deserve to be here. I will no longer let your power over me control my life. No matter what my thoughts are—I’m lovable. No matter what hard lessons I’ve had to learn in my life—I’m lovable. I have made plenty of mistakes and made missteps along the way, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to look in the mirror and show myself love and respect.

The only person I need to focus on being loved by is in that mirror looking back at me. That is the only person I have any control over. I know that once I love myself exactly how I am, you will have no power over me. If I can love me, others will choose to follow my lead. The ones that don’t, I know aren’t meant to be in my life. I will love myself enough to walk away instead of making myself crazy by trying to get someone who may not even be capable of loving to love me. When I chase love, it’s because I don’t feel worthy of it. That is you! I don’t have to believe your messages of fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate. I’m rising above and connecting to the love within me to light my path.

I will communicate with my creator, family, friends, co-workers, community members and strangers with the love and respect that I feel for myself. This will keep me safe from their opinions of me. This will help me to have the healthy boundaries I need when serving others. My value doesn’t come from the outside of me. That was just you telling me that I’m not enough.

Nothing I’ve done can keep me from being lovable unless I CHOOSE to let my actions and the actions of others feed that belief. I’m exposing the shame within to let go of the fear, shame, blame, judgment, and hate that has been trapping me in a hell that I no longer want to live in. I can feel these feelings without having to live my life according to them. I will allow the feelings to teach me instead of trap me in your vicious cycle of thought.

Thank you for being my teacher. Seeing you clearly has shown me my strength, courage, and power to change my life. I’m going to choose to live it how I WANT to now.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

I hope you are following along and reading the companion pieces: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 9 – The Secret of Shame

If you want help in going through this process and want to do the work to change your life at an accelerated pace, check out the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp. It is a personalized course where you get to work through changing unhealthy thought patterns daily. It will help transform your thinking into seeing the value of the life you’re living and treating yourself with the love and respect that you deserve. You also get to work personally with me holding your hand through the entire 35-day process. Spaces are limited because of how personalized this process is. Reach out now on Facebook Messenger: http://Facebook.com/FromALovingPlace

or e-mail me at LettersFromABetterMe@gmail.com.

No matter how you decide to proceed, today you can CHOOSE how you want to live, you just have to KNOW you’re worth living your best life.