90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

“Service and gratitude will fuel your relationship; entitlement and expectation will poison it. “

-Steve Maraboli

Today we are expanding on what I covered in Part II on Day 49 “Gratitude in Our Relationships”. Living gratitude is the next step in the process. Our relationships are our biggest teachers for where we are in our darkness and our light. The longer we are in a relationship with someone, the more he/she gets to see us unmasked. That is why familial relationships and romantic relationships have the opportunity to see the most light (love/abundance) and dark (fear/lack) in us, just like we have a front row seat to see the most of their light and their darkness.

Any relationship we put our identity into the title of that relationship has a better chance of them and us lingering in darkness (Day 77). The best way to bring our relationships into the light is through gratitude. When we sit in gratitude, our focus is on love, abundance, and light. We are seeing the love within ourselves and within them. We are seeing the relationships right now in this moment instead of putting our focus on the past or some unknown future. If our focus is on gratitude, love, and abundance, we project gratitude, love and abundance onto the people we are with. When they feel that coming off of us, if they are healthy, loving individuals it will be reflected back to us.

Side Note: If the individuals are stuck in their darkness, I will be talking about that on Days 81-84, because we are going to have people in our lives who will try to dim our lights, so having tools is extremely important.

We have a choice in our relationships of where to put our focus. If we are constantly focused on everything these relationships don’t offer us, what the individuals aren’t doing, how they aren’t filling our expectations, how being her/himself isn’t enough and/or our own sense of entitlement—We are stuck in our own darkness and lack. We only see in lack if we are there ourselves. When our focus is on love, light, and abundance, we see from a loving place. We project our light. The blessing is when we start focusing on the light in others; their light has the opportunity to shine even brighter. Sometimes our darkness wasn’t dimming their light, it was just blinding us to it because we were stuck in our dark.

Living gratitude in our relationships is path to our authentic joy. Just think of the difference in how you feel when you are focused on the things you love as opposed to the things you hate. How do you feel in your body when you are celebrating the love within you? How do you feel in your body when your energy is in the darkness of hate? Each of those is projecting out of you like an invisible beacon and it is attracting back matching energy. Your light is attracting the light within the people around you. Your darkness is attracting the darkness within the people around you. This is not a judgment. In religious terms, we reap what we sow. We only receive what we already have inside and what we are spreading to others is what will we get back. In ancient religious terms it is the Law of karma, which is defined as a natural and universal law (karma is also used philosophically in many contexts outside of it’s religious roots). In energy terms, it’s the Law of Attraction. No matter what way we choose to look at it, we arrive at the same place. What we put out there is what we will get back.

If you are struggling with your perspectives on the people in your life, and you want to move your darkness out of the way to get a clear picture—Living gratitude in your relationships is the path you want! Living gratitude is the path to an abundant life filled with love and light. We get what we focus on. Our perspective is our super power. We get to choose how we want to use it. Do we want to fuel the light or the darkness? I have a feeling if you are reading this series, or even just this particular day, you were brought here because you are being led to fuel your light.

“Gratitude helps us love well by keeping us focused on the beauty in our relationship and the person we love.”

-M.J. Ryan

Here’s how to get started:

6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships

  1. Get out your gratitude journal. Each day, write three things you are grateful for about each individual you are closest to. If you have more in that day, write more. You don’t have to limit your gratitude. FEEL IT!
  2. Write a list of the personality traits you like/love about the people you’ve invited into your life and/or energy field. Be conscious on how focusing your energy here makes you feel.
  3. Write about what this person has taught you about yourself—No matter what you have learned, becoming more aware is a blessing and something to be EXTREMELY grateful for. Once we see ourselves, we have the ability to change, grow, and expand. We can’t do that if we don’t see what holds us back and what launches us forward. Our relationships show us what we need to know about ourselves, and it doesn’t matter if the lesson comes from darkness or light. We projected out the energy to attract the lesson to us. Every lesson we get gives us a chance to move into the light or darkness within ourselves. Being grateful moves us out of any darkness.
  4. Give hugs that last more than 20 seconds when you are sharing your gratitude with a loved one. This may feel odd at first, but it is EXTREMELY beneficial to both of your energy fields. There is this exhale that happens—Feels like a release. It can be very energizing and/or freeing. It’s a hard feeling to explain because it is different for everyone depending on where they are in their own energy.
  5. For every one thing that annoys you about a person, come up with three things that make you grateful about their behavior, choices, who they are, and/or how their actions or words to help you. You can make this fun too. If it makes you laugh, it’s cleansing that toxic energy out of you. Enjoy the process.
  6. Share your gratitude every chance you get! You are not entitled to anything. What a person gives to you is a gift to be grateful for. When you understand and appreciate that, you are living gratitude in your relationships. There is a saying that I love, Expectations are future resentments waiting to happen.

As I’ve said throughout this entire series, you are responsible for your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. You ARE NOT responsible for theirs. Your job is to keep your energy clean and full of light. If deep down inside they want to shine their light too—They will! If they want to be stuck in their own darkness—They will! You don’t need anybody to do anything in order for you to choose living in gratitude with him/her.

Living gratitude is a choice we make for ourselves to see clearly, like I said before if the person is stuck in their own darkness, I will give you tools to protect yourself while continuing to live in love, abundance, and light in the upcoming days.

We have to focus on cleaning up or own energy. Once we do that—MIRACLES HAPPEN! We only recognize them when our energy is in the right place to see them unfold in front of our eyes. I’ve watched relationships completely shift. I’ve seen people come in and others leave. I’ve seen the blessings of Divine timing. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of death be brought back to life. SO MANY BLESSINGS come from living gratitude in our relationships. The question is what do you want your energy to be on lack or abundance? Which one feels better? If you can answer those questions then all you have to do is make the choice to live in that energy! The energy you put in is the energy you will get back. Your relationships deserve the best you. It will help you see the best them. How beautiful is that? We have to want to live here and be willing to put in the work in order to see the blessings that come from living gratitude in our relationships. It really is our choice. Be empowered to do the work you need to do in order to change your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Continue reading “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships”

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 34 – Choosing to Live Life From A Loving Place

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 34: Choosing to Live Life From A Loving Place

Dear Self,

Today, I’m choosing to live life from a loving place. My choices need to reflect the love I’m spreading. I will only engage in loving exchanges of energy today. I will send love to people who are stuck in their darkness. I will find stories of inspiration, strength, and hope to spread on social media. I will be conscious and aware of when my fear is triggered by others actions and choose loving thoughts instead. If I can’t find loving messages to spread, I will refrain from adding my opinion until I find a loving way to interpret the situation.

Today, I’m choosing to trust where I’m being led, because I know that I will get what I need to help me live my life from a more loving place. I will pray to be led to people, places, and things that will inspire me to love more. That way, even if I’m faced with hate, fear, and/or crisis, I will see opportunities to love more. I am open to seeing the miracles of love.

I’m choosing to say YES to life by exploring more and getting out of my comfort zone. I will make the time to plan little trips whether they are local trips that last up to a few hours or bigger trips that give me time to fully engage in the experience. I will trust that the right adventures will show up in my life. I will remain open to seeing the signs when I’m being led to go do something. I will make choices to inspire me to have more adventures. I will invest some time in doing the things I love, because I know that will manifest more time and space to enjoy the adventures in life.

I’m choosing to interact with strangers. I see the importance of spreading love, so I will commit to being present in my exchanges with strangers. If they or I feel drawn to have a conversation, I will give them my time. If I am guided to laugh with them, I will. I will do my best to notice something special about the person serving me and share it. I know that there are people walking around feeling unnoticed and I will be open to seeing those who need just a little extra TLC. If I’m spreading love my energy will be felt. I know that it may affect how the person I’m interacting with treats the next person they interact with, so I want to make my exchange count. I can’t make others react to me in any certain way; I can just be responsible for the energy I’m sharing with them.

I’m choosing to take care of myself. I’m putting the oxygen mask on me first. I can’t be accountable for the energy I’m putting out if I’m walking around unconscious of it. I have to make sure that I take care of me so that the energy I’m spreading is authentically love. I know I can only spread what I already have inside. If I’m not taking care of myself, I’m not loving myself. That lack of love will be reflected back to me in the people, places, and things I come in contact with. I want to make sure what I’m putting out there is authentic and loving so that I know for sure when I’m getting a life lesson, I get the most out of it. I want to know the people who are in my life are because of the love I’m spreading, not to feed my darkness and insecurities. I know when I don’t take care of myself, I can choose to learn the hard way on why it’s important to take care of me, and I’m choosing to take a more peaceful path in my learning process.

Thank you for your awareness and perspective to make it possible to live life from a loving place today.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 34 – The Choices We Make Living Life from A Loving Place

If you like what you read, don’t forget to follow along daily.

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 34 – The Choices We Make Living Life from A Loving Place

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 34: The Choices We Make Living from A Loving Place

“Where there is love there is life.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

We know the choices we make living life out of fear from DAY 5 (click here for link). Now, I get to cover my favorite topic, the choices we make living life from a loving place. My body tingles, and a smile crosses my face as my fingers type the words. Just knowing that I’m sharing my words from a loving place fills me with an intense joy. Giving you the 90-Day A Better Me Series and the 90-Day A Better Me letters Series is one of the choices I make personally to live life from a loving place. Having a Facebook Page to share messages of love, hope, perseverance, strength, presence, and courage is another choice I make.

We Spread Love!

We show up with love even in the face of hate and fear. Think of Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Siddhartha, Elie Wiesel, Viktor Frankl, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Oprah, Ellen, etc., they all spread love. When we are open to seeing love we can see it in our communities, in our churches, and in the world. It doesn’t mean all these people are going to do this perfectly. We are human! Most of us will engage in our darkness from time to time, but it’s what we choose the majority of the time that has the most affect on our lives and the lives of others.  When we allow love to lead us, we see the magic in the heroes who show up for strangers, the stories of loving ourselves and others no matter the circumstances, and we feel inspired by all forms of love being spread. We don’t feel envy for what we don’t have ourselves. We feel joy, compassion, inspiration, and hope. We spread that! #SpreadLove

I started the From A Loving Place blog and the Facebook page in 2016 because I was seeing so much fear and hate being spread across social media. I saw blaming and shaming to the highest degree. I saw people talking to others on comments treating them like their lives didn’t matter. I wanted to show people that even in the midst of our pain, we don’t have to live like that. We have another choice. We can live life from a loving place. I know the suffering that comes from living in fear. My thought was that the people who were meant to find me would. I trust how the Universe works that way. I know I’ve been led to people, books, groups, websites, Ted Talks, You Tube videos, etc. I get exactly what I need when I ask for a path out of my darkness (fear).

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.”

-Marianne Williamson

We Trust!

When we choose to live life from a loving place we trust signs, gut feelings, our Higher Power (God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, etc.), and our senses. We may get lost and be led to a stranger who was so lonely that our presence and attention to her or him helped to get her/him through the day, maybe even week. We don’t get scared of our interaction because we know that there are no mistakes and we were led there for a reason. We feel within ourselves that it doesn’t matter if we’re late, and we patiently listen to the person talk and tell stories. We feel the miracle of the moment that we were led to serve someone with love. The same detour could led us to rescue someone in accident or make us avoid an accident.

We also trust that there are lessons in our struggles. We don’t take them as an attack on us, we trust we are going through what we are for a reason. We don’t have to understand it, but when we are open to the lessons and trust the process, we may have an opportunity to see the bigger picture.

We Take Adventures!

When we live life from a loving place, we can manifest wonderful adventures. We choose to say YES to life. When we play into the love instead of fear, everything starts lining up. The timing works out, people appear, places become accessible and/or available, and the money shows up. When we release our fear, we create space to live in ways that expand our love for life. We appreciate the adventures and pay attention to the journey. We notice nature more, the kindness of strangers, and the signs that we are getting exactly what we need in the moment.

We Interact with Strangers!

If we are in a grocery store, bank, gym, etc.,  we take the time to look people in the eye and smile. We make sure to give the people working at checkout our time and attention. We let them know by our attention that their life matters. They are NOT a computer. Their job is important; it is not loving to be on our phones. We marginalize individuals when we lessen the importance of their presence in our lives, even if it is a brief exchange.

We Take Care of Ourselves!

Oh YES! We don’t operate against our personal well-being and ourselves. We know that the healthier we are, the more effective we are to others. This means that we take time to show ourselves love, compassion, joy, empathy, and care. Selfishness is us abusing ourselves, because when we abuse ourselves we abuse others. When we take care of ourselves we stop taking what others do personally. We show up out of love not insecurities. We know how others treat us is a reflection on them, not on us. We feel the empowerment of knowing that our feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions are a reflection of what we have inside us and we will do what we need to do to make sure we are projecting what we really want to project onto the world (Check out Day 11: Projecting Shame and Day 24: Manifesting Hate). We are only responsible for the energy that we put out in the world. Taking care of ourselves to make sure we put out the best version of ourselves is the absolute best thing we can do for everyone’s life we touch.

Just For Today

Make a list of choices you are making to live life from a loving place. If you can’t think of any right now, make a list of things you would like to do to live your life from a more loving place.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 34 – Choosing to Live Life From A Loving Place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Negativity and Fear: Is That Really How I Want to Live?

Negativity traps are laid out for us everywhere! We can’t go on social media, watch TV, or see a movie where there isn’t some sort of place we can choose to fall into negativity. We have been trained to look at life through a perception of fear. How does this serve us? It doesn’t! We fear so much that our bodies and minds pay very steep prices.

I’m vigilant, yet I still struggle not to fall into fear agendas. I see some of the most negative comments on positive messages and my heart breaks on how far this fear and negativity have gone. Even if there is no negativity there, we are trained to find it. I remember being with a narcissist who thought everyone had a secret agenda to hurt other people. I would listen to some of his ideas on what good people were thinking and it made my skin crawl that someone could twist things in his mind the way he did.

We are programmed not to see these negative messages. Some of us have gone through periods of complete unconsciousness, then wonder why we feel miserable all the time. When we stay in the present moment we don’t get caught up in the stream of negativity, but that’s not where they want us. That doesn’t sell. That doesn’t keep us buying the war, pills, alcohol, make-up, clothing, diets, houses, cars, and on and on.

So much consumerism, debate, psychological diagnoses, and false connection comes from us being in this negative place full of fear. We can better ourselves and our lives without being here. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m sick of being unconscious!

My focus is to notice why I’m doing what I’m doing:

  • Am I eating the way I do because it makes me feel good or because I’m scared of gaining weight?
  • Am I watching TV because I’m touched by what I’m choosing to watch or am I just trying to numb out (prime target for negativity)?
  • Am I taking a pill because it’s good for my body or am I looking for an instant fix for a problem I’m actually trying to avoid?
  • Am I talking to a friend because we are lifting each other up or are we commiserating in negativity keeping us down?
  • Do I vote because I like what the person or policy has to offer or am I voting out of fear of something else?
  • Do I do yoga because I like what it does for my body and mind or because I fear what will happen if I don’t?
  • Do I want to do right by God because I truly believe in the power of spreading the love of the divine or do I fear the consequences if I don’t?

If I do things because of fear, my mind and body will respond accordingly. If I do things out to love for myself and what I believe, my mind and body will respond accordingly.

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The question is: How do I want to live?

The answer: Full of love and respect for myself and the lives around me. I want to spread love!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2018

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